i started my 26th year on planet Earth with'

1)horrible ugly hair cut. i dunno how i am going to face my colleagues and deal with the jokes...sigh...

2)extreme sleepiness. i can fall asleep while typing this if i dun consciously try to stay awake

3)a very bloated stomach. overate in m'sia. all the spicy food didn't help.

4)very dry eyes. i have to close my eyes for 4-5 secs in between typing or else my eye balls will probably turn to cotton wool texture

5)bad, sensitive skin.

6)numerous mosquito bites

7)new dresses which are FREE. yay! although they are kinda hand-me-downs, all in good quality. some of them are actually almost brand new (like worn once or twice only)

8)did i mention my horrible hair cut? yes i did...and lesson learnt - stick to haircuts which work, dun try anything new...

everytime i look into the mirror, i wanna put a cap on the hide my hair...

my bad hair days are back....with a vengeance

so not looking forward to sun...

i'm gonna look like an idiot..

a sleepy idiot with super dry eyes and dry,blotchy skin...

happy birthday to me......

it feels nice to sit here and know that i dun have to go to work tmr...
or the day after...
nor the day after...
etc..etc...etc...

MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

okie...enough madness on an early sunday morning...

high tea buffet yesterday with the gals was YUMMY!!
and thank you ladies, for the treat...
sadly, silly gret forgot her camera..so no pics..
hopefully miss Y will find her cable to upload pics...and send them to me

although i am nursing a rather bloated tummy since the high tea yesterday
(i shld never be allowed to go for buffet..it positivey reinforce my impulse to over-eat)
i am feeling...rather happy...
haha
yeah..i'm happy!
goodness, look out for the moon tonight..shld be blue..
maybe even green?!...

but i guess at the moment, i have nothing to be sad abt..
on leave for the week
and going to malaysia with mummy to "chill"
although my colleagues has already heard of my c/o that it's gonna be boring and "integerrotive"
then again
anywhere out of sg is better than being here..
thinking too much abt things i cannot solve...

oh well..time to get ready for the long journey in via mrt, bus then coach...
hopefully when i get back
i'll be rested...
and ready to face the messy life i have once again

cheerios!

it's been awhile since i've blogged more than once in a day...
usually when i do that...
it means i'm really bored...
or really troubled...

today...
it's both...
but in a way, today's been a rather good day..
apart from listening to my parents squabbling over lunch...
a good day...means no complaints..
so no ranting..no grouchiness...no disappointments...

unfortunately, my mood doesn't seem to pick up....
i'm not in a bad mood...
still can laugh..still can joke...
in fact, i think i'm probably getting quite good at putting that smile on my face
even though i'm really crying a river within

my mood...is subdued...
dun feel like having fun..because, it feels like a betrayal
dun feel like sitting around...because, i get bored
dun feel like crying, dun feel like smiling...
just reacting to the circumstances...

perhaps i've cried too much...
so that i have no more strength to sob
it's refreshing to know that i have the ability to fatigue from crying
and even nicer to know
that smiling is now less tiring than crying
therefore, it's so much easier to smile now

a load off my shoulders...
off my heart...
i can breathe now...
the palpitations have stop...
although the pain continues to throb...to stab...to torture me from within...
although the guilt will never go away...
at least for now...
i no longer feel trapped...cornered...helpless...

thank you to all those who have helped me
ur hug...ur smile...ur weird sense of humour...watever u've done
thank you...
because now, i feel at ease
and tonight, maybe i can finally collapse on my bed
no tears, no tossing
just sleep.

~smiling~

"幸福不是每一天都有。
过了以后要等很久很久......."

一句歌词，说穿了我心里的话。
等了多久，才会等到？
拥有多久，又会失去？
一瞬间的欢笑，就是幸福。
永远的幸福，是童话吗？

不曾拥有，是不是就不会怀念？
曾经拥有，在心中留下了痕迹，
所以不停在寻找，那失去了的回忆。

等到了给幸福的人，却不是要给你幸福。
想给你幸福的人，却不是你要的人。
这种矛盾，似乎是一种讽刺，也是一种无奈。

无话可说，让时间去平服一切。
时过境迁，也许就有所领悟。

也许，幸福，是不能拥有的。
它来了，要珍惜。
它走了，别留恋。

一切都会结束。
不愉快地，渐渐忘了。
开心的，也会停止。

泪水，会干。
心痛，会停。
幸福，会来吗？

用一颗平常心，对待身边的人与事。

如果能做到，也许这就是我要的幸福...

super short entry..
inspired by my bowl of hot instant noodles
(never knew choreography is so energy-sapping)

re-read my recent entries..
and it dawned upon me the reason why ppl keep asking if i am alright...
SY said my blog is 'dark'
and asked me if i choose to live in the 'dark'

i wish to clarify that my world is stil bright,
so please dun worry.
perhaps it's not sunshiningbirdschirping bright..
but hey, i happen to like overcast skies, not so hot..
besides, too much sunlight gives me a headache :p

so, i've not gone over to the 'dark' side...
as i've explained to SY, i will explain it here...
i have no problem sharing my joys face-to-face...
in fact, my kind of joy (read 'high') is very in-your-face...
one look and u know 'Gretel is happy'.
but sad things, angry things, fustrated things..blah blah blah..
not so good at that...
so i've chosen my blog to vent it out..

which is why, 9/10 entries are abt me 'not hoping', 'not happy', 'angry', 'fustrated' blah blah blah
because....
i can't seem to say it out..
so i type it out...

nonetheless,
must thank those who have showered me with concern :)
really appreciate it..
but as i said in my mandarin entry..ermm..few days ago
“没有，真的真的没有，我没有事。” ^_^