4 hours of hardwork...two aching and tight trapezius later...i finally changed the look of my blog.
now my blood sugar is low..i need a shower...and i need dinner.
pls enjoy my new template..leave me a msg..or watever.
right now, i need FOOD!! food food food!!!
longing for company
"the reality is sinking in. in about 2 hours time, the 2nd years are gonna be having fun at someone's place...and i won't be there. i'd e having dinner alone.
the pain is starting to reach my consicousness...right in the middle of my chest. a constricting feeling that makes me gag and fight to breathe.
the isolation is building up. i got out of the apartment to escape, to try and stop the pain...to try and get air into my lungs."
is this a panic attack? i never had one before,so i dunno. i guess it's not serious enough to be one...but i am very scared...very alone...very sad.
this morning at vic mkt, a part of me wish i would somehow bump into germ and js...and another part of me pray hard that i would not. wanna bump into them so that at least i w0uld have said something to someone else today...dun wanna see them cos the sight of the happy couple can do serious damage to my lonely heart.
i feel immensely sad...yet somehow,the tears that usually accompany my sadness is not flowing. all the emotions trapped inside me. threatening to burst out of my body anytime soon. i rather i cry...then at least i feel better after that.
i've never felt this kind of isolation since 1st year. somehow,after 1st year...every weekend i would have some form of company during the day. but today,everything changed. plunged back into the emptiness of my apt...with no one to talk to...no one to approach...and maybe,no one cares?
i long for the guys to be here. then maybe we can play soccer...and someone would be there with me for dinner.
i long for my mum to be here. then she would cook yummy stuff for dinner...and we have nice long chats after dinner.
i long for han wei to be here. then perhaps we can go out for dinner...and take a romantic stroll along the Yarra river.
i hope and i wish and i pray for some form of company.
but my hopes are dashed...my wishes gone with the wind...and my prayers unanswered.
it's gonna be a long and lonely week ahead...
and today...... is just the beginning......
the pain is starting to reach my consicousness...right in the middle of my chest. a constricting feeling that makes me gag and fight to breathe.
the isolation is building up. i got out of the apartment to escape, to try and stop the pain...to try and get air into my lungs."
is this a panic attack? i never had one before,so i dunno. i guess it's not serious enough to be one...but i am very scared...very alone...very sad.
this morning at vic mkt, a part of me wish i would somehow bump into germ and js...and another part of me pray hard that i would not. wanna bump into them so that at least i w0uld have said something to someone else today...dun wanna see them cos the sight of the happy couple can do serious damage to my lonely heart.
i feel immensely sad...yet somehow,the tears that usually accompany my sadness is not flowing. all the emotions trapped inside me. threatening to burst out of my body anytime soon. i rather i cry...then at least i feel better after that.
i've never felt this kind of isolation since 1st year. somehow,after 1st year...every weekend i would have some form of company during the day. but today,everything changed. plunged back into the emptiness of my apt...with no one to talk to...no one to approach...and maybe,no one cares?
i long for the guys to be here. then maybe we can play soccer...and someone would be there with me for dinner.
i long for my mum to be here. then she would cook yummy stuff for dinner...and we have nice long chats after dinner.
i long for han wei to be here. then perhaps we can go out for dinner...and take a romantic stroll along the Yarra river.
i hope and i wish and i pray for some form of company.
but my hopes are dashed...my wishes gone with the wind...and my prayers unanswered.
it's gonna be a long and lonely week ahead...
and today...... is just the beginning......
Pessimist or optimist…
I wonder, "Why are we always judging each other?
Why can't we let other people be the way they are...?
Why do we never give up trying to make someone look at life more positively...?
Why do we make pessimism sound so dreadful...
And yet embrace optimism like a precious jewel?"
I think, “The pessimist is one in an optimist’s opinion,
And an optimist is one in a pessimist’s perception.
A realistic opinion often misinterpreted as being too pessimistic,
And a hopeful outcome is often misconstrued as being too optimistic.”
I believe, “A pessimist takes steps in life with caution…
Fearing that the next one might be stepping into emptiness…
An optimist jumps from one step to the next…
Hoping that the next one would be one more step towards perfection…”
I realize, “But both the pessimist and optimist all have one goal in mind,
To get through life in one piece…and trying to be happy…
The pessimist anticipates wrongs in life to avoid disappointment.
