~kari-pok'd~ crumbly outside, spicy inside: January 2007

i'm back...
and i'm sick
:(

fell sick on 2nd last day in India...
probably cos there was a last min change in plans...
which resulted in a last min trip up a mountain that was freaking cold...
and cos it was last min..
not enough warm clothes...
plus bad night's sleep..
goodness..
i was more homesick on the way back than back in melb lor...

india..
is a very chaotic place..
interestingly chaotic..

but cos my brain is now half konked out from cough syrup and lack of sleep...
this is all i can come up with...

10 things i learnt about India

1) very very dusty in the city
2) chinese people are extremely rare
3) incredibly skillful bad drivers (will elaborate next time)
4) no amt of planning can make things go smoothly
5) fav past-time = sit around and wait
6) slow..slow...SLOW service
7) people walk around barefooted everywhere
8) chaos is an understatement
9) every form of assistance = tip tip tip
10) there is no rubbish bin, but plenty of rubbish heaps

ooh...
my queen sized bed with wonderfully firm pillow!
i can't believe i have to get up at 6am to go to work tmr.
i wonder if i can still remember how to work efficiently...

it's bed time...
pics and travel experience next time

i love changi airport
it's clean
it's big
it's like a shopping arcade
it's got pretty good food

and it's got free internet!

i have 5mins and 22secs left..

so can't blog much..

except that...

i am at changi airport cos i am off to Incredible India for a week
:D

okie, so the day din actually start off well...
mad rush to go to carrefour to get stuff for the groom in India
-_-
so not impressed can...

a big big THANK YOU to my dearest brother
who sent me to and from Carrefour Suntec on his motorbike..
luckily he is home today and is free..
if not, the groom wld get a very pissed off Gretel at his wedding
-_-
for once, i am glad my bro has a motorbike
thank you gor!!! :D

alrighty,
just got a warning that i will be logged out in 3 mins..
shall go back to the boring job of sitting around and waiting to board the plane..
but oooh...
the joy of actually sitting around and be bored...
u dunno it till u are up to ur neck with work

india, here i come!

will update once i am back :D

i feel like ranting...
cos it's 10.38pm..
and my hair is wet..
but i am sleepy...
and grumpy...
and i have to vent it out before i go to sleep...
if not i'll toss and turn and be grumpier tmr..

what's there to rant?
the usual..
work..
work...
work...
work...
ARGH!!

okie, i know i am not supposed to whine as much..
new year resolution...
just this once before i head off to india on sun

i can rant for days about how sucky it is to be working...
in the singapore healthcare system..
being treated like some ambulating machine who can work non-stop..
but...
that's unfair to the singapore healthcare system..
and unfair to the nurses who are nice to me..
and unfair to my colleagues who had been there for me...
because it's no one's fault that the workload can go from 'who needs help?' to 'I NEED HELP!!' in a span of like 2 days...
no one's..
maybe someone up THERE...
but well, he/she can do whatever she wants, so i can't rant about that..
if not he/she might just cut short my life by dumping more patients on me..

okie..
so i am grumpy partly cos of workload..

the other part?

i dun have a bf, so it's not love life..
therefore, what's left is family..
yes...
family issues driving me up the wall...
i am so glad to be away for one week..
i think i staying at home is going to cut my lifespan...

rant rant rant..
even all the ranting doesn't relieve the headache i have since lunch..
panadol din work..
stretching my neck din work..
ranting din work...
*growl*

well..there is some news at the dept..
a new physio joined us..
a new SINGLE GOOD-LOOKING GUY physio...
who is, unfortunately, 21 years old...
BAH!!!!
-_-
he is fun to work with though...
at least the yin-yang balance is slightly improved now..
and at least, got an eye-candy... *smirk*
okie..that was kinda mean..

speaking of mean..
i think ppl are mean when they just ignore ur email..
and then claim that they nv received it...or they missed it..
:(
i dun like it when i find myself checking my hotmail 3x/day just to see if i got a reply..
logically, i tell myself 'no need to check lah, if it's there, it's there. check tmr'
but somehow..
i just end up checking....and again..and again..
:'"(
it's like a pointless waiting game..
why can't people just reply?
if u dun wanna reply, then dun say something which make the other party think that you actually want to reply, but just that u din get the email
-_-
i am not happy!

from now onwards...
i am only gonna check my hotmail once a day.....

yeah right..
as if i can...
i'm pathetic!

i thought of my usual ending to such a whiney entry..
but tonight..
i want to make myself feel wanted...

nobody miss me..
he must be thinking where am i..
and why i am not hugging him to sleep...

sigh...

self-consolation doesn't work...

it's time for sleep..
and hopefully..
when i wake up in the morning..
headache will be gone..
grumpiness will be gone..

and that sinking feeling in my stomach will be gone when i see no new mail in my inbox

ouchie...
DOMS....
and maybe cos i was on course for 3 days..
work today was OMG hectic!!!!!

sigh...

and somehow, i found myself at the verge of tears in the ward...
for no apparent reasons..
just felt very...委屈...
also dunno why...
maybe it's cos i was shouted at, screamed at, almost-spat at, grabbed by, nearly-kicked by my patients..
it was chaos..
and i am not good at handling chaos..
so very near the brink of just hiding in the staff toilet and bawl my eyes out..
at least afternoon was better...
at least have the time and space to breathe....

india trip in 3 days time...
THREE!!
omg..
and no packing has been done..

but right now..
*YAWN*
my bed is calling out to me...
and my hamstrings are so achy, i can't even walk properly..
i look like a cross between a cerebral palsy kid and a waddling duck..
in other words..
i look stupid..

must be my hormones...
otherwise...
must be the stress...

dunno lah..
for the first time in the new year...
i look around me for a shoulder to lean on..

and in the end..
have to settle for my bolster....

for the first time in the new year....
i want nobody!!

:(

this post is supposed to be for tmr..

but i am

1)too excited

2)too busy tmr

so...

the little secret for me looking forward to today....?

yes, i rebonded my hair!!

for the next 6 months, i kiss goodbye to bad hair days!

*dancing around ecstatically*

okie, so maybe it's no big deal to other ppl...

but it is to me..

cos i've talked abt rebonding my hair for like....

years?

and now i've finally done it..

though underneath my happiness runs the deep gnawing ache of overspending +++ this month

oh, and i've got more news..

i'm going to India!

haha!!

very impromptu decision..

just decided like..2 days ago..

to attened a colleague's wedding...

and the funniest bit (or at least i think so)

my mummy's gonna come along!

haha...

i think i quite need the break..

now that my major presentation has been postponed to march..

i have more time to settle it..

and the minor presentation this week is already mostly done...

so, one week in India might brighten my life abit more :D

and a break from work is always welcomed :D

now it's just frenzied preparation and trying to get all the admin stuff sorted..

then having to pack and blah blah blah

sometimes, being spontaneous is good fun..

other times..

it just bring along so much other complications..

it's not fun anymore...

nonetheless, with a flick of my newly straigthened hair
*flick*

i shall get things done..

and head off to Incredible India this time next week

WOOHOO!!

*sigh*

okie..

need to get my adrenaline level down..

the best way to do that?

when i receive my bank account statement at the end of the month...

hopefully i'll still be able take it with a flick of my hair...

有人告诉我
爱情是一种憧憬。
你以为有了爱情就是答案，
等爱情到了，才发现只是你的幻想在作祟。

也有人说
爱情是一种游戏。
两个人的沟通，两个人的规则，
不允许第三者参与，
却欢迎大家来观看游戏过程。

还有人说
爱情是一种幻觉，
若有若无，隐隐约约的幸福。
但终究还是回到了现实，尝到了真实世界的苦涩。

我呢？
我认为爱情是人对未来的憧憬，
在玩游戏的过程中，找到了那隐隐约约的幸福，
并分享这份幸福。
苦涩的现实里，有了这样的幻觉，
或许才让这本来无色无味的人生，
多了那丁点儿滋味。
***************************************

也许是因为连续下了超过24小时的雨
突然有这样的感触。
从前从前，我活在一个梦中。
梦中的世界，很美很美。
梦里的我，很快乐。
因为在梦中，有了一个他。
醒来后，却觉得那样的快乐，太脆弱。
没有了他，我就不快乐吗？
不，我是快乐的。
没有他，我找到了如何让自己快乐的方法.
没有了他，我才发现他也曾让我很不快乐。

所以我不需要他，再也不要他。
他以前带来的快乐，我回味。
而他带来的泪水，我遗忘。

没有遗憾了。
我就在这样的一个下雨夜里，
终于放开了。

紧握着的拳头，只为抓住那遗失的感情。
已经遗失，就是抓不住的。
把拳头放松，等待一份属于我的幸福。

原来放开，是这么舒服的。
:)

happy 1 year anniversary!!

