25 hours later,
2007 will be over...
gone..
no more...

and this year....
i have...

1) attended my first non-relative wedding
2) rebonded my hair


2) wore saree for the first time
3) witnessed a traditional Indian wedding
4) did 2&3 in India


5) attended my 2nd overseas wedding
6) visited melbourne 2nd time in less than 1 year



7) visited fort canning park after......5 years
8) watched my first shakespearean play
9) picnic in fort canning park after.......many many years
10) attended my first TTSH DnD


11) bare >75% of my back in non-beach public area
12) wore saree for 2nd time in 1 year


13) watched fireworks from a 'secret' place with fantastic view :D
14) went to hong kong and ate all the food i wanted to eat


15) saw the giant buddha on Lantau Island, shrouded in mist (which apparently doesn't happen often...?)
15) been k-ing on an almost bi-monthly basis


16) got to know many fantastic ppl in the department as a result of k-ing


17) ran my 3rd 10km-run, completed and is still alive
18) co-choreographed a dance and performed it :)
19) received most number of xmas presents


20) went to the zoo after...5 years

so...
wat's gonna be installed for me in 2008?

that's for someone-up-there to know, and for me to find out...

resolutions?
narh...dun believe in that anymore...

happy new year to everyone!

似梦非梦，我宁愿它是一场噩梦。
醒来后，就没有了。
清醒后，希望不会再做的梦。

但它不是梦。
现实把人逼上了绝路。
无路可逃，我要躲在哪里，才能逃离？

迷迷糊糊中，客厅里的吵闹声，
我不想去理。
但它就是不放过我。
那股刺鼻的烟味，
那令人心烦的嚷嚷。

够了吧。
放过我们吧。
为何要亲手把一切都毁了？
难道就没有值得留恋的?

一个家，已经变得不像家。
没有温暖，只有刺骨的痛，让人心寒的冷漠。
这样心理上的蹂躏，还要维持多久？
我们都累了。
结束吧。
停止吧。

请画上句号，别让等号牵着我们走。
多少年的等待与期待，我们无能为力。
等到剩下一颗结了冰的心，
留下了空虚的身躯，
这就是我们的结局吗？

不想再耗下去。
没有意义，也没有元气了。

请听到我求救的讯号。
我的呼唤，不要让它只剩回音。
多少次的失望，愤怒，伤心，
真的，我们不行了。

请收手了。
在这样下去，两败俱伤，又有何用？

疲倦的身体，需要睡眠来调养。
疲惫的心灵，就让时间来治疗。
请不要再让我们遍体鳞伤的身心，
受到更多的伤害。

忍心看着我们痛苦，
这样的你，
我们放弃了。

请你也放弃折磨我们吧。

All I Want For Christmas

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree

I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is... You

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
(And I) don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree

I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day

I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you

You baby

I won't ask for much this Christmas
I don't even wish for snow
I'm just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe

I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake to
Hear those magic reindeers click

'Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
What more can I do
Baby all I want for Christmas is you

Ooh baby

All the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of children's
Laughter fills the air

And everyone is singing
I hear those sleigh bells ringing
Santa won't you bring me the one I really need
Won't you please bring my baby to me...

Oh I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for
I just want to see my baby
Standing right outside my door

Oh I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas is... You


All I want for Christmas is you... baby

Merry Christmas!

当你 - 王心凌

如果有一天 我回到从前
回到最原始的我
你是否会觉得我不错

如果有一天 我离你遥远
不能再和你相约
你是否会发觉我已经说再见

当你的眼睛眯着笑
当你喝可乐 当你吵
我想对你好 你从来不知道
想你想你 也能成为嗜好

当你说今天的烦恼
当你说夜深你睡不着
我想对你 说却害怕都说错
还喜欢你 知不知道

如果有一天 梦想都实现
回忆都成了永远
你是否还会记得今天

如果有一天 我们都发觉
原来什么都可以
我们是否还会停留在这里

也许空虚让我想得太多
也许该回到被窝
梦里能相遇就毫不犹豫
大声的说我要说

当你的眼睛眯着笑
当你喝可乐 当你吵
我想对你好 你从来不知道
想你想你 也能成为嗜好

啦～啦～
我想对你说 却害怕都说错
好喜欢你知不知道

ok,

so i've crapped about how terrible my life is for the past...dunno how many entries

today

actually, it's tonight...

i shall talk abt something that borders on happy

went to my big boss's place for dinner/party/mingling/chill out session last night

and by some..ermm..miscommunication

i wasn't part of the secret santa game

or so i thought...

i came home with presents!

and while feeling very very happy

and surprised

and touched

i also feel horribly, extremely bad

because,

well, let's just say xmas isn't exactly the happier part of my life

and that ppl giving me presents make me feel....ashamed of myself

nonetheless, i really like the presents

and i am really very grateful to them for putting in the thought and effort..

thank you very very very much!

i really think that my friends are very unlucky to have a me as a friend

because

i do not like to buy presents.

i'd rather treat them to a meal.

and i am terrible at choosing presents...

always worried that what i choose is not something they like/want/use

and i do not know what good deeds i have done to have such wonderful ppl in my life

i am very thankful

very grateful

and really really, very very touched.

thank you Rae! thank you YQ! and thank you SY!

