after a fantastic friday, today is yet another activity-filled day. shopping at vic mkt took 1.5 hours, the longest i ever spent buying veges and meat. then it was back to the apartment and spending abt 1 hour to make 2 yummy salads with Germ, cutting and chopping (and sneaking in a few bites of vegs here and there...)sped up time. then, yummilicious lunch of cuttlefish porridge teochew style while watching the lovey-dovey couples in qing sheng sheng yu meng meng on VCDs.
managed to sneak in some time to do some reading and schoolwork. and then, back to pigging in front of the TV with la bi xiao xin...although i've watched it before, he still manage to make me crack up into uncontrollable giggles.
shower, change and down to gin's place for potluck. so many people there...for the first 15 mins,i got my usual dose of sociophobia, that nearly-over-the-edge sensation which makes me wanna hide in a corner. but i did manage to pull myself together and mingle around a bit. chatted with a few people, say a few things that earned some laughter from the group...feeling too bloated from all the food, germ and i walked ruby and wing ki home. and then, back in my room, called han wei and chatted...
right now, i am filled with this warm,fuzzy feeling inside me. that kind of feeling i get when i am indoors on a rainy day with a mug of hot tea...or when i am leaning onto han wei while watching the sun set...
it's called feeling content. when i feel that at least at this very moment, having what i have is enough...when i actually not crave for more...when i can think of han wei and not feel the usual ache in my heart.
i'm happy today, how about you?
fantastic friday...
today has been a very fulfilling day.
8.30 - 10: wash up, drink milo, laze around with a good novel
10 - 10.30: jogging at royal park
10.30 - 12:have brunch, watch VCDs
12 - 4:shopping in town (bought a DVD player!!)
4 - 6:laze around more..shower
6 - 12:go to crown, watch Constantine (Keanu Reeves is oh-my-god so cute!)
i wish every friday can be like this, minus the spending money bit. just being able to sit back and relax...and enjoy the weekend.
although i am consumed with an overwhelming sense of guilt and apprehension. all the work that i've pushed to the back of mind are throwing themselves on me. and still got the potluck tmr...another night going to be spent on trying to learn the skills of socialising.
but for now,i am still high from the endorphins released earlier today cos of the jog. although i din jog anywhere near the 2.4km mark. i am smiling, i feel happy and bright...i feel like singing on the top of voice..
the only thing stopping me from doing that is i might get chased out of the apt when germaine hears my off-key off-pitch croaking voice.
8.30 - 10: wash up, drink milo, laze around with a good novel
10 - 10.30: jogging at royal park
10.30 - 12:have brunch, watch VCDs
12 - 4:shopping in town (bought a DVD player!!)
4 - 6:laze around more..shower
6 - 12:go to crown, watch Constantine (Keanu Reeves is oh-my-god so cute!)
i wish every friday can be like this, minus the spending money bit. just being able to sit back and relax...and enjoy the weekend.
although i am consumed with an overwhelming sense of guilt and apprehension. all the work that i've pushed to the back of mind are throwing themselves on me. and still got the potluck tmr...another night going to be spent on trying to learn the skills of socialising.
but for now,i am still high from the endorphins released earlier today cos of the jog. although i din jog anywhere near the 2.4km mark. i am smiling, i feel happy and bright...i feel like singing on the top of voice..
the only thing stopping me from doing that is i might get chased out of the apt when germaine hears my off-key off-pitch croaking voice.
slacker mode...
today is the last day of my cardiothoracic clinical placement.. the end of my first clinical block...
just 6 more to go...
been slacking around today...and i derive a perverse sense of pleasure in doing nothing at all. and knowing that i have no uni tomorrow makes me wanna
but i do realise that i can only slack for just this day. i've got a report due soon, i've got tonnes of reading up to do to prepare for my next clinical block...i've got to mentally brace myself for the social event happening this saturday...
potluck
apparently, more than 20 people would be coming. ok,i am sounding like a "sociophobic" freak. but somehow,i dun feel that i have the adequate skills to be in a gathering of more than 6 people. talking with han wei last night made me feel that i am just a picky person...nan2 ci4 hou4 was the words he has chosen to describe me. the words do stung me quite abit...then again, can i blame him for saying so?