The optimist turns towards the brighter side to seek gratification.”
I guess, “Dreaming makes life easier to pass
Ambitions make one look forward to the future
But there’s such a fine line between a dream and an illusion…
Between an ambition and an overestimation.”
And so, I admit, “I am a pessimist because I hate being disappointed,
Because I’d rather assume I’m wrong from the start,
So I don’t have to fear being criticized.
I choose to live in a life filled with apprehension,
Because I am not strong enough to face regret.
And maybe pessimism has many downs
And optimism has lots of ups.
But I’d rather be at the bottom and hold the hope to go up,
Than to be at the top and fall all the way down.”
Why can't we let other people be the way they are...?
Why do we never give up trying to make someone look at life more positively...?
Why do we make pessimism sound so dreadful...
And yet embrace optimism like a precious jewel?"
I think, “The pessimist is one in an optimist’s opinion,
And an optimist is one in a pessimist’s perception.
A realistic opinion often misinterpreted as being too pessimistic,
And a hopeful outcome is often misconstrued as being too optimistic.”
I believe, “A pessimist takes steps in life with caution…
Fearing that the next one might be stepping into emptiness…
An optimist jumps from one step to the next…
Hoping that the next one would be one more step towards perfection…”
I realize, “But both the pessimist and optimist all have one goal in mind,
To get through life in one piece…and trying to be happy…
The pessimist anticipates wrongs in life to avoid disappointment.
The optimist turns towards the brighter side to seek gratification.”
I guess, “Dreaming makes life easier to pass
Ambitions make one look forward to the future
But there’s such a fine line between a dream and an illusion…
Between an ambition and an overestimation.”
And so, I admit, “I am a pessimist because I hate being disappointed,
Because I’d rather assume I’m wrong from the start,
So I don’t have to fear being criticized.
I choose to live in a life filled with apprehension,
Because I am not strong enough to face regret.
And maybe pessimism has many downs
And optimism has lots of ups.
But I’d rather be at the bottom and hold the hope to go up,
Than to be at the top and fall all the way down.”
tick tick tick
right now in germaine's room listening to S.H.E. singing from her laptop and the clock on her wall going 'tick pause tick pause tick pause tick tick......'
i can almost envisage my brother screaming in agony if he is in this room right now. he has this thing with loud ticking clocks. there is this macdonald clock my mum got from work (FYI, my mum works at the Macs at bukit batok MRT)..and it's the old wind-up kind that rings really loud. anyway,cos it's the old wind-up kind, it makes this really loud 'tick-tick' sound. one night,my brother got so fustrated with the clock, he woke up and stuff the clock into a drawer...which kinda muffled the ticking...but it kept ticking and it was still audible. silly brother of mine.
if it was me,i'll just heck care the clock...why bother waking up? besides,i think i get used to the ticking anyway. sometimes it kinda helps put me to sleep.
okie,i am just talking crap now.usually germaine and i would be chatting away,but she's super engrossed in her jill mansell book now. so i shall not disturb her. and strangely enough, none of her phones (yesh,she has 3 mobile phones...like some super business woman) has ringed...yet.
end of week 2 for cardio. today's my last day with nicole, my super nice supervisor.going to miss her so much...especially when i am with the nasty supervisor in my last 2 weeks. argh. ah well,good things dun last.
but so far,cardio has been great...much better than neuro...phew. if all things go well, 7 weeks from now,i'd be preparing to go back sg. and if all things go super well, i'll be on a plane home in 6 weeks time...
my trip back to sg in june seems to be non-existent right now. doesn't feel like i've returned home just 3 months ago...feels like i've been here for AGES.
tick tick tick...each tick signifies another second lost...another second never to be recovered...another second closer to death...
oohh...what a thought. well, i'll be optimistic for a change...
tick tick tick...each tick brings me closer to boarding the plane...each tick brings me closer to home...each tick brings me closer to han wei...each tick brings me closer to roti prata,laksa,char kuay teow etc....
each tick brings me closer to graduating...each tick brings me closer to the day i can kiss melbourne goodbye...for good.
