an unexpected (and in a way, unwanted) break from work...
as of 29 July, i've finished up every single second of my 14-day MC for the year 2008
and have to take annual leave because i don't have enough MC left.

this year..sucks...in terms of my health...

forget about the fact that i actually FINISHED my MC
and let's forget about the part where i am seeing ENT for a nasal problem which they are treating with just nasal spray...

apart from that 'HFMD' scare in March,
i nearly coughed my lungs out in Feb during CNY...
on top of being 'stricken' with this almost daily sensation of giddiness...
like a final blow to KO me,
some weird viral infection that make me look all lumpy and bloated around the neck..
and let's not forget about the SOB and nausea and headaches that plagued me for the last 1-2 weeks

finally, my life has resumed some of its normality
i no longer pant when i walk from room to kitchen
and i no longer have to take postural precautions when i get up from the chair or bed
although the sore throat is really starting to kick in,
at least my appetite is slowly slowly coming back

s....l....o....w....l....y....
the whole recovery process is so s.....l......o.......w.......
but i am just glad that at least i don't feel like complete crap..
not feeling good, but at least not completely crappy...

poor mj has to put up with my yoyo-ing moods these past 2 weeks... sorry dear
from hysterical laughter (when i am not too SOB to laugh)
to uncontrollable sobs (after i vomitted and gagged till my abdominals cramped)
and mum has to go back to doing the sweeping and mopping cos i just can't do it... sorry mummy

sigh, i am like an invalid...
this useless person who can only lie there and make sure she continues to breathe in and out

but but, at least..finally, things are taking a turn for the better *phew*
hopefully, this turn continues on a path of speedy recovery
so i can go back to doing the things i really want to do..
like walk around...swim...roller blading...

part of me wants to try to go back to work tomorrow
but the other part of me knows that if i do, i'll be so exhausted that i probaby end up feeling worse on monday
so, i shall not try and save that one day of annual leave
and be selfish for one more day

now that breathing isn't taking up 90% of my attention, i can finally multitask!
i can breathe and chat on msn!
i can breathe and read a book!
i can breathe, walk in and out of the kitchen and cook porridge for lunch!

please, if you are reading this blog, do not take your ability to take a breath for granted..

and if you are a smoker, please quit.
otherwise you'll end up with COPD chronic obstructive pulmonary disease and lose the ability to breathe in and out with ease

i'm digressing...
first sign of computor fatigue
better go and rest...and continue on my s.....l.....o.....w..... journey to complete recovery

~gret is finally making progress :)~

humans...
are always taking certain things for granted...
until for some reason...we lose it..
then we realise how important it is...

like taking a breath in is such an automatic and mundane task
u don't think about it..
u don't even know u're doing it..
the brainstem does the job..
expanding the lungs..
getting the air in...and then getting the air out...
until one day...
getting a breath in is more difficult than lifting a finger...
when you have to consciously breathe in..and blow the air out...
just the act of breathing in consumes more energy than usual

like walking from my room to the kitchen...
which used to be completed in less than 10 effortless steps..
now takes conscious effort to stay upright, breathe
and the 10 steps feels like i'm running 2.4km

like turning myself in bed...
which was once upon a time an automatic reaction when i sleep..
now, i have to wake up,
consciously adjust my limbs and trunk before i can complete the task

it's been 13 days since i had the first lump...
9 days since the fever started...
8 days since the new lumps appeared...
each day is a struggle..
each breath is a conscious effort..
the doctors keeps telling me that it's viral, so can only wait for it to go away by itself..
only symptomatic relief for the fever and aching..

but what about the SOB? the giddiness, the nausea?
the constant tearing from my right eye?
the pain in my chest when i cough?
the sharp shooting pain in my head when i exert or cough?
the tight, bloated feeling in my tummy?
what about all these??

"infectious mononucleosis" - is that all it is?
is it supposed to feel this terrible?

i'm whining...
in fact, if i can, i want to cry my eyes out and just maybe i'll wake up and realise that it's all just a very bad nightmare...

~Gretel is ill...but apparently not DIL~

曾经曾经，自己一个人是ok的。
现在现在，一个人是寂寞，是空虚。

生病了，隐藏好的脆弱都被释放。
掉下眼泪，很庆幸有你安慰我。
也许不能把疼痛赶走，
却可以让无助远离我。

你不能分分秒秒都陪着我，
但我知道，你时时刻刻都在惦记着我。
或许外表似乎坚强的我，突然变得这么软弱，
让你也有一点措手不及。
可是，我想让你知道，
因为有你在身边，我有了忍耐疼痛的能力。
因为有你呵护我，我有了笑容。
因为有你拥抱我，我有了力气和病毒对抗。

我不知道这场‘战争’会打多久，
希望我会快快好起来，那你也不用一直担心我。

谢谢你天天陪着我，忍让我的任性和飘浮不定的情绪。
谢谢你天天逗我笑，纵容我生病时的一切要求。
谢谢你天天安慰我，包容我疼痛时不争气的眼泪。

谢谢你照顾我，谢谢你念着我。
谢谢你出现在我生命里。

三个字，有你有我。
你明白的，对吗？
：D

it's sunday..
i'm sitting here with a cold compress on my head..
and aching all over...
and sprouting lumps on the right side of my neck..

and did i mention that i sprouted a neck lump after the ophir climb?

-_-

not happy i tell u..