if in my past lives i was a hermit crab, why can't i remain a hermit crab? sigh
just 6 more to go...
been slacking around today...and i derive a perverse sense of pleasure in doing nothing at all. and knowing that i have no uni tomorrow makes me wanna
but i do realise that i can only slack for just this day. i've got a report due soon, i've got tonnes of reading up to do to prepare for my next clinical block...i've got to mentally brace myself for the social event happening this saturday...
potluck
apparently, more than 20 people would be coming. ok,i am sounding like a "sociophobic" freak. but somehow,i dun feel that i have the adequate skills to be in a gathering of more than 6 people. talking with han wei last night made me feel that i am just a picky person...nan2 ci4 hou4 was the words he has chosen to describe me. the words do stung me quite abit...then again, can i blame him for saying so?
if in my past lives i was a hermit crab, why can't i remain a hermit crab? sigh
what do i do??
i am lost for words all the time. so many things to say, so many way to express it, yet i can never seem to find my way around these intangible things.
such as why i'd rather have dinner alone when i have a housemate...or why i'd rather everyone goes out and party while i get to have the whole apt to myself.
i think i am crazy. for 3 years, i've longed for the company of another human being in my teeny weeny CS apartment. now, i have a big big apartment, with a wonderful housemate...yet i'd rather be alone?!?!
maybe it's sleep deprivation that has driven me to the extremes of my sanity. to the point whereby i just want to head back to my apartment, eat instant noodles, bathe then sleep. no need to sit at the table for dinner, no need to wash up dozens of pots,plates,bowls after dinner.
i am not just crazy, i am simply a social outcast by nature. one person's company is more than enough for me. anymore than that, i feel suffocated...i feel scared...i feel so obliged to talk and make jokes that i end up saying the stupidest things ever.
in my past lives, i must have been hermit crab...
such as why i'd rather have dinner alone when i have a housemate...or why i'd rather everyone goes out and party while i get to have the whole apt to myself.
i think i am crazy. for 3 years, i've longed for the company of another human being in my teeny weeny CS apartment. now, i have a big big apartment, with a wonderful housemate...yet i'd rather be alone?!?!
maybe it's sleep deprivation that has driven me to the extremes of my sanity. to the point whereby i just want to head back to my apartment, eat instant noodles, bathe then sleep. no need to sit at the table for dinner, no need to wash up dozens of pots,plates,bowls after dinner.
i am not just crazy, i am simply a social outcast by nature. one person's company is more than enough for me. anymore than that, i feel suffocated...i feel scared...i feel so obliged to talk and make jokes that i end up saying the stupidest things ever.
in my past lives, i must have been hermit crab...
to fix a broken heart?
for the past few months,i've been around people who had their hearts broken...or had broken someone's heart...and i really really wonder...can anyone fix a broken heart?
after seeing so many couples break up, find new people and move on...sometimes i really wonder if they've really moved on, or is it just an illusion that they are giving to others? then there are those who never really let go of the past. the faithful ones who strongly believed that things would work out right in the end...waiting and waiting for that day to come, hoping and hoping that time would be on their side.
a friend of mine once said,"it's not really the break up that hurts, it's the process of getting used to not having each other. that's the painful bit." perhaps it's true. so many movies had lines that says,"if you love her/him, you should let her/him go." but in real life, can we really really do that, letting someone you hold dearly leave you and search for better ones?
if the greatest distance is being beside someone you love who doesn't love you back, then i guess the biggest pain is loving someone and letting that person go.
to all broken-hearted souls out there, hang in there. the pain may still be fresh, but eventually, the pain would become tolerable.
after seeing so many couples break up, find new people and move on...sometimes i really wonder if they've really moved on, or is it just an illusion that they are giving to others? then there are those who never really let go of the past. the faithful ones who strongly believed that things would work out right in the end...waiting and waiting for that day to come, hoping and hoping that time would be on their side.
a friend of mine once said,"it's not really the break up that hurts, it's the process of getting used to not having each other. that's the painful bit." perhaps it's true. so many movies had lines that says,"if you love her/him, you should let her/him go." but in real life, can we really really do that, letting someone you hold dearly leave you and search for better ones?
