bro just came back from arizona last night, bringing back yummy hershey's cookies and cute pringles print potato chips...each chip has a lame riddle printed on it...

e.g.
what button does not unbutton?
your bellybutton...
what has a bottom at the top?
your legs...

*diong**munch munch* yummy*

friday night..
to sum up this week...
let me quote phoebe from F.R.I.E.N.D.S.
"it's madness...MADNESS I TELL YOU!"

things were pretty okie at the start...
apart from my oozing left knee wound...
had to ask one of the nurses to do dressing for me...
and while she was doing it, all these other nurses came around and asked 'oh no!what happened?'
to which i replied 'PT injured lah. how? nobody to walk patients liaoz'
then the nurses all started to ask me to go see doc and take MC
*temptation*
but...
had to cover my mentor cos she's on leave...so load was high...
having one whole ICU to cover is no fun...
died-ed again this week with trying to juggle the patients...
i either need help, have unseen or have both...sigh..

a pleasant surprise on wednesday though...
3 of my 'students' asked me to join them for dinner...
they were at kbox...so i just join them for like 1.5 hours until the staff came to shoo us away...
i love kbox!
despite the fact that i went off key, off pitch, off rhythm....blah blah...
it was fun!
and dinner was quite yummy...thought the aloe vera drink was too bland for SK, i thought it was quite alright...(for details of the night, please refer to SK's blog :D )

then thursday was just...
disappointment+anger+fustration
i think i have a face that says 'hey,u can cancel plans on me anytime anywhere!'
-_-
so not impressed lor...
i dun like it when ppl keep saying 'let's do this and that' then back out of it when eventually it's gonna be done...
i mean..
it's not as bad as breaking promise..
but if you are gonna find all kinds of reasons/excuses to back out of it,
why bother commiting yourself to it in the first place?
comprehensio?
*pppfffttt*

and today...
well...today's was quite alright...
just feeling very tired...
this whole week have been 'let me sleep 5 more minutes' every morning..
maybe it's cos i stayed out late on sunday night...
so glad i changed my saturday with my colleague...
tomorow can zzzzzzzz until the sun shines into my room...

oh yes, talking about last sunday night...
went to sentosa to watch a salsa competition...
boy was i impressed...
and suddenly, i am not so sure if i can make it as a performing salsa dancer...
my instructor came up to me (smelling of beer..so he might be a little drunk) and said
'see gretel, get all your injuries healed then you can train harder and take part in competitions'
-_-
to which i replied 'i dun think i can make it in the performance team...really, i dun think i can dance like that'
my instructor then said 'gretel, do you trust me?'
yeah...i guess...
'then i can get you there....trust me okie?'
eehhh....okie...
sigh...i wish i can make it...
part of me really wants to make it...
the other part is laughing its head off that i even have such outrageous dream...
*bleah*
oh oh...
and during the competition...
one of the contestants was Samantha!!!
my HC classmate...and fellow dancer when i was in HC...
actually..she was the reason i went back to dancing in HC days...
and i also saw KS!!
both of them look more or less the same...
KS still does lame stuff and says lame jokes..
Sam still as pretty and stunning when she dance...
kinda weird to meet up so unexpectedly like that...
but it also felt really nice to see these 2 again...

and so...
competition ended at like 11pm...
my instructor managed to get someone to give us a lift out of sentosa and then hailed me a cab to go home..
got home at like 12.15am...
which probably explained my lethargy for the whole week...

fwah..
what a long entry...
salsa class tmr...
hopefully this time...
i won't slip and fall before the class..
and this time...
i'll be able to spin properly...
*fingers crossed*
but..right now..
what i need is to lie down...
and sleep till the sun is up...

oyasuminasai!

i think i'm getting spam-ed on my tagboard...
scary
makes me wonder who reads this blog...

embarrassing moment of yesteday...
walking in my new slightly-heeled sandals..
talking to P while walking...
then,
my right foot slipped on a downward sloping bit...
then
*bam*
*ouch*
my left knee landed on the pavement...
luckily..
there was only one auntie walking behind us..
who gave me an incredulous look while she overtook us...
not sure if the fall was the reason for my below average performance at salsa class yesterday...
but i sure feel lousy after that...
maybe..
i am not cut out to be a salsa dancer after all......?

