i woke to a darkened room, beads of pespiration on my forehead.
something is clenching my throat, stopping air from going in.
feel my abdominals contract in defense, trying to force some air out.
and then, endless coughing begins.
my body shaking and aching from the violent forces going through my chest.
lying in bed, short of breath and willing myself to stand up.
more coughing, more pain.
bits and pieces of my dreams still cling to my consciousness
and i drew my attention to those moments
when i was unconscious and living in an unreal world
in that imaginery world, he had his arms around me
supporting me while leading me to the doctor.
he held my hands, and let me rest my head on his shoulder.
i felt protected, cared for and blissfully unaware of the sickness in my body.
because he was there, all the time.
but reality lies ahead, and like it or not
i had to get out of bed.
when i finally made it to the door
i wanted to fall back into bed
and return to his protective arms
his gentle touch
and melt under his loving gaze.
it's all but a dream
a dream too far...yet feel so near
but as i sit here, shaking and aching
i longed for that dream to come true.
because right now
i really don't want to be alone
all alone in this apartment
and face the sickness all by myself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
梦里寻他千百遍，慕然回首，那人却不在灯火阑珊处。
《童话》
忘了有多久 再没听到你
对我说你最爱的故事
我想了很久 我开始慌了
是不是我又做错什么
你哭着对我说 童话里都是骗人的
我不可能是你的王子
也许你不会懂 从你说爱我以后
我的天空 星星都亮了
我愿 （我要）[我会] 变成童话里 你爱的那个天使
张开双手 变成翅膀守护你
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局
[一起写我们的结局]
我的名字，是童话人物的名字。可是这个故事里，没有王子，没有公主，没有仙女，没有天使。 只有丑恶的巫婆，贪吃的小孩。
我的生命，跟童话故事恰恰符合得天衣无缝。没有一个他，没有漂亮的我，没有奇迹。
我从来就不奢望有个白马王子，不奢求自己会女大十八变，变得美若天仙。渴望的是平凡的恋爱，普通的陪伴。不用轰轰烈烈，只求甜甜蜜蜜。很难吗？我也不清楚。也许我所谓的‘平凡’与‘普通’，却是最难得到的境界。
可是周围的人，却似乎都轻而易举地拥有过，拥有着。或许是缘分未到，强求也只会换来伤痛。
生病时，就会更想要有人呵护，有人照顾。最无助的这个时候，冰冷的双手，依然摸了个空。想要的依靠，也只有在梦中才找得到。还好，梦中的依靠，一直都是他。他只有在梦里出现，在梦里与我相遇，在梦里保护着我。他是谁？你们自己去猜吧！
忘了有多久 再没听到你
对我说你最爱的故事
我想了很久 我开始慌了
是不是我又做错什么
你哭着对我说 童话里都是骗人的
我不可能是你的王子
也许你不会懂 从你说爱我以后
我的天空 星星都亮了
我愿 （我要）[我会] 变成童话里 你爱的那个天使
张开双手 变成翅膀守护你
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局
[一起写我们的结局]
我的名字，是童话人物的名字。可是这个故事里，没有王子，没有公主，没有仙女，没有天使。 只有丑恶的巫婆，贪吃的小孩。
我的生命，跟童话故事恰恰符合得天衣无缝。没有一个他，没有漂亮的我，没有奇迹。
我从来就不奢望有个白马王子，不奢求自己会女大十八变，变得美若天仙。渴望的是平凡的恋爱，普通的陪伴。不用轰轰烈烈，只求甜甜蜜蜜。很难吗？我也不清楚。也许我所谓的‘平凡’与‘普通’，却是最难得到的境界。
可是周围的人，却似乎都轻而易举地拥有过，拥有着。或许是缘分未到，强求也只会换来伤痛。
生病时，就会更想要有人呵护，有人照顾。最无助的这个时候，冰冷的双手，依然摸了个空。想要的依靠，也只有在梦中才找得到。还好，梦中的依靠，一直都是他。他只有在梦里出现，在梦里与我相遇，在梦里保护着我。他是谁？你们自己去猜吧！
i've lost my voice. it's not completely gone, but i wish it is..cos i sound horrible now. every other word i say comes out as a high-pitched note. i know i go off key when i talk...but now i go off key even when i talk.
i woke up this morning...and germ said something to me which i wanted to reply to..only i couldn't. my voice got stuck somewhere between my larynx and pharynx. nothing came out..so i had to give her a nod instead.
then, i started coughing while i was brushing my teeth...and then this glob of thick, green-yellow mucus plug came out of my lungs and onto the sink. *bllleeaaahhh*
i know i've been asking to fall sick. but i want to fall sick...not lose my voice!! not this kind of sickness...i'd rather i get stuffy nose and fever and have to rest in bed. now, i am kinda unwell, yet not sick enough to stay in bed. argh...
at least my abs are getting alot of exercise from my persistent coughing. ahh...the silver lining of the cloud eh?
i woke up this morning...and germ said something to me which i wanted to reply to..only i couldn't. my voice got stuck somewhere between my larynx and pharynx. nothing came out..so i had to give her a nod instead.
then, i started coughing while i was brushing my teeth...and then this glob of thick, green-yellow mucus plug came out of my lungs and onto the sink. *bllleeaaahhh*
i know i've been asking to fall sick. but i want to fall sick...not lose my voice!! not this kind of sickness...i'd rather i get stuffy nose and fever and have to rest in bed. now, i am kinda unwell, yet not sick enough to stay in bed. argh...
at least my abs are getting alot of exercise from my persistent coughing. ahh...the silver lining of the cloud eh?
ooooh, my throat hurts hurts hurts! why? cos silly me went to sing karaokae last night for like 4 hours, even though i was coughing so hard, my chest is sore. by the end of last night (or rather, this morning), my voice was pretty much gone...and sleeping at 4+ am isn't exactly the kind of thing a sick person should do.
last night's partee was good...though i must admit i was a teensy wee bit freaked out by the number of human beings in Gin and Yivern's apartment. but it was good fun, lotsa food (which unfortunately i cannot enjoy properly...) and drinks (alcoholic and non-alcoholic). had a tequila sunrise and like 5 other shots (not in a row...),including my first Tequila shot ever. ooh, it burnt my throat bad...but i got kinda high after that. so by the time we arrived at the karaokae lounge, i was all ready to sing sing sing.
ahh...haven't been to karaokae since i was like 16!! oh man...but it was really really great fun singing and singing. only thing was that i wanted to sing more..but everyone were too tired and i already lost like 90% of my voice. still, i sang just about every single jay chou song that came on the screen...including my fav 简单爱 and 开不了口，and germ and i almost successfully sang 爸，我回来了。woo hoo! also sang other songs i love such as 倒带，原来你什么都不想要 and 一个人生活。well, sang off key and off pitch...but i really enjoyed myself.
though right now, the effects of the singing is causing me much discomfort and this morning, i had to do breathing exercise to clear the phelgm in my lungs. and i coughed up thick, yellow sputum!! argh...i am more grossed out by my own yellow sputum than by my patient's *bleaah*
now it's back to doing those assignments conveniently forgotten last night when i was having fun and oblivious to the small amount of time left for me to complete them. sigh....can't wait for all this to be over...and for my one week break to start.
last night's partee was good...though i must admit i was a teensy wee bit freaked out by the number of human beings in Gin and Yivern's apartment. but it was good fun, lotsa food (which unfortunately i cannot enjoy properly...) and drinks (alcoholic and non-alcoholic). had a tequila sunrise and like 5 other shots (not in a row...),including my first Tequila shot ever. ooh, it burnt my throat bad...but i got kinda high after that. so by the time we arrived at the karaokae lounge, i was all ready to sing sing sing.
ahh...haven't been to karaokae since i was like 16!! oh man...but it was really really great fun singing and singing. only thing was that i wanted to sing more..but everyone were too tired and i already lost like 90% of my voice. still, i sang just about every single jay chou song that came on the screen...including my fav 简单爱 and 开不了口，and germ and i almost successfully sang 爸，我回来了。woo hoo! also sang other songs i love such as 倒带，原来你什么都不想要 and 一个人生活。well, sang off key and off pitch...but i really enjoyed myself.
though right now, the effects of the singing is causing me much discomfort and this morning, i had to do breathing exercise to clear the phelgm in my lungs. and i coughed up thick, yellow sputum!! argh...i am more grossed out by my own yellow sputum than by my patient's *bleaah*
now it's back to doing those assignments conveniently forgotten last night when i was having fun and oblivious to the small amount of time left for me to complete them. sigh....can't wait for all this to be over...and for my one week break to start.
some people in your life just leave too deep a mark for you to totally forget about them. you can chuck them into some unknown corner in your mind..but one day, they still manage to find their way around to your consciousness.
or maybe we never really forget a person, no matter how insignificant they are in our lives. regardless how little impact each individual has made on your life, the little mark stays on your memory, in your subconscious.
anyway, saturday is passing too fast. not enough work got done...too much coughing and too much chest pain for me to try and do more work. argh...the only consolation is that i have Jay playing on my comp since wednesday.
loneliness overwhelms me far too often these days. and it's not the physical kind of loneliness, it's more of a mental and emotional isolation. being in a world where no one seem to be able to enter and stay on. not being understood, not having the kind of support i used to have.
i'm sad...and sick. that's a potent combination to drive me into the whirl of negative thinking and being drag further and further away from the rest of the "normal" people.
or maybe we never really forget a person, no matter how insignificant they are in our lives. regardless how little impact each individual has made on your life, the little mark stays on your memory, in your subconscious.
anyway, saturday is passing too fast. not enough work got done...too much coughing and too much chest pain for me to try and do more work. argh...the only consolation is that i have Jay playing on my comp since wednesday.
loneliness overwhelms me far too often these days. and it's not the physical kind of loneliness, it's more of a mental and emotional isolation. being in a world where no one seem to be able to enter and stay on. not being understood, not having the kind of support i used to have.
i'm sad...and sick. that's a potent combination to drive me into the whirl of negative thinking and being drag further and further away from the rest of the "normal" people.
it's strange how people can dun meet for years...and then when finally do meet up, endless topics can still flow on naturally. just like dinner tonight (actually..it's last nite...) meeting up with fellow MOH scholars from La Trobe was great fun...and kinda reminds me that time has indeed flown by. haven't seen zaneta in 3 years! and yet when the 5 of us sat down and talked, we can talked about everything and anything.
and also, for once in a long time, i am the youngest of the group, the 小妹. not the "guru", not the "genius", not "role model", not "the senior"...just ME. ahh...to be free of responsibilities of being the elder one. so sick of being the one who "knows it all", cos i dun "know it all" and i am not a "genius", not a "guru" and definitely dun wanna be regarded as a "role model". i just wanna be Gretel. simple, plain Gretel...a girl who needs and wants the things every other girl needs or wants.
also finished watching the taiwanese drama Ruby lent us. although i am no fan of taiwanese dramas (except for 还珠), this was quite an ok one. slow...but romantic and kinda freakish..haha. the ending was quite abstract though...and being an idiot at interpreting hidden meanings, i felt abit lost. then again, i'm just glad that the ending was not sad. and i'm glad i am not obssessed with the guy in the show. for the first time, i can watch a drama without going ga-ga over the guy..haha.
gin and yivern's unannounced visit put a pretty full stop to my friday night. with the two of them sitting on my bed and chatting, i felt peaceful. it's the BIG partee tomorrow. i am kinda excited for the bday girls...but i myself am just a teensy bit worried about it. sociophobic side of me starting to freak out about the need to socialise.
my nagging cough is causing me chest pain...and my cough is starting to sound like a seal "honking". *cough cough* argh...but yivern and gin are so sweet. they brought me medicine for my cough *sniffle* thank you!!!
feeling tired, but the huge iced mocha i had after dinner is keeping me up. though i should do some work since i can't sleep, but my chest hurts too much. gonna lie in my bed and curl up under my quilt..and hopefully, exhaustion would overcome the caffeine effect in my body.
still longing for that hug that would make my sickness a little bit easier to bear with. *cough cough*
and also, for once in a long time, i am the youngest of the group, the 小妹. not the "guru", not the "genius", not "role model", not "the senior"...just ME. ahh...to be free of responsibilities of being the elder one. so sick of being the one who "knows it all", cos i dun "know it all" and i am not a "genius", not a "guru" and definitely dun wanna be regarded as a "role model". i just wanna be Gretel. simple, plain Gretel...a girl who needs and wants the things every other girl needs or wants.
also finished watching the taiwanese drama Ruby lent us. although i am no fan of taiwanese dramas (except for 还珠), this was quite an ok one. slow...but romantic and kinda freakish..haha. the ending was quite abstract though...and being an idiot at interpreting hidden meanings, i felt abit lost. then again, i'm just glad that the ending was not sad. and i'm glad i am not obssessed with the guy in the show. for the first time, i can watch a drama without going ga-ga over the guy..haha.
gin and yivern's unannounced visit put a pretty full stop to my friday night. with the two of them sitting on my bed and chatting, i felt peaceful. it's the BIG partee tomorrow. i am kinda excited for the bday girls...but i myself am just a teensy bit worried about it. sociophobic side of me starting to freak out about the need to socialise.
my nagging cough is causing me chest pain...and my cough is starting to sound like a seal "honking". *cough cough* argh...but yivern and gin are so sweet. they brought me medicine for my cough *sniffle* thank you!!!
feeling tired, but the huge iced mocha i had after dinner is keeping me up. though i should do some work since i can't sleep, but my chest hurts too much. gonna lie in my bed and curl up under my quilt..and hopefully, exhaustion would overcome the caffeine effect in my body.
still longing for that hug that would make my sickness a little bit easier to bear with. *cough cough*
*cough cough cough* *gasp* *cough cough cough* *furball* *cough cough*
oh man *a...hem hem hem hem* my throat feels like there are bugs crawling on it, tickling and irritating. and i kee coughing and clearing my throat. *ahem* argh...
longing for a big glass of lemon-honey drink. ooooh...if only someone would make that for me. *cough cough cough* felt so sick earlier, cooked myself a big bowl of cabbage and carrot soup. felt better after drinking it, but now, the coughing is as bad as before *cough cough*
*groan* wish i have a nice strong shoulder to lean on...a special someone who would hold me while my body is shaking with the endless coughing. he who will pat me gently on my back and stroke my hair, who will fetch me water and hold me in his arms.
argh...my mind is overactive once again. craving for something i can't have, someone i can't find. desperado mode is back...stronger than ever. sigh.
oh man *a...hem hem hem hem* my throat feels like there are bugs crawling on it, tickling and irritating. and i kee coughing and clearing my throat. *ahem* argh...
longing for a big glass of lemon-honey drink. ooooh...if only someone would make that for me. *cough cough cough* felt so sick earlier, cooked myself a big bowl of cabbage and carrot soup. felt better after drinking it, but now, the coughing is as bad as before *cough cough*
*groan* wish i have a nice strong shoulder to lean on...a special someone who would hold me while my body is shaking with the endless coughing. he who will pat me gently on my back and stroke my hair, who will fetch me water and hold me in his arms.
argh...my mind is overactive once again. craving for something i can't have, someone i can't find. desperado mode is back...stronger than ever. sigh.
Tired
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: exhausted
Synonyms:
annoyed, asleep, beat, beat up, bored, broken-down, burned out, collapsing, consumed, distressed, dog-tired, done for, done in, drained, drooping, droopy, drowsy, empty, enervated, exasperated, fagged, faint, fed up, finished, flagging, haggard, irked, irritated, jaded, narcoleptic, overtaxed, overworked, petered out, played out, pooped, pooped out, prostrated, run-down, sick of, sleepy, spent, stale, tuckered out, wasted, weary, whacked, worn, worn out
Dead
- Having lost life; no longer alive.