BUZZZZ...germaine's optus phone just vibrated 30cm away from me. got a shock. yeah,just as expected...if things go as i think, her singapore mobile is going to start ringing any moment soon..and then her house phone would ring...and they'll all ring together and i'll become her secretary..answering her calls for her. poor JS probably got a bad shock when instead of his beloved germ's voice, this yucky old-woman voice answered his call. sorry JS. :P
clock still ticking...still reminding me that i am wasting millions of seconds typing this entry. sighz...time to do work...argh
i can almost envisage my brother screaming in agony if he is in this room right now. he has this thing with loud ticking clocks. there is this macdonald clock my mum got from work (FYI, my mum works at the Macs at bukit batok MRT)..and it's the old wind-up kind that rings really loud. anyway,cos it's the old wind-up kind, it makes this really loud 'tick-tick' sound. one night,my brother got so fustrated with the clock, he woke up and stuff the clock into a drawer...which kinda muffled the ticking...but it kept ticking and it was still audible. silly brother of mine.
if it was me,i'll just heck care the clock...why bother waking up? besides,i think i get used to the ticking anyway. sometimes it kinda helps put me to sleep.
okie,i am just talking crap now.usually germaine and i would be chatting away,but she's super engrossed in her jill mansell book now. so i shall not disturb her. and strangely enough, none of her phones (yesh,she has 3 mobile phones...like some super business woman) has ringed...yet.
end of week 2 for cardio. today's my last day with nicole, my super nice supervisor.going to miss her so much...especially when i am with the nasty supervisor in my last 2 weeks. argh. ah well,good things dun last.
but so far,cardio has been great...much better than neuro...phew. if all things go well, 7 weeks from now,i'd be preparing to go back sg. and if all things go super well, i'll be on a plane home in 6 weeks time...
my trip back to sg in june seems to be non-existent right now. doesn't feel like i've returned home just 3 months ago...feels like i've been here for AGES.
tick tick tick...each tick signifies another second lost...another second never to be recovered...another second closer to death...
oohh...what a thought. well, i'll be optimistic for a change...
tick tick tick...each tick brings me closer to boarding the plane...each tick brings me closer to home...each tick brings me closer to han wei...each tick brings me closer to roti prata,laksa,char kuay teow etc....
each tick brings me closer to graduating...each tick brings me closer to the day i can kiss melbourne goodbye...for good.
BUZZZZ...germaine's optus phone just vibrated 30cm away from me. got a shock. yeah,just as expected...if things go as i think, her singapore mobile is going to start ringing any moment soon..and then her house phone would ring...and they'll all ring together and i'll become her secretary..answering her calls for her. poor JS probably got a bad shock when instead of his beloved germ's voice, this yucky old-woman voice answered his call. sorry JS. :P
clock still ticking...still reminding me that i am wasting millions of seconds typing this entry. sighz...time to do work...argh
when someone's happiness is another's misery
I am once again sucked into the pits of depression.
The impending arrival of JS makes me sad…makes me green with envy…makes me want to hide in a corner and cry my heart out. Although I am happy for Germaine, part of me just cannot stop being envious… It’s not as if I have anything to complain about. Han Wei visits me so often…I shouldn’t ask for more.
But, I feel like besides Germaine, I have no one else here. With JS here, I am going to lose my only social support. I feel scared. I feel lonely.
When I am at Austin, the sense of isolation hit me even harder. The students I am with for cardio are nice people. They try to talk to me, but somehow, an awkward silence always descends upon us.
I miss Han Wei terribly now. I miss his company…I miss being able to tell him everything I want to and have him there to hold me.
And I miss home. I miss being able to hide in my room and cry into my bolster. I miss the familiar sounds of TV just before I drift off into sleep.
And I miss my family. I miss just sitting around the dinner table and having dinner with them. I miss hearing my father complain about the lousy drama plot…I miss hearing my mum telling my father to relax and just enjoy the show.
The coming week is going to be a lonely week ahead. There are tons of activities going on, but I am not invited to any. And I understand why. I’m in third year, they are second years. I’m easily forgotten…
I crave for attention…I need attention…and more than anything else, I think I am due for a good cry to release all these pent up emotions I have bottled deep within my heart for so long.
Nothing in life is going to last forever. Friends would come and go…that I understand. But why is it that so far, I have more friends going than coming? Why am I the one being left behind?