365 days ago, i stepped into the doors of TTSH
and it would not be 365x6 days later...
that i can step out of those doors and not having to go bankrupt from doing so

so...
365 days later...
i have 365x5 days left...

but unlike 11 Jan 2006
i look forward to this year...
because i've come to love my workplace
and i've come to realise that it's a wonderful hospital
with wonderful colleagues and bosses :D
i'm happy i'm a TTSH physio
and although that may mean my dream of becoming a paeds PT is going to remain as a dream...
i am still glad that i started out my PT career in such a conducive and supportive (not to mention fun) environment

looking back...
the crying-in-office episode was such an embarrassing mark in my career
-_-
years down the road...
my bosses can tell some newbie "dun be like this PT we used to have, who got so stressed she cried in the office.....'
bleah....
but now as i've 'matured' and can better grasp the way things work in the sg system...
the tears are more or less a thing of the past
once in a while....
i still feel like crying
when i simply can't stand those people who call themselves d***** but behave like b******
growl...
actually i feel more like wanting to stick a suction catheter down their throats and let them have a taste of what unnecessary chest PT feels like...

ahh...
1 year already...
as usual..
time flew when i looked back..
learnt so much..
laughed so much..
stressed so much...
but all in all..
it's been a good start to my long journey in PT

a big thank you to all those who had been there, in one way or another, to help me through the difficult patches this one year...
and big thank you to my mentor carolina :D
and also to my current coordinator devi :D
and to all my ex-CPians and current orthopians!

hope this year is gonna be good..if not better :D

i can't believe i actually miss sitting in a lecture and just listening...
i can still remember the days when i have to pinch/tickle myself to stay awake...
but now...
i miss just sitting there and listening...
no need to talk..
no need to coax...
no need to cajole...
just simply...listen
and zone out once in a while.....

today, half-day of lectures and copying notes...
i feel more refreshed than other days..
this is a welcome break from usual work work work...
i can't wait for my 3 day course next week...
and i can't wait for sunday :D
wat's on sunday??
that's my little secret...
and on monday....
the secret will be out :P

and i can't wait for tuesday too :D

so many dinners coming up...
one for each day starting from today...
omg...
i'm going broke....
and getting fat!
:(

i need exercise...

and a rich bf to pay for my stuff :P

梁山伯与茱丽叶

我的心唱首歌给你听
歌词是如此的甜蜜
可是我害羞
我没有勇气
对你说一句我爱你

为什么你还是不言不语
难道(是)你不懂我的心
不管你用什么方式表明
我会对你说
我愿意
千言万语里只有一句话
能表白我的心
千言万语里只有一句话
就能够让我们相偎相依

我爱你你是我的茱丽叶茱丽叶
我愿意变成你的粱山伯
幸福的每一天浪漫的每一夜
把爱永远不放开
i love you

我爱你你是我的罗密欧罗密欧
我愿意变成你的祝英台
幸福的每一天浪漫的每一夜
美丽的爱情祝福着未来

为什么你还是不言不语不言不语
难道是你不懂我的心
不管你用什么方式表明
我会对你说我愿意

okie...
maybe one of my new year solutions should be
'stop thinking a bf can solve my problems'

mmm...
work again tmr...
and fri...
AND sat...
omg!!!
i feel sick...

work is bad for health...
study is bad for health...
human beings shld just sit around, grow fat and die of heart attack
-_-

okie, i'm mood-swinging...
an indication that it's time for me to log off and nua in front of tv

attended a church wedding yesterday...
though i am not a christian,
i quite enjoyed it....
it was very touching...

and somehow, it felt like for that 1.5 hours, i was living in a movie set
heehee...

it was a catholic wedding..
and it was very formal...
but the priests cracked some jokes and made everyone laugh...
there were a few hymns and 2 readings from the Bible...
one part of the readings caught my attention...