if the greatest distance is being beside someone you love who doesn't love you back, then i guess the biggest pain is loving someone and letting that person go.
to all broken-hearted souls out there, hang in there. the pain may still be fresh, but eventually, the pain would become tolerable.
i need a break!!
one more week of cardio clinics to go. i think the word 'exhausted' is insufficient to describe how i feel.
yesterday, for the 1st time in years,i fell asleep before dinner. that last time i did that was so long ago,i cannot remember. if not for germaine (yesh, she fell asleep too...) who managed to wake up at 7.25pm, i think i would have slept through to the morning.
my brain is kinda fuzzy now. like it's filled with cotton wool, not brain cells. my eyes are dry, my muscles are aching, my feet are sore and my back is craving for a really good back rub.
in other words,i am in agony. sighz...and there's no relief in sight. after cardio,i immediately start on my musc placement at Northern Hospital. *faintz* if i can't get someone to pick me up from somewhere, i'd have to endure a 1.5 hour trip to and from the hospital, 4 days a week, for 4 whole weeks.
even my weekends are busted with assignments, case presentations, lectures/pracs at uni etc etc etc. argh!!! the one week Easter break seem too far away...the graduation ceremony on 3rd December seem unreachable...the day i go back home seem to be further and further away.
yesterday, for the 1st time in years,i fell asleep before dinner. that last time i did that was so long ago,i cannot remember. if not for germaine (yesh, she fell asleep too...) who managed to wake up at 7.25pm, i think i would have slept through to the morning.
my brain is kinda fuzzy now. like it's filled with cotton wool, not brain cells. my eyes are dry, my muscles are aching, my feet are sore and my back is craving for a really good back rub.
in other words,i am in agony. sighz...and there's no relief in sight. after cardio,i immediately start on my musc placement at Northern Hospital. *faintz* if i can't get someone to pick me up from somewhere, i'd have to endure a 1.5 hour trip to and from the hospital, 4 days a week, for 4 whole weeks.
even my weekends are busted with assignments, case presentations, lectures/pracs at uni etc etc etc. argh!!! the one week Easter break seem too far away...the graduation ceremony on 3rd December seem unreachable...the day i go back home seem to be further and further away.
CNY blues
good news for the week: i am no longer homeless!!! yesh!!! finally!!!
bad news for the week...?
well, it's CNY, so supposedly not supposed to say any bad things. but i am definitely getting extra strong dosage of homesickness during this festive season (although it isn't much of festival...) had a steamboat dinner on new year's eve. supposed to be lotsa fun...lotsa "gong xi fa cai"...lotsa hugz and pics...but as usual, i never merge into a group gathering...photos taken all around, but i'm not in it....laughter ringing in the air, but mine is not part of it.
i am so socially idiotic, i dun even know what to say or do with people whom i've seen almost day in and day out. it's like i'm physically there, but emotionally and mentally blank. partly cos clinics just simply exhaust me to the point of collapse this year...partly cos my heart has never left singapore...
mainly cos i dunno what to say or do that would actually make me feel i belong.
now that germ and i have found a place, hopefully it won't be long till i get settled in for real....maybe by then, i might find a place in my room where i can actually be who i really am...do what i really want to do...
do i miss staying by myself? ironically, yes i do. because at least when i am alone, no one would judge me...i would not have to endure the worst kind of loneliness in this world.
but i do look forward to a year of "ding dong"-ism with germ. somehow, we manage to bring out the most "ding dong" mode in us when we are with each other.
in the meantime, i guess i can seek comfort in the fact that i am alone in esther's place and i can finally relax and spend this quiet evening with myself.
bad news for the week...?
well, it's CNY, so supposedly not supposed to say any bad things. but i am definitely getting extra strong dosage of homesickness during this festive season (although it isn't much of festival...) had a steamboat dinner on new year's eve. supposed to be lotsa fun...lotsa "gong xi fa cai"...lotsa hugz and pics...but as usual, i never merge into a group gathering...photos taken all around, but i'm not in it....laughter ringing in the air, but mine is not part of it.