- Marked for certain death; doomed
- Having the physical appearance of death
- Lacking feeling or sensitivity; numb or unresponsive
- Weary and worn-out; exhausted.
- Not having the capacity to live; inanimate or inert.
- Not having the capacity to produce or sustain life; barren
- No longer in existence, use, or operation.
- Physically inactive; dormant
- Not commercially productive; idle
- Not circulating or running; stagnant
- Lacking all animation, excitement, or activity; dull
- Having grown cold; having been extinguished
- Lacking elasticity or bounce
- Out of operation because of a fault or breakdown
but hey, i went through my own "killer" routines at least 6 times in the last 24 hours...and for the last 5 days, i went through "murderous" routines at least 20 times. 'murderous' cos there was jumping, squatting, lunging etc etc etc which i've cut out of the 'killer' routine (so i dun literally murder anyone or get murdered by one of my participants). so if anyone is busted by my class, i think i am the one who's really really D.Y.I.N.G.
so,in ~40 mins, all my hardwork for the past days...all the aching muscles and painful joint ended with the final "give yourself a big hand! good job guys!" although my feedback from my assessor wasn't good, i am just glad that i can just sit in front of my computor and not have to prance around in my room.
no aerobics for me for at least 7 days. narh-uh...no way is anyone gonna even convince me to go to bodystep this friday...maybe next tues...or next friday. *smirk*
and i think my body realised that it can finally malfunction cos the class is over. and i feel that i am so so so depleted of energy and every part of my body is sore. i can actually feel each individual muscle in my FOOT aching!! awww...can't wait to crawl into bed tonight. didn't manage to catch much sleep last night...no wonder i feel this sick.
oh, and i must say thank you and sorry to germaine. thank you for being so encouraging and putting up with my whining and whinging (think u might have to put up with more cos i am falling sick *stick tongue out*) and sorry for always closing my room door on you when you come home (ermm..i feel embarrassed prancing around and talking to my mirror *blush*)
i am going to pig in front of the TV tonight. curl under the quilt and let my sore muscles rest. oooh...i need a massage!! *hint hint to germ* hehe...
I am sick and tired...physically sick..physically tired..
and i am also sick and tired of those rhythmic aerobic songs i've been listening to hours on end for the past 4 days. *cover ears*
so when i decided to take a break and switch to my Media Player playlist, Jay Chou's voice coming out of my speakers was just fantastic. what a relief...and it just happen to be one of my fav songs by him. *sigh* i miss his voice so much.
after days of listening to Aqua calling for Dr Jones...listening to Jamelia telling me i am a Superstar...listening to Christina saying i am Beautiful...i just wanna weep and sob when i hear Jay telling me "我顶着大太阳，只想为你成伞". ahh....the beauty of Jay's music never seem clearer than right now.
sigh...so so so scared of my exercise tomorrow. apparently the "basic" moves i've chosen to teach are actually quite advanced. *grimace* i wonder how i am going to get the moves taught tomorrow in 40 mins, while still keeping in time with the music and not forgetting the moves myself.
*freak freak freak*
i wanna listen to Jay forever. tomorrow, all the aerobic songs are gonna end up in my recycle bing, and all songs on my playlist would be sung/written by Jay. yes,i am going to have myself at least 1 week of continuous Jay input to revitalise my musical cells (if i had any in the first place *guaffaw*)
and i am also sick and tired of those rhythmic aerobic songs i've been listening to hours on end for the past 4 days. *cover ears*
so when i decided to take a break and switch to my Media Player playlist, Jay Chou's voice coming out of my speakers was just fantastic. what a relief...and it just happen to be one of my fav songs by him. *sigh* i miss his voice so much.
after days of listening to Aqua calling for Dr Jones...listening to Jamelia telling me i am a Superstar...listening to Christina saying i am Beautiful...i just wanna weep and sob when i hear Jay telling me "我顶着大太阳，只想为你成伞". ahh....the beauty of Jay's music never seem clearer than right now.
sigh...so so so scared of my exercise tomorrow. apparently the "basic" moves i've chosen to teach are actually quite advanced. *grimace* i wonder how i am going to get the moves taught tomorrow in 40 mins, while still keeping in time with the music and not forgetting the moves myself.
*freak freak freak*
i wanna listen to Jay forever. tomorrow, all the aerobic songs are gonna end up in my recycle bing, and all songs on my playlist would be sung/written by Jay. yes,i am going to have myself at least 1 week of continuous Jay input to revitalise my musical cells (if i had any in the first place *guaffaw*)
i learnt 3 things about myself today...
1) i can never ever be an aerobic instructor
2) i am better at step aerobics than floor aerobics
3) my body is not built to exercise for 3 consecutive days
i am postively dying. every single muscle in my legs are filled with lactic acid (and most probably with multiple micro-tears), the joints in my feet are sore sore sore, i've got blisters developing on my toes and i have nagging pain in my right midfoot( tender to touch and bruising...i'm worried it's a developing stress fracture). too many crunches is making my abs rock-hard (yeah, rock-hard even when i want them to relax..they are in spasm!)
and my stupidity yesterday is causing major aches in my trapezius, lats and right biceps. my muscles in my neck are TENSED ,which gives me a headache.
so i am sore from head to toe - literally. and u know what, i have to keep exercising cos i need to practise my aerobics routine in preparation for my class on wednesday. *GROAN*
man, i wish i have a jaccuzi in my apartment. soaking in hot, bubble bath would be so good for my battered body. *moan* oh man, now i long for a spa retreat even more. 3 days 2 nights, just relaxing and getting whole body massages and treatments...to rejuvenate and revitalise. Ooooh!!
but, no spa retreat for me..no jaccuzi...well, just gotta make do with a hot hot hot shower. i am so going to stretch all my muscles under the hot hot water.
1) i can never ever be an aerobic instructor
2) i am better at step aerobics than floor aerobics
3) my body is not built to exercise for 3 consecutive days
i am postively dying. every single muscle in my legs are filled with lactic acid (and most probably with multiple micro-tears), the joints in my feet are sore sore sore, i've got blisters developing on my toes and i have nagging pain in my right midfoot( tender to touch and bruising...i'm worried it's a developing stress fracture). too many crunches is making my abs rock-hard (yeah, rock-hard even when i want them to relax..they are in spasm!)
and my stupidity yesterday is causing major aches in my trapezius, lats and right biceps. my muscles in my neck are TENSED ,which gives me a headache.
so i am sore from head to toe - literally. and u know what, i have to keep exercising cos i need to practise my aerobics routine in preparation for my class on wednesday. *GROAN*
man, i wish i have a jaccuzi in my apartment. soaking in hot, bubble bath would be so good for my battered body. *moan* oh man, now i long for a spa retreat even more. 3 days 2 nights, just relaxing and getting whole body massages and treatments...to rejuvenate and revitalise. Ooooh!!
but, no spa retreat for me..no jaccuzi...well, just gotta make do with a hot hot hot shower. i am so going to stretch all my muscles under the hot hot water.
i did something stupid but admirable in my point of view.
i went to the city safeway, bought a pack of 10kg rice..and walked my way back to University Place.
for those who dunno how far apart these 2 places are, it's about a 20mins walk...(make that 30mins for me this time cos i was loaded down with groceries).
yesh, stupidiy is fast becoming my way to do things. (refer back to last night's blog about cooking too much...).
but i do feel a sense of achievement for being able to do it *guaffaws* very very DUH...but hey, it's the little things in life that make the difference yeah?
just read some entertainmet gossip on the J-P relationship apparently breaking up. *frown* i wonder how difficult it must be to date a celebrity as famous as J. all the unwanted attention from strangers...such a strainful relationship. *shakes head* maybe celebs should just date people outside of the entertainment circle and really keep it low.
actually i dun think J and P are compatible anyway, and i kinda prefer the double J relationship cos they make really good partners when it comes to writing songs.
ah well, who am i to say anything eh? reading this kind of gossip is just to let my biceps rest and remove lactic acid before i go on to choreographing my aerobic class. *groan & moan*
suddenly remember the 2002 NDP songs which PL and i used to sing in first year when we feel too bogged down by school and life
《 一起走到》
是否还记得曾经美丽的天色？
那时天很蓝 我们的未来都在不远地方晴朗着。
一切都变了 生命不只是快乐
浓浓黑雾 笼罩我们暴风雨就要来了
但谁说不能 肩并着肩站稳
我们用心和用爱 创造让新的世界诞生
在我心中我知道 这是永恒的长跑
好不容易来到这里 明天还要追更多荣耀
把自己角色扮演好 全力以赴每一秒
和我的家人 和我的朋友 向着目标
手牵手 一起走到
这又是起点 我们有一样信念
当我们团结 狂风巨浪也不能阻挡我们走向前
谁害怕改变 只要紧握着信念
心中有梦 没有遥远 跨出去就在瞬间
目标，是年底的毕业典礼。要走到那一天，要全力以赴。
可是我却觉得目标遥遥无期，已经精疲力尽，要怎么走下去呢？
i went to the city safeway, bought a pack of 10kg rice..and walked my way back to University Place.
for those who dunno how far apart these 2 places are, it's about a 20mins walk...(make that 30mins for me this time cos i was loaded down with groceries).
yesh, stupidiy is fast becoming my way to do things. (refer back to last night's blog about cooking too much...).
but i do feel a sense of achievement for being able to do it *guaffaws* very very DUH...but hey, it's the little things in life that make the difference yeah?
just read some entertainmet gossip on the J-P relationship apparently breaking up. *frown* i wonder how difficult it must be to date a celebrity as famous as J. all the unwanted attention from strangers...such a strainful relationship. *shakes head* maybe celebs should just date people outside of the entertainment circle and really keep it low.
actually i dun think J and P are compatible anyway, and i kinda prefer the double J relationship cos they make really good partners when it comes to writing songs.
ah well, who am i to say anything eh? reading this kind of gossip is just to let my biceps rest and remove lactic acid before i go on to choreographing my aerobic class. *groan & moan*
suddenly remember the 2002 NDP songs which PL and i used to sing in first year when we feel too bogged down by school and life
《 一起走到》
是否还记得曾经美丽的天色？
那时天很蓝 我们的未来都在不远地方晴朗着。
一切都变了 生命不只是快乐
浓浓黑雾 笼罩我们暴风雨就要来了
但谁说不能 肩并着肩站稳
我们用心和用爱 创造让新的世界诞生
在我心中我知道 这是永恒的长跑
好不容易来到这里 明天还要追更多荣耀
把自己角色扮演好 全力以赴每一秒
和我的家人 和我的朋友 向着目标
手牵手 一起走到
这又是起点 我们有一样信念
当我们团结 狂风巨浪也不能阻挡我们走向前
谁害怕改变 只要紧握着信念
心中有梦 没有遥远 跨出去就在瞬间
目标，是年底的毕业典礼。要走到那一天，要全力以赴。
可是我却觉得目标遥遥无期，已经精疲力尽，要怎么走下去呢？
point to note: never try and cook enough to serve 2 and then finish all by yourself.
i better remember that. underestimated the amount of baby spinach, overcook amount of macaroni...resulting in baked pasta enough to fill me and germ up. but,she's out with ken, so i finished it all by myself. Disgusting Gretel right? *bbbuurrrppp* oh man, i fill like a water balloon about to burst, except i'm filled with cheese, macaroni and spinach. *groan* and still got gin's green bean soup later. oh man, i dun think i can eat or drink anything for the next 12 hours.
every single third year is asking me about the physio ball. although part of me is more than happy to say "yeah, it was fun", the evil side of me just wanna go "if you dun wanna go, why would you care whether it was fun or not?" okok, i am still kinda smarting from fact that the third years din go even though i told them i want them to go...such a slap in the face. yeah, i guess i am no one important enough for them to go through all the trouble...still..watever left of my ego is seriously bruised from their "rejection"...
note to self: see Gretel, this is why you should never ever think you are important!!! save your poor ego from further damage, can?
stress stress stress about my aerobics class. dunno which neurones in my head short-circuit and decided to try and choreograph aerobics. i can't even choreograph a dance, for goodness sake!! and now i have to make sure the moves are easy to follow and actually matches the music *slap forehead* wat have i gotten myself into!!!!
*bbuurrpp* good thing i have almost nothing for lunch...i can already feel the fats settling on my tummy and forming more and more flabs. *grimace* and i guess it's a good thing i have to attend 9 exercise classes (10 including mine) next week. better work really hard and burn as much fat as possible.
ahh, back to choreographing the moves. *sob* i miss home suddenly.
and more than anything else,i miss having someone special to hug. *sigh*
i better remember that. underestimated the amount of baby spinach, overcook amount of macaroni...resulting in baked pasta enough to fill me and germ up. but,she's out with ken, so i finished it all by myself. Disgusting Gretel right? *bbbuurrrppp* oh man, i fill like a water balloon about to burst, except i'm filled with cheese, macaroni and spinach. *groan* and still got gin's green bean soup later. oh man, i dun think i can eat or drink anything for the next 12 hours.
every single third year is asking me about the physio ball. although part of me is more than happy to say "yeah, it was fun", the evil side of me just wanna go "if you dun wanna go, why would you care whether it was fun or not?" okok, i am still kinda smarting from fact that the third years din go even though i told them i want them to go...such a slap in the face. yeah, i guess i am no one important enough for them to go through all the trouble...still..watever left of my ego is seriously bruised from their "rejection"...
note to self: see Gretel, this is why you should never ever think you are important!!! save your poor ego from further damage, can?
stress stress stress about my aerobics class. dunno which neurones in my head short-circuit and decided to try and choreograph aerobics. i can't even choreograph a dance, for goodness sake!! and now i have to make sure the moves are easy to follow and actually matches the music *slap forehead* wat have i gotten myself into!!!!
*bbuurrpp* good thing i have almost nothing for lunch...i can already feel the fats settling on my tummy and forming more and more flabs. *grimace* and i guess it's a good thing i have to attend 9 exercise classes (10 including mine) next week. better work really hard and burn as much fat as possible.
ahh, back to choreographing the moves. *sob* i miss home suddenly.
and more than anything else,i miss having someone special to hug. *sigh*
ok...decided to give one more "try my best" to get the pics posted up...
my fav pic from the ball...probably the prettiest pic i've ever taken in my 23 years on planet Earth
Table 1: (from left)Quan, John, Mingxian, Vironia, Me, Joy, Lauren, Joanne, Laura and Trinh
my 4th year gang - cheers to making it to 4th year!
with louisa (tutor), gillian (deputy head of school) and joy
Singaporeans at the ball...just 4 of us: mingxian, joy, me and John (2nd year)
Candid shot cos Mingxian was trying to chew and swallow the food in his mouth. was about to take the photo and suddenly he asked the 'photographer' to wait, hence this kinda nice shot.
After he manage to swallow his food
Jello shots! i love the teeny umbrella, so cute!!
at the end of the night, resting our aching feet.
found a lei lying around,so decided to take it as a sovenior from the ball. this is at the end of the ball, note my sleepy eyes and flyaway hair.haha..
yay!! finally got the pics up! *phew*
my fav pic from the ball...probably the prettiest pic i've ever taken in my 23 years on planet Earth
Table 1: (from left)Quan, John, Mingxian, Vironia, Me, Joy, Lauren, Joanne, Laura and Trinh
my 4th year gang - cheers to making it to 4th year!
with louisa (tutor), gillian (deputy head of school) and joy
Singaporeans at the ball...just 4 of us: mingxian, joy, me and John (2nd year)
Candid shot cos Mingxian was trying to chew and swallow the food in his mouth. was about to take the photo and suddenly he asked the 'photographer' to wait, hence this kinda nice shot.
After he manage to swallow his food
Jello shots! i love the teeny umbrella, so cute!!
at the end of the night, resting our aching feet.
found a lei lying around,so decided to take it as a sovenior from the ball. this is at the end of the ball, note my sleepy eyes and flyaway hair.haha..
yay!! finally got the pics up! *phew*
i am P.I.S.S.E.D. O.F.F
spent 2 hours uploading pics and getting them posted onto my blog. with interesting comments and stuff...and it was working fine. suddenly, all the pics cannot be displayed!!!!!