Love is always patient and kind
Love is never jealous
Love is not boastful or conceited
it is never rude and never seeks its own advantage,
it does not take offence or store up grievances
Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing but finds its joy in the truth.
Love is always ready to make allowances, to trust, to hope
and to endure whatever comes.
Love never comes to an end

i dunno how to quote the part where this reading came from...

the actual reference in the booklet is "1 Corinthians 13:1-8"...but i'm quite sure this part did not start at '1', cos there's another paragraph before this...

but anyway, the 'love' in this reading is so difficult to achieve...
because it's so easy to 'take offence' and not 'make allowances'...
perhaps, this is the kind of 'love' we all need to try and give.....

the priest said something which caught my attention too...
can't remember the exact words..
but the basic points were that there will always be pain when you love someone..
because when you love someone, you give the person everything, without asking anything in return...
love is sacrificial...
you sacrifice for that person...
and if that person loves you too, he/she sacrifices for you...

which basically means that we live in pain..
cos unless we are heartless and hate everyone, we will love somebody..
and loving means suffering...means pain...
hmm...
kinda like the buddhist teaching that living is suffering...but not exactly..
i'm digressing..
that bit caught my attention because..
there were always those time when i used to think 'if i find someone i love and who loves me back, life will be better'
perhaps not...
perhaps it means that i find someone to suffer for..and someone is suffering for me too...
hmmmmmm......
so life is not better...because it's not less painful..
but it is better..because you know that the pain is worth it?

argh..i'm confused..haha

but i guess that kinda supports that point that it's easier to be loved than to love someone?
so for all the people out there who are loved (which i think is almost everyone...)
remember that somebody is in pain loving you..so appreciate that love...yeah?
:D
******************************************************
it's sunday...and the stupid internet is still SLOW!!
the earthquake is already over!!!
WHY SO SLOW?!!!
OMG!!!!
*growl growl*
******************************************************
okie...a moment of pure fustration cos pubmed is taking forever to load :(

after church wedding, i attended my first wedding dinner without my parents
haha
first time i have to give ang pow myself :

The newly weds - Toni and Michelle

dinner was at Sheraton Towers..
and it was so yummy :D

getting dressed up for dinner is fun :D
and even more fun when i successfully braided my hair and it stayed for the whole night
haha...

tada! took me 30mins, but it was all worth it hehe

this is at the end of the night..and my hair is still wonderfully in place :D

what i used to keep my hair up for the night...

sabotage at wedding dinner..first time i see it also..
well...the other dinners i attended mainly concentrated on getting the groom drunk..
this time..
ermm...there were eggs...
and a very long kiss between bride and groom while the TTSH PT department YYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMM...................................SENG!
it was good fun...and applause to the newly weds for being so sporting
*clapping*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
as the weekend comes to a rapid end *gasp*
and as the Internet continues to load at a snail's pace *GROWL*
it's back to preparing PGR and CPE...

trekking at bukit timah hill later...
hopefully i dun tire myself too much...
mercifully...
i am attending a 3 day course next week..

i need time out!

i'm overwhelmed...
too many things are happening..
too many gatherings..
too many dinners...
too many admin-related tasks...
too many too many too many!!!!!!!

*pant pant pant*

*deep breath*

pppppppppppffffffffffffftttttttttttttt

okie..
one step at a time..
work tmr..
followed by colleague's church wedding...
then wedding dinner...

do admin-stuff on sun....
KIV go for trek in bukit timah..

mon...the nightmare resume...
:(

i am working every single sat for jan...
and PGR and CPE is hovering over my head...

i still need to...

1) shop for CNY clothes+shoes
2) go to ikea and get stuff to get my room organised
3) clear my room (again)...
4) go and rebond my hair...
5) start hip-hop lessons...

OMG!!!

all i want now...
is one week where i dun have to worry if i have enough time to get things done...
and what i really really want now..
so for the stupid Internet to resume to its previous connectivity..
i need to search for articles!!!
journals..evidence...
I HATE PRESENTATIONS!!!

*GROWL!!!!!*

i'm stressed...
and it's PMS week...

i want nobody!!
and ice cream..........

*sob*