overwhelmed

went to the dentist yesterday for my wisdom tooth extraction. sitting in that dentist chair, with a improvised eye shade plunging me into almost-total oblivion to what the dentist is doing...listening to the drilling and cracking sounds as the dentist try and get my stubborn tooth out of it socket and enduring the ache in my already-injured TMJ...

an experience which i hope i dun have to repeat

i think the worst part was when the dentist actually said,"eh, why cannot come out one?". and as he repeatedly cycle between the drill and what looked like a mini-crowbar from my limited visual field, determined to get that damned tooth out of my mouth, i really felt like jumping out of the chair and running home. and as the ache in my jaw gets worse from all the "construction" work in my mouth, i started to feel pain in my gum as well. the dentist did warn me that alternative nerve supply might not have been numbed by the local anaesthetic...so i raised my hand and he gave me a third shot of LA..decreasing the pain in my gum, but doing nothing for the ache in my jaw. all the while, i kept wishing that i had han wei by my side to hold my hand.

finally,it was all over. my wisdom tooth was cracked into 4 pieces before it grudgingly leaves my gum. now have 3 stitches in my mouth, left side of my face is kinda swollen and had to stick to soft diet for about a week. ah well, better to get it out now before it starts eroding the last molar on my left side.

the past few days have sort of been like a dream/nightmare. went to attend a wedding dinner in malaysia over the weekend...and then got my wisdom tooth out yesterday. somewhere along the way,talked to a friend and heard some pretty shocking and kinda sad news...and also helping my mum plan the renovation which my 20 years old HDB 5 room-A flat is about to undergo.

feeling sorry for a guy...feeling confused for a girl...feeling scared that what that is happening to them might happen to me...feeling fustrated with the renovation planning...feeling trapped between my parents and feeling pain in my mouth/jaw.

i can only seek comfort in han wei's arms...and in the trashy novels i'd borrow later from the library.

what about me?

just read germ's, wing's and joanna's blog. just realised that they had been having lotsa fun celebrating bdays...surprising the bday girls...

Just felt that pang of hurt and envy stab through my heart. Just remembered the only song i liked by Shannon Noll..

"What about me? It isn't fair. I've had enough and I want my share."

Han Wei's been trying to console me, reminding me that my family and he did remember my bday...that i should not keep dwelling on that fact that so many others had forgotten about me. in fact, a rare few other frens had remembered and due to distance, can only send their greetings via email or e cards.

Perhaps I am being greedy. Perhaps I should really just forget about this whole bday disappointment crap..i keep telling myself,'it's just turning 22...not as if it's my 21st or something.'

But this little voice keeps reminding me about all the previous bday celebrations +/- surprises i've thrown for people i care about in the past 3 years. and this little voice keeps asking,"so how come you don't get one?" i shut that damn voice up for a couple of hours..and then it finds its way back into my head.

What about me? What have i done to not deserve a good bday celebration just for me?

I cannot remember that last time when i have a bday cake that is for me only...don't ever recall any bday surprises...and not a single memory of a bday party that's thrown just for me...

with all this emotions going through me right now...maybe november is not my fav month after all.

caught in the rain part II

yesterday, i cycled alone to NUS to visit Han Wei, only to be caught in a drizzle when i was nearly there. crossing my fingers that the downpour would not hit till Han Wei and I arrive back at my place safe and dry, i waited for him in his room. and then,the "tink tink" sounds of rain drops hitting the rails outside his room found its way into my ear...and before i can say "wah liew!", the skies opened up and dumped gallons of water upon this tiny island.

when the rain eased a little, we decided to try our luck and cycle back. but, just as we were already out of his hall and about to embark on a wet and dirty journey home, that-person-up-there decided to dump more H2O on us. so we were sort of stuck under a covered walkway 50m from his room, getting wetter with each passsing second. in desperation, we even appealed to our deceased relatives to make the rain stop ( i know,doesn't make sense..but i was cold and miserable and desperate)...but i guess both of us are not blessed with the ability to communicate with the supernatural. so the rain keeps pouring...and when it eased just that little bit, we rushed back into his room and called my father for help to fetch us from NUS.