WTF WTF WTF!!!!
argh...sorry for the verbal abuse...really very fustrated cos i am staying up to do this so that people who wanna see pics can see pics. now, all my efforts gone to waste...zilch...kosong...nothing!!!!! tried to change my pics to another photo hosting website, but the stupid website keep having this 'bad url' which my spybot keeps blocking and i cannot edit my pics properly to be posted.
now, i am having neck pain and headache, my throat is sore, my eyes are teary, and on top of that , i am feeling damn guilty over something which i think i have no obligation to say 'yes' to. argh!!!! and there's no pics on my blog!!!!!i'm beyond upset...and my hormones are gleefully making use of this chance to make the tears flow...
life suck suck suck suck suck!!!
ok...enough ranting...better pack up my laptop and hit the sack before my sore throat develop into full blown nasal congestion, cough and sputum.
and if it's possible, let me lie in bed forever. dun wanna get up ever again..dun wanna face this cruel world ever again.
just...let me go...
wanna see pics? go here - http://community.webshots.com/user/niyihs
sorry ppl...i tried my best..but my best just isn't enough.
spent 2 hours uploading pics and getting them posted onto my blog. with interesting comments and stuff...and it was working fine. suddenly, all the pics cannot be displayed!!!!!
WTF WTF WTF!!!!
argh...sorry for the verbal abuse...really very fustrated cos i am staying up to do this so that people who wanna see pics can see pics. now, all my efforts gone to waste...zilch...kosong...nothing!!!!! tried to change my pics to another photo hosting website, but the stupid website keep having this 'bad url' which my spybot keeps blocking and i cannot edit my pics properly to be posted.
now, i am having neck pain and headache, my throat is sore, my eyes are teary, and on top of that , i am feeling damn guilty over something which i think i have no obligation to say 'yes' to. argh!!!! and there's no pics on my blog!!!!!i'm beyond upset...and my hormones are gleefully making use of this chance to make the tears flow...
life suck suck suck suck suck!!!
ok...enough ranting...better pack up my laptop and hit the sack before my sore throat develop into full blown nasal congestion, cough and sputum.
and if it's possible, let me lie in bed forever. dun wanna get up ever again..dun wanna face this cruel world ever again.
just...let me go...
wanna see pics? go here - http://community.webshots.com/user/niyihs
sorry ppl...i tried my best..but my best just isn't enough.
*yawn* it's 9.08am on a cold and beautiful Friday morning. what on earth am i doing up so early in physio comp lab (esp considering it was physio ball last nite and i slept at ~2am and i actually can dun come into school at all)?????
cos need to practice prac! wth...i thot those practising prac days were over in 2nd year. no prac exams but there's a mastery skills hurdle component i must get signed off before i can graduate.
well, at least i did have fun last night! not as fun as 2nd year still, but it was a good last ball for me and the rest. food was actually good this year...music went from great...to OK...to not good..to absolutely LOUSY. still, danced quite abit and my aching knees are the evidence of my incompetence dancing in heels.
lotsa lotsa thanks to germ for making me hair (it stayed intact for the nite!!) and for lending me very nice black dress, to gin for lending me her accesories and coming up to look at the "finished product", to ken (and germ) for driving me to joy's place (sorry we got caught in the jam and ur dinner probably was pretty late cos of me) and to yivern for lending me her heels!
took lotsa of pics (oh, and thanks for germ for lending me her beloved digicam)...would post them up once they are into my comp...ate way too much and feeling extremely bloated...now, feeling awake but lethargic. dunno how am i gonna practise prac in the first place...
argh, ok..better get my lazy bum up to the prac room.
************************************************************************************
ok, now back to my room, eyes burning and head throbbing and nose congested. i am getting sick? or just the effects of sleeping at 2am and waking up at 8am?
anyhow, i feel like crap. well, at least waking up this morning was worth the effort cos i got signed off for lumbar manipulation *woohoo* but still not qualified to crack people's back yet...so dun come looking for me when your back feel stiff.
oh man, seriously feel like i am coming down with something. apparently there's gonna be a flu pandemic hitting australia soon (i wonder how they calculate when it's gonna arrive at which country *raise eyebrow*) hopefully i won't be one of the unfortunate victims. better fall sick now and strengthen my immunity before the flu bug comes around and ruin my life.
effects of last nite's ball starting to show now. eyebags, bad skin, aching knees...*ouchie* but i'm glad i had more fun than last year. but i was disappointed that none of the third years i know were there, and no singaporean first years were there too (or maybe i can't recognise them...) apart from Joy, Mingxian and me, there was only John from 2nd year. haiz..so disappointing. last and final physio ball and din get to take a 全家福 with all the Singaporeans 1st - 4th years.
my budget for this month is officially busted with the ball, with the bday party next week for alicia, gin and yivern...*heart pain* looks like the month of June is gonna be "Scrimp and Save" month for me. *grimace*
uuh...i better drink some hot tea and rest. my eyes are turning red and tearing and burning at the same time. *sniffle*
cos need to practice prac! wth...i thot those practising prac days were over in 2nd year. no prac exams but there's a mastery skills hurdle component i must get signed off before i can graduate.
well, at least i did have fun last night! not as fun as 2nd year still, but it was a good last ball for me and the rest. food was actually good this year...music went from great...to OK...to not good..to absolutely LOUSY. still, danced quite abit and my aching knees are the evidence of my incompetence dancing in heels.
lotsa lotsa thanks to germ for making me hair (it stayed intact for the nite!!) and for lending me very nice black dress, to gin for lending me her accesories and coming up to look at the "finished product", to ken (and germ) for driving me to joy's place (sorry we got caught in the jam and ur dinner probably was pretty late cos of me) and to yivern for lending me her heels!
took lotsa of pics (oh, and thanks for germ for lending me her beloved digicam)...would post them up once they are into my comp...ate way too much and feeling extremely bloated...now, feeling awake but lethargic. dunno how am i gonna practise prac in the first place...
argh, ok..better get my lazy bum up to the prac room.
************************************************************************************
ok, now back to my room, eyes burning and head throbbing and nose congested. i am getting sick? or just the effects of sleeping at 2am and waking up at 8am?
anyhow, i feel like crap. well, at least waking up this morning was worth the effort cos i got signed off for lumbar manipulation *woohoo* but still not qualified to crack people's back yet...so dun come looking for me when your back feel stiff.
oh man, seriously feel like i am coming down with something. apparently there's gonna be a flu pandemic hitting australia soon (i wonder how they calculate when it's gonna arrive at which country *raise eyebrow*) hopefully i won't be one of the unfortunate victims. better fall sick now and strengthen my immunity before the flu bug comes around and ruin my life.
effects of last nite's ball starting to show now. eyebags, bad skin, aching knees...*ouchie* but i'm glad i had more fun than last year. but i was disappointed that none of the third years i know were there, and no singaporean first years were there too (or maybe i can't recognise them...) apart from Joy, Mingxian and me, there was only John from 2nd year. haiz..so disappointing. last and final physio ball and din get to take a 全家福 with all the Singaporeans 1st - 4th years.
my budget for this month is officially busted with the ball, with the bday party next week for alicia, gin and yivern...*heart pain* looks like the month of June is gonna be "Scrimp and Save" month for me. *grimace*
uuh...i better drink some hot tea and rest. my eyes are turning red and tearing and burning at the same time. *sniffle*
i am feeling 'short-fuse'. i think most sg guys know what this means. in case u dun, just think of a bomb with a short fuse. yep, that's me...easily detonated.
have been feeling like this for awhile now, especially when people ask me "how are you?" or "how's your day?" or "what's wrong?"
my usual reply?
"i'm ok" which i am not...
"ok lor" yeah like real...
"i'm just feeling tired"and upset and at the verge of tears but i dunno why and i wish i know why so i can stop feeling so crappy all the time...
someone is gonna say i have negative energy...and i admit that i do. i've been releasing harmful energy subconsciouly for a while now. but honestly, i dun really care if i'm negative or positive. cos watever i am, i just react to the things happening around me. every single thing in life becomes a potential way to light my fuse and make me lose my very weak control on my temper. little things which are mere courtesy from others...somehow, it just gets more and more difficult to say "i'm fine" when i really dun feel fine at all.
maybe it's accumulative. all the fustrations piling on top one another...or maybe, i am born with a short fuse.
everyone's chittering and chattering about physio ball today. the more people talk about it, the less excited i feel. right now, i am just tired...wanna stay in and not go out...hide under my quilt and sleep till the end of the world comes around.
have been feeling like this for awhile now, especially when people ask me "how are you?" or "how's your day?" or "what's wrong?"
my usual reply?
"i'm ok" which i am not...
"ok lor" yeah like real...
"i'm just feeling tired"and upset and at the verge of tears but i dunno why and i wish i know why so i can stop feeling so crappy all the time...
someone is gonna say i have negative energy...and i admit that i do. i've been releasing harmful energy subconsciouly for a while now. but honestly, i dun really care if i'm negative or positive. cos watever i am, i just react to the things happening around me. every single thing in life becomes a potential way to light my fuse and make me lose my very weak control on my temper. little things which are mere courtesy from others...somehow, it just gets more and more difficult to say "i'm fine" when i really dun feel fine at all.
maybe it's accumulative. all the fustrations piling on top one another...or maybe, i am born with a short fuse.
everyone's chittering and chattering about physio ball today. the more people talk about it, the less excited i feel. right now, i am just tired...wanna stay in and not go out...hide under my quilt and sleep till the end of the world comes around.
physio ball tomorrow~this fact hit me this morning while i was brushing my teeth. and so there i was, in the shower with toothpaste foaming in my mouth and brain half-awake, trying to figure out how much time i'll need to get ready and what time i should start preparing.
this year, apart from the hair pins and rubber bands in my hair (and most of the make up on my face), i am fully sponsored from head to toe.
Flower on hair - Gin
Earrings and necklace - Gin
Dress - Germ
Shoes - Yivern
Hairstylist - Germ
and how would i look? here's a little preview *smirk
this is from the front... yikes!i have double chin!!!!!! and i can't pose properly...not cut out to be a model
and that's how my hair would look like from the back. i think the back of my head looks so much better than the front...*frown
starting to feel abit of the excitement. everyone in the comp lab now is buzzing with "what are you gonna wear?","what colour's your flower?", "i need XXX to match my YYY, but i really like ZZZ which doesn't go with my YYY!!" well..ok...not everyone...just the girls really...
last physio ball ever... must eat more and drink more! wuahaha. ahh...but i dun like the shots they provide...the finger food is yummilicious though. must get there early this year so i can enjoy more vodka lime! woohoo!
*yawn* still feeling sleepy despite adequate sleep (and weird but happy & sweet dream...) must be all the exercising i've done on mon and tues. now my right forefoot is sore and aching. dunno how on earth i'm gonna survive in heels tomorrow. *grimace
this year, apart from the hair pins and rubber bands in my hair (and most of the make up on my face), i am fully sponsored from head to toe.
Flower on hair - Gin
Earrings and necklace - Gin
Dress - Germ
Shoes - Yivern
Hairstylist - Germ
and how would i look? here's a little preview *smirk
this is from the front... yikes!i have double chin!!!!!! and i can't pose properly...not cut out to be a model
and that's how my hair would look like from the back. i think the back of my head looks so much better than the front...*frown
starting to feel abit of the excitement. everyone in the comp lab now is buzzing with "what are you gonna wear?","what colour's your flower?", "i need XXX to match my YYY, but i really like ZZZ which doesn't go with my YYY!!" well..ok...not everyone...just the girls really...
last physio ball ever... must eat more and drink more! wuahaha. ahh...but i dun like the shots they provide...the finger food is yummilicious though. must get there early this year so i can enjoy more vodka lime! woohoo!
*yawn* still feeling sleepy despite adequate sleep (and weird but happy & sweet dream...) must be all the exercising i've done on mon and tues. now my right forefoot is sore and aching. dunno how on earth i'm gonna survive in heels tomorrow. *grimace
i was taking this quiz thingie...whereby i match the name of a person i know to a colour or an object which reminds me of them...so, this is wat i put down in the blanks provided
yellow - zhimin
orange - weipeng
red - eugene
white - peileng
green - shuli
chocolate - germaine
vanilla - jingfung
saltine cracker - mummy
meat snack - gin
ok, i matched it this way usually cos of a particular colour of shirt that a person wears which makes me remember them..e.g, wp's orange t-shirt and eugene's red t-shirt...or if it's something that the person like to eat e.g jingfung likes vanilla flavoured stuff, germ like choc, mummy likes saltine cracker, gin likes meat...or, it's just a gut feeling :D
anyway..here's the results, some of which completely baffles me
What You Really Think Of Your Friends
Peileng is your soulmate. (awww, i never knew that!)
You truly love Eugene. (what the?!?!?!)
You consider Weipeng your true friend. (another awww...)
You know that Zhimin is always thinking of you. (hmm...really?)
You'll remember Shuli for the rest of your life. (yes, this i do agree totally)
You secretly think Germaine is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times.
(creative-yes. charming-definitely. dramatic-ermm,nope...i am more dramatic than her!)
You secretly think that Jingfung is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker.
(hmm, not too sure abt this one...)
You secretly think that Gin is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Gin changes lovers faster than underwear. (haha...i dunno abt the changing lovers part...i hope it's not true!)
You secretly think Mummy is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Mummy has a hidden internet romance.
(WUAHAHHAHA!!! my mummy has hidden internet romance?!?!!? wat the?!?! she doesn't even know how to log on to the computor at home!!)
yellow - zhimin
orange - weipeng
red - eugene
white - peileng
green - shuli
chocolate - germaine
vanilla - jingfung
saltine cracker - mummy
meat snack - gin
ok, i matched it this way usually cos of a particular colour of shirt that a person wears which makes me remember them..e.g, wp's orange t-shirt and eugene's red t-shirt...or if it's something that the person like to eat e.g jingfung likes vanilla flavoured stuff, germ like choc, mummy likes saltine cracker, gin likes meat...or, it's just a gut feeling :D
anyway..here's the results, some of which completely baffles me
What You Really Think Of Your Friends
Peileng is your soulmate. (awww, i never knew that!)
You truly love Eugene. (what the?!?!?!)
You consider Weipeng your true friend. (another awww...)
You know that Zhimin is always thinking of you. (hmm...really?)
You'll remember Shuli for the rest of your life. (yes, this i do agree totally)
You secretly think Germaine is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times.
(creative-yes. charming-definitely. dramatic-ermm,nope...i am more dramatic than her!)
You secretly think that Jingfung is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker.
(hmm, not too sure abt this one...)
You secretly think that Gin is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Gin changes lovers faster than underwear. (haha...i dunno abt the changing lovers part...i hope it's not true!)
You secretly think Mummy is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Mummy has a hidden internet romance.
(WUAHAHHAHA!!! my mummy has hidden internet romance?!?!!? wat the?!?! she doesn't even know how to log on to the computor at home!!)
