5 more days of uni left....

F.I.V.E. - use one hand can count liaoz...

after that...swot vac...clinic exam..theory exam...and then, it's O.V.E.R.

am i excited? nooo...
am i scared? yyyeeesss....

for four years, i've been looking forward to a time like this..when the number of days of uni left can be sum up with 5 fingers. also, looking forward to going back to singapore for good...yet now, as the end finally seem to be within reach, i am gripped by a strong sense of fear...

maybe it's the change that is gonna happen. changing from student to a real physiotherapist. and also the change from one country to another. the change that accompanies graduation...the change that is making me wanna hide under my table so that time cannot find me and will come to a standstill...

to just live in this moment...for time to freeze and not move forward, so that i don't have to move forward.

of course, time does not stop...and so, every single day brings me closer to the 'ultimate' goal i had since the first day i arrived in this country. yet somehow, that 'goal' doesn't seem that appealing now...

scared of growing up and taking on more responsibilities...
scared of what the future holds...or would not hold...
scared of what lies ahead...
scared of this...scared of that...

to sum up...i'm scared...
perhaps because S.O.O.N. finally is making sense now.
maybe because after so many months of denial...
i am finally accepting the fact that time had flown
it had slipped past unnoticed to all...
until we look back and wondered what have we done in the past months...

but perhaps, fear in this case is not all bad...
because it's a good kind of scared...
the kind of fear you get when you are excited about the unknown...
when you dunno what's gonna come...
that quiet anticipation that precedes excitement

yes, i am scared...
too much to think about...
too little time to ponder...
too much to look forward to...
and too little space for self-reflection...