second time i am caught in the rain when i am out cycling...*ponder ponder*

oohh, i have a new template. not because i want to change my template, but because for no reason watsoever, a huge chunk of my template just vanished...right after i typed the previous entry. in desperation,i just chose one of the templates provided by Blogger...and then spent the last 2 days trying to change the very plain looking template into what it is now.

ok ok,maybe it's still really plain..but a plain girl like me dun really need a fancy blog.

my birthday?

22 November 1982 0621 hours

i was born

21 November 2004 1930 hours

i was celebrating my birthday (and my mother's lunar birthday) with my parents, brother, his gf and my other half. having buffet at Vienna located at United Square. Stuffing our faces with Jap food, seafood and other yummy stuff. Got a cool hat from my brother's gf and a new top from my mum.

22 Nov 2004 1104 hours

sitting in front of my comp, arguing with my mother about the pros and cons of keeping han wei company while he is studying for his exams...and whether to catch a movie the day before i leave for malaysia this friday.

don't ask me why i am aruging with my mum on my bday...don't ask me why i am not celebrating my bday with more people...don't even begin to ask me why i feel like i am choking on my own tears

on this special day of mine...i feel like crap.it's like any other day, with a bit more sadness and alot more disappointment...and that extra dash of loneliness.

happy birthday to me? yeah...i wish

vroom vrrooommm

went out for dinner with my father's good friend who happen to have a car. key point being he has a car...and i just got my driving license about 2 months ago

P plater + father's good friend + car = Gretel driving parents and friend home

i've never driven any other car except for the one i took all my lessons in. and i've never driven in Singapore...and i've never driven at night.

unfamiliar car + unfamiliar environment + night time = Gretel super-duper nervous

well,i did nearly knock over two indian ladies, cos i was careless and din check both sides of a zebra crossing. *blush blush blush*
but other then that,i think i did pretty well. even attempted to try to do reverse parking (a.k.a. reverse parallel park in Melbourne) under my father and his friend's guidance...though sadly,2 experienced drivers are unable to guide me correctly into a parking lot. i ended up parking in the middle of 2 parking lots. *blush blush blush*

so so,my first driving experience in Singapore.it was pretty ok...apart from the fact that i almost ran down 2 innoncent indians...if only my family has a car,then i can brush up on my driving (and parking) skills.

anyone willing to lend me their car?? *winkz*

caught in the rain

never realised how romantic it is to be caught in a tropical thunderstorm with the one i love.

there we were,cycling along penjuru road when all of a sudden,the slight drizzle transformed into a downpour.han wei and i had to take shelter at the void deck of one of the nearby HDB flat.

and as we were sitting there, drenched from the rain and just chatting and laughing while the skies pour down with endless amount of water, i feel complete.

rain in melbourne almost always send me into a fit of eccentricity,cursing the weather and grumbling non-stop. in addition,i feel more homesick and lovesick...because han wei loves the rain in melbourne. everytime the rain comes pelting down in melbourne,i feel my heart break a little bit.

rain in singapore is always a welcoming sight for me. and being caught in the rain with han wei just adds more romance to the atmosphere,turning what would have been a wet,grumpy Gretel into a happy,loved Shiyin.

many people asked me why i dun wanna consider working overseas. because only here on this tiny island, i really feel belonged. only here on this tiny island,i know no matter is it raining cats and dogs or scorching hot, i would always still feel that i am home.

that thin line

i'm a girl lost in that thin line between love and hate,right and wrong,good and bad.

my priorities in life have been taken from me,thrown into a blender and then blended into a disgusting mix which i am being forced to drink.

i feel sick,nauseated and at the verge of insanity.

what used to be so crystal clear is now murkier than the Yarra River and Yellow River combined.