Yup, this is how bored i am...and i truly doubt some of the results. maybe it's cos i didn't actually answer it the way it's meant to..?anyway, just something to share. now, it's back to assignments...*groan
*bbbbuuurrrpppp* excuse me...
i am eating way way waaaayyyyy too much. breakfast...chocolate frog with peppermint...tuna sandwich...instant pasta...and now, a can of lemonade with crackers.
i hate winter...it's cold, it's gloomy, it's dark..and it makes me eat too much and put on weight. during winter, i start missing the humid and hot weather Singapore has...i miss sleeping in t-shirt and shorts...i miss walking around in skirts/shorts and tanktops/spag straps.
now, i have to go out in layers...and i still feel cold. WTH...
i know ppl like wp is going to read this blog and tell me there nothing to complain cos he has to put up with temp below 0...had to negotiate his way around snow and more snow...yup yup,i know i should be glad melbourne has mild winters...but for a girl who grew up in a place where the lowest temperature hardly ever drop below 20...melbourne is cold cold cold!!
see, winter comes around and i start complaining about the bloody melbourne weather. one thing i am glad for this year is i no longer have to put with the the constant draught that blows along Lygon Street. no more walking against the wind and feeling my cheeks getting numb from the cold. well..not no more..but at least not daily...
i wish i know how to cook good curry so i can have curry more often. curry is the perfect food for winter...warms up the body from within. last night's dinner with jap curry was just fantastic.
actually, it's not even winter yet! it's towards the end of autumn...all the leaves are dropping from the trees...pavements and fields are all covered with a layer of brown/orange/yellow/red leaves. Autumn is a beautiful season...if only winter doesn't have to follow after autumn.
signing off with the first Elva song i like...cos the dance in the mtv was nice..haha
《一个人的精彩》
那天醒来 忽然想开
不愿再做等待的女孩
拿掉戒指 扎起马尾
开始不再想你姿态
接受无奈 承认失败
她才是你的爱
寂寞伴随自由色彩 迎面来
头发甩甩 大步的走开 不怜悯心底小小悲哀
挥手Bye-Bye 祝你们愉快 我会 一(找)个人活得精采
也许明天我会选择
自己旅行不轻易恋爱
也许明天 我会遇见
比你更适合的男孩
接受爱情 自有安排 谁才是我的爱
寂寞伴随自由色彩 迎面来
i am eating way way waaaayyyyy too much. breakfast...chocolate frog with peppermint...tuna sandwich...instant pasta...and now, a can of lemonade with crackers.
i hate winter...it's cold, it's gloomy, it's dark..and it makes me eat too much and put on weight. during winter, i start missing the humid and hot weather Singapore has...i miss sleeping in t-shirt and shorts...i miss walking around in skirts/shorts and tanktops/spag straps.
now, i have to go out in layers...and i still feel cold. WTH...
i know ppl like wp is going to read this blog and tell me there nothing to complain cos he has to put up with temp below 0...had to negotiate his way around snow and more snow...yup yup,i know i should be glad melbourne has mild winters...but for a girl who grew up in a place where the lowest temperature hardly ever drop below 20...melbourne is cold cold cold!!
see, winter comes around and i start complaining about the bloody melbourne weather. one thing i am glad for this year is i no longer have to put with the the constant draught that blows along Lygon Street. no more walking against the wind and feeling my cheeks getting numb from the cold. well..not no more..but at least not daily...
i wish i know how to cook good curry so i can have curry more often. curry is the perfect food for winter...warms up the body from within. last night's dinner with jap curry was just fantastic.
actually, it's not even winter yet! it's towards the end of autumn...all the leaves are dropping from the trees...pavements and fields are all covered with a layer of brown/orange/yellow/red leaves. Autumn is a beautiful season...if only winter doesn't have to follow after autumn.
signing off with the first Elva song i like...cos the dance in the mtv was nice..haha
《一个人的精彩》
那天醒来 忽然想开
不愿再做等待的女孩
拿掉戒指 扎起马尾
开始不再想你姿态
接受无奈 承认失败
她才是你的爱
寂寞伴随自由色彩 迎面来
头发甩甩 大步的走开 不怜悯心底小小悲哀
挥手Bye-Bye 祝你们愉快 我会 一(找)个人活得精采
也许明天我会选择
自己旅行不轻易恋爱
也许明天 我会遇见
比你更适合的男孩
接受爱情 自有安排 谁才是我的爱
寂寞伴随自由色彩 迎面来
people have been telling me cannot read my chinese words...here's the trick
change the encoding to Unicode!
if u dunno how to change, leave me a tag and i'll put the instructions up. though i doubt anyone who can actually come to my blog would be that much of a "computor-idiot" yah?
i've been up since 7am to do the evidence-based assignment. such a pain in the neck+head+ass..literally. and a pain in the eyes too. sitting in front of my comp for hours on end each day...my neck gets stiff..which leads to a headache..and my bum gets sore for sitting too long..and my eyes feels dried up like a raisin. *ouch
argh, i may need to get eyedrops soon before i end up with wrinkled up eyeballs for physio ball *grimace
sleepy and tired...i wonder where did those 7 hours i spent on my bed went to?? i dun feel refreshed or rejuvenated at all...maybe it's time to boil a chicken and make some yummy chicken soup. ahh..jap curry tonight...perfect food for a cold cold weather. my feet is frozen right this moment.
in 4 weeks time, most of the third years would be back in tropical singapore...while i am stuck here. haiz...december just seem too far away!! which reminds me..on sat, germ and i watching tv in morning and a disney program actually went to sentosa!!!!! oh man, germ and i felt happy and sad at the same time. ahh..can't wait to go back home......*sob*
*yawn* ok..better go out for a little walk...see if the cold air can shock some of my brain cells awake.
change the encoding to Unicode!
if u dunno how to change, leave me a tag and i'll put the instructions up. though i doubt anyone who can actually come to my blog would be that much of a "computor-idiot" yah?
i've been up since 7am to do the evidence-based assignment. such a pain in the neck+head+ass..literally. and a pain in the eyes too. sitting in front of my comp for hours on end each day...my neck gets stiff..which leads to a headache..and my bum gets sore for sitting too long..and my eyes feels dried up like a raisin. *ouch
argh, i may need to get eyedrops soon before i end up with wrinkled up eyeballs for physio ball *grimace
sleepy and tired...i wonder where did those 7 hours i spent on my bed went to?? i dun feel refreshed or rejuvenated at all...maybe it's time to boil a chicken and make some yummy chicken soup. ahh..jap curry tonight...perfect food for a cold cold weather. my feet is frozen right this moment.
in 4 weeks time, most of the third years would be back in tropical singapore...while i am stuck here. haiz...december just seem too far away!! which reminds me..on sat, germ and i watching tv in morning and a disney program actually went to sentosa!!!!! oh man, germ and i felt happy and sad at the same time. ahh..can't wait to go back home......*sob*
*yawn* ok..better go out for a little walk...see if the cold air can shock some of my brain cells awake.
《问燕儿》
词：琼瑶
曲：古巨基
演唱：古巨基
问燕儿 你为何流浪
问燕儿 你为何飞翔
我想用柔情万丈 为你筑爱的宫墙
又怕这琼楼玉宇 成不了你的天堂
问燕儿 你可愿留下
问燕儿 你可愿成双
燕儿啊 如果你心有向往
燕儿啊 如果你志在四方
我愿陪你流浪 陪你飞翔 陪你寻找你的方向
有你的地方 就是我的家乡
问燕儿 你为谁惆怅
问燕儿 你为谁心伤
我想守在你身旁 为你遮雨露风霜
又怕你飘然远去 让孤独笑我痴狂
原来古巨基也会作曲啊！现在我对他又多了一层仰慕。
这首歌曲，我很喜欢。很简单的调子，很简单的歌词，却写出了很伟大的爱情，很伟大的情怀。一看就懂是在描述永琪和小燕子之间那段令我向往的感情。世间上，我想不会有像永琪和尔康这样的男人。这样轰轰烈烈的爱情，也只会出至与琼瑶笔下。
她把那种完美的爱，写得那么逼真，有时让我会很向往也可以成为她笔下的人物。
我，又在自己的梦幻中寻找安慰了。夜深了，心情也开始低落了。
“只羡鸳鸯不羡仙” 我想最能形容我目前的感受。唉.......
词：琼瑶
曲：古巨基
演唱：古巨基
问燕儿 你为何流浪
问燕儿 你为何飞翔
我想用柔情万丈 为你筑爱的宫墙
又怕这琼楼玉宇 成不了你的天堂
问燕儿 你可愿留下
问燕儿 你可愿成双
燕儿啊 如果你心有向往
燕儿啊 如果你志在四方
我愿陪你流浪 陪你飞翔 陪你寻找你的方向
有你的地方 就是我的家乡
问燕儿 你为谁惆怅
问燕儿 你为谁心伤
我想守在你身旁 为你遮雨露风霜
又怕你飘然远去 让孤独笑我痴狂
原来古巨基也会作曲啊！现在我对他又多了一层仰慕。
这首歌曲，我很喜欢。很简单的调子，很简单的歌词，却写出了很伟大的爱情，很伟大的情怀。一看就懂是在描述永琪和小燕子之间那段令我向往的感情。世间上，我想不会有像永琪和尔康这样的男人。这样轰轰烈烈的爱情，也只会出至与琼瑶笔下。
她把那种完美的爱，写得那么逼真，有时让我会很向往也可以成为她笔下的人物。
我，又在自己的梦幻中寻找安慰了。夜深了，心情也开始低落了。
“只羡鸳鸯不羡仙” 我想最能形容我目前的感受。唉.......
there's something abt a couple cooking together in the kitchen that tugs at my heart...and with that happening in my apartment kitchen, i chose to stay in my room rather than to stay and watch with my heart gently being torn apart.
Jay Chou is now on my TV, singing 园游会..a good song for the lovey couple cooking pasta and lamb chops. lovey dovey song..lovey dovey atmosphere...*sigh* at least i am not that affected as i was in the past...maybe cos i'm just too drained. it sure it's hard work trying to conceal emotions behind my very transparent exterior. too tired to feel envy, too tired to feel sad...
basically, too tired for anything...
where do i escape to? my room...my fantasies...my dreams...aside from my room, no intruders are allowed in the other 2 worlds. my room is no longer the safe haven it used to be...but it is here in my room, i can stare at my desktop wallpaper and let my imagination run amok...here in my room, i can lie on my bed, fall alseep and go into my dreams.
but, as the old saying go: 躲得了意一时，躲不了一世。i still live in the real world...and i still have to face the facts in life.
it's so easy to say "be happy"...but doing it is a huge task for me. trying to be happy makes me stressed...and when i'm stressed, i get upset...which defeats the purpose of trying to be happy yeah? but if i dun try, i dunno how long would i stay trap in this state.
no one says life is easy...but when has it gotten this difficult?
Jay Chou is now on my TV, singing 园游会..a good song for the lovey couple cooking pasta and lamb chops. lovey dovey song..lovey dovey atmosphere...*sigh* at least i am not that affected as i was in the past...maybe cos i'm just too drained. it sure it's hard work trying to conceal emotions behind my very transparent exterior. too tired to feel envy, too tired to feel sad...
basically, too tired for anything...
where do i escape to? my room...my fantasies...my dreams...aside from my room, no intruders are allowed in the other 2 worlds. my room is no longer the safe haven it used to be...but it is here in my room, i can stare at my desktop wallpaper and let my imagination run amok...here in my room, i can lie on my bed, fall alseep and go into my dreams.
but, as the old saying go: 躲得了意一时，躲不了一世。i still live in the real world...and i still have to face the facts in life.
it's so easy to say "be happy"...but doing it is a huge task for me. trying to be happy makes me stressed...and when i'm stressed, i get upset...which defeats the purpose of trying to be happy yeah? but if i dun try, i dunno how long would i stay trap in this state.
no one says life is easy...but when has it gotten this difficult?
despite a rather activity-filled saturday, my mood is dropping lower and lower. could be a rush of hormonal changes cos..well...cos i'm a gal...or maybe it's just that the day just put me through the kind of stress i hate most...
dressing up
physio ball in 6 days. 6 days!! and still,i am wondering whether to put a stupid flower in my hair. why can't the theme of the ball be something more normal..or have no theme at all?? cos quite honestly, i dun care if it's "dressed to get lei'ed"...dun care that people are gonna turn up with flowers in their hair and by their faces. i dun like having a big flower next to my unimpressive face. the last thing i want is to draw attention to that area. having a pink fake flower isn't gonna help....
also dunno why i let myself be convinced to go to the ball. sure, it's the last year and i should go and have fun. but,i am not in the right mood at all. the ball has turn into a nightmare for me (after burning a huge hole in my budget for the month...) last year,i didn't have fun...and unlike the other 4th years who are determined to have fun this year, i just feel damn apprehensive about it.
feeling suck sucky sucky!!! wanna hide in my room and sulk and pout and throw a big tantrum...only problem is i cannot let germaine suffer. she's already had a long day at work..and then letting me drag her around looking at flowers. sorry germ..and thanks for coming with me.
i feel blue...blue blue blue....i need a hug..and the urge to bawl my eyes out is overwhelming. i know i know, there's nothing to cry about. sadly, crying is about the only way i can vent my emotions out.
i'm a silly girl...i admit i am stupid and silly and childish...and i really really wanna cry!!!!
dressing up
physio ball in 6 days. 6 days!! and still,i am wondering whether to put a stupid flower in my hair. why can't the theme of the ball be something more normal..or have no theme at all?? cos quite honestly, i dun care if it's "dressed to get lei'ed"...dun care that people are gonna turn up with flowers in their hair and by their faces. i dun like having a big flower next to my unimpressive face. the last thing i want is to draw attention to that area. having a pink fake flower isn't gonna help....
also dunno why i let myself be convinced to go to the ball. sure, it's the last year and i should go and have fun. but,i am not in the right mood at all. the ball has turn into a nightmare for me (after burning a huge hole in my budget for the month...) last year,i didn't have fun...and unlike the other 4th years who are determined to have fun this year, i just feel damn apprehensive about it.
feeling suck sucky sucky!!! wanna hide in my room and sulk and pout and throw a big tantrum...only problem is i cannot let germaine suffer. she's already had a long day at work..and then letting me drag her around looking at flowers. sorry germ..and thanks for coming with me.
i feel blue...blue blue blue....i need a hug..and the urge to bawl my eyes out is overwhelming. i know i know, there's nothing to cry about. sadly, crying is about the only way i can vent my emotions out.
i'm a silly girl...i admit i am stupid and silly and childish...and i really really wanna cry!!!!
it's that time of the day when i am not full enough from my measly sandwich and mandarin, yet not rich enough to buy something else to eat/trying to decrease food intake for the ball in 7 days.
i.e. Gretel is feeling cranky
my stomach is growling at me for depriving it of food. well, not deprived, just not filling it up as much as it would like. but i've got a ball in 7 days...the last thing i need is to put on some extra fats on my tummy and butt and look like a dumpling in germ's black dress. also, i going bodystep later, so doesn't make sense to eat so much now cos i'll get hungry after school anyway. might as well eat a bit after school (something healthy hopefully...) so i won't faint from hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) when jumping around the step.
i wish i can stop eating so much. sometimes when i look back at my food intake, i get a shock, especially since i am not particularly overweight. but i do eat like a sumo wrestler. i eat alot more than germ - more rice, more porridge, more noodles, more pasta, more chips....etc etc etc...
i think everyone's comments about how i have lost weight instilled a sense of false security in me. now i keep thinking i can eat more cos i've slimmed down. in fact, ppl have been telling me to eat more cos i sh0uld gain some weight back (apparently i've started to look anorexic or something...)
just calculated my BMI during the lecture on exercise and obesity. my BMI is ~20, which is normal for an asian. *phew* okay ppl, i am NOT underweight, so stop asking me to eat more. thank you very much. even my mum has gotten into the flow of asking me to eat more after i told her i lost weight. i hope to be one of those who return to singapore without gaining any extra weight...spent the last 3 years listening to my mum, brother and HW telling me i've put on weight each time i landed in Singapore. this year, it's gonna be different...at least i'm trying to...
maybe i should forget about cutting down on food and just build up more muscle. haha...that way,i can look good and still eat all the food i wanna eat. oooh, craving for so many different kind of food now. *drool drool* 6.5 months more before i can once again taste good, authentic roti prata at 60c per prata kosong. *sob* envy those 3rd years going home in june (which is in abt 4 weeks time!!!) if only australia has no quarantine..i'll ask them to bring back all the yummy food.
