If you don't wanna do it, don't force yourself.

I am a BTB, not an autocratic freak.

If I know you are doing it out of obligation, I wont't feel happy about it.
If I know you are doing it because you think it will make me happy by doing so, then let me tell you now:

I am not happy just because you are doing it.

如果你认为我是这样的人，是一个不顾别人感受，只顾自己要不要、喜欢不喜欢的那种人，
你错了。

Yes, it is my special day.
And I want to make it as special as I can.

But I do not want to do it at the expense of others.

More important for me, is for you to come and share the joy...
To be truly happy, to enjoy the event.

If doing what I ask you to do is going to make you unhappy..then please don't agree to do it just because you think it'll make me happy.

对我来说，你们的快乐，比一个完美的婚礼重要。
因为你们的快乐，会让我跟着开心起来。

我不需要你们牺牲。
不想做，请直说。

因为亲爱的朋友们，勉强是没有幸福的。
所以，不要勉强自己。

你们的勉强，只让我更难过。

~宁为玉碎，不为瓦全~

What do I want?

WHAT do i want?

I wish I know how to answer the question...

Then maybe I won't feel so trapped when people ask me the question...

So many things which I want that I am not going to get
And now, I no longer care what I want

Because I've lived so long not getting what I want,
And never having what I want means I won't miss not having it...

Or so I tell myself..

Someone told me that if I don't say what I want, then I won't get it..
Someone also told me that I have to go figure out what I want...

I only know what I don't want..
But that's not good enough, is it?

Because if I can't get what I want, I get upset and it affects people around me...

How about abit of a paradigm shift?

I'm upset now because I'm not getting what I want,
But because I am getting what I don't want...
And people are affecting me by giving me things which I do not want

Makes sense?

At least it makes perfect sense to me...

So pardon me for always finding ways and means to avoid..
Rather than spending the effort on achieving..
Because in my world, not getting what I don't want...
Is perhaps the one thing I want which I can properly verbalize...
And the one thing which I actively work to achieve...

你不闻不问，活在自己的世界里。
当别人需要你的帮助，你拒绝。
你甚至批评需要帮助的这个人为何多此一举。

你以前，不是这样的。
至少，我记得的你，不是这样的。

你的变化，让我心寒。

我告诉自己，你不值得我这样伤心难过。
两个人曾经对我说过：
If you can't handle the answer, then don't ask.
If you ask, be prepared to hear 'No'.

可是，这次让我难过的，不是你那一句不愿意。
而是你的不在乎。你的冷漠。
你看不见别人的痛苦。
你听不见别人的呼唤。

你只知道你不要，你不想，所以就不管别人，只要自己快乐、舒服就好。


也许，是我一直都对你抱着太高的期望。
毕竟，你曾是我很崇拜的人。
或许，现在的你,是因为某些阴影让你不想再在乎。
毕竟，我也活在同样的阴影里。

尝试去了解你的观点，你的想法。
但是，我办不到。
竟然你搬移到了另一个国度。
希望你在那里，会快乐，会幸福。
也希望你不要再把会让别人痛苦和难过的话语和行为，留在我的国度里。