Misery engulfs me. Agony shoots through my body. And it won’t be long till that familiar ache in my heart returns…and the tears start stinging my eyes.
A part of me despises myself. Another part of me detests myself. Am I that unlovable? Am I that difficult to get along? Is there something wrong with me?
Filled with self doubt, devoid of self confidence, brimming with self loathing- the three emotions I’ll bring with me to sleep tonight.
The impending arrival of JS makes me sad…makes me green with envy…makes me want to hide in a corner and cry my heart out. Although I am happy for Germaine, part of me just cannot stop being envious… It’s not as if I have anything to complain about. Han Wei visits me so often…I shouldn’t ask for more.
But, I feel like besides Germaine, I have no one else here. With JS here, I am going to lose my only social support. I feel scared. I feel lonely.
When I am at Austin, the sense of isolation hit me even harder. The students I am with for cardio are nice people. They try to talk to me, but somehow, an awkward silence always descends upon us.
I miss Han Wei terribly now. I miss his company…I miss being able to tell him everything I want to and have him there to hold me.
And I miss home. I miss being able to hide in my room and cry into my bolster. I miss the familiar sounds of TV just before I drift off into sleep.
And I miss my family. I miss just sitting around the dinner table and having dinner with them. I miss hearing my father complain about the lousy drama plot…I miss hearing my mum telling my father to relax and just enjoy the show.
The coming week is going to be a lonely week ahead. There are tons of activities going on, but I am not invited to any. And I understand why. I’m in third year, they are second years. I’m easily forgotten…
I crave for attention…I need attention…and more than anything else, I think I am due for a good cry to release all these pent up emotions I have bottled deep within my heart for so long.
Nothing in life is going to last forever. Friends would come and go…that I understand. But why is it that so far, I have more friends going than coming? Why am I the one being left behind?
Misery engulfs me. Agony shoots through my body. And it won’t be long till that familiar ache in my heart returns…and the tears start stinging my eyes.
A part of me despises myself. Another part of me detests myself. Am I that unlovable? Am I that difficult to get along? Is there something wrong with me?
Filled with self doubt, devoid of self confidence, brimming with self loathing- the three emotions I’ll bring with me to sleep tonight.
random thoughts
listening to Guy Sebastian singing to me from my laptop. One of my fav songs by him, called "all i need is you". it's a happy song...a song to tell someone else how much he/she means to you.
All I need is you in my life forever
All I need is you everyday by my side
Germaine din stay over last night...and i felt lost and lonely this morning while i was eating my breakfast. dinner time was just as bad. only thing to look forward to is Germaine's coming tomorrow...
Start of 2nd week of cardio placement. I prefer cardio to neuro...even though i find neuro theory more interesting than cardio stuff.But being in a ward and with my OWN patients...without the constant supervision from my supervisor,it's so much more freedom and i feel more independant. so far,so good.
been reading a book by Jill Mansell. in the book,one of the female "lead" is very much like me. low self esteem, low self confidence, doesn't think she is pretty and stuff like that...then in the end, the gorgeous guy "lead" falls in love with her instead of her prettier,slimmer sister. guess that's what life is all about..finding that someone who can really appreciate you for who you are...who looks at you and see the pretty girl/handsome guy inside. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder...yesh,i definitely believe in that.
and i thank my lucky stars i have Han Wei..who saw through thick nerdy glasses,my flabby thighs and layered tummy and appreciate the good points i have (though i really can't think of anything good abt myself...)
today is a day of jumbled up thoughts and feelings.i feel happy outwardly,but lonely and isolated within. i thought about all kinds of stuff...i'm abit confused...and abit lost in my own train of thoughts.
but,today is going to be over soon.and what better way to wind up the day than to listen to my fav songs on my laptop and try and answer the tute questions for tomorrow?
yeah right.heck the tute questions.just my fav songs would do. :P
All I need is you in my life forever
All I need is you everyday by my side
Germaine din stay over last night...and i felt lost and lonely this morning while i was eating my breakfast. dinner time was just as bad. only thing to look forward to is Germaine's coming tomorrow...