weeks and weeks of endless things going wrong wrong wrong
and ahead
weeks and weeks of things possibly going to go wrong wrong wrong

losing faith in myself
not too sure how i'm gonna cope
with all the wrongs
and make them right

like an overstretched rubber band
about to snap
but not just yet

as if i've used up all my luck from jan to nov
no more luck left
and i think i've used up all my optimism and positivity too
(whatever little bit i had to begin with)
because
the thoughts i have now
is best left unspoken
and best left undone

have not felt like this since....
i dun even remember feeling like this

been a completely terrible person to be around with
guilty?
yes...
yet
i just cannot find the strength
to lift the corners of my mouth
and give a smile

someone said, if u smile, u feel better, ppl feel better and the world becomes better
wat happens when that 'better' becomes so elusive
and wat happens to one when a smile never made its way onto the face?

maybe this is how it feels to be kissed by a dementor
gloom
doom
hopelessness
helplessness

worse than death
and no way out of it...
except death itself

let it all end...soon

there are many bad phases in anyone's life..

the first time u fall down
the first time u fail a test/exam
the first time u fall out of love
the first time u fall so sick that u thought death is imminent
the first time u lose someone dear
the first time u lose something precious

etc
etc
etc

for some
these phases pass, they move on and it's history
for some
the phases comes and go, like a sinusoidal wave, high and low, positive and negative
for some (or should i say for me?)
the phases come, and i kinda get stuck in them..
and forget to move on...

there are too many bad things to forget
yet my brain somehow finds space for them to be stored
it's like living in all your worst nightmares combined together...


and so, even though verbally i said i've moved on...
truth be told, i have not..
from many many many incidents...

the first time my teacher ask to see my parents (primary 4)
the first time i failed a test (sec 3)
the first time my heart got broken (uni 1st yr)
the first time i thought i was gonna die from flu (uni 4th yr)
the first time my patient fell (uni 2nd yr)
the first time i had to handle a 'challenging' NOK (2006)
the first time i detest someone i used to love dearly (JC 1)

etc etc etc

everytime something bad happens, my brain automatically retrieve a similar incident from the past
and the effect becomes magnified, the emotions amplified
and if there was never a similar incident, this will then be archived into Gretel's subconscious

it's so very tiring
i'm telling u
fuel's running out
the energy i spend trying not to cry
can probably be put to better use

maybe wat i really need is to just release all the pent-up fustrations
or maybe wat i really need...
is a really good night's sleep

seriously thinking abt the future...
because suddenly, this is not the life i envisioned for myself
or maybe
it's just that i am so disillusioned with this profession...
that i'm losing all the passion i had
when i signed my name on the dotted line

there's not easy way out...
but i sure hope that somewhere along the way
i'll find a hand to hold on
because it's dark dark road ahead...
and i am so very afraid

~helpless~

my laptop is finally out of its tiny "jail"
and back on my cluttered table *sayang laptop*
sometimes, i forget the convenience of having my own laptop in my room
until it has to move to another location and i'm stuck to using my bro's laptop
in the dining room
where my mum can walk past and nag me to stop using the comp and go to sleep....

welcome back, toshiba! *sayang sayang*

right now, the pitter-patter of rain and jay's soothing voice is lulling me into a false sense of peace...
the calm before the storm...
i'm soaking in all the peace and quiet i can...
finally, the mess of YEP is over...
in a way, i'm happy...
in a way, i'm sad
most of all, i'm just very very drained...
and deep inside, emptiness is starting to gnaw on my raw nerves..

no more practising after work, no more laughing...
no 'okie' and no more “可以吗？”
nothing to look forward to...
just KAAs and CPE...

i already miss dancing....
sigh...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
right here, i wanna thank the girls who had taken part in the dance.
because without all of u, i wouldn't have fulfilled this dream of mine.
perhaps they dun even know..
that this dance...is actually a dream come true for me.
a dream i had since my first chinese dance lesson at the teeny CC in blk 113.
the first time i learnt to coordinate movements to music...
a little part of me started to wish for the day when i can come up with a dance to a music i like
and it wasn't until 7 dec 2007
that this little dream of mine finally came true..
to the others, perhaps it was an experience, a try-try-lah experience...
but for me, it was watching alot of harwork finally come into place...
and watching my dream come true...

so thank you very much to all of u
it meant alot to me..
and i hope this dance is part of your happy memories too ;D

been very very very busy..
still very very very busy..

but for once in many many weeks, i actually feel not stressed

and suprisingly at peace, at ease

probably because all my lower limb muscles are refusing to follow my brain's commands

and i am so exhausted, i dun have energy left to feel stressed...

it's been a very....emotional November...

many things happened...

some good..some bad...

some broke my heart...some broke others' hearts

some made me wanna hide and cry...some made me laugh until i cry...

2nd day of Dec...29 days to another year...

baaaaaad hair day...

(oh FYI, that's me in my stand-chart top. Yes, my legs are like jelly cos of Standard Chartered Run today...10km and many painful stitches later, cannot blame my body for wanting to go on strike)

Nov is over...

wat was my fav month of the year

evolved into a time of this year which i'd really wanna forget...

not only did i turn 1 year older..

bday celebration in M'sia

i probably aged 10 yrs from all the stress and roller-coaster emotions

luckily my new haircut makes me look younger..muahahahaha!

just hope that come next nov, it'll be better....

*ouch*

muscle aches starting...

it's gonna be a loooonnnggg week ahead...

painful muscles...

endless rehearsals...

hours and hours in front of the computor..

just hope that at the end, at least someone wld appreciate it...