i dunno how girls in singapore are all so slim and tiny. with all the laska,char kuay teow, roti prata,mee pok tar,cai tow kuay blah blah blah, how to go on a diet?? it's like torturing yourself!
at least down here, it's easier. well, having sandwiches everyday is already a form of diet (and a form of torture for me....) sigh...all this talk about food is making me very very hungry...and getting more and more cranky. *hmph*
i.e. Gretel is feeling cranky
my stomach is growling at me for depriving it of food. well, not deprived, just not filling it up as much as it would like. but i've got a ball in 7 days...the last thing i need is to put on some extra fats on my tummy and butt and look like a dumpling in germ's black dress. also, i going bodystep later, so doesn't make sense to eat so much now cos i'll get hungry after school anyway. might as well eat a bit after school (something healthy hopefully...) so i won't faint from hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) when jumping around the step.
i wish i can stop eating so much. sometimes when i look back at my food intake, i get a shock, especially since i am not particularly overweight. but i do eat like a sumo wrestler. i eat alot more than germ - more rice, more porridge, more noodles, more pasta, more chips....etc etc etc...
i think everyone's comments about how i have lost weight instilled a sense of false security in me. now i keep thinking i can eat more cos i've slimmed down. in fact, ppl have been telling me to eat more cos i sh0uld gain some weight back (apparently i've started to look anorexic or something...)
just calculated my BMI during the lecture on exercise and obesity. my BMI is ~20, which is normal for an asian. *phew* okay ppl, i am NOT underweight, so stop asking me to eat more. thank you very much. even my mum has gotten into the flow of asking me to eat more after i told her i lost weight. i hope to be one of those who return to singapore without gaining any extra weight...spent the last 3 years listening to my mum, brother and HW telling me i've put on weight each time i landed in Singapore. this year, it's gonna be different...at least i'm trying to...
maybe i should forget about cutting down on food and just build up more muscle. haha...that way,i can look good and still eat all the food i wanna eat. oooh, craving for so many different kind of food now. *drool drool* 6.5 months more before i can once again taste good, authentic roti prata at 60c per prata kosong. *sob* envy those 3rd years going home in june (which is in abt 4 weeks time!!!) if only australia has no quarantine..i'll ask them to bring back all the yummy food.
i dunno how girls in singapore are all so slim and tiny. with all the laska,char kuay teow, roti prata,mee pok tar,cai tow kuay blah blah blah, how to go on a diet?? it's like torturing yourself!
at least down here, it's easier. well, having sandwiches everyday is already a form of diet (and a form of torture for me....) sigh...all this talk about food is making me very very hungry...and getting more and more cranky. *hmph*
bumming bumming bumming...
thank you to ken and germ for the sushi. very yummy *rub tummy*
feeling less sleepy today compared to last night. probably had a very good night's sleep...cos JC entered my dreams again! *giggle* well, i am actually kinda worried if he keeps appearing in my dreams...cos it either means a) i am losing my sanity or b) i already lost my sanity. of course, i can always bluff myself into thinking it could be c) a look into the future. haha...or maybe it's like what germ says, d) i'd meet someone like him in the future.
sigh, germ's just being nice lah. how likely is it that there is a second JC in this world? ok ok, i am not asking for an exact replica. someone who can sing quite ok, can play 1 muscial instrument and treats me real nice. (well, if can look abit like him, e.g. have dimples *grin*, that'd be really good.haha...) even the three criteria above are hard to fulfill, yah? a girl like...me...even if i do meet a guy like that, he'll probably be friends with me cos he likes one of my friends...the usual way things happen.
went out for lunch with my 4th year physio gang today. as we were walking to the city, the topic of our chit-chat turned to cute doctors. and Joy said,"all the cute doctors are taken lah". precisely. so to all those people out there who have been telling me not to worry cos i'll get to meet cute doctors, they all probably already have a wedding band on their left ring finger. so all that's left are the old and nerdy ones...or young and pompous one...or just plain ugly ones.
hmm...i've become more and more open with my 'desperado' attitude on my blog lately. probably ruined whatever image of myself left...wuahahaha. ah well, most people who reads my blog knows how i really am like...those who don't,i probably don't know them anyway...so heck lah. let me be the Desperate on cyberspace...what happens in real life is another story altogether.
living in fantasies is not good. especially when the return to reality occurs too suddenly (like when my alarm clock went off this morning..). still, i like having sweet dreams. i wake up feeling warm and fuzzy and loved. albeit for a short period of my waking hours...better than nothing at all.
oh man,i am simply obsessed with JC. i've just fell madly in love with another of his songs. listening to it makes me wanna go to the Royal Melbourne Show again this year...only problem is, no one else seems interested to go with me....
《園遊會》
曲：周杰伦 词：方文山
琥珀色黃昏像糖在很美的遠方
你的臉沒有化妝我卻瘋狂愛上
思念跟影子在旁晚一起被拉長
我手中那張入場券陪我數羊
薄荷色草的芬芳像風沒有形狀
我卻能夠牢記你的氣質跟臉龐
冷空氣跟琉璃在清晨很有透明感
像我的喜歡被你看穿
攤位上一朵豔陽 我悄悄出現你身旁
你慌亂的模樣 我微笑安靜欣賞
我頂著大太陽 只想為你撐傘
你靠在我肩膀 深呼吸怕遺忘
因為撈魚的蠢遊戲我們開始交談
多希望話題不斷園遊會永不打烊
氣球在我手上 我牽著你瞎晃
有話想對你講 你眼睛卻裝忙
雞蛋糕跟你嘴角果醬我都想要嘗
園遊會影片在播放 這個世界約好一起逛
i love the lyrics of this song. so sweet...makes me wanna go to a funfair with a special someone...someone who would play the games and win giant soft-toys for me, someone to keep me warm when we are up high on the ferris wheel, someone to hold my hand while we find our way through the crowd.
awww...i am getting too mushy for my own good. there are some things that should remain locked up in my own imagination....
thank you to ken and germ for the sushi. very yummy *rub tummy*
feeling less sleepy today compared to last night. probably had a very good night's sleep...cos JC entered my dreams again! *giggle* well, i am actually kinda worried if he keeps appearing in my dreams...cos it either means a) i am losing my sanity or b) i already lost my sanity. of course, i can always bluff myself into thinking it could be c) a look into the future. haha...or maybe it's like what germ says, d) i'd meet someone like him in the future.
sigh, germ's just being nice lah. how likely is it that there is a second JC in this world? ok ok, i am not asking for an exact replica. someone who can sing quite ok, can play 1 muscial instrument and treats me real nice. (well, if can look abit like him, e.g. have dimples *grin*, that'd be really good.haha...) even the three criteria above are hard to fulfill, yah? a girl like...me...even if i do meet a guy like that, he'll probably be friends with me cos he likes one of my friends...the usual way things happen.
went out for lunch with my 4th year physio gang today. as we were walking to the city, the topic of our chit-chat turned to cute doctors. and Joy said,"all the cute doctors are taken lah". precisely. so to all those people out there who have been telling me not to worry cos i'll get to meet cute doctors, they all probably already have a wedding band on their left ring finger. so all that's left are the old and nerdy ones...or young and pompous one...or just plain ugly ones.
hmm...i've become more and more open with my 'desperado' attitude on my blog lately. probably ruined whatever image of myself left...wuahahaha. ah well, most people who reads my blog knows how i really am like...those who don't,i probably don't know them anyway...so heck lah. let me be the Desperate on cyberspace...what happens in real life is another story altogether.
living in fantasies is not good. especially when the return to reality occurs too suddenly (like when my alarm clock went off this morning..). still, i like having sweet dreams. i wake up feeling warm and fuzzy and loved. albeit for a short period of my waking hours...better than nothing at all.
oh man,i am simply obsessed with JC. i've just fell madly in love with another of his songs. listening to it makes me wanna go to the Royal Melbourne Show again this year...only problem is, no one else seems interested to go with me....
《園遊會》
曲：周杰伦 词：方文山
琥珀色黃昏像糖在很美的遠方
你的臉沒有化妝我卻瘋狂愛上
思念跟影子在旁晚一起被拉長
我手中那張入場券陪我數羊
薄荷色草的芬芳像風沒有形狀
我卻能夠牢記你的氣質跟臉龐
冷空氣跟琉璃在清晨很有透明感
像我的喜歡被你看穿
攤位上一朵豔陽 我悄悄出現你身旁
你慌亂的模樣 我微笑安靜欣賞
我頂著大太陽 只想為你撐傘
你靠在我肩膀 深呼吸怕遺忘
因為撈魚的蠢遊戲我們開始交談
多希望話題不斷園遊會永不打烊
氣球在我手上 我牽著你瞎晃
有話想對你講 你眼睛卻裝忙
雞蛋糕跟你嘴角果醬我都想要嘗
園遊會影片在播放 這個世界約好一起逛
i love the lyrics of this song. so sweet...makes me wanna go to a funfair with a special someone...someone who would play the games and win giant soft-toys for me, someone to keep me warm when we are up high on the ferris wheel, someone to hold my hand while we find our way through the crowd.
awww...i am getting too mushy for my own good. there are some things that should remain locked up in my own imagination....
Happy Birthday to Disillusioned!
yeah yeah, my blog is one year old *applause* haha..can't believe i've been writing in this blog for a year liaoz. although i've changed my templates alot of time, i think i've managed to keep the essence of this blog intact (i.e. self-depreciating crap *grinz*)
looking back at those entries ~365 days ago, realised how much can change in just one year. i'm in a different apartment, have a different 'status', have a different hairstyle, using a different table etc etc etc. 岁月不留人....
i've been getting comments on my taggie that my entries are funny. haha...strange that somehow i am writing about stuff that i am angry/upset about and they turn out to be funny. i guess that's the thing about me - tendency to spout some nonsense which turns out to be humourous without deliberately doing so...and when i am actually trying to be funny, the joke falls flat.
now i wonder how much longer i can keep blogging for. imagine 10 years later (11 May 2015), i might still be blogging and i'll probably look back at my past entries and laugh my head off. hehe, that'll be fun. but blogging for 10 years...sounds so long..i'll be 33 years old then!! OMG!!what if by then,i am still complaining about my singlehood?!?! *shrieks
argh...i have to stop looking into the future. it's too bleak and gloomy...better concentrate on the present (not that i have anything cheery and bright to look forward to now)...and probably should stop dwelling on the past as well.
《往事只能回味》
时光一逝永不回，往事只能回味。
忆童年是足马青梅，两小无猜，日夜相随。
春风又吹红了花蕊，你今年也添了新岁。
你就要远去，像时光难倒回。
我只有在梦里相依偎。
yeah, a really old song..and my daddy's fav song. although i am not sure if the lyrics are right.... i think i know how to sing this song since i was about 7 years old cos i keep hearing my father singing it. haha...16 years later then i realise how true the title of the song is...sighz...
ok ok, also put up one of my fav song by...u guessed it...JC *grin*
《暗号》
我想要的 想做的 你比谁都了
你想说的 想给的 我全都知道
未接来电 没留言 一定是你孤单的想念
任何人都猜不到 这是我们的暗号
他们猜 随便猜 不重要
连上彼此的讯号 才有个依靠
有太多人太多事 夹在我们之间咆哮
杂讯太多讯号弱 就连风吹都要干扰
可是你不想 一直走在黑暗地下道
想吹风 想自由 想要一起手牵手
去看海 绕世界流浪
我害怕你心碎没人帮你擦眼泪
别管那是非 只要我们感觉对
我害怕你心碎没人帮你擦眼泪
别离开身边 拥有你我的世界才能完美
你说你想逃开松手 爱太累 爱得不自由
因为我给不起最简单的承诺
你停止收讯号 我开始搜寻不到
到底有谁知道 是几点钟方向 你才会收到暗号
yeah yeah, my blog is one year old *applause* haha..can't believe i've been writing in this blog for a year liaoz. although i've changed my templates alot of time, i think i've managed to keep the essence of this blog intact (i.e. self-depreciating crap *grinz*)
looking back at those entries ~365 days ago, realised how much can change in just one year. i'm in a different apartment, have a different 'status', have a different hairstyle, using a different table etc etc etc. 岁月不留人....
i've been getting comments on my taggie that my entries are funny. haha...strange that somehow i am writing about stuff that i am angry/upset about and they turn out to be funny. i guess that's the thing about me - tendency to spout some nonsense which turns out to be humourous without deliberately doing so...and when i am actually trying to be funny, the joke falls flat.
now i wonder how much longer i can keep blogging for. imagine 10 years later (11 May 2015), i might still be blogging and i'll probably look back at my past entries and laugh my head off. hehe, that'll be fun. but blogging for 10 years...sounds so long..i'll be 33 years old then!! OMG!!what if by then,i am still complaining about my singlehood?!?! *shrieks
argh...i have to stop looking into the future. it's too bleak and gloomy...better concentrate on the present (not that i have anything cheery and bright to look forward to now)...and probably should stop dwelling on the past as well.
《往事只能回味》
时光一逝永不回，往事只能回味。
忆童年是足马青梅，两小无猜，日夜相随。
春风又吹红了花蕊，你今年也添了新岁。
你就要远去，像时光难倒回。
我只有在梦里相依偎。
yeah, a really old song..and my daddy's fav song. although i am not sure if the lyrics are right.... i think i know how to sing this song since i was about 7 years old cos i keep hearing my father singing it. haha...16 years later then i realise how true the title of the song is...sighz...
ok ok, also put up one of my fav song by...u guessed it...JC *grin*
《暗号》
我想要的 想做的 你比谁都了
你想说的 想给的 我全都知道
未接来电 没留言 一定是你孤单的想念
任何人都猜不到 这是我们的暗号
他们猜 随便猜 不重要
连上彼此的讯号 才有个依靠
有太多人太多事 夹在我们之间咆哮
杂讯太多讯号弱 就连风吹都要干扰
可是你不想 一直走在黑暗地下道
想吹风 想自由 想要一起手牵手
去看海 绕世界流浪
我害怕你心碎没人帮你擦眼泪
别管那是非 只要我们感觉对
我害怕你心碎没人帮你擦眼泪
别离开身边 拥有你我的世界才能完美
你说你想逃开松手 爱太累 爱得不自由
因为我给不起最简单的承诺
你停止收讯号 我开始搜寻不到
到底有谁知道 是几点钟方向 你才会收到暗号
called my mummy just now. felt super-duper guilty cos the moment she answered the phone, she said,"我以为你礼拜天会打来。" yesh,i am one of those ungrateful/unfilial children who did not call home on sunday. but, i did send my mummy a card, and she was very happy with the fact that i've sent her a card on time every year i am stuck in this foreign land.
anyway, my family and my 姑姑's (father's sister) family are all gonna come to Aussie for tour at end of this year. that's 8 people, including me...amongst which include a teenage cousin and a primary school cousin. OMG...can't imagine the chaos when we enter Dreamworld or Movieworld at Gold Coast. ok,back to the original point i am trying to make. my mummy is pressuring me to find more info on accoms and stuff...but i am S.W.A.M.P.E.D. with work...luckily she was understanding and told me to check it out during my break in June. *phew
and then, the conversation somehow led to HW...my single status and my desperado attitude...and i actually told my mum,"妈，我看我是嫁不出去了。怎么办？？？" this statementwas promptly followed by "也不成你随便找个人就嫁嘛！" and a 1.5 hour lecture on looking for the right guy....about how i should learn from my experience and should now know what kind of guy is good for me...