Start of 2nd week of cardio placement. I prefer cardio to neuro...even though i find neuro theory more interesting than cardio stuff.But being in a ward and with my OWN patients...without the constant supervision from my supervisor,it's so much more freedom and i feel more independant. so far,so good.
been reading a book by Jill Mansell. in the book,one of the female "lead" is very much like me. low self esteem, low self confidence, doesn't think she is pretty and stuff like that...then in the end, the gorgeous guy "lead" falls in love with her instead of her prettier,slimmer sister. guess that's what life is all about..finding that someone who can really appreciate you for who you are...who looks at you and see the pretty girl/handsome guy inside. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder...yesh,i definitely believe in that.
and i thank my lucky stars i have Han Wei..who saw through thick nerdy glasses,my flabby thighs and layered tummy and appreciate the good points i have (though i really can't think of anything good abt myself...)
today is a day of jumbled up thoughts and feelings.i feel happy outwardly,but lonely and isolated within. i thought about all kinds of stuff...i'm abit confused...and abit lost in my own train of thoughts.
but,today is going to be over soon.and what better way to wind up the day than to listen to my fav songs on my laptop and try and answer the tute questions for tomorrow?
yeah right.heck the tute questions.just my fav songs would do. :P
is spring finally here??
i cannot believe my eyes yesterday when i saw the bright shining sun casting warm rays onto melbourne. am i dreaming?? i rubbed my eyes and nope,the rays of sunlight remains.is this the first sign that the weather might actually be warming up soon?? *finger and toes crossed*
sadly enough...just when the weather is starting to show signs of mercy,i am falling sick. sore throat and runny nose...bits of fever every now and then. *sniffle* and now that i am doing my cardiothoracic placement...having patients coughing less than 0.5m away from my face is making me very paranoid. although most of them are post surgical patients, i am still worried that they might spread some bacteria to me and i'll end up being hospitalised. *touchwood*
but still,i am glad that the weather to turning to a more humane level of warmth. dunno if it is really changing for spring or just the typical melbourne erratic weather creating an illusion.
BUT, no point pondering so much.enjoy the warm weather while it's here.never know when the sun would decide to throw a tantrum and run away again. too bad i'll be in clinic next week when the temperature is forecast to hit 25 degrees celsius. there goes the hope of trying out my new mini skirt. *grumble* instead,i'll be stuck in the hospital filled with germs...instead of out in the sun getting a nice tan and some long-deprived vitamin D.
ah well,at least the hospital might be warmer.maybe i'll be able to discard my sweater while treating my patients.
flowers are blooming...buds are growing...birds are chirping...all the signs of spring are here. and hopefully, the weather would catch up with the wildlife and nature. *fingers and toes crossed again*
sadly enough...just when the weather is starting to show signs of mercy,i am falling sick. sore throat and runny nose...bits of fever every now and then. *sniffle* and now that i am doing my cardiothoracic placement...having patients coughing less than 0.5m away from my face is making me very paranoid. although most of them are post surgical patients, i am still worried that they might spread some bacteria to me and i'll end up being hospitalised. *touchwood*
but still,i am glad that the weather to turning to a more humane level of warmth. dunno if it is really changing for spring or just the typical melbourne erratic weather creating an illusion.
BUT, no point pondering so much.enjoy the warm weather while it's here.never know when the sun would decide to throw a tantrum and run away again. too bad i'll be in clinic next week when the temperature is forecast to hit 25 degrees celsius. there goes the hope of trying out my new mini skirt. *grumble* instead,i'll be stuck in the hospital filled with germs...instead of out in the sun getting a nice tan and some long-deprived vitamin D.
ah well,at least the hospital might be warmer.maybe i'll be able to discard my sweater while treating my patients.
flowers are blooming...buds are growing...birds are chirping...all the signs of spring are here. and hopefully, the weather would catch up with the wildlife and nature. *fingers and toes crossed again*
lucky?
i've been told that i am lucky since the day i've arrived in melbourne.
lucky that i got a scholarship...lucky that i got to study overseas...lucky this...lucky that.
so why do i feel so damned under-prvileged now?
yeah yeah,i know,ungrateful idiot that i am...i should be glad that i've got what alot of other people can't get.
but i am missing simple stuff. like being able to eat the food my mum cook...being able to walk around in tshirt and shorts...being able to spend weekends with my boyfriend...