now my left knee is 'graced' with an abrasion slightly bigger than an aussie fifty cent piece...
and it's swollen, red and OUCHIE!!
*sob*
cannot imagine having to walk around with this 'injury' for 8 hours at work tomorrow..
and i can't even wear skirt to work so that i'll reduce the amount of unnecessary friction...
sigh...

at times like this..
i really wish i can go back to being a kiddo...
so that the adults will sayang me...
instead of saying 'ah..see lah. dance lah..dance until fall down'
even though my fall had nothing to do with dancing...

sometimes...
parents are just exasperating and unsympathetic...
and sometimes...
i really wonder whether the parent-child role in this house has been reversed...

i long for a day just you and me...
or even just an hour if that's all you can give...
but it's still too much to ask for, isn't it?
i long for the promises you made to be kept...
or even just one of them if that's all you can do...
but it's still too much to ask for, isn't it?

i long to smile from my soul...
not one cracked out of a tear-stained face...
i long to laugh from within...
not one forced out of an empty shell

i long for an answer to my question...
yet i lack the courage to ask...
i long for the simple truth...
yet i can't bring myself to face it...

too many times i long for this...and that...
and too many things i am longing for...

broken dreams...
fallen hopes...
and forgotten promises...

maybe time can heal all wounds...
and maybe with time, i'd feel better...

another second gone...
another second closer to the end...
another second which brought me nearer to leaving this cruel land...

somehow i feel like i have offended somebody...
judging from the tag left by doodoo...
then again...
i tend to offend at least one person everyday...
so it's no suprise that i get a tag like that...
and...
i am not offended by that tag at all...
sometimes...
being stupid can be so much more blissful...
because when one is dumb, one doesn't know..
and when one doesn't know, a lot of details are missed
which makes the hard times seem easier...so, more good times in life...
at least...
that's what my warped brain is thinking now...

in my humble opinion...
i never thought i was a smart gal, despite what everyone exclaims
once they know i am bonded...
i was born with the gift of above average memory power...
and also born with the flaw of holding onto things for too long...
memories that should be long forgotten...
kept inside my brain..
like files in the computor that cannot be deleted...
either that or the delete button in my brain has been inactivated/never been activated...
anyway...
because of my inability to erase all these memories which i dun want...
there are quite a number of occasions i find myself wishing i am stupid..
so i dun remember...
then life become so much more simpler...
right?

i am seriously screwed up...
cos i also wish my immunity can be weaker...
sometimes...
when everyone else falls sick and i dun...
i feel "left out"
in school, everyone in my class took MC at least for one day cos of a flu bug going around...
except me...
i din even develop any symptoms of flu!
and now...
at work...
everyone else is starting to fall sick cos of the high workload...
and all i get is a measly nosebleed and migraine which are not serious enough to warrant an MC...
crap...
the only reason i want an MC...
is cos that's the only way i can be away from work without feeling guilty...
if i take leave and stay at home to unwind...
i'll wind up worrying about how the team has to handle the horrendous patient load in my 2 wards...then i'll feel guilty for taking leave...
so i might as well come to work and worry about handling the load myself...
i'll end up cranky...but at least i won't feel any guilt...
yes...in that sense, i am stupid..
cos most people can just take leave and rest...
just shut away the work bit and let the rest of the team handle it...
me...
i have that problem of handling the guilt...
especially when i know that the load is high...
and upon returning to work...
it's gonna be nightmare of all nightmares...

feels like i am living in a recurring nightmare...
or perhaps...
living in a nightmare that wouldn't end...
everyday...
i "sacrifice" a few patients cos i couldn't attend to them...
and everyday...
it's a matter of sitting down..stare at my list and go 'okay, who should i not see today?'
my poor patients...
getting stuck with an incompetent PT like me...

because life is like that...
things accumulate...
then one day...
someone coincidentally says the final word...
or does the final deed...
which trigger off the barrage of reactions that come with it...
*BOOM*
an explosion...
which does nothing to limit the damage..
and probably cause more...and even more harm than good...
it wasn't that 'someone' who's responsible for the explosion...
because that final word..that final deed...
was just the spark that ignited the fuse..
a very short fuse indeed...
and sadly enough...
the person who set up the fuse...
was me, myself and i...
so it was all my fault..
and i admit it...
that i've caused an explosion...
hurt others...
and of course, created more problems...

for those who knows what i am talking about...
my sincere apologies..
i'm so sorry...
and perhaps...
when the fire dies down...
and the smoke clears...
the only thing left will be the memory of the damage...
and the charred soul of a very lost girl...