problem is..i dun think i do. *scratch head* i tend to get too emotional and rely too much on The Feeling. like, if i FEEL something, then i'd tend to jump head first into a relationship. sighz. so i also dun really know what exactly to look out for in a guy...sad to say. it's easy to just list off the criteria i want in a boyfriend...but from my experience, all these criteria just get thrown out fo the window when The Feeling takes over. yikes
anyway, talking with my mummy was fun. our relationship has evolved into almost like a friendship thingie. i could whine and whinge to my mummy about feeling lonely, about not being used to singlehood...blah blah blah. and she drones on and on with complaints about my father (and how i shouldn't follow in her footsteps..haha) and my brother (how he is getting older and not yet planning to get married). my cousin's getting married end of this year...and my brother is supposed to be next in line...followed by me.... *lifts eyebrow* maybe one of my younger cousins would actually overtake me...haiz...
it's getting late..and i am having my usual post-staring-at-comp-for-hours head+neck+back pain. *yawn* guess germ would be up late tonight...since ken is here and they'll probably chat and ermm...and dunno wat else they do...*snigger*
ahh...i miss that kind of companionship. *sniffle* right...bedtime...hopefully JC would come into my dreams again. wuahaha!
anyway, my family and my 姑姑's (father's sister) family are all gonna come to Aussie for tour at end of this year. that's 8 people, including me...amongst which include a teenage cousin and a primary school cousin. OMG...can't imagine the chaos when we enter Dreamworld or Movieworld at Gold Coast. ok,back to the original point i am trying to make. my mummy is pressuring me to find more info on accoms and stuff...but i am S.W.A.M.P.E.D. with work...luckily she was understanding and told me to check it out during my break in June. *phew
and then, the conversation somehow led to HW...my single status and my desperado attitude...and i actually told my mum,"妈，我看我是嫁不出去了。怎么办？？？" this statementwas promptly followed by "也不成你随便找个人就嫁嘛！" and a 1.5 hour lecture on looking for the right guy....about how i should learn from my experience and should now know what kind of guy is good for me...
problem is..i dun think i do. *scratch head* i tend to get too emotional and rely too much on The Feeling. like, if i FEEL something, then i'd tend to jump head first into a relationship. sighz. so i also dun really know what exactly to look out for in a guy...sad to say. it's easy to just list off the criteria i want in a boyfriend...but from my experience, all these criteria just get thrown out fo the window when The Feeling takes over. yikes
anyway, talking with my mummy was fun. our relationship has evolved into almost like a friendship thingie. i could whine and whinge to my mummy about feeling lonely, about not being used to singlehood...blah blah blah. and she drones on and on with complaints about my father (and how i shouldn't follow in her footsteps..haha) and my brother (how he is getting older and not yet planning to get married). my cousin's getting married end of this year...and my brother is supposed to be next in line...followed by me.... *lifts eyebrow* maybe one of my younger cousins would actually overtake me...haiz...
it's getting late..and i am having my usual post-staring-at-comp-for-hours head+neck+back pain. *yawn* guess germ would be up late tonight...since ken is here and they'll probably chat and ermm...and dunno wat else they do...*snigger*
ahh...i miss that kind of companionship. *sniffle* right...bedtime...hopefully JC would come into my dreams again. wuahaha!
was bumming around after coming back from Bodystep, when a hwa chong song suddenly found its way out of my rusty brain and start playing in my head. it was one of my fav hwa chong songs...
《心旅》
悠悠如云年轻彷徨的心，飘然来到黄城里。
真诚尝试寻觅什么，添满空白的心灵。
情感找到归依，华初温暖轻扶我心。
点起一盏引路的灯，不再迷惘。
扬起心灵的风帆，朝着梦想起航。
旭日暖意陪伴我，歌颂黄城地动人。
转瞬间心灵的交错，闪眸映出真心你我。
哪怕路多长，浪多高，我们不曾动摇。
转瞬间心灵的交错，闪眸映出真心你我。
哪怕路多长，浪多高，我们不曾动摇。
ahh, i miss those HC days. and i miss singing these songs which are written for and sung by hwa chong-ians. now, hwa chong is no longer a JC, and i am quite upset by the change in its name. i guess that gives me even more reason to keep those brown "sandpaper" shorts with HJC or HCJC printed on it.
looking back at those times, feel like i am so so old now. haiz, never make full use of those times. although HC not famous for producing cute guys, there were a few outstanding ones in my batch. (and most of them wear kaki shorts in the first 3 months...) now, 4 years later..it's all too late.
that's the bad thing about studying overseas. uni days are the best times to mix around with the opposite gender and do some "research" on what guys are good or bad. getting stuck in a foreign land minimise that chance to almost nothing. especially since i feel 'kosong' attraction to non-Singaporean guys. sighz...
so many people have been telling to look for "The One" when i start working (and often emphasising on that fact that i'll be working alongside DOCTORS) but working life is so busy. where got time to go 'paktor' (dating)??
oh man,such depressing thoughts. serves me right for coming over here lah. could have done a science degree at NUS...hang around more guys and gals my age and continuing being Ms Ni teaching biology...but noooo, i chose to come over to b***** melbourne. shucks. now i am single...and turning 23 in 6.5 months...no dates, no guys *groan groan*
geez,i've just made myself sound damn desperate. wuahahaha. ah well, i guess it takes alot of effort and time to get used to singlehood. maybe i'll never get used to it...and end up feeling lonely forever. *grimace**sob*
"Before I Fall In Love"
My heart says we've got something real
Can I trust the way I feel
'Cause my heart's been fooled before
Am I just seeing what I want to see
Or is it true, could you really be
Someone to have and hold
With my heart and soul
I need to know, before I fall in love
Someone who'll stay around
Through all my ups and downs
Please tell me now, before I fall in love
I'm at the point of on return
So afraid of getting bumed
But I want to take a chance
Oh please, give me a reason to believe
Say you're the one, that you'll always be
It's been so hard for me to give my heart away
But I would give my everything, just to hear you say (you're)
《心旅》
悠悠如云年轻彷徨的心，飘然来到黄城里。
真诚尝试寻觅什么，添满空白的心灵。
情感找到归依，华初温暖轻扶我心。
点起一盏引路的灯，不再迷惘。
扬起心灵的风帆，朝着梦想起航。
旭日暖意陪伴我，歌颂黄城地动人。
转瞬间心灵的交错，闪眸映出真心你我。
哪怕路多长，浪多高，我们不曾动摇。
转瞬间心灵的交错，闪眸映出真心你我。
哪怕路多长，浪多高，我们不曾动摇。
ahh, i miss those HC days. and i miss singing these songs which are written for and sung by hwa chong-ians. now, hwa chong is no longer a JC, and i am quite upset by the change in its name. i guess that gives me even more reason to keep those brown "sandpaper" shorts with HJC or HCJC printed on it.
looking back at those times, feel like i am so so old now. haiz, never make full use of those times. although HC not famous for producing cute guys, there were a few outstanding ones in my batch. (and most of them wear kaki shorts in the first 3 months...) now, 4 years later..it's all too late.
that's the bad thing about studying overseas. uni days are the best times to mix around with the opposite gender and do some "research" on what guys are good or bad. getting stuck in a foreign land minimise that chance to almost nothing. especially since i feel 'kosong' attraction to non-Singaporean guys. sighz...
so many people have been telling to look for "The One" when i start working (and often emphasising on that fact that i'll be working alongside DOCTORS) but working life is so busy. where got time to go 'paktor' (dating)??
oh man,such depressing thoughts. serves me right for coming over here lah. could have done a science degree at NUS...hang around more guys and gals my age and continuing being Ms Ni teaching biology...but noooo, i chose to come over to b***** melbourne. shucks. now i am single...and turning 23 in 6.5 months...no dates, no guys *groan groan*
geez,i've just made myself sound damn desperate. wuahahaha. ah well, i guess it takes alot of effort and time to get used to singlehood. maybe i'll never get used to it...and end up feeling lonely forever. *grimace**sob*
"Before I Fall In Love"
My heart says we've got something real
Can I trust the way I feel
'Cause my heart's been fooled before
Am I just seeing what I want to see
Or is it true, could you really be
Someone to have and hold
With my heart and soul
I need to know, before I fall in love
Someone who'll stay around
Through all my ups and downs
Please tell me now, before I fall in love
I'm at the point of on return
So afraid of getting bumed
But I want to take a chance
Oh please, give me a reason to believe
Say you're the one, that you'll always be
It's been so hard for me to give my heart away
But I would give my everything, just to hear you say (you're)
i am atrocious. i woke up at 7am this morning, to have breakfast with germ and aiming to do some work before school starts at 11am. and what did i end up doing?
watching 3 episodes of korean drama!!!!!
well, my logic being that cos i am so hooked on it that the only way for me to stop thinking about what will happen next is to finish watching it. so i watched 3 episodes. with 10mins left before i have to leave home, i fast forward the last episode to see the ending. but, the ending wasn't exactly what i hoped to be...so, i came back from school, pop in the last episode and watch.
and although the ending wasn't as satisfying as i hoped, i got the ending i wanted - girl ended up with cute guy (refer to previous blog...) so, now the drama is out of my system, i can fully concentrate on my assignmentS. yes yes, i have 4 assignments to work on!
4 assignments!!!
well, that's the plan anyway. hopefully this time round, i can drag my hands away from putting a Jay concert VCD into my comp..drag my mouse away from clicking his songs on my winamp player..and shift my mind to the tasks at hand.
i am slacking way too much...cos i am stressed. going to Bodystep tmr. hopefully the exercise would let me sweat away some of the stress and let me do my assignment well. i am hooked on exercise now...hooked on the 'high' from endorphins.
i should update my "want" list...
hmm...4 down, 11 to go...*grimace*ah well, i guess i can't ask for too much eh?
ending this blog with one of my all time fav songs...
《爱相随》
别想你 忍不住我提醒自己
伤了心 有些事也要过去
心很痛 痛的不想再做我自己
别回头 情己去缘已尽
很想你 也不是因为失去你
爱了你 用尽我全心全力
一生情 只为这一次与你相遇
情难了 难再续难再醒
人分飞 爱相随 那怕用一生去追
我又怎么能追得回 与你相慰我为你痴
为你累 风雨我都不后悔
我又怎么有路可退 曾经深情 你给了谁我如何面对
watching 3 episodes of korean drama!!!!!
well, my logic being that cos i am so hooked on it that the only way for me to stop thinking about what will happen next is to finish watching it. so i watched 3 episodes. with 10mins left before i have to leave home, i fast forward the last episode to see the ending. but, the ending wasn't exactly what i hoped to be...so, i came back from school, pop in the last episode and watch.
and although the ending wasn't as satisfying as i hoped, i got the ending i wanted - girl ended up with cute guy (refer to previous blog...) so, now the drama is out of my system, i can fully concentrate on my assignmentS. yes yes, i have 4 assignments to work on!
4 assignments!!!
well, that's the plan anyway. hopefully this time round, i can drag my hands away from putting a Jay concert VCD into my comp..drag my mouse away from clicking his songs on my winamp player..and shift my mind to the tasks at hand.
i am slacking way too much...cos i am stressed. going to Bodystep tmr. hopefully the exercise would let me sweat away some of the stress and let me do my assignment well. i am hooked on exercise now...hooked on the 'high' from endorphins.
i should update my "want" list...
1. play badminton
2. spend quality 1-1 time with my housemate
3. buy a pair of jeans and/or a new belt
4. go on a trip during my june break
5. lose more weight without looking anorexic (ie lose the fats and keep the muscles)
6. get asked out on a date (the full package...flowers, dinner, movie etc...)
7. go dancing and actually be good at it...
8. sleep well every night
9. stop overeating
10. have a free makeover and closet overhaul
11. have non-frizzy and dry hair so everyday is a good hair day
hmm...4 down, 11 to go...*grimace*ah well, i guess i can't ask for too much eh?
ending this blog with one of my all time fav songs...
《爱相随》
别想你 忍不住我提醒自己
伤了心 有些事也要过去
心很痛 痛的不想再做我自己
别回头 情己去缘已尽
很想你 也不是因为失去你
爱了你 用尽我全心全力
一生情 只为这一次与你相遇
情难了 难再续难再醒
人分飞 爱相随 那怕用一生去追
我又怎么能追得回 与你相慰我为你痴
为你累 风雨我都不后悔
我又怎么有路可退 曾经深情 你给了谁我如何面对
That's Amore Dean Martin
(In Napoli where love is King)
(When boy meets girl)
(Here's what they say)
When the moon hits your eye
Like a big-a pizza pie That's amore
When the world seems to shine
Like you've had too much wine That's amore
Bells'll ring Ting-a-ling-a-ling Ting-a-ling-a-ling
And you'll sing "Vita bella"
Hearts'll play Tippi-tippi-tay Tippi-tippi-tay
Like a gay tarantella
When the stars make you drool
Joost-a like pasta fazool That's amore
When you dance down the street
With a cloud at your feet, you're in love
When you walk in a dream
But you know you're not dreamin', signore
'Scusami, but you see Back in old Napoli, that's amore
This song is very cute. and it's hilarious when germ and i blast it at the same time (of course hers sound so much better with her sub-woofer) and the two of us crooning on MSN. yes, we get abit crazy sometimes. :P
Korean dramas are weird. couples in korean dramas don't act like couples. they don't sit close to each other..they don't even hold hands!
and the korean drama i am watching now has me hooked on it. i am suffering from withdrawal symptoms right now. cos the last episode i watched ended with the guy telling the girl he likes her (and i really want them to be together but a gut feeling tells me it's not going to be so......) the scene was so sweet. the girl was ranting about how she was just dumped and the guy who dumped her could be the only guy who likes her. and then the other guy then asked her,"what about me?" she gave a huh-wth-u-talking-abt look..and then the guy hugged her..and whispered into her ears,"i've liked you for a long time. silly girl, do you really not know?"
*melt melt melt, like butter on hot stove
oh my oh my...how i wish that would happen to me. and the setting is so right..in the middle of a themepark with a fountain in the background. SIGHZ!!!the only themepark in singapore is so pathetically small and fountainless..so i guess this is yet another dream that would not come true.
argh, i am living in yet another fantasy. i am jumping from one to another. first there was 书桓, then there was 永琪，then came the biggest fantasy of all, JAY CHOU. and now, one more to add to my collection. the korean guy in this show is cute...and i like the character he portray.
geez, if i go on like that any longer, i'd lose my mind and start hallucinating. yikes...maybe it's just that i need to sleep cos my neck and back are k.i.l.l.i.n.g. me, one vertebrae at a time...
(In Napoli where love is King)
(When boy meets girl)
(Here's what they say)
When the moon hits your eye
Like a big-a pizza pie That's amore
When the world seems to shine
Like you've had too much wine That's amore
Bells'll ring Ting-a-ling-a-ling Ting-a-ling-a-ling
And you'll sing "Vita bella"
Hearts'll play Tippi-tippi-tay Tippi-tippi-tay
Like a gay tarantella
When the stars make you drool
Joost-a like pasta fazool That's amore
When you dance down the street
With a cloud at your feet, you're in love
When you walk in a dream
But you know you're not dreamin', signore
'Scusami, but you see Back in old Napoli, that's amore
This song is very cute. and it's hilarious when germ and i blast it at the same time (of course hers sound so much better with her sub-woofer) and the two of us crooning on MSN. yes, we get abit crazy sometimes. :P
Korean dramas are weird. couples in korean dramas don't act like couples. they don't sit close to each other..they don't even hold hands!
and the korean drama i am watching now has me hooked on it. i am suffering from withdrawal symptoms right now. cos the last episode i watched ended with the guy telling the girl he likes her (and i really want them to be together but a gut feeling tells me it's not going to be so......) the scene was so sweet. the girl was ranting about how she was just dumped and the guy who dumped her could be the only guy who likes her. and then the other guy then asked her,"what about me?" she gave a huh-wth-u-talking-abt look..and then the guy hugged her..and whispered into her ears,"i've liked you for a long time. silly girl, do you really not know?"
