缘分，要来时，挡不住。要走时，留不住。

有时候，不知道为什么，身边的人会悄悄地不见了。
没有闹意见，没有误会，没有疙瘩。
就这样消失了。
无声无息。
就是再怎么努力，音讯全无。

或许在这种时候，最令人难过是这些人还是和别人保持了联络。
令人无奈的是自己已经踏出第一步，第二步...
可是，
好像是这些人放弃了自己，而选择了别人。

一种被冤枉的感觉，很无辜地被这些人忘却了。
也许难过，是因为这些人，在‘失踪’前是身边很重要、很在乎的人。
如今，也只有透过别人才知道他们过得好不好。

**************************************************

缘分，它走了吗？
还是，你们选择不要再继续和我的缘分？
答案，其实不重要吧。
只想告诉你们，我过得还不错。
你们，都好吗?

希望有一天，缘分会让我们再次相聚。
保重啦，朋友 :)

Listen to the rhythm of falling rain....

i love the sound of falling rain..
and i love the sight of the falling rain...

especially now i am home alone, with all the time i have on my hand to do what i want..
to rest completely and to finally catch up on uploading photos which i've kept too long in my comp..

dad and mum has gone on a trip to malaysia
and so i have the whole house to myself..
i can prance around, do whatever i want and no parents to give me a disapproving look..

ok, actually i kinda miss them already...
my dad has been very nice and looked after me when i was 'disabled'...
now that i can kind of take care of myself...
kinda miss having dad around to help me spread butter on my bread..
help me scoop food onto my spoon...

and mum has been patient with my inability to help out with household chores
also cooking food which i can eat and closing both eyes to my general laziness that stemmed from my 'disability'

i guess this is, in a way, a good way to rehabilitate myself...
task specific training...
functional training...

except i still can't sweep, can't mop, can't do laundry cos of the load...
and i haven't done any dishes yet...

never mind...
i'll just focus on the good things...
and for now,
i'll just enjoy the falling rain...and having the whole house to myself...

and later..
i'll prove that i can cook
ok, so it's something really simple...instant noodles
but the point is, i CAN cook...with my left hand and right fingers..

and, i can now type with both hands!
muahaha...

~home alone and enjoying every second~

time now 1036h

i am blogging this entry using my left hand to type...
only my left cos my right hand is bandaged up after the arthrascopy done a week ago...
my fingers are free, but hovering my right hand above the keyboard for more than 1 minute hurts...
but just using one hand to type is also straining on my left...
why are all the important function keys on the right side??
*grrrr*

therefore, i am taking about twice as long to type this short post...
at the same time overusing my left upper trapezius...
and causing impingement in left shoulder from excessive reagching to the right side for 'backspace' and 'enter'

suddenly have alot of respect for those who manage to return to work after losing the function in any of the limbs...

hopefully after today, after seeing the doc,
i'll be out of the bandages...
and then will be able to use my right side to help...

not to mention to finally be able to wash the skin covered by the bandages for 8 long days..

eewwww...can't imagine the smell and look of my right wrist *shudder*

time now 1046h...
10mins!!

slow poach :(

~overused left hand, smelly itchy right hand~

in an effort to achieve that dream of finishing 10km in less than an hour,
i signed up to run in Singapore Bay Run tomorrow..

now, i can't even remember why achieving that dream is important..
because the thought of waking up at 5am is making me wanna sprain my ankle purposely...

sigh..
always like that...
some screw always come loose when people ask me if i wanna join..
and then i'll agree..
try to train for it..
only to end up running at about the same speed as before..

talk about discouraging..

i think that dream is nowhere near...

but i guess, it's not about the destination..
it's about the journey..

and in a way, this time round is rather different
cos i'll actually be wearing proper running shoes
i'll be running by myself (probably, since no one seems to run at my lousy speed)
and this time, i'm actually gonna really try to clock in at a better time
(not the usual see how lah)

probably cos this is the last active thing i'll do for a while until wound is healed properly post-op...

give it my best lah..
'die' with no regret *grin*

gah, gotta get to bed..
6.5 hours of sleep is hopefully enough to sustain me through to the finishing line.

~attempt #5 to like running~

August is here...

somehow, august always bring back alot of memories...
good ones...bad ones...
happy ones...sad ones...angry ones...guilty ones...

maybe because it doesn't really hit me that the 2nd half of the year has begun until august rolls around...
or maybe because i always associate august with the cold and gloomy winter of Melbourne...

ah, winter in melbourne..
days of curling up under the quilt, jap curry and rice with HZGG, hot choc and jay chou
i never thought i'll miss melbourne this much...

anyway...back to august..

last year this time, i was fighting a bad bout of infectious mononucleosis and a 'cancer scare'
last year this time, i was fighting the urge to hold onto YQ and ask her 'don't go!'
last year this time, i was fighitng the fear of going under the knife, and under GA for the first time...
last year this time, i was fighting alot...physically, mentally, emotionally

one year later, i am fighting a 'bad bout' of (R) wrist pain with basic ADLs...
one year later, i am fighting the urge to take off to somewhere else by myself
one year later, i am (still) fighting the fear of going under the knife, and under GA for the 2nd time
one year later, i am fighting...physically, mentally, emotionally

fighting...
that seems to be the thing i do alot these days...
which is why everyday, when i feel down and exhausted, i can only tell myself that i cannot give up because if i survive this challenge, i'll be stronger for the next one..
yes, "what doesn't kill me makes me stronger"

only, on certain days...
something inside me gives way and all i want to do is to bawl my eyes out..
i don't want to be stronger..
i want to be a weakling and let someone else hold the fort for me..
i want to be protected, not proctecting
i want to be comforted, not comforting
i want to curl up and die, not stand tall and fight

today is one of those days...
that awfully drained feeling..
feeling all alone, fighting by myself...

yet i know curling up, being weak and giving up is not an option
because these are my own battles...
and who would be a better soldier than me, myself and i?

and so, with a dreadfully beaten-up body, utterly drained out mind and hopelessly low spirits,
i shall drag myself to my ever-loyal bed,pillow,crying kaki and eeyore...

tomorrow, another day of fighting...
maybe, if i just pretend that i am winning, i may find the courage to stand tall and shout

"WHAT DOESN'T KILL ME MAKES ME STRONGER!!!"

*pppffffftttt*

yeah right...

~14 days and counting down~