I confess...
I have the inability to say NO, coupled with a resistance to saying YES
Just ask Panda...I hardly ever say YES to him...and I don't say NO, I just glare at him and smack him till he gets the point =P
On a more serious note, this inability + resistance has landed me into some awkward situations...
And to top it all off, I can't seem to learn from past mistakes that peoples' words are really not that worth my trust...
Because there is only a small handful of people who says something and keep to their words
The rest of the world seem to think that words is made of something yummy and continues to eat their own words
Which pretty much puts me in the infamous location between the rock and a hard place
And that is where I am right now...
Trapped between what is the right thing to do, and what is the right thing for myself
How I wish these two can exist in the same realm...instead of 'giap-ing' me in between
Last night, before my lavender essential oil lulled me into yet another restless sleep
I asked myself: why? why didn't you just say 'NO'!!
And with that, I fell asleep and woke up feeling like I didn't sleep at all
Now, I am trying to fight the sleepy bug and buoy up my sagging mood..
I should be all excited about flying to Zurich...
But all I feel is a growing sense of apprehension and fear
I can feel my gastric juice churning and digesting my stomach lining away...
omg...OMG!!!!!!!!
I am so freaked out, I just realise this post is not making any sense at all..
=_=|||
~need hug hug~
At the start of it all, we all had a simple need.
To do the best for our patients...to see them breathe better, walk better, jump high, run faster...
Or even just simply to see them smile...
But now, this need is denied...
One by one, we fall prey to the system...
We spend more time stressing over the papers, and less time worrying what to do to make Mr X lift that foot higher so he can go home as he doesn't live on a lift landing HDB flat...
We are occupied with audits, checks, processes, standards etc...
Yet all Mdm C needs is for us to transfer her into a commode so she can pee comfortably in the toilet and not have soiled diapers.
That basic need, that need which directed most of us into this line of work,
where has it gone?
Forgotten admist the other work?
Or just buried deep within until one day, when all of our passion has extinguished, would we find its ashes?
I once blogged the healing power of touch...
not just healing from us...but also, healing ourselves when we have patient contact.
The joy of having Mr Y do his own swing phase on his hemiparetic side...
The relief when Mdm A finally coughs up that sputum plug
The proud moment when Ms B lets go of the crutches and walks in to say hello...
The sense of achievement when 'difficult' Mr Z finally agrees to sit out of bed and do pedal bike for 10 minutes
For some of us, these are almost as essential as food and water...
And for some of us, we have become so starved and dehydrated that we no longer really care.
Work...has just become what it is...W.O.R.K.
Spending 8 hours a day, Mon to Fri (and for some, on Sat) just to receive that GIRO transfer every month
Isn't it sad?
Personally, I think it is heartbreaking...
For some of them, they found solace and rekindled their passion...
For a few of us...it is like watching an oil lamp burning out..
Slow and painful process...yet unfortunately, inevitable...
~pfffft...goes the flame~
To do the best for our patients...to see them breathe better, walk better, jump high, run faster...
Or even just simply to see them smile...
But now, this need is denied...
One by one, we fall prey to the system...
We spend more time stressing over the papers, and less time worrying what to do to make Mr X lift that foot higher so he can go home as he doesn't live on a lift landing HDB flat...
We are occupied with audits, checks, processes, standards etc...
Yet all Mdm C needs is for us to transfer her into a commode so she can pee comfortably in the toilet and not have soiled diapers.
That basic need, that need which directed most of us into this line of work,
where has it gone?
Forgotten admist the other work?
Or just buried deep within until one day, when all of our passion has extinguished, would we find its ashes?
I once blogged the healing power of touch...
not just healing from us...but also, healing ourselves when we have patient contact.
The joy of having Mr Y do his own swing phase on his hemiparetic side...
The relief when Mdm A finally coughs up that sputum plug
The proud moment when Ms B lets go of the crutches and walks in to say hello...
The sense of achievement when 'difficult' Mr Z finally agrees to sit out of bed and do pedal bike for 10 minutes
For some of us, these are almost as essential as food and water...
And for some of us, we have become so starved and dehydrated that we no longer really care.
Work...has just become what it is...W.O.R.K.
Spending 8 hours a day, Mon to Fri (and for some, on Sat) just to receive that GIRO transfer every month
Isn't it sad?
Personally, I think it is heartbreaking...
For some of them, they found solace and rekindled their passion...
For a few of us...it is like watching an oil lamp burning out..
Slow and painful process...yet unfortunately, inevitable...
~pfffft...goes the flame~
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