i'm like a child left in the middle of a busy intersection. not knowing where to go, yet knowing that any single step taken means disaster.

once upon a time,life had been easy...it had been a beautiful journey.

now,all i see is a grey fog,obscuring my vision and stopping me from finding my way.

the day i cycled to NUS

yesterday,on a spur of unknown courage and determination,i asked my father to lead han wei and i to cycle to his hostel at NUS. FYI,i live in bukit batok,which is actually not too far from NUS at Kent Ridge,about a 20 minutes bus ride away.

so,the three of us set off into the hot and searing late morning sun,my father leading,followed by han wei and then me. oh,did i mention my father actually cycles to esplanade (about a 45 mins train ride from my place) and once cycled to changi point(about an hour train ride and 30 minutes bus ride)? so of course,cycling to NUS is probably chickent feed to him, and han wei(who keeps claiming he's gone fat but has actually lost weight. *grrrrrr*)

as for me,all the bodypump and bodystep i've done misled myself into thinking that i am actually quite fit. boy was i wrong...

actually,the initial part was quite alright cos it was pretty much cycling on almost completely flat road. my quads were sort of aching abit cos it was going through endurance training which it has not been exposed to for 4 months,but i was pretty ok. and then,the nightmare began as we approach NUS. NUS is built on Kent Ridge, which means it is a very hilly region. and the slopes are not just steep,they are very long, so i have to work really hard to keep my bicycle moving uphill. by the time i reach han wei's hostel,my quads were trembling and my heart rate has hit about 150bpm. i was gasping for oxygen and part of me wanted to just collapse onto the ground.

and then,in the evening,i had to cycle back to my place. fortunately,it was mainly downhill on the way back...but unfortunately,my quads were so fatigued from the earlier ride that it was pure pain and agony cycling, even on flat road. by the time i reach home,i had trouble standing up straight...and my ischial tuberosities are sore from sitting on the teeny bike seat. *ouchie*

but,i feel really good.been so long since i actually work my muscles that hard.and i do have a sense of achievement in knowing that i actually made my way to NUS based on my own manual strength. right now,strangely enough,my quads feel fine but my trapz are aching.

well,at least i am exercising and trying to keep those flabs off. especially with all the local cuisine i have been indulging since i've returned, cycling is probably the only way to keep my body as lean as possible.

next stop on my cycling endeavours? maybe han wei's place at woodlands...or as my father has challenged me, Changi Point *faint*

flying solo on SQ

after hearing edwin and jingfung and eugene praising Singapore Airlines time and again, this is the time i can really see for myself what the big fuss is all about.

turns out that the flight was comparable to all the other flights i took on QF or BA..and the food wasn't as good as i thought it would be. the chicken i had was so tough that when i started "sawing" it with my flimsy plastic knife,i made the whole meal table and the seat in front start vibrating. and they served frozen-hard mango ice cream which tasted more like orange flavour. but,i do admit the service was much nicer,probably cos they speak in the same way as i do (i.e. Singlish) :> and it was very nice to hear the captain say,"to all singaporeans returning,welcome home."

the more interesting part of my flight is this uncle and auntie sitting behind me. they were talking so loudly,i think the whole cabin can hear them. and they were talking in hokkien. re-enactment of part of their conversation with the stewardess:

Stewardess: what would you like to drink? orange juice, coffee or tea?"
Uncle:ORLENG ORLENG! i want ORLENG!! (orleng=orange juice in broken english)
Uncle asking auntie: ai lim xi mi? (what do you want to drink?)orleng ah si kopi? (orange or coffee?)
Auntie: ORLENG ORLENG!ORLENG eh sai liao (orange juice is fine)
Uncle to stewardess:2 ORLENG can already.

the above conversation was carried out at a decibel which i presume even the passengers in the first class seats can hear. but it was pretty funny. and the stewardess was trying so hard not to laugh out loud. that's kinda like my additional entertainment on board.

and i got to watch three movies which i really wanted to watch but can't bear to spend the money to go:the terminal, around the world in 80 days and dodgeball. enjoyed myself very much on the flight.

so,my experience on an SQ flight was pretty good. but i would say that it was any much more different than QF or BA.maybe it's just me lah.i dun have high standards for services while i am flying thousands of feet above sea level. get me to my destination safely, serve me food, provide me with movies and i am pretty much a satisfied customer.

pre-departure ramblings

i have new found respect for housewives and maids, part time or full time.

why?

because i have spent the whole of yesterday cleaning my apartment. now,i am not a dirty person.i clean my apartment weekly to keep it as clean as possible...well,i try to anyway. but,right now,i am having major aches in my latissimus dorsi, my pectorals are killing me, my biceps and triceps are in agony, my back is sort of in spasm,my quads are moaning with every step i take and my knee is creaking. all from the squatting/kneeling to clean the floor and cabinets,the numerous stepping up-down chair to clean the top shelves and the repetitive scrubbing motion my arms were doing for about 10 hours yesterday.

so i have no idea how maids/housewives do this kind of work everyday. i seriously,truly,from the bottom of my heart respect them. and i think they really deserve a big big round of applause

*clap**clap**clap**clap**clap**clap**clap**clap**clap**clap**clap**clap*

well well,this is the last time i am typing an entry into my blog in melbourne.the next entry would be typed on my wonderful desktop at home in Singapore with broadband connection. ahh..broadband,a luxury i dun have here.

i feel like i am walking around with a hanger in my mouth.i can't stop smiling. this sense of happiness keeps bubbling up from my heart right onto my face and splash itself into a huge grin that won't go away.

but,i haven't forgotten the others who are still mugging for their exams.
all the 2nd year gals,"good luck for your exams!!!! it'll be over soon, and hopefully i'll get to meet up with some of you in Singapore" :>

my last day in melbourne this year. the only tinge of sadness i can feel is that my apartment is now 'naked' without the posters and pictures. everything is now stored into boxes or luggages. it feels so so empty.and i am so so reluctant to vacate my beloved 3N10. sighz.

so with a pinch of nostalgia, a spoonful of excitement and a gallon of joy...i am heading home! woo hoo!

spotting questions

lesson learnt today?

never ever try to spot questions for exams

feeling so idiotic for trying to act smart and try and predict what questions are going to come out.and of course,whatever that i've studied really hard for din come out.and almost everything that i'd decided is not important came out for my exam.

so when i first read through the questions during the reading time,i wanted to gag and throw up the toast i had for breakfast.then i wanted to bawl my eyes out.then i realised that i was wasting time thinking of things that i cannot do.

so,i summon up every single brain cell i can activate to try and recall all the long-ago memories of the action of tibialis posterior and scaphoid fractures. my brain is now protesting by punching the inside of my skull with a sledgehammer *headache headache*

argh. i've learnt this lesson a long time ago. i guess someone-up-there decided to remind me that playing smart just means looking stupid. okie,lesson learnt again. next time,i'll just switch into Singaporean Kiasu Mode and study everything just as hard.

thinking about the exam is making me blue.better go mug for the one tomorrow. one more paper...JUST ONE MORE PAPER!!!

i can smell freedom...i can taste relaxation...i can almost feel that sense of release when the examiner says "stop writing" tomorrow. *grin grin grin*

my fav month of the year

november is my fav month of the year,for a very obvious reason :D and also cos it's the time of the year when it's ending but still not too sad that another year has ended.

the first day of november,and i had my first exam paper. 1 down...2 to go

and continuing the countdown, it's 5 more days to home!! a silly grin is now spreading across my face.

but right now...i have a major throbbing headache,my right forearm muscles are twitching from the superhuman writing speed i was forcing it to do during my 2 hour cardio paper...and my stomach is yelling and howling for food.

gotta walk back to my apt, eat lunch, maybe watch a couple of episodes of FRIENDS...

and then it's time to mug mug mug mug mug