*melt melt melt, like butter on hot stove
oh my oh my...how i wish that would happen to me. and the setting is so right..in the middle of a themepark with a fountain in the background. SIGHZ!!!the only themepark in singapore is so pathetically small and fountainless..so i guess this is yet another dream that would not come true.
argh, i am living in yet another fantasy. i am jumping from one to another. first there was 书桓, then there was 永琪，then came the biggest fantasy of all, JAY CHOU. and now, one more to add to my collection. the korean guy in this show is cute...and i like the character he portray.
geez, if i go on like that any longer, i'd lose my mind and start hallucinating. yikes...maybe it's just that i need to sleep cos my neck and back are k.i.l.l.i.n.g. me, one vertebrae at a time...
nothing like a fantastic saturday to end the week.
germ and i were in "hair-stylist" mode yesterday, doing each other's hair while watching a korean drama. and i've officially appointed her as my hair-stylist for physio ball this year (and i am also borrowing her black tube dress...and possibly her accessories too. this ball, i am turning up "sponsored by Germaine Tan", wuahaha)
and then, it was a drive to Ivanhoe to Jacintha's (third year physio) housewarming. the traffic jams along victoria street and hoddle street nearly drove all of us in Esther's car to insanity. but, luckily, Esther has Jay's 七里香 CD, and i felt much better sitting in a non-moving traffic for 45 mins. germ, yivern and i were singing along to him...and the enclosed space in esther's car made me feel so much closer to my fellow "university place"-ers.
Finally got to Jacintha's very pretty and cosy house, and proceeded to consume large amounts of scrumptious food. and then, cos my hair was all done up nicely (thank you germaine!), took lots of pictures with the gals. (for once, i actually look quite pretty..wuahahaha). while everyone else was playing games in the living room, wing, alicia, gin and i hid in the study getting massages and listening to Jay sing to us from a very fantastic speaker system. more photo taking, with weird poses and i was all blushing from the "Gretel you look pretty today" compliments from some of the gals. (thank you thank you..) then, it was time to leave....but still high from Jay and the yummy food, esther, wing, yivern and i didn't go home. we went to Crown for coffee/chocolate and cake...
hot choc at the cafe was a disppointment...so was the lemon tart. but the 3 hours at crown was the highlight for me. cos finally, i got to see the Crown fire, gigantic balls of heat and light bursting into the chilly night sky and as waves of heat sink and warm my shivering body with yivern by my side, i felt satisfied that another thing on my "want" list has been fulfilled...not once, not twice..but 3 times.
sitting there for 3 hours, the four of us chatted and laughed. we talked about many things...mainly relationship stuff. about wing and her long-ge...esther and her confusion...me and my break-up, yivern and her concept of self-sufficiency. if not for a stupid drunk ang moh who startled us by kicking into a metal garbage can (he was drunk, i presume), i think we could have sat there and chat for hours.
cold cold walk back to esther's car. along the way, with yivern holding on to my arm and the two of us trying to warm each other against the chilly winds, i let her in on my fears of never finding someone ever again....on my craving for a guy who can protect me from the cold, and shower me with attention and love. and both of us live in fantasies...hoping for that guy in the soppy drama serials (or that guy singing in a concert punctuated with dimpled-smiles...) to come into real life and fall madly in love with us (which explains my obsession with Jay lately...hehe)
returning back to my apt later than germaine for once...i tiptoed around the house...and enjoyed a warm shower. as i finally rested my head on the pillows with my quilt over me, as i lie there in the warm cocoon, i felt myself going to sleep with a smile on my face...
germ and i were in "hair-stylist" mode yesterday, doing each other's hair while watching a korean drama. and i've officially appointed her as my hair-stylist for physio ball this year (and i am also borrowing her black tube dress...and possibly her accessories too. this ball, i am turning up "sponsored by Germaine Tan", wuahaha)
and then, it was a drive to Ivanhoe to Jacintha's (third year physio) housewarming. the traffic jams along victoria street and hoddle street nearly drove all of us in Esther's car to insanity. but, luckily, Esther has Jay's 七里香 CD, and i felt much better sitting in a non-moving traffic for 45 mins. germ, yivern and i were singing along to him...and the enclosed space in esther's car made me feel so much closer to my fellow "university place"-ers.
Finally got to Jacintha's very pretty and cosy house, and proceeded to consume large amounts of scrumptious food. and then, cos my hair was all done up nicely (thank you germaine!), took lots of pictures with the gals. (for once, i actually look quite pretty..wuahahaha). while everyone else was playing games in the living room, wing, alicia, gin and i hid in the study getting massages and listening to Jay sing to us from a very fantastic speaker system. more photo taking, with weird poses and i was all blushing from the "Gretel you look pretty today" compliments from some of the gals. (thank you thank you..) then, it was time to leave....but still high from Jay and the yummy food, esther, wing, yivern and i didn't go home. we went to Crown for coffee/chocolate and cake...
hot choc at the cafe was a disppointment...so was the lemon tart. but the 3 hours at crown was the highlight for me. cos finally, i got to see the Crown fire, gigantic balls of heat and light bursting into the chilly night sky and as waves of heat sink and warm my shivering body with yivern by my side, i felt satisfied that another thing on my "want" list has been fulfilled...not once, not twice..but 3 times.
sitting there for 3 hours, the four of us chatted and laughed. we talked about many things...mainly relationship stuff. about wing and her long-ge...esther and her confusion...me and my break-up, yivern and her concept of self-sufficiency. if not for a stupid drunk ang moh who startled us by kicking into a metal garbage can (he was drunk, i presume), i think we could have sat there and chat for hours.
cold cold walk back to esther's car. along the way, with yivern holding on to my arm and the two of us trying to warm each other against the chilly winds, i let her in on my fears of never finding someone ever again....on my craving for a guy who can protect me from the cold, and shower me with attention and love. and both of us live in fantasies...hoping for that guy in the soppy drama serials (or that guy singing in a concert punctuated with dimpled-smiles...) to come into real life and fall madly in love with us (which explains my obsession with Jay lately...hehe)
returning back to my apt later than germaine for once...i tiptoed around the house...and enjoyed a warm shower. as i finally rested my head on the pillows with my quilt over me, as i lie there in the warm cocoon, i felt myself going to sleep with a smile on my face...
ever have the experience when you anticipate something so much that you end up feeling apprehensive about it?
i always do
just like how i looked forward to today's table tennis game so much, that last night, i started to feel that something would go wrong today. and i was right...something did go wrong - details of which i would not bore my reader with...but i hate it when i prove myself right regarding bad things. and as i was p***** off and fuming, i came up with a list of top 5 things i find myself unable to tolerate
1) waiting for someone who is already late, only to receive a call/sms that he/she would be even later.
2) not given a reason for letting me wait and wait (and wait and wait...)
3) plans getting cancelled last min with no good reason/explanation
4) backing out of plans last min (regardless of reason, it's just irritating when that happens)
5) the person in number 1) coming even later than what was mentioned in the call/sms
whenever something like that happens,i find myself burning with rage and uncontrolled anger. and to have 1+2+5 happen to me today bascially caused my blood pressure to hit near fatal levels.
and that was how i find myself "stomping" to uni for bodystep. all the pent up anger was not adequately released during the table tennis game. by the time i set up my step, i was all ready to jump-and-fly. the music started (britney's Toxic remixed) and as the beat and rhythm of the music infiltrate every single cell of my body, i let out as much of the fustration in me as i can physically. i panted, my knees ached and sweat drenched my t-shirt...but i felt soooooo much better.
walking out of sport centre, i remembered Tony said he goes to Union House for OCF. since i haven't seen him since his fracture, i thought i should stay around and see if i can bump into him. then,i ran into Joy...and the poor girl had to sit with me out in the cold and listened to me release more woes and misery verbally. (Thanks Joy!) got to meet Tony after that...he seem fine (and he thought i look better than what he thought...guess i am getting better with my acting-happy skills...)
so, theoretically speaking, i should be 'free' of anger now eh? well, i kinda am...but not really. cos today, it's not just abt being angry and not tolerating the above behaviors. today, my feelings were hurt...albeit in a very subtle way which no one would even noticed...but they were hurt.
i am an emotional wreck nowadays.spending every night staring at my room's ceiling...and then the sadness just comes and flood my room. then comes the loneliness...then the fear of facing tomorrow.day after day, night after night. my mind goes into overdrive and too much information gets processed.
i am unhappy. is that a sin? is that wrong? is that something i should be ashamed of? if it is, please tell me why...and if it's not...then please tell me why do i have to act like i am fine?
i always do
just like how i looked forward to today's table tennis game so much, that last night, i started to feel that something would go wrong today. and i was right...something did go wrong - details of which i would not bore my reader with...but i hate it when i prove myself right regarding bad things. and as i was p***** off and fuming, i came up with a list of top 5 things i find myself unable to tolerate
1) waiting for someone who is already late, only to receive a call/sms that he/she would be even later.
2) not given a reason for letting me wait and wait (and wait and wait...)
3) plans getting cancelled last min with no good reason/explanation
4) backing out of plans last min (regardless of reason, it's just irritating when that happens)
5) the person in number 1) coming even later than what was mentioned in the call/sms
whenever something like that happens,i find myself burning with rage and uncontrolled anger. and to have 1+2+5 happen to me today bascially caused my blood pressure to hit near fatal levels.
and that was how i find myself "stomping" to uni for bodystep. all the pent up anger was not adequately released during the table tennis game. by the time i set up my step, i was all ready to jump-and-fly. the music started (britney's Toxic remixed) and as the beat and rhythm of the music infiltrate every single cell of my body, i let out as much of the fustration in me as i can physically. i panted, my knees ached and sweat drenched my t-shirt...but i felt soooooo much better.
walking out of sport centre, i remembered Tony said he goes to Union House for OCF. since i haven't seen him since his fracture, i thought i should stay around and see if i can bump into him. then,i ran into Joy...and the poor girl had to sit with me out in the cold and listened to me release more woes and misery verbally. (Thanks Joy!) got to meet Tony after that...he seem fine (and he thought i look better than what he thought...guess i am getting better with my acting-happy skills...)
so, theoretically speaking, i should be 'free' of anger now eh? well, i kinda am...but not really. cos today, it's not just abt being angry and not tolerating the above behaviors. today, my feelings were hurt...albeit in a very subtle way which no one would even noticed...but they were hurt.
i am an emotional wreck nowadays.spending every night staring at my room's ceiling...and then the sadness just comes and flood my room. then comes the loneliness...then the fear of facing tomorrow.day after day, night after night. my mind goes into overdrive and too much information gets processed.
i am unhappy. is that a sin? is that wrong? is that something i should be ashamed of? if it is, please tell me why...and if it's not...then please tell me why do i have to act like i am fine?
being alone can do weird things to your mind. like how i am having dinner alone just now (and watching everybody loves raymond) and all of a sudden, i feel a presence in the apartment. a familiar presence, someone who have come to this apt before. i got a tingling sensation down my spine, similar to the kind i get when i have a sense of deja vu. *bbbrrrrrrrrrr* looked up from my pork porridge and saw the empty and dark hallway. nobody... *bbbbbbbbbbbrrrrrrrrrrr*
went for a 4-hour exercise class practical thingie today. for an hour,we just sat and listened to this physio-fitness instructor tell us how to come up with an aerobics class. after that, it was almost 3 hours of aerobics and practising how to coordinate exercise to music. i think i've done more than 100 leg curls, side steps, grapevines,heel digs etc etc etc. although my legs feels wobbly now, the endorphins streaming through my head is making me very high. i actually feel quite relaxed and contented..
arrgh, my blog entries getting crappier. probably cos i am getting more stressed with the loads of assignments coming up. feel like watching a movie...kingdom of heaven looks quite good, and joy said hitchhiker's guide is nice too...hmm...movies anyone?
and i wanna go see the crown fire. haven't seen it yet this year. on a cold cold night, watching the huge balls of fire shoot into the darken sky, and feeling that swish of warm air descending down onto my body, like a giant blanket..or a big big hug, chasing away the harsh cold of loneliness, and the aching in my heart. *sighz* such a romantic thing to do with someone special....*sniffle*
《倒带》
曲：周杰伦 词：方文山
我受够了等待 你所谓的安排 说的未来到底多久才来
总是要来不及才知道我可爱 我想依赖而你却都不在
应该开心的地带 你给的全是空白
一个人假日发呆 找不到人陪我看海
我在幸福的门外 却一直都进不来
你累积给的伤害 我是真的很难释怀
终于看开爱回不来 而你总是太晚明白
最后才把话说开 哭着求我留下来
终于看开爱回不来 我们面前太多阻碍
你的手却放不开 宁愿没出息求我别离开
你总是要我乖 慢慢计划将来 我的眼泪却一直掉下来
过去怎么交代 你该给的信赖 被你亲手缓缓推入悬崖
从我脸上的苍白 看到记忆慢下来
过去甜蜜在倒带 只是感觉已经不在
而我对你的期待 被你一次次摔坏
已经碎成太多块 要怎么拼凑跟重来
went for a 4-hour exercise class practical thingie today. for an hour,we just sat and listened to this physio-fitness instructor tell us how to come up with an aerobics class. after that, it was almost 3 hours of aerobics and practising how to coordinate exercise to music. i think i've done more than 100 leg curls, side steps, grapevines,heel digs etc etc etc. although my legs feels wobbly now, the endorphins streaming through my head is making me very high. i actually feel quite relaxed and contented..
arrgh, my blog entries getting crappier. probably cos i am getting more stressed with the loads of assignments coming up. feel like watching a movie...kingdom of heaven looks quite good, and joy said hitchhiker's guide is nice too...hmm...movies anyone?
and i wanna go see the crown fire. haven't seen it yet this year. on a cold cold night, watching the huge balls of fire shoot into the darken sky, and feeling that swish of warm air descending down onto my body, like a giant blanket..or a big big hug, chasing away the harsh cold of loneliness, and the aching in my heart. *sighz* such a romantic thing to do with someone special....*sniffle*
《倒带》
曲：周杰伦 词：方文山
我受够了等待 你所谓的安排 说的未来到底多久才来
总是要来不及才知道我可爱 我想依赖而你却都不在
应该开心的地带 你给的全是空白
一个人假日发呆 找不到人陪我看海
我在幸福的门外 却一直都进不来
你累积给的伤害 我是真的很难释怀
终于看开爱回不来 而你总是太晚明白
最后才把话说开 哭着求我留下来
终于看开爱回不来 我们面前太多阻碍
你的手却放不开 宁愿没出息求我别离开
你总是要我乖 慢慢计划将来 我的眼泪却一直掉下来
过去怎么交代 你该给的信赖 被你亲手缓缓推入悬崖
从我脸上的苍白 看到记忆慢下来
过去甜蜜在倒带 只是感觉已经不在
而我对你的期待 被你一次次摔坏
已经碎成太多块 要怎么拼凑跟重来
theory block makes me blog way too much.
i guess having too much time at school (and feeling too lazy to do anything else) inspires me to talk alot of crap.
i miss hanging out with 4th years. joy and lauren has made my apt the designated Lunch Time Hangout Place. with 2 hours for lunch, we just trot back to my apt, laze around on the air mattress and futon and listen to radio, seeking inspiration for our music selection for our exercise class. and i love lunchtime with them, makes me feel less old.....and more belonged.
just read sikeng's tag...this world is indeed very very small. i've realised that when i come over to melbourne..and then meet someone who would then tell me "oh, you know so-and-so! he/she is my cousin/primary school friend/OCS buddy/platoon-mate etc...." kinda freaks me out at times, esp when i never see it coming at all. but i guess it's nice to know that everyone is connected to each other some way or another.
