good news for the week: i am no longer homeless!!! yesh!!! finally!!!
bad news for the week...?
well, it's CNY, so supposedly not supposed to say any bad things. but i am definitely getting extra strong dosage of homesickness during this festive season (although it isn't much of festival...) had a steamboat dinner on new year's eve. supposed to be lotsa fun...lotsa "gong xi fa cai"...lotsa hugz and pics...but as usual, i never merge into a group gathering...photos taken all around, but i'm not in it....laughter ringing in the air, but mine is not part of it.
i am so socially idiotic, i dun even know what to say or do with people whom i've seen almost day in and day out. it's like i'm physically there, but emotionally and mentally blank. partly cos clinics just simply exhaust me to the point of collapse this year...partly cos my heart has never left singapore...
mainly cos i dunno what to say or do that would actually make me feel i belong.
now that germ and i have found a place, hopefully it won't be long till i get settled in for real....maybe by then, i might find a place in my room where i can actually be who i really am...do what i really want to do...
do i miss staying by myself? ironically, yes i do. because at least when i am alone, no one would judge me...i would not have to endure the worst kind of loneliness in this world.
but i do look forward to a year of "ding dong"-ism with germ. somehow, we manage to bring out the most "ding dong" mode in us when we are with each other.
in the meantime, i guess i can seek comfort in the fact that i am alone in esther's place and i can finally relax and spend this quiet evening with myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment