i seriously think all hospitals should have bigger cubicles...
and i dun only mean those in the ICU
(which should be bigger too..cos u can barely fit a geri-chair in unless u shift the bed around)
i mean those cubicles in the C&B class wards...
because...it's a professional hazard
today...i had to suction a patient...so have to draw the curtains around the bed
(cos...suctioning ain't a pretty sight for the other patients)
and cos the space is so limited, the beds are quite close together...
and while i was rushing in towards the head of the bed...
i knocked my left thigh into the arm of the geri-chair placed in between the 2 beds
which was hidden from view by the curtains
in that moment, all i verbalise was a "OOOOUUUCCCHHH!!"
and my TA was sucking in air as if he was the one who knocked into the chair

i tell u ah...
if not for the fact my TA was right there,
i would have screamed in pain and probably shed a few tears...
seriously...
the pain was excruciating in my opinion..
it shot all the way around my thighs and down the front of my leg
i think i must have knocked a nerve or something..
and then my whole left leg went numb
and i nearly couldn't weight bear on my left leg...

right now...luckily got no bruise
(still can wear mini skirt..haha)
but it's still tender to palpate my quads...
and also got a tinge of pain when i squat down...

so if the cubicle is bigger..the beds can be further apart...
and so, unsuspecting victims like me will not have to suffer this kind of pain...
but of course, this is just senseless ramblings which no one is going to take notice..
cos, who hasn't knocked into something before right??
correct...so why the heck am i complaining??
haha...just so i can whine about the incident...
and gain some sympathy i guess :P
********************************************
pictures!
from Jasmine who is a volunteer at TTSH...
taken on her last day at TTSH...

that's me and my boss/mentor, Carolina

and that's carolina, jasmine and me! yes yes, physios have to wear that thick thick white coat which make us look like medical students. i once got scolded by a ward sister cos she thot carolina and i were med students...

sister: oui! student student!! dun stand here. we want to pass report. go somewhere else...and dun take the notes okay!
carolina:sister, we are physios leh...
sister:ahh..okay..sorry sorry. but just don't stand here lah.

*diong*
but i choose to look at it on the bright side lah...
at least i still look like a student...meaning i still look young..
(which, i should also mention, M actually thot i can pass off as below 21...do i look that young?!?!)

sighz..kinda miss jasmine actually. nice to have someone around to chit-chat with in the ward...
now so boring...and no one to gossip with somemore...
see cute docs also got no one to tell...*muahaha*

oh well...guess i should already be used to such separations among friends..
hope everything's well down under for her :D

slack in front of tv time!

i developed sociophobia last year... meaning the fear of socialising...
and the fear persisted...
up till now...and i foresee it's gonna last for a long long time...
because right now...even the mere thought of going out (except with my parents)
makes my heart race and
believe it or not...
i actually hyperventilate...
pathetic doesn't begin to describe my current status...
sigh...

and when i mean going out...i do not mean a 'date'
because...to be honest...
i dunno what the actual definition of a date is...
according to jf...
it's when one guy and one girl goes out
and both of them are not attached...
hmm...i guess that makes sense hor?
but i've heard various other versions...
so i'm confused...
nonetheless...going out=go out and talk...
i.e. socialise...
i.e. trying to make myself look less like a loser...
i.e. mission almost-impossible
so, my racingheart and hyperventilation is not due to any feelings of attraction etc...
it's really due to the rush of adrenaline...
the fight-or-flight response all of us are born with...

and now..i've developed another fear...
pagerphobia...
easy to understand right?
it's the fear of pagers...
because today...my pager rang and rang and rang...
and in one day, i saw 8 NEW PATIENTS!
meaning...i barely have time to see my repeat cases...
if not for a collegue who helped to take on another 4 new cases...
i think today would have been a disaster...
so now, everytime i think of my pager ringing...
i feel myself tense up and yes, heart races and hyperventilates...
this phobia is really draining...
so much so that by the time i went to ICU in the afternoon to see one of my patients i had no time to see in the morning..
i feel like i've been through one week of work instead of just one day...
and i guess it was written all over my face...
typical gretel: no hiding of any feelings.

and the fact that it was pouring with rain when i arrived back in BB
just made my mood hit another low...
oh, and i have to treat my family to dinner tonight cos it's my bro's bday tmr..
and it's supposed to be my first official payday
oh well...i dun mind spending the money lah...
just that the rain kinda spoiled my mood already...
usually i like rainy nights...
provided i am home and dry and in bed...
but not when i am trying to enjoy curry fish head while being splattered by rain drops
*bleah*

sigh...
night brings that familiar loneliness
that stays even when i am not physically alone...
the usual waitandseewhocomeonline game...
which always end with me signing off after waiting hopelessly for some kind soul to talk to me
i really should stop playing this game...
and just get on with life...
i.e. watch tv and sleep!

the week is just beginning...
and i am already thinking of the weekend...

just came back from some southwest CDC community thingie...
and there were ugly singaporeans...left right and centre!
what do i mean??
well..when there are free gifts..there are the kiasu aunties who...well, are KIASU!



auntie in pic above has just taken about 10 of the free gifts being given out...and she is putting them into the plastic bag..and she was telling the auntie holding plastic bag "go and distrbute then come back for more hor!" wth...


and while plasticbag auntie goes to distribute free gifts to her kakis...other auntie continues to take free gift! wah kaoz!! auntie..let other people have their chance lah!
(hopefully noone can recognise the auntie here...i dun have the software to do mosiac..can only invert the colours..)

and this is one of the better scenarios i witnessed today.

some of the booths have quizzes which the answers are found on the exhibition boards near the booth... and they are giving out free gifts based on how many corrects answers there are..

logically speaking, each person only supposed to take one sheet correct??
but of course, the kiasu ones took like 3-4 sheets...and guess what, they dunno the answers!!
so? they anyhow answer lah..and then give back to the booth person...
who then proceed to give the smallest gift because all the answers are wrong...
end of story??
no way...

kiasu people: ehh, i dun want this one..i want that one (points to the bigges available gift)
booth person: that one for those who answer correctly!
kiasu people: aiyoh! the questions so hard! how i know the answers?
booth person: (looks irritated) the answers are found in the exhibition there (points to posters)
kiasu people: HUH?! still have to find answers? so troublesome! just give me lah!!
booth person:(while trying to check the answers for another person) cannot lah. please, take this one (gives small gift)
kiasu people: (walking away) where got like that one? cheat money one!

oh, and did i mention there are people who are holding multiple sheets of paper...and going around saying "i dunno the answers! how? how??"
for one moment, i feel like telling these aunties (yes, all aunties leh!))

AUNTIE! DUNNO THE ANSWERS THEN DUN TAKE SO MANY LAH!PEOPLE WHO KNOWS THE ANSWERS DUN EVEN HAVE THE CHANCE BECAUSE U TAKE SO MANY!!

but of course, i din say lah. what's the point right?
so, here i am..venting out my disgust on my blog...

and it's not just the kiasu-ism all around...it's also the higly disorganised games...
very very unsafe...
uneven ground...poorly constructed props...lousily explained rules
and all in all...i feel that i've pretty wasted my precious sunday morning...

well..every thing has a bright side right??yeah..the bright side is
i got to take pic with mark lee and this other guy called aaron (who is apparently quite popular too)


haha..i love my unimelb top..makes me look slimmer!!

and i did manage to catch a demonstration of how CD will deal with a chemical attack...quite interesting...

so...there goes my sunday morning...cannot believe i woke up at 7.30am this morning for such atrocity...
though i must say..kiasu-ism is alive in everyone...
point being..must learn to control yah??
once again...
i am disillusioned...
and well...sometimes, the reality is just too harsh to face...
so,
i choose to escape back into the fictional world...
and let reality take a back seat for the moment...

i just have to blog tonight...
even though i am really kinda exhausted...
but...too much to talk about..and my brain is in over-drive mode...
need to clear it before i can concuss

so, what's there blog about?
okie...for the first time in 1.5 months...
i went out on a saturday evening...not with my parents
yes...gretel has finally broken free of the social circle that consists of gretel, her mummy and her daddy..
and yes, gretel actually has taken one step towards expanding the circle...
at this very moment, i do feel proud of myself...
i can hear snickering..but that's ok...
because for me..it's a big step...
for others..it's probably as automatic as going to the toilet...

it's been so long that i've gone out with someone i dun really know...
and just have dinner and talk...
simply chat chat chat..about almost everything...
nice to get to know somebody...
and in a way, it's good for me cos...
when somebody doesn't know me well to begin with..i get to make an impression that differs from the usual gretel..
not being hypocritical lah...just...well, the usual gretel is perhaps..too boring?
i dunno lah...but somehow, it's easier to make a fresh new impression...
than to try and change someone else's opinions..make sense?
so anyway...it feels good...
maybe that's why even though my body is wondering what the heck i am still up and typing instead of concussing on the bed...
my mood is on a high..
one of the rare moments which i decided i should document down in my blog..
so that sometime when my mood is low again (most likely tmr evening...)
i can read this entry and hopefully relive the high feeling...
yeah yeah...escapism...
escaping into my memories so as to forget the reality...
i guess...escape into memories is better than escaping into the fictional world of trashy novels yeah?
but anyway...sincere thanks to M (he did not specify if he wants to remain annoymous, so i play safe lah)
1) for dinner - woodfired pizza! sadly it wasn't as good as i thought it would be..but better than pizza hut (duh!)
2) for the company - nice to know i have made friends out of the physio office :D
3) for putting up with my gesturing - hee...M will know what i mean...

okie...so...finally back home and it's already 11.30pm
part of me wants to blog more...
but i guess some stuff...should remain as a secret...
some thoughts...should remain as a thought...
and some words...should remain unsaid on cyberspace...

“单纯的欣赏叫‘喜欢’
所以，喜欢一个人是快乐的。。。。。。
无法克制地想占有，称之为‘爱’
所以，爱一个人却是痛苦的。。。。。。
或许，
作为一个暗恋者
会比那些相恋者要快乐许多。。。。。。” - 黄米露 〈暗恋者〉

is it true?
if having a crush is better than being in love...
then why do i feel this emptiness...this ache...this despair...?

i dunno who came up with the term 'crush'...
but i think it describes exactly how i feel...
'crushed'...under the weight of one's feelings...
'crushed'...when the other party consistently remains oblivious...

“如果只要耐心地等候，便可等到你喜欢我，那么就算耗费掉我整个青春年华也是值得的；只是有谁能保证，这不会是一场空等待？也许直到我白发苍茫，还是听不见你说一句‘喜欢你’。尽管如此，在我苦涩的青春里，你是那唯一而且美好的回忆！” - 黄米露 〈暗恋者〉
**************************************
mmm...the book i am reading now is making me feel *bleah*
no matter how much i tell myself that it is just a phase...
that eventually i'll get over it...and the sun will shine once more...
but as the gray clouds gather
and the rain starts to fall...
i really really wonder...
will i ever...
be able to let myself...
fall in love...
again...?

okie..something on a happier note...
went to watch 'i not stupid too' on tues with YH
so fun to go out after work...
though my weary face probably din show my enthusiasm for the movie...haha
the movie was good...
teared 3 times leh...one time even got tear roll down my cheeks
dinner was mac's chicken 饭-tastic! so yummy!
and it felt good just to be out and about after work...
instead of at home nua-ing in front of tv...
thank u, YH, for watching the movie with me!

today went out for lunch at this indian-vegetarian-fastfood restaurant near ttsh
it's the last day of this volunteer (J) who had been helping me and my mentor
she is going back to perth this weekend for her 2nd year in physiotherapy
lunch was yummy...but there was too much food!!
we couldn't finish..and i watched in dismay and guilt as we left the restaurant
at the amount of food left uneaten...
well..at least i finished my masala dosai....
but the servings was really HUGE lah! i got a shock when i saw the dosai
it's the length of the tray lor!!
but..it was fun...and good...and will post pics if J remembers to send me...

then somehow, the conversation turned to
"how to make guys take notice of u"
so my mentor shared some of her 'secrets'
cos, well..she met her husband when he was a HO and she was a new physio in the ward!
and in the midst of laughing and teasing my mentor...
i come to the following conclusions
1) guys are hint-resistant/hint-repellants. they just DUN GET IT!
2) girls who are cheery and fun are more attractive
3) girls should never, ever make the first move...(a mistake which i've learnt the hard way...)

anyway...my mentor has taken an active interest in my love life. she is actually looking out for guys who might be suitable for me *faint*
oh well..so that's to sum up my life in the past 2 days...

and in the meantime...
i am going back to read my book...
and wallow in my misery and loneliness again...
SIGH...

all of u out there using soft contact lens...
dun use Bausch and Lomb Multiloc multi-purpose solution!
i just saw it on the news this evening...
apparently MOH suspect that this solution causes increased risk of infection of the cornea...
so they are advised people not to use it..just in case lah...

i got a shock when i saw the news..
cos just 3 weeks ago, i bought 2 bigbottlesand1smallbottle of this solution
lucky haven't open yet...
then have to go back to the optometrist to change...
she din even check my receipt..
just ask me to choose from 2 other brands which are valued at the same price...

westmall is playing JC's mtvs on its not-so-big screen!!!
went to west mall and saw Jay on the screen in the MTV for piao yi...
and there is this sale going on by sembawang music...
the salesgirl keep telling every single person who picks up jay's huo yuan jia EP
"the mtv is playing there!" pointing to the big screen
haha...
mmm...time for me to purchase my second Jay album...
wait till i get my pay first...kinda broke after shopping with mummy yesterday...
but considering we bought the stuff at CK in chinatown..
it's actually all cheapo stuff lah...
so, for that amount of money, we got quite a bit of clothes...
for the time being, i dun have to worry about working clothes!
yay!

i need more sleep...and i need less food...sigh...

alone...home alone...
sad? nah...
happy? nup...
lonely? uh-uh...
so what exactly am i feeling??
sheer, complete, utter, total E.X.H.A.U.S.T.I.O.N.
cos i worked 8 hours today...
on a SATURDAY!
doesn't help when the rest of the department are working like 6 hours or 4 hours..
ARGH!
well..at least my clogged up sinuses are finally clearing abit...
and throat not sore liaoz..and not so itchy liaoz..
coughing less...*phew*
but but but...
i am so tired leh!
argh..rest one day then monday comes..again...
well...
at least for the next 4 weeks, i dun have to work on sat...
and at least..if things go smoothly, i will actually be going out after work on tues...
and my bro is coming back on monday!
yay!!
miss him so much...
hee..never knew i'll miss my bro this much...
i guess...
'u never seem to know what u've got till it's gone'
simple things like just having my bro here...
or having someone to talk to when u are feeling low...(yivern)
or strolling along the river with someone u can talk to for hours...(ruby)
or a kaki who will endure through late night korean drama marathons...(wing)
or people who will put up with ur weird theories and moans abt not having a bf...(shuli)
and somehow, all these people are physically separated from me..
all back in melbourne...
and so...
i am still blindly trying to find a way to adapt to my new social circumstance

though i must say i am at the brink of giving up trying to socialise...

oh, must share something that happened today..just to remind myself i shld learn to keep my mouth shut:

today, i was writing my notes at this table with lotsa flowers from patients to the docs&nurses
and i commented,"wah. so pretty. wonder when i'll get my first flower from a patient"
my TA replied,"aiyoh. u should wonder when u'll get ur first flower from ur bf mah"
and i said,"haha, ok..then i should wonder when i'll get a bf"
and my TA said,"here got so many young doctors! just pick one!"

*diong* maciam like go market and choose fruits like that...

anyway, i then said,"ah? no lah...doctors...have to wait for them to come and talk to me mah"
and my TA replied,"aiyoh. doctors ah, especially those young ones, sometimes u need to 'poke poke' them mah. make the first move so they know u interested mah"

*diong diong diong* even my TA is starting to give me the 'ugottabemoreproactive' speech.

so, moral of the story is?
gretel should not talk too much
cos she ends up with the same advice that she never seem to be able to take.

anyway, doctors or whoever...
i just can't see myself making any moves...
and i also cannot see them showing any interest in me..
okie...end of story...i shall steer away from that topic...

alrighty...mummy is back...watching news
daddy still watching man-U vs liverpool downstairs at the kopitiam
and drained old gretel is going to prepare to go to bed
tomorrow going gai-gai with my parents...
yes, my parents again...
luckily i am at home...
at least......... still got my parents to go out with...

chanced upon this thingie on dreamy's blog...

Johari Window

thought i'll give it a go too...
cos i am always wondering what pple really think of me...
i guess this is a good way to find out eh?
so if u have the time to spare...
please fill it in okie??
thank u!!:D

and if u just wanna know what the heck it is...
click here
won't cost u anything lah...just a few minutes of ur time :P

argh...still sick...
argh...got work...
argh...argh...ARGH!

i got a new camera!!
burnt a hole in my pocket...
gonna be broke for the next month or so...
but..
i'm happy!!
as i am crazily taking stupid pics with my brand new Canon Powershot A610!
woo hoo!!

but...right now...my mood has taken a slight dip
i am sick...
and it's the neitherherenorthere kind of sick..
sick until sian sian...
but not sick enough to take MC
so i am coughing...but at least the sore throat is sort of gone
and i am sneezing...but no running nose...
my nose is clogged up though..and i feel like my whole upper respiratory tract is filled with cotton wool
*aaahhhh chhhhoooO!*
*cough COUGH*
argh...

full day work this sat...sighz...
and cos i agreed to go climb mount ophir in late april
i really need to start training..
please let me get better soon...
i dun want to cough and cough..and cough!!
*cross fingers cross toes*

sore throat...
not the kind that goes away with lotsa water...
but the kind that seem to originate from a swollen tonsil...
or swollen tonsils...
like the kind i had when i was in brussels..
where i 'cured' it with pralines/choc tasting at the shops...
cos when u are in belgium
and the shop owner offers u choc FOC
u take it..
sore throat or not...
it's yummy...it's free...so, eat it. full stop, case closed...

but now...
nothing seem to make it go away
not even downing lotsa water...
this persistent ache in right at the back of my mouth...
this irritating itch right there...with this pain that seem to shoot right into my nasal passages
argh...

i hope i dun fall too sick to go to work...
i'll feel really bad...
probably worse than if i actually go to work despite being sick...
then again, i'll be putting my patients at risk then..
argh...moral dilemna...

my first vday in 4 years as a single gal...
my collegue jokingly asked..."so,jin tian jia ren you yue ma?"
(jia ren as in a date...)
and so, i jokingly answered "got! jia ren de jia lor"
(jia ren as in family...)
yet somehow..that joke seem to only make me smile on the surface
and frown/sob inside
well...vday is gonna be over in less than 4 hours time
(according to singapore time)
perhaps because i faced today as any other day...
it went by pretty fast...
until that 'joke' my collegue cracked...
i even managed to make myself forget that today is vday...
so, i guess it's all in the mind...
because for a gal like me...
vday is just another day...
14 Feb is just a date i write when i write my notes...
no roses...no date...no nothing...
without expectations..
at least i know...
i won't be disappointed on this day this year...

vday...
tomorrow...
sadness...
loneliness...
helplessness...

爱是你眼里的一首情歌 - 郭美美

总是不经意的想起　你喜欢哼的那首歌曲
一样温柔低吟　依旧牵动我的心
我曾寻寻觅觅　想在文字里寻找爱情
才发现最美的诗句　原来都在你眸里

爱是你眼里的一首情歌　轻扬着飘逸旋律
让我不知不觉的陶醉在　你缠绕的深情
爱是你眼里的一首情歌　轻拨弄我的心弦
让我不由自主更　深爱着你

listening to soppy love songs...
trying to ignore the persistent ache within...
hoping to escape from the claws of the past...

wondering...
thinking...
fantasising...
dreaming...

理想情人 - 杨丞林

穿上洋装 看着手表
时间快到 心碰碰的跳
和你的第一次约会来临了

金色的阳光洒满人行道
换了新唇膏把头发弄好
要你看到 我的好

喜欢看你走路充满自信
说话时候你的专注眼神
温柔的表情 笑容里的天真
我相信 找不到有比你更好的人
你心里理想情人是几分
是否也会有我的份

好想知道 你的100分会给怎样的人
亲爱的你 不要再陌生增加我戏份
我想问亲爱的你 把感情升等 朋友变成情人
可不可以 告诉我标准 不要让我一直等

听着那时间滴答的走
对街的你在点头
好像一个梦渐渐走到我前头

好想知道 你的100分会给怎样的人
亲爱的你 不要再陌生增加我戏份
我想问亲爱的你 把感情升等 朋友变成情人
可不可以 告诉我标准 不要让我一直等

an ideal lover??
i dun think he/she exists in this world...
but i do believe...
that there is an ideal somebody for each of us...
problem is...
how do we know if that person is the ideal one?
perhaps...
i've already met him...
and unknowingly...
i've let him slipped away from my life...

happy valentine's day to all...

Went to my mentor's place yesteday for her open house...
and it was so fun!!
kinda nice to hang out and just talk crap..
and playing with 2 cute babies...
one of them developed an unexplained interest in my doggie pendant and the buttons on my top

oh, and one of the physios manipulated my neck+thoracic spine...
cos i was complaining about a sore neck..
so there i was, lying on the floor in my mentor's spare bedroom with a cushion...
and he moved my neck this way and that way..
then i felt a sharp jerk..
followed by *crack*
another jerk *crack*
one more jerk *crack crack*
then, sat up...he palpated my thoracic spine..decided it way stiff..
so,i crossed my arms, he put on hand behind me and i slowly lie down...
a firm pressure from him as i rolled my way down onto the cushion
*crack crack crack crack*
*OOF*
and with those *crack*s, my neck and thoracic spine feels so nice and soft now..HAHA!
thank you CC!

after the open house, off to meet my parents to go to river hongbao 2006

this year my parents are damn ON about all the CNY events...
chinatown on CNY eve to see firecrackers and fireworks
Sentosa last sat to see the pretty pretty flowers in full bloom
and then,
river hong bao yesterday...
to see 12 Chinse Zodiac signs made like lanterns and more fireworks

(supposed to have another few more pics here...but somehow they are way too big and making my blog all screwed-up. so have to take them down...sorrie!)

my camera remains non-usable...
so have to use my brother's digital SLR.
can't wait for my camera to be fixed..
my camera referring to my tiny-handbag-sized-easy-to-use Canon Powershot A410...
though..from the looks of it...
i am gonna trade in for a Powershot A610 instead...
cos it's not worth repairing the A410
whatever it is...
i am at the brink of giving up trying to use a Digital SLR
*bleah*

went to temple just now to pray...
cos me being born in the year of the dog...
clashes with a particular god known as Tai Sui（犯太岁）
which means alot of bad luck and a rough year ahead...
apparently go temple and pray may help to alleviate the bad luck...
and have a more smooth sailing year...
*cross fingers*
in the process of praying, i had quite a fair share of bad luck...
like little kids waving their joss sticks right in front of my eyes...
which immediately caused me to tear up and sniffle...
and then, one of my joss sticks slipped while i was lighting it..
and in an idiotic moment of reflex, i used my bare left hand to try and grab it...
in the end, my left middle finger pad came into direct contact with the glowing ember at the tip of the joss stick
*ouchie!*
now got a small blister..sigh...
and then, as i was sticking my joss sticks into the incense holder...
someone else's joss stick ash fell onto my right forearm..
and so, i have another blister on my right forearm...
feel kinda traumatized by the temple experience...
though i am not overly superstitious...
some stuff....i guess i prefer to believe it...
just in case...

and this morning, went cycling with my parents to breakfast, to temple and to BB nature park
oh, and to lunch...
now...i feel kinda physically drained...
and mentally alert...
which is why i am blogging even though my legs and back are groaning...

mm..an eventful sunday for me...
can't believe tomorrow is MONDAY again!!
another week of work...
and have to work full day on saturday somemore..
suddenly, i wish the blisters will get infected and i can get MC...
*touching table top made of wood*
on second though, maybe not...
dun wanna end up with sepsis...
*shudders*

alrighty...now off for a refreshing shower and slack on sofa with a trashy novel!

just realised that i am such a lazy bum...
because i dun even bother to post up more stuff abt my europe trip...
so if anyone here is looking for a day-to-day commentary of my trip in europe..
go to weipeng's blog
besides...
he is the one who knows the correct names for the places we go..
so instead of reading stuff like 'oh, and that's the OTHER cathedral we went to...'
u will actually know the name of the place. haha...

oh..must correct myself also..
in one of the pics..i said the place is 'palais royal - musee de lourve'
wp pointed out that that is the name of the metro station...
which, obviously, is correct cos he is the expert (and i'm the idiot during the trip..haha)
but, in my own 'twisted logic'
i thought putting that is okay too..
cos lourve museum is right beside palais royal...
and from the place where i was standing to take the pic..
both lourve and palais royal are in the pic...HAHA!!
yeah yeah..i can hear all the snickering...
ooh...btw...if u are wondering how to pronounce the names...
sounds something like this..
'pa-lai-raw-yao-mew-zee-dee-loof'
*guaffaw*
well..at least that's the way i hear it..and say it...all the way from paris to belgium to denmark

mm..still got quite alot of pics which i shld try and post up when i am more free...
or when i actually bother to come online...
in the meantime, do visit's wp's blog to see more pics (without me inside, so that's an incentive)
and read the description he wrote...better than my 搞笑 version
oh, he also give narration about how our cameras suffered less-than-happy fates
and how i got cheated by those punks in paris...
and our disastrous NY eve countdown...

to weipeng: FYI, i think it was me who wanted to climb the eiffel tower cos i wanted to 'touch' the metal structure of the tower...haha...even though we did say 'we'll climb if it's 1 euro' and it was actually like 3.50 euros..but hey, i think that was one of the highlights of our trip leh. thanks for going along with my warped ideas during the trip :D will always remember eating Mac's cheeseburger on level one of eiffel tower!

if u have just read dreamy's blog...
and u just read her SDU entry...the 'close fren of hers' is urs truly.
*muahaha*

oh well...that's next year anyway.
for reasons unknown, i decided to visit the SDU website
and i realised that maybe joining it isn't such a 'paiseh' thingie after all...
it's like one of the ways to get to know more people and stuff...
but now right now...not in the near future...
i dun want to 'go out and meet more people' as my friends/collegues/family have been telling me
i dun feel the need to socialise...or rather...
i feel repulsed by the thought of having to call someone to go out with me...
it's as if i lost all of my proactiveness after 13 March 2005.
and i am not even that proactive to begin with...
currently, i somehow just dun mind spending almost all my time with my parents...
sad part is that my parents have their own social commitments..
like right now, they are out having dinner with PM Lee at the Istana
while i am here at home blogging about stuff that i really think no one really cares anyway.

i guess to be really truthful, i am not repulsed cos it's disgusting...
i am repulsed because...socialising scares the crap out of me...
maybe when one becomes single for a certain amount of time,
it takes about twice the effort to get back into the game...
talking to people is actually scary to me...
yeah..scary as in like heartraterisesfeelnauseousbreakintocoldsweat kind of feeling
ok, i dun hyperventilate when i talk to everyone...
just...i guess...to the opposite gender who can be a potential someone
mouth goes dry and i start talking nonsense
argh...i feel inadequate

of course, earlier today...
part of me was wishing and hoping that someone will call and ask me out
yeah yeah..i know..
if i dun go out and meet people, where got people ask me to go out right??
yah, so i know i am day-dreaming about someone
so be it lor...or at least...i want to make myself believe that i dun really care
deep down inside...of course i do care...
call me lazy...call me desperate...call me pathetic...
call me any negative words u can think of...
and well, u pretty much have described me in the best possible way

have i lost faith in love?
no...i still believe in love...
what i've lost faith in...
is myself...
and so...
i can't bring myself to even begin to believe
that love will happen to a girl like me...

WARNING: PICS AHEAD. SLOW TO LOAD!

mm...eyes are tired. shouldn't be spending too much time in front of computor...

realised that my entries are shifting from complaining about work
back to complaining about my social life
...or lack thereof...

so...decided to post something happier today...
like...
photos from my europe trip??? *grin*
okie...they are kinda overdue...
and going to be pics from paris onwards...
cos those in spain bring back the painful memory of my broken camera


oh yes...the whole lens has fallen off...*sob sob sob*

so, picture time...


Snowing in Paris!! so pretty hor?? yeah...until the snow became hail..and then rain...and then have to trudge around in soggy shoes and socks *bleah* but, i must admit i feel really lucky that i get to see snow falling in Paris!


Oh yeah. of course must have a pic of the famous Eiffel Tower. this is probably the landmark we took the most pics of. haha. but it is very magnificent up close and personal...


Palais Royal - Musee de Lourve. the famous museum with the famous painting - Mona Lisa. which stingy tourist like me decided it's not worth going in to see cos..i dunno how to appreciate art. btw, there is a metro station at this place..and it is the only train station in Paris which i can completely mimick the way they say it..just ask wp...i keep repeating it everywhere i go. *smirk*


Chateau de Versailles - number one palace in Europe, i think. and it was really really really magnificent. all the rooms have paintings on the ceilings of various gods and goddesses. had a neck ache after that though...


The garden of Versailles. yes..they call this a garden...i think it qualifies as a park liaoz. FYI, in the distance, the rectangular body of water is actually frozen. so can imagine how freaking cold i was lah...


on new year's day, wp and i climbed up to the 2nd level of the Eiffel Tower (668 steps, i think) and this is one of the views. in the distance is the modern bit of Paris (according to wp lah).


ermm..some park in Brussels (i think i spell wrongly...nvm). i just think this pic has a very european feel to it. and i look quite nice in this pic..muahahah *thick skinned*


we had the best food in brussels. ooh yeah...mussels and fries...YUMMY!!!


ermm..i think this place is called "Grand Place' in Brussels. can see why it's called that right?? the building is like so WOW! oh, and around this area are like dozens of shops selling...u guessed it...pralines. too bad i got sore throat then..cannot try most of them.


My ABSOLUTE fav place out of the whole trip - BRUGGE! it's so so so PRETTY..and it's such a small, quiet European town with the whole european feel. people are friendly and most of them speaks english. i am IN LOVE with this place!!


Brugge - look at the buildings! so cute hor?!? wp says the buildings look like those in Holland. *hmm* i wouldn't know lah. but i think they are very pretty!! haha


Brugge - did i mention the beautiful scenery?? i think this place is so much more romantic than Paris. i know alot of people disagree..maybe i have a different kind of 'romantic' in mind...


last stop of the trip: Copenhagen. and the whitish thingy behind me is ICE. that is an outdoor ice skating rink (in the morning, so not many people skating yet). but it was too expensive to skate...sighz...

okie dokie...hope this entertained most of u. *phew* *yawn*
time to say nite nite and go sleep...
tmr going sentosa with parents to the flower exhibition thingie..
and then to my cousin's new place for mahjong and mee siam. *grinz*
will post more pics when i have more time...
*yawn*

会有那么一天 - 林俊杰

一九四三 世界大战 阿嬤年轻的时候
爷爷爱她那么多 他们感情很深
但是爷爷 身负重任 就在离乡的那夜
给了阿嬤一个吻 轻声说到

“我要离去 別再哭泣
不要伤心请你相信我
要等待 我的爱 陪你永不离开
因为会有那么一天
我们牵著手在草原听 鳥儿歌唱的声音
听我说声 我爱你”

夕阳西下 鳥儿回家 阿嬤躺在病床上
呼吸有一点散漫 眼神却很溫柔
看著爷爷湿透的眼 握著他粗糙的手
阿嬤泪水开始流 轻声说道

“我要离去 別再哭泣
不要伤心请你相信我
要等待 我的爱 陪你永不离开
因为会有那么一天
我们牵著手在草原听鳥儿歌唱的声音
听我说声 我爱你”

我爱你
**********************************
darn...this song is bringing tears to my eyes...
maybe because i've seen so many old couples in the hospital...
helping the other half...sticking by the other half..
in sickness and in health...till death do they part...
*sob sob sob*
granted that i've actually seen alot of such scenarios...
old man/lady lying in bed...
in pain...in misery...
and his/her wife/husband by the bedside...
quietly holding his/her hand, wiping away the sweat/drool now and then...
or the old man/lady sitting in the chair...
with his/her wife/husband feeding him/her favourite food...
chatting away...like nothing can even come between them...
not sickness...not physical impairments...maybe, not even death...

either i am just being emotional...or i am reading too much HZGG
too much of those 'u are the only one for me' lines...
or maybe, it's a combination of both...
sitting here in my room...
where the only company i have is Jay singing to me from my laptop
i wonder if i will ever experience such love...
when the love is so strong that u will do anything and everything for that person...

probably not...
because..well..let's face it..
guys who will stop looking at other girls after they have found 'the one'
just dun exist in real life...
no matter how much they try and act like they aren't looking...
point being that when a pretty girl is there...they ARE looking
some even go to the extent of asking their gfs 'eh, she chio or not?'
and expect the gf to join in their 'appreciation of the human body'
*rolls eyes*
okie...there are girls who dun mind it...
i just happen to be NOT one of those girls...
i mean...if the guy is in love with the girl, then the least he can do is to appreciate in silence
and not be obvious...
correct?
asking for gf's opinion is too much lah!

okie, i am digressing...
but anyway...sunset brings this sense of melancholy (did i spell that correctly?)
and well, nighttime just brings this sense of depression lah.
well, not depression per se..
just this 'sigh, when will i ever find true love?' musings
and sometime between listening to that song and blow drying my hair...
i started picturing myself at 80 years old..
sick and in bed...
and my 80+ years old husband beside me...
feeding me my fav fruit (water melon) while telling me stupid jokes to make me laugh
*misty eyed*

人因梦想而伟大。

so i guess it's ok to dream...
just to make life look that little bit more exciting...
and have that little bit more to look forward to...
even though it is just a dream...