过去，是不能挽回的后悔与无奈。

看着自己曾经走过的一段段路程，
有点想回到过去，
把错误都改正，
把遗憾减到最低点。

可是人的一生，
都从错误中学习 ，再从遗憾中找到目标。
错的，不要再犯。
遗憾的，现在要珍惜。

被动的我，往往把一切看成是命中注定。
错的，我后悔莫及。
遗憾的，我耿耿于怀。
直到今天，莫名其妙的想通了一些些。

不能改变的，我必须学会接受。
以前的错，希望会使我以后做对了。

也希望以前的遗憾，帮助了其他人得到了以后的幸福。

别人对我做的错，我气了好久好久。
慢慢熄灭怒火。
冷静下来。
回忆里的美丽风景已经被破坏。
但遗留下的空地，却是让我建立未来的肥沃土地。

all i wanna say is...

i'm going homei'm going homei'm going homei'm going homei'm going homei'm going home
i'm going homei'm going homei'm going homei'm going homei'm going homei'm going home
i'm going homei'm going homei'm going homei'm going homei'm going homei'm going home
i'm going homei'm going homei'm going homei'm going homei'm going homei'm going home
i'm going homei'm going homei'm going homei'm going homei'm going homei'm going home
i'm going homei'm going homei'm going homei'm going homei'm going homei'm going home

i'm going home!!

YAY!!

Cincinnati, Ohio, USA
0653am
08 Nov 2008

it's day 3 for me here...
actually, more like day 2 and 1/4
because i spent 3/4 of day 1 on the planes/airports

one would think that since i've been here for a couple of days already,
i'd have gotten used to being alone in a foreign country/city
that i'd have been so delirious from the freedom that i would be grinning cheek-cheek
but i'm not...
not used to talking to myself because there's no one else to talk to...
not used to seeing something interesting but there' s no one to share with...

i must have been kidding myself when i thought that i can handle being overseas by myself...
only for a week!
or so i told myself...

i forgot that when the only person you know is yourself and noone else..
24 hours drags on and on...
and on and on and on...

usually by this time on any other trip overseas,
i'll be feel kinda desolate that the trip is ending...
only 3 more days left!
holiday is half over!

yet now, all i feel is the mounting anticipation for tuesday morning to roll around..
when i am finally on the planes and transiting at airports...
and finally beginning my journey home...

sure..
sometimes i find myself enjoying my own company...
but that last like 2 seconds..
before i realise that i really want to talk to someone i know...

now, i just count my blessings that the hotel room has cable tv...
and that i have free internet connection...
so i am not totally isolated...

3 more days...
holding my breath and counting down...

for now...
time to finish breakfast and get ready for day 2 of conference...

my day has just started...
and i'm already feeling blue...

~alone~

Welcome to Cincinnati :D



I've got many pics on the plane...
but since it's mainly of my jet-lagged, sian face...
or of fluffy white clouds
shall not post them...
except for..






this is the usual sign u see on the tray table on most airplanes....



but there are some airplanes...which on top of life vests
(i know cos the stewardess demonstrated how to use)
also provide extra flotation device with the bottom cushion (which u sat on)

initially i thought there was no life vests and was a little freaked out...
if i have to hug that cushion and float in the ocean for dear life...
i think i won't last very long...

right...

anyway, just want to post some pics of the hotel i am staying



The Garfield Suites Hotel

I strongly recommend this place for anyone coming here..
because you get an apartment, not a just a room!
yes..an apartment!



The Living Room, with free Internet connection :D



The dining area with a fully equipped kitchen in the background



The bed room (queen-sized bed!)

And the toilet (with a small-sized bath-tub)

The apartment is clean and spacious

and there's cable tv...

and the price of a single bedroom is cheaper or about the same as a hotel room in other hotels!

really really good...

stay here if u're coming to Cincinnati :D

as for me, i just wished it was MJ who is here with me...

but, i'm glad i brought eeyore to keep me company...

at least today...

i managed less tears and more smiles...

~counting down~

i've returned to my nightmare...
the one i thought i've conquered...
the one that had me crying for days..
the one that gripped me in its cold fingers and dragged me under

i'm all alone...overseas...
flashback...
to those days when i had no one to talk to...
no one to have dinner with...
no one to walk around with...
just me, myself and i...

the ironic thing is..
this time round, i'll only be gone for a week..
6 days!!!
yet here i am, sitting in my hotel room sobbing my eyes out...

the same fear...
the same gripping sensation everytime i look around me and see only furniture and walls..
the same need to switch on the tv just for some background noise...
the same obsession with looking at the time in singapore to see who i can call to talk...

yet, it's also different...
i tried to fight it this time..
i keep telling myself that it's only 6 days..
won't be long before i'll be back home with my loved one...
but the more i try to dampen it down...
the harder it rears its ugly head at me...
until i gave up to the tears and sobbing...

i don't want to be weak and useless like this...
i thought that fear was history....
that i'll be fine...
but i guess thinking is not enough...
wanting is not sufficient..
i lack the strength...
the courage...
the ability to savour the moment....

but i will keep trying...
maybe i will still cry everyday...
but i will try to keep it to a minimum...
and this time, i am not going under...

~lonely and scared~

About less than a week ago...
on a very mundane Thursday morning...
I sit down in front of a comp at work, login to my Lotus notes and received a few urgent emails
which led to a weekend of hectic planning, liaising and packing
on top of attending a conference...

A week later
i am here in Changi Airport Terminal 3..
waiting to board a plane that will take me to HK..then to Chicago and finally to Cincinnati...
Yes, I am going to Cincinatti, Ohio to attend a conference...
this is my first overseas conference/course...
also my first time to USA...
also my first time stuck on a plane for a straight 17 hours
*faint*
10+ hours from Bangkok to Stockholm was pretty butt-breaking...
17 hours!
I just hope i dun develop pressure ulcers *ouchie*

On a heavier note,
I am feeling rather lonely...
since last night when MJ left...
somehow, travelling alone to a country so FAR away...
being all by myself here...and then later...and for the next week!
OMG...
luckily i met YQ online on facebook earlier...
had a good 30min chat and that has alleviated my loneliness a bit
*hugz hugz YQ*

sigh...time now is 0559h...
too early to call MJ...
and just thinking about being away for this whole week makes tears well up...
i'm such a softie..
it's not like i'll be gone for months/years like when i went to melbourne to study...
yet...
there is just something heartbreakinly similar being all alone here...
like the very first time flying to melbourne...
all by myself.....

i don't like this feeling...
knowing that i won't be making full-length convesations for the next week or so...
or that i won't be eating rice/soup/noodles for a week...
or that i'll be all alone in a city i've never been to...

i really can freak out right now!

but but...
i shall not...
i've done this before...
been away from home for months...
lived alone for months...or rather years...

i can do it...
i just have to focus on the good things..
like how i'll get to explore a city i've never been to..
like how much i'll learn from the conference...

and how much more i'll appreciate my time together with my loved ones in singapore..

it only takes losing something to start appreciating it...

55 seconds left..gotta go..

see u in Cincinnati!

~lonely lonely~