i am so socially idiotic, i dun even know what to say or do with people whom i've seen almost day in and day out. it's like i'm physically there, but emotionally and mentally blank. partly cos clinics just simply exhaust me to the point of collapse this year...partly cos my heart has never left singapore...
mainly cos i dunno what to say or do that would actually make me feel i belong.
now that germ and i have found a place, hopefully it won't be long till i get settled in for real....maybe by then, i might find a place in my room where i can actually be who i really am...do what i really want to do...
do i miss staying by myself? ironically, yes i do. because at least when i am alone, no one would judge me...i would not have to endure the worst kind of loneliness in this world.
but i do look forward to a year of "ding dong"-ism with germ. somehow, we manage to bring out the most "ding dong" mode in us when we are with each other.
in the meantime, i guess i can seek comfort in the fact that i am alone in esther's place and i can finally relax and spend this quiet evening with myself.
saved by the storm
the storm that hit melbourne on wednesday night produced a couple of records...wednesday had the lowest temperature recorded in melbourne in the month of Feb for the past XXX years, and the amount of rainfall was the highest since 1896.
more importantly, the storm saved germ and i from moving into a leaking house.
we actually already paid the first month's rent and the bond, and germ's mum asked the agent if the house is leaking. on thursday, germ and mum took keys from agency, opened the door and was greeted by the sight of wet wet wet carpet and drip drip drip ceiling.
OMG!!!
then, the lousy agent deny her responsibilities, and didn't wanna return us our money!!! according to germ and mum, they had to stop a car and asked the lady driver who to go to for help. the kind lady pointed them to unit 12, Dennis and Julia (i think julia is the chair person of the body coporate or something like that...) kind and helpful people who knew the landlord and saved us from the destiny of never seeing our money again. *sob* so grateful to them......
anywayz, we did get all our money back within the same day *applause* , but now, we are back to square one...back to searching and hunting and waiting for a place to call our own.
now, our eyes are set on a unit in the block where esther and gin are staying. germ said she prayed really hard for the unit..and hopefully, her prayers would work. if all things goes well, tomorrow this time, i would actually have a place of my own.
*cross fingers cross toes*
more importantly, the storm saved germ and i from moving into a leaking house.
we actually already paid the first month's rent and the bond, and germ's mum asked the agent if the house is leaking. on thursday, germ and mum took keys from agency, opened the door and was greeted by the sight of wet wet wet carpet and drip drip drip ceiling.
OMG!!!
then, the lousy agent deny her responsibilities, and didn't wanna return us our money!!! according to germ and mum, they had to stop a car and asked the lady driver who to go to for help. the kind lady pointed them to unit 12, Dennis and Julia (i think julia is the chair person of the body coporate or something like that...) kind and helpful people who knew the landlord and saved us from the destiny of never seeing our money again. *sob* so grateful to them......
anywayz, we did get all our money back within the same day *applause* , but now, we are back to square one...back to searching and hunting and waiting for a place to call our own.
now, our eyes are set on a unit in the block where esther and gin are staying. germ said she prayed really hard for the unit..and hopefully, her prayers would work. if all things goes well, tomorrow this time, i would actually have a place of my own.
*cross fingers cross toes*
stressed out stressed out!!!
like a boat with a gigantic hole in the bottom, i cannot stop sinking into the depths of stress and more stress...
accomodations....clinics....assignments....furnishings....falling sick....accoms....clinics....tutorials....furnishings...assignments...
spiralling from one problem to next, getting knocked around and pushed around by all these stuff.
i wanna scream...i wanna cry....i wanna hide in a corner and bawl my eyes out.
i wanna turn back time...i wanna lie on my own bed...hide under my own quilt...
i wanna...i wanna....i wanna........but i can't
help!
accomodations....clinics....assignments....furnishings....falling sick....accoms....clinics....tutorials....furnishings...assignments...
spiralling from one problem to next, getting knocked around and pushed around by all these stuff.
i wanna scream...i wanna cry....i wanna hide in a corner and bawl my eyes out.
i wanna turn back time...i wanna lie on my own bed...hide under my own quilt...
i wanna...i wanna....i wanna........but i can't
help!
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