worse part of all is,i DIN even want to come overseas to study.i have NO ambitions...i just wanted a simple life. not stuck here in a cold,windy country where the only enjoyment i get is watching The OC on TV.
so if someone else wants this life, PLEASE,take it from me.
but,nah,that's not gonna happen izzit?
as the saying goes,"grass always greener on the other side". but i din even think the grass was greener here in the first place. only reason i came is to do physiotherapy...which now doesn't seem to worth all the tears and sadness i am going through.
maybe it's just PMS. i get depressed easily when my hormones go wild.
watever the reason is, i am upset...i feel lonely...and i wanna cry.
somebody,take this pain away from me please?
lucky that i got a scholarship...lucky that i got to study overseas...lucky this...lucky that.
so why do i feel so damned under-prvileged now?
yeah yeah,i know,ungrateful idiot that i am...i should be glad that i've got what alot of other people can't get.
but i am missing simple stuff. like being able to eat the food my mum cook...being able to walk around in tshirt and shorts...being able to spend weekends with my boyfriend...
worse part of all is,i DIN even want to come overseas to study.i have NO ambitions...i just wanted a simple life. not stuck here in a cold,windy country where the only enjoyment i get is watching The OC on TV.
so if someone else wants this life, PLEASE,take it from me.
but,nah,that's not gonna happen izzit?
as the saying goes,"grass always greener on the other side". but i din even think the grass was greener here in the first place. only reason i came is to do physiotherapy...which now doesn't seem to worth all the tears and sadness i am going through.
maybe it's just PMS. i get depressed easily when my hormones go wild.
watever the reason is, i am upset...i feel lonely...and i wanna cry.
somebody,take this pain away from me please?
10 things i hate about melbourne
1)THE BLOODY MELBOURNE WEATHER!!
2)the f****** multidirectional winds blowing along lygon street 24x7
3)the stupid melbourne drivers who honk and honk their cars early in the morning
4)the light and feathery rain that proves umbrellas are useless and makes your clothes wet without u realising it.
5)the lousy TV programs
6)the expensive public transport
7)the trolleys people use at Queen Victoria market,capable of causing numerous bruises along my shin or to chop off my toes
8)the low humidity which causes my skin to become so dry,it just crack open and expose raw flesh...which hurts damn bad
9)the people along lygon street who hog the whole pavement while trying to decide where to eat..or just standing around and blocking other people's way.
10)THE BLOODY MELBOURNE WEATHER!!
it's supposed to be spring..but whatever happen to beautiful blooming flowers and bright sun shine? now it's cold..and wet..and basically,it's like winter..
crappy weather...makes me feel crappy...and makes me wanna just hide under my quilt and sleep the day away...hoping that tomorrow would be a bright sunny day.
but that's a reality too much to ask for from "the city with four seasons in a day".
bloody melbourne weather. ARGH!!
2)the f****** multidirectional winds blowing along lygon street 24x7
3)the stupid melbourne drivers who honk and honk their cars early in the morning
4)the light and feathery rain that proves umbrellas are useless and makes your clothes wet without u realising it.
5)the lousy TV programs
6)the expensive public transport
7)the trolleys people use at Queen Victoria market,capable of causing numerous bruises along my shin or to chop off my toes
8)the low humidity which causes my skin to become so dry,it just crack open and expose raw flesh...which hurts damn bad
9)the people along lygon street who hog the whole pavement while trying to decide where to eat..or just standing around and blocking other people's way.
10)THE BLOODY MELBOURNE WEATHER!!
it's supposed to be spring..but whatever happen to beautiful blooming flowers and bright sun shine? now it's cold..and wet..and basically,it's like winter..
crappy weather...makes me feel crappy...and makes me wanna just hide under my quilt and sleep the day away...hoping that tomorrow would be a bright sunny day.
but that's a reality too much to ask for from "the city with four seasons in a day".
bloody melbourne weather. ARGH!!
deja vu in my kitchen
was cleaning my kitchen this morning...and as i was scrubbing the tiles with an episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. playing in the background, i got a very strong sense of deja vu. suddenly,i feel like i am doing something that i've already done a long time ago...scrubbing the exact same spot and with the same episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. in the background...