MJ thinks it's the water i drank...cos not enough puritab..
the doc diagnosed it as 'cervical lymphodermatitis'..
my mum flipped through her 'medical' book and came up with the following possibilities..

1) Cancer of the lymph nodes
2) TB
3) cancer somewhere else with mets to my lymph nodes.....

everyone else thinks it's an infection...

what do i think?

i dunno..
just want the lumps to go away..
and all the aches to be gone..
and the fever to just disappear..
and then maybe life can be back to almost normal again...

sometimes, i really have to remind myself to be careful with what i wish for...
perhaps i wanted to fall sick..
but not this kind of weird-sprouting-lumps-febrile-achy sick...

not too sure if the doc is gonna gimme a good explanation for the progression of the lumps..

crap...
sucky weekend..

and a sucky week ahead...

~lumpy gretel is unhappy~

opps...

i did it again...

no no..not sprained ankle..

just that i managed to get up to the top of ophir and came back down in one, unharmed human piece :D

this time round, the route was different..

less steps, more slopes...

and sadly enough, it rained!

gah...

mud here mud there..

mud everywhere!!

gross...

alot of slipping and sliding..

and ppl releasing tree branches which rebound and slap me in the head...

ouchie..

but but.. at least all my ligaments are intact..haha

super tired though...

aching and not sure if i caught some bug...

very very lethargic..

and so, very very unwell..

but not unwell enough to take mc..

sian...

similar to last time, ppl freaked at the rocky 'cliff' part...

not similar to last time, we had a very good guide who actually helped those that had difficulty..

and actually carries a first aid kit!!

*applause*

luckily enough, there wasn't any serious casualities...

scratches, abrasions, bruises++++++, cramps....

but everyone made it back home in one, relatively unharmed piece..haha

and the waterfall was great...

last time didn't have the time to go for a free 'jacuzzi' after the climb..

this time, just the memory of the cool water pounding on my sore, aching muscles..

i wanna go back there now!!

sigh..

KB says he's not gonna organise anymore ophir trip..

well, he said the same thing last time..

so hopefully he will 'eat his own words' again..

i need a holiday...

like a real one..

the bum around and do nothing, get fat and become lazy kind of holiday...

then again,

if i can get leave, i really wouldn't mind going for another trekking trip...

KK maybe?

well well,

record stands in the department at 3 times up and down ophir...

see if i can break that record...

4 times maybe?

-_-

or maybe, i just want to head back to Ayer Panas for the waterfall....

2 years, 2 months and about 2 weeks ago...

April 28 2006

.......

but, i am SO EXCITED!!
in 25 mins time, i will be heaving my 5kg backpack and meeting my colleagues to climb mount ophir.ooh yeah...
the much-anticipated-quads-nearly-died-while-training trip!!
and this week was so busy cos the trip as well...
apart from feeling exhausted after work, still have to make sure all the things i need are here, and that i get packed...
though i did pack last night, only to weigh the bag and realise it's a whopping 8kg!
so, have to repack using my brother's field pack
and of course with captain guay's help, i manage to shrink the weight down to 5kg :)

had a shower and now feeling fresh and very sleepy...
but also can feel the adrenaline in me...
part of me really wish i can prove everyone wrong..
get up to the summit and go 'ah? like that only ah?'
but the realistic part of me know that i will probably be the one going 'omg, can we please rest again!?'
-_-

nonetheless...
i am definitely looking forward to it...
and also trying to mentally prepare myself for sore quads and butt on monday..
which happen to be salsa day O_o
oh well...fingers cross...
and it's time to get ready to go..

if u dun see any update of this blog in the next week...
please send the police to hunt for me/my body in mount ophir
O_o

Posted by sHiYin @ 22:30

.......

tonight...
in 25mins time...
i will be lesving to meet the rest at clementi pick up point...
on the way to Ophir for the 2nd time!

excited?
not as much as the previous trip...
but this time round, apparently it's gonna be a new route...
and it's gonna be 28 of us climbing...
goodness gracious me...
last time 13 ppl already not very the fast (remember, we are the perlahan perlahan team...)
hopefully, fingers crossed, this route is easier...
and will be faster...

also will be lodging at the resort on the base of the mountain, so less load to carry...
but more distance to cover in a day..
*cross fingers*

and this time round...
i have someone special by my side...
which means i can 'long bang' some stuff in his bag...
so my load can be even lighter *evil laugh*

all in all, it's a brand new experience...
with almost brand new team of climbers/trekkers...
just hope that everything will go smoothly...

Gunung Ledang, here i come!

it's kinda depressing...
when one's life is just filled with moments of trying not be stressed...
and trying not to be tired....
moments of looking forward to the end of each day...
and dreading the start of everyday...

weekends become shorter and shorter...
weekdays become longer and longer...
endurance is pushed to its limits..
like how i tell my colleagues...
i'm hanging in there...by sheer determination

yet, i'm really running out of determination..
can feel the itch in the throat..
the stuffiness in the nose...
the giddiness in the head..
and that general malaise which makes me crawls onto my bed and knocks out immediately..

just wanna keep my eyes closed...
and let the world fade away...
just me, my bed and my bolster
(well, bolster not the best option..but the other option is not available...)

self declared long weekend ahead...
rest rest tmr...
then OPHIR! here i come again!
sweat and huff and puff on sat...
ache and rest on sun...

and then, hopefully the mountain air can recharge some determination into me..
back to work on mon....

~fatigued, lethargic~