time is catching up with me. i felt like i've aged alot. i'm serious. now when i look into the mirror, i can see my facial lines so much more clearly, and my skin is starting to sag. oh man, the process of aging has finally found its way onto my skin. no longer would i look younger than my 20+ years on planet Earth...*sob* and i am having trouble staying up late and waking up early. it feels so much scarier to turn 23 than to turn 22. i dunno why. maybe cos when i turn 23, i'd be all alone...and about to step into the working world.
too many possibilities......too many uncertaintities
yikes. practical time...1 hour of letting someone handle my neck and head. *yawn*
i guess having too much time at school (and feeling too lazy to do anything else) inspires me to talk alot of crap.
i miss hanging out with 4th years. joy and lauren has made my apt the designated Lunch Time Hangout Place. with 2 hours for lunch, we just trot back to my apt, laze around on the air mattress and futon and listen to radio, seeking inspiration for our music selection for our exercise class. and i love lunchtime with them, makes me feel less old.....and more belonged.
just read sikeng's tag...this world is indeed very very small. i've realised that when i come over to melbourne..and then meet someone who would then tell me "oh, you know so-and-so! he/she is my cousin/primary school friend/OCS buddy/platoon-mate etc...." kinda freaks me out at times, esp when i never see it coming at all. but i guess it's nice to know that everyone is connected to each other some way or another.
time is catching up with me. i felt like i've aged alot. i'm serious. now when i look into the mirror, i can see my facial lines so much more clearly, and my skin is starting to sag. oh man, the process of aging has finally found its way onto my skin. no longer would i look younger than my 20+ years on planet Earth...*sob* and i am having trouble staying up late and waking up early. it feels so much scarier to turn 23 than to turn 22. i dunno why. maybe cos when i turn 23, i'd be all alone...and about to step into the working world.
too many possibilities......too many uncertaintities
yikes. practical time...1 hour of letting someone handle my neck and head. *yawn*
《孤单的人总说无所谓》
我的心真的累了 难道你一点也看不见
解决再多也不能改变 感情不能靠我一个人挽回
开始学着不要人陪 假装孤单也是一种美
大街上的情人双双对对 让我看得心愈来愈碎
孤单的人总说无所谓 其实心里一直在下雪
总是希望有个人能够敝开我心扉 让我在他怀里找到安慰
孤单的人总说无所谓 一直独自整理所有伤悲
掩饰心中的感觉强忍眼角的泪水 聚聚散散 不愿说后悔
孤单的人总说无所谓 其实心里不停在下雪
只能希望有个人试着敝开我心扉 让我在他怀里 找到安慰
孤单的人总说无所谓 还是独自整理所有伤悲
掩饰心中的感觉强忍眼角的泪水 聚聚散散 不愿说后悔
埋藏心中的感觉擦干眼角的泪水 聚聚散散 不愿说后悔
这首歌，唱出了我的心声，写出了我的感慨，描述了我的无奈。
我的心真的累了 难道你一点也看不见
解决再多也不能改变 感情不能靠我一个人挽回
开始学着不要人陪 假装孤单也是一种美
大街上的情人双双对对 让我看得心愈来愈碎
孤单的人总说无所谓 其实心里一直在下雪
总是希望有个人能够敝开我心扉 让我在他怀里找到安慰
孤单的人总说无所谓 一直独自整理所有伤悲
掩饰心中的感觉强忍眼角的泪水 聚聚散散 不愿说后悔
孤单的人总说无所谓 其实心里不停在下雪
只能希望有个人试着敝开我心扉 让我在他怀里 找到安慰
孤单的人总说无所谓 还是独自整理所有伤悲
掩饰心中的感觉强忍眼角的泪水 聚聚散散 不愿说后悔
埋藏心中的感觉擦干眼角的泪水 聚聚散散 不愿说后悔
这首歌，唱出了我的心声，写出了我的感慨，描述了我的无奈。
i am now a truly converted Jay Chou fan.
first, i hated him. that was back in 2001 when i first heard his songs and couldn't figure out what in the world he is singing. when everybody was going "JIE LUN!!!", i totally couldn't understand what's so great abt this guy?
no looks, unimpressive voice, intelligible songs...*thumbs down
then, back in first year, peiling and eugene introduced the first Jay song i like "Jian Dan Ai". Peiling showed me the MTV, and i finally can read for myself what wonderful lyrics his songs have. My ice cold heart melted a little bit...and peiling transferred more songs into my comp..and the more i listen, the more i like his songs ("shi jie mo ri", "long juan feng", "ke ai nu ren","kai bu liao kou"........)
no looks, okay voice, b.e.a.u.t.i.f.u.l. lyrics...*shrug shoulder
so from 1st to end of 2nd year, i started my little Jay collection on my comp. somewhere along the way, wp discovered Jolin's new album, which have quite a few songs written by Jay. and i fell in love with those songs (while wp and edwin fell in love with jolin *snigger)...then, 3rd year came around and i got to know Jay fanatics - Germ and Wing. Germ was the one who introduced me to even more songs (thanks to Wing who lent Germ her new Jay album). and his new songs 100% thawed my heart.
ok looks, good voice, simply-fantastic lyrics, wonderous melodies...*thumbs up
then came 4th year and my Jay collection grew *blush* i was 90% converted already. going to clinics became more tolerable because he was singing to me all the way from my mp3 player. i love his voice, and i love his songs. the final ritual to complete my conversion? Ruby and her Jay Chou 2004 concert VCD. 2 weeks ago, in her living room and on her extremely huge TV, Jay gave a smile, and i melted into a puddle of human flesh. he has dimples...and i am such a loser when it comes to guys with dimples *blush blush blush.
cute guy, great voice, excellent songs, mind-blowing muscial talents...*screaming "JIE LUN"
he had me glued to my laptop screen yesterday...cos deares ruby gave me a copy of his concert VCD. and more than once, when he glanced into that camera, i felt like i've been electrocuted and my heart rate going up. and as he sings and his voice filled my ears, i wanted to be transported into that fantasy-land where i can actually meet him in person (and maybe he'll fall in love with me...wuahahaha..ok ok, my imagination is going way off...)
sigh. here i am, fantasising about meeting a guy who is way beyond me. if i live in a hollywood movie, i might still have a slight chance. but, this ain't hollywood...it's melbourne. and sadly, i have to return to reality - sitting in a lecture theatre and listening to boring lectures *groan
but, right now, as i am sitting in the comp lab typing this entry, Jay is singing from my mp3 player. for the next 30 mins, i am a happy girl. *grin grin grin
first, i hated him. that was back in 2001 when i first heard his songs and couldn't figure out what in the world he is singing. when everybody was going "JIE LUN!!!", i totally couldn't understand what's so great abt this guy?
no looks, unimpressive voice, intelligible songs...*thumbs down
then, back in first year, peiling and eugene introduced the first Jay song i like "Jian Dan Ai". Peiling showed me the MTV, and i finally can read for myself what wonderful lyrics his songs have. My ice cold heart melted a little bit...and peiling transferred more songs into my comp..and the more i listen, the more i like his songs ("shi jie mo ri", "long juan feng", "ke ai nu ren","kai bu liao kou"........)
no looks, okay voice, b.e.a.u.t.i.f.u.l. lyrics...*shrug shoulder
so from 1st to end of 2nd year, i started my little Jay collection on my comp. somewhere along the way, wp discovered Jolin's new album, which have quite a few songs written by Jay. and i fell in love with those songs (while wp and edwin fell in love with jolin *snigger)...then, 3rd year came around and i got to know Jay fanatics - Germ and Wing. Germ was the one who introduced me to even more songs (thanks to Wing who lent Germ her new Jay album). and his new songs 100% thawed my heart.
ok looks, good voice, simply-fantastic lyrics, wonderous melodies...*thumbs up
then came 4th year and my Jay collection grew *blush* i was 90% converted already. going to clinics became more tolerable because he was singing to me all the way from my mp3 player. i love his voice, and i love his songs. the final ritual to complete my conversion? Ruby and her Jay Chou 2004 concert VCD. 2 weeks ago, in her living room and on her extremely huge TV, Jay gave a smile, and i melted into a puddle of human flesh. he has dimples...and i am such a loser when it comes to guys with dimples *blush blush blush.
cute guy, great voice, excellent songs, mind-blowing muscial talents...*screaming "JIE LUN"
he had me glued to my laptop screen yesterday...cos deares ruby gave me a copy of his concert VCD. and more than once, when he glanced into that camera, i felt like i've been electrocuted and my heart rate going up. and as he sings and his voice filled my ears, i wanted to be transported into that fantasy-land where i can actually meet him in person (and maybe he'll fall in love with me...wuahahaha..ok ok, my imagination is going way off...)
sigh. here i am, fantasising about meeting a guy who is way beyond me. if i live in a hollywood movie, i might still have a slight chance. but, this ain't hollywood...it's melbourne. and sadly, i have to return to reality - sitting in a lecture theatre and listening to boring lectures *groan
but, right now, as i am sitting in the comp lab typing this entry, Jay is singing from my mp3 player. for the next 30 mins, i am a happy girl. *grin grin grin
last night was...mentally traumatic.
arriving back in my room after a steaming bowl of tangyuan (thanks to Gin and Yivern), swtiching on my comp and proceeding to my usual blog-reading spree. first stop, Germ's blog.
should have made that the last one...cos after i read the blog, my mood hit rock bottom, and uncontrollable tears and sobs wrecked through my whole body. it felt worse than when i first broke up with HW. it's a combination of everything that had gone wrong..and everything that can go wrong. battered...torn...watever word i choose to describe how i am is just too much of an understatement...so i just sat on my bed, and the dam was broken.
i cried...i broke down...i burned out
and that was how germ found me. face wet and still streaking with freshly flowing tears, hair in a mess, sobbing and shaking from deep within. and that was when i knew i had to say out how i feel. even if it means that i have to face whatever consequences that would befall me for being a petty bitch.
silence fell upon us most of the time. i admit i shouldn't have kept my feelings to myself...but i as too afraid to tell her, too afraid to make things worse... so, i chose to hide beneath a mask - a poorly made mask for the matter.and i chose to run. running away from the one place that i can call 'home' in this foreign land.
i've always been transparent when it comes to how i am feeling...but what i am thinking, that usually remains locked up until that moment comes and the lock is broken.
and that was yesterday
i ranted and raved to Ruby (whom i must very sincerely thank for keeping me company on that stroll along yarra river), then i sighed and moaned to Gin and Yivern. as if all these were to prepare me for that big outburst. and apart from the hurt and anger i felt for the past few weeks, i felt a deep sense of guilt...stabbing into my soul and laying a curse onto myself.
a curse that may never be lifted...a curse that would make me unhappy forever...
and this morning, my eyes felt like golf balls and my head throbs. my throat feels as dry as the Sahara...and my heart is still aching from the previous night's "bashing". would things be alright now? i dunno...and part of me really dun wanna find out.
because i can't deal with more disappointment, more broken promises...
for some, each day brings new hope...
for me, each day brings new doubts...and a very familiar sense of apprehension to what would happen..and what can happen.
arriving back in my room after a steaming bowl of tangyuan (thanks to Gin and Yivern), swtiching on my comp and proceeding to my usual blog-reading spree. first stop, Germ's blog.
should have made that the last one...cos after i read the blog, my mood hit rock bottom, and uncontrollable tears and sobs wrecked through my whole body. it felt worse than when i first broke up with HW. it's a combination of everything that had gone wrong..and everything that can go wrong. battered...torn...watever word i choose to describe how i am is just too much of an understatement...so i just sat on my bed, and the dam was broken.
i cried...i broke down...i burned out
and that was how germ found me. face wet and still streaking with freshly flowing tears, hair in a mess, sobbing and shaking from deep within. and that was when i knew i had to say out how i feel. even if it means that i have to face whatever consequences that would befall me for being a petty bitch.
silence fell upon us most of the time. i admit i shouldn't have kept my feelings to myself...but i as too afraid to tell her, too afraid to make things worse... so, i chose to hide beneath a mask - a poorly made mask for the matter.and i chose to run. running away from the one place that i can call 'home' in this foreign land.
i've always been transparent when it comes to how i am feeling...but what i am thinking, that usually remains locked up until that moment comes and the lock is broken.
and that was yesterday
i ranted and raved to Ruby (whom i must very sincerely thank for keeping me company on that stroll along yarra river), then i sighed and moaned to Gin and Yivern. as if all these were to prepare me for that big outburst. and apart from the hurt and anger i felt for the past few weeks, i felt a deep sense of guilt...stabbing into my soul and laying a curse onto myself.
a curse that may never be lifted...a curse that would make me unhappy forever...
and this morning, my eyes felt like golf balls and my head throbs. my throat feels as dry as the Sahara...and my heart is still aching from the previous night's "bashing". would things be alright now? i dunno...and part of me really dun wanna find out.
because i can't deal with more disappointment, more broken promises...
for some, each day brings new hope...
for me, each day brings new doubts...and a very familiar sense of apprehension to what would happen..and what can happen.
sunday...the day to rest and recuperate...the day to feel relaxed and happy...the day to enjoy before monday comes around.
so why am i sitting in front of my comp, doing EBPP assignment and listening to sad love songs?
wish i have transport concession, then i can go down to st kilda's...walk through the art market and eat ice cream on the beach, all without blowing a huge hole in my already "holey" pocket.
suddenly wishing i have a car...then i can just escape whenever i feel suffocated in my room. then again, going out alone isn't fun. haiz...lose-lose situation eh?
it is at times like this when i wish i have someone. desperado huh?? yeah,i admit i can get pretty desperate when i am feeling lonely..wuahahaha. but hey, i'm only human..and i'm a gal. i need a basic dosage of attention too. while i've been showering attention on people around me, i'm deprived of attention. sooner or later, i'm gonna run out of attention for others...and then what?
still remember when i was young, my mum would tell me that if i treat other people nicely, they'd treat me the same way too. now, i wonder if that's just something she said so i'll be nice to her. cos right now, i am indignant at the amount of mistreatment i've been receiving...from supervisors to patients, from friends to total strangers on the tram. what happened to 好心有好报？what happened to what goes around comes around?
i dun like being in the apartment and craving to go out...only thing stopping me is that i have no idea where to go. hmm....a rhumba-frappe from starbucks sounds good...or hot choc at KoKo Black...or sushi from Chinatown...
or even just...having someone to walk by my side down swanston street...chatting...and maybe holding hands? argh..too much romance going on around me...i'm jealous...
i feel blue...blue like the cloudless sky...blue like the ocean...and blue-er than i thought i can be. *sniffle
so why am i sitting in front of my comp, doing EBPP assignment and listening to sad love songs?
wish i have transport concession, then i can go down to st kilda's...walk through the art market and eat ice cream on the beach, all without blowing a huge hole in my already "holey" pocket.
suddenly wishing i have a car...then i can just escape whenever i feel suffocated in my room. then again, going out alone isn't fun. haiz...lose-lose situation eh?
it is at times like this when i wish i have someone. desperado huh?? yeah,i admit i can get pretty desperate when i am feeling lonely..wuahahaha. but hey, i'm only human..and i'm a gal. i need a basic dosage of attention too. while i've been showering attention on people around me, i'm deprived of attention. sooner or later, i'm gonna run out of attention for others...and then what?
still remember when i was young, my mum would tell me that if i treat other people nicely, they'd treat me the same way too. now, i wonder if that's just something she said so i'll be nice to her. cos right now, i am indignant at the amount of mistreatment i've been receiving...from supervisors to patients, from friends to total strangers on the tram. what happened to 好心有好报？what happened to what goes around comes around?
i dun like being in the apartment and craving to go out...only thing stopping me is that i have no idea where to go. hmm....a rhumba-frappe from starbucks sounds good...or hot choc at KoKo Black...or sushi from Chinatown...
or even just...having someone to walk by my side down swanston street...chatting...and maybe holding hands? argh..too much romance going on around me...i'm jealous...
i feel blue...blue like the cloudless sky...blue like the ocean...and blue-er than i thought i can be. *sniffle
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