i remember when my brother was hooked on playing FFVIII on the computor. and the storyline is about how there is a time loop to the past...and the characters have to go through this time loop in order to proceed to the future. kinda like the watch Hermione has in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.
for one moment,i feel like i am in a time loop. being continuously brought back to a moment in time in order to proceed to the future. actually,it feels like i am in many time loops...considering the number of times i feel like i've done or seen something before..or been to somewhere before. it's quite scary sometimes, especially when i can actually predict what's gonna happen next. freaks me out :<
maybe it's just my mind playing tricks on me. maybe i dreamt of a similar scenario but couldn't remember it. maybe i did a similar activity in the past and i cannot recall when. i dunno...i just wish i dun have anymore of this kind of incidents happening. i dun like this kind of familiar feeling...really creeps me out..make me feel non-human...like some supernatural power is controlling me. *shivers* just talking abt it is sending shivers down my spine...and it's not due to the air con in the computor lab. brrrrr....
i remember when my brother was hooked on playing FFVIII on the computor. and the storyline is about how there is a time loop to the past...and the characters have to go through this time loop in order to proceed to the future. kinda like the watch Hermione has in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.
for one moment,i feel like i am in a time loop. being continuously brought back to a moment in time in order to proceed to the future. actually,it feels like i am in many time loops...considering the number of times i feel like i've done or seen something before..or been to somewhere before. it's quite scary sometimes, especially when i can actually predict what's gonna happen next. freaks me out :<
maybe it's just my mind playing tricks on me. maybe i dreamt of a similar scenario but couldn't remember it. maybe i did a similar activity in the past and i cannot recall when. i dunno...i just wish i dun have anymore of this kind of incidents happening. i dun like this kind of familiar feeling...really creeps me out..make me feel non-human...like some supernatural power is controlling me. *shivers* just talking abt it is sending shivers down my spine...and it's not due to the air con in the computor lab. brrrrr....
licensed to drive
yesh!i passed my driving test!! whopppee!!yayyyy!!after a nerve wrecking 15 mins in the car with my instructor Maurice and the tester,i finally received my probationary licence to drive. PHEW!! finally can drive,at the ripe old age of 22 years old...kinda slow compared to some other people who came to melbourne to study...like wing ki and germaine who both got their license before they turned 19. haiz. but still, better late than never.
well well,the only thing lacking now is a CAR for me to drive. wonder when i can have my own car to vroom vroom around in *hint hint*
life is good at the moment. no school, no clinic, no need to learn driving anymore. what more can i ask for?
actually,alot more to ask for..but as my mummy always tell me "zhi1 zhu2 chang2 le4" (rough translation: be satisfied with what u have and u'll be happy more often) so,rather than focusing on the facts like i have a very bad throbbing headache, a slight strain in my right hip adductors, pimple outbreaks on my face and that i am far far away from home, i shall concentrate on the good things in life...for example, the bright sunny weather today...the clear blue sky...the yummy laska i had for lunch...and the probationary driving license sitting in my purse. :D i cannot stop smiling. hahaha!!
ooh,went to wing ki's place yesterday..and it was GORGEOUS. fantastic view...and she has great taste in her furnishings. very IKEA...but also has a touch of originality in it. and her room is so cosy and lived in. pictures...posters..ornaments...bits and pieces that make the room very "Wing Ki". hehe...and the first time i actually see a picture of her and weilung together.
then germaine,esther,wing ki,joanna (wing ki's housemate, another of my 'ex-student'...) and me just sat in wing ki's room...chatting abt everything and anything. from people i dunno..to people i know...from clubbing to drinking...from shopping to hair problems. and i think germaine and esther nearly depleted wing ki's jar of Digestives. guess they were hungry from swimming. it was just so nice to sit there and talk and talk...if not for the fact that we were getting hungry and needed dinner,we probably would have ended up talking for another couple of hours.
so,life's good now.i'm in a ultra good mood...and also in a holiday mood cos it's my one week break. still got quite abit of work to do...but right now,couldn't care less abt my filthy apt or reading up for my cardiothoracic clinical placement.
