Attended Joy's 21st last night...no pictures yet..will post them once when i get them...
it was a very touching 21st (though i've actually only attended 4 21st...) i was close to tears when Joy's housemate and cousins played "if we hold on together" on keyboard, guitar and violin for her. So touching *sniffle* a part of me is really envious of her...especially since my 21st sucked and i'll never have a chance to celebrate a 21st in this life....sigh...
and lauren and i made a speech (representing the physio community...) as all her other friends' speeches were really nice and touching, lauren and i decided that we should make our speech embarrassing for her...well, because it's a
21st!! and so, by the end of our speech, joy was cringeing behind her hands and slouching down in the chair..probably wondering how she can avenge herself.
well...she did manage to embarrass me!! details of the embarrassment shall not be released on the cyberspace. let's just say it was probably my most embarrassing moment that i can remember, and i've not blushed that much since...the first time i had to present something in front of my class for home econs in sec 2. arrrgghhh....but, since it was her 21st...and since i did embarrass her in the first place, i shall let it go.
sometime towards the end of the night, it suddenly hit me that i only have about 2 months left in melbourne. and lauren suddenly grabbed me and said 'Gretel, you can't leave me!' even though she was joking, i felt myself tear up. and up till now, i am still trying to grasp the idea that 2 months later, i may never get to see the people staying in australia again. that thought made me really sad...
and somewhere along that line, i realised that one year ago, i could probably just brush away this sadness and look forward to going home...but one year later, as i churn through the thoughts of leaving for good, i think very differently. i can't just brush that thought away...and part of me know that if i don't have a bond to serve, i'll probably stay and work for a year or so before leaving. it's really weird...just how much my mindset has changed since my break-up...since detaching myself from a certain someone, i am perhaps still unaccustomed to the amount of freedom i have.
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today, i decided to take a walk up royal parade...to get some fresh air and also some exercise...as i walked past princes park, with JC singing to me from my mp3 player, i saw a bunch of guys playing soccer. and suddenly, like i am sitting through a powerpoint presentation, shots from the past flash frame by frame in front of my eyes. soccer with the CS guys at princes park, peileng hiding from that labrador who suddenly took interest in our soccer ball, walking back to CS with the setting sun behind us...each scene increases the size of the lump in my throat...and as i try to swallow the sadness and nostalgia, i wanted to just visit the past one more time...back to those days with the CS kakis...those days when i actually belonged to a group...
because right now, i am neither here nor there. part 4th year, part 3rd year...it's weird. and perhaps, that's why i always feel so lonely even when i am surrounded by people...because i don't feel belonged...not anymore.
last week of uni left...as the end approaches at an accelerating rate, the fear for the change ahead increases. it's like how i'll feel if i sit in Takumi's car as he accelerate towards a corner on an unfamiliar course...fear and exhileration coursing through every vein and artery, but i know that i can trust him to be able to drive safely, like how i trust myself that i can make it if i work hard enough...and perhaps, when the car finally make my way past the corner successfully, when my exams are all finally over...i can look back and laugh at my fears before.
but right now, i am consumed by the adrenaline pumping through my body...the anticipation is so high, that i fear i would crumble under the pressure. the only way to deal with it?
study study study...mug mug mug...pia pia pia...all the way to 4th Nov....
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