because right now,all i can feel is this sense of euphoria. and i hope i would never come out of it. been so long since i felt this happy. :D
well well,the only thing lacking now is a CAR for me to drive. wonder when i can have my own car to vroom vroom around in *hint hint*
life is good at the moment. no school, no clinic, no need to learn driving anymore. what more can i ask for?
actually,alot more to ask for..but as my mummy always tell me "zhi1 zhu2 chang2 le4" (rough translation: be satisfied with what u have and u'll be happy more often) so,rather than focusing on the facts like i have a very bad throbbing headache, a slight strain in my right hip adductors, pimple outbreaks on my face and that i am far far away from home, i shall concentrate on the good things in life...for example, the bright sunny weather today...the clear blue sky...the yummy laska i had for lunch...and the probationary driving license sitting in my purse. :D i cannot stop smiling. hahaha!!
ooh,went to wing ki's place yesterday..and it was GORGEOUS. fantastic view...and she has great taste in her furnishings. very IKEA...but also has a touch of originality in it. and her room is so cosy and lived in. pictures...posters..ornaments...bits and pieces that make the room very "Wing Ki". hehe...and the first time i actually see a picture of her and weilung together.
then germaine,esther,wing ki,joanna (wing ki's housemate, another of my 'ex-student'...) and me just sat in wing ki's room...chatting abt everything and anything. from people i dunno..to people i know...from clubbing to drinking...from shopping to hair problems. and i think germaine and esther nearly depleted wing ki's jar of Digestives. guess they were hungry from swimming. it was just so nice to sit there and talk and talk...if not for the fact that we were getting hungry and needed dinner,we probably would have ended up talking for another couple of hours.
so,life's good now.i'm in a ultra good mood...and also in a holiday mood cos it's my one week break. still got quite abit of work to do...but right now,couldn't care less abt my filthy apt or reading up for my cardiothoracic clinical placement.
because right now,all i can feel is this sense of euphoria. and i hope i would never come out of it. been so long since i felt this happy. :D
the sport where u hit a ball against a wall
played squash with esther,germaine and kenneth yesterday.my first squash experience. well,actually played squash for PE in Hwa Chong,but i won't consider that as an experience cos my partner just scream and squat down to duck from the ball everytime i serve. so,it was good fun to try a "new" sport yesterday.
and so i was inside the court with esther (who's also a beginner) and i think we were laughing more than we were hitting the ball.it was lotsa fun though.
but now,my body is screaming with agony from the amount of unaccustomed activity i put it through yesterday. i can barely lift my right arm up...had some trouble changing in the morning. arghz. and the muscles in my butt are really really SORE. oh,and did i mention the tight and SORE muscles in my back...and in my forearm. every step i take is accompanied by pain. every movement i do brings on soreness ALL OVER MY BODY. OUCH!
but,i feel really good. cos i had fun...and i exercised...which means i am closer to losing more winter flab. yesh! effects of all the exercise i put my body through finally showing...perhaps one day,i'll be able to wear a bikini on sunset bay and not feel embarrassed :P
back to preparing for my presentation on friday. i just gave my group a demonstration of the power of Machine-Gun Gretel. and they said to me,"Gretel,that was WAY TOO FAST.gotta slow down or u'll gonna lose alot of marks"
so,gotta work hard on slowing down my talking.now that's Mission:Impossible.
and so i was inside the court with esther (who's also a beginner) and i think we were laughing more than we were hitting the ball.it was lotsa fun though.
but now,my body is screaming with agony from the amount of unaccustomed activity i put it through yesterday. i can barely lift my right arm up...had some trouble changing in the morning. arghz. and the muscles in my butt are really really SORE. oh,and did i mention the tight and SORE muscles in my back...and in my forearm. every step i take is accompanied by pain. every movement i do brings on soreness ALL OVER MY BODY. OUCH!
but,i feel really good. cos i had fun...and i exercised...which means i am closer to losing more winter flab. yesh! effects of all the exercise i put my body through finally showing...perhaps one day,i'll be able to wear a bikini on sunset bay and not feel embarrassed :P
back to preparing for my presentation on friday. i just gave my group a demonstration of the power of Machine-Gun Gretel. and they said to me,"Gretel,that was WAY TOO FAST.gotta slow down or u'll gonna lose alot of marks"
so,gotta work hard on slowing down my talking.now that's Mission:Impossible.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)