i am burnt out.
reached the point whereby i have no motivation for anything related to academia.
all i can think of now is what i can do for the weekend.
so far, i've come up with
watch initial D
go out with MOH scholars
sleep
eat
go shopping
laze in front of TV with DVDs/VCDs
sleep more
eat more
why not some more sleep..
oh..and food sounds like a great idea!
it sucks that i have case presentation next week...
and it sucks even more that i have no money to enjoy myself.
u know what sucks more?
bloody melbourne weather...rainyfoggywindyomgwhereisthesun weather.
girls are going clubbing tmr night.
apart from the fact that i am broke..and i always cut short their fun,
i really want to go...
but i dun wanna be the one who gets a headache from the loud music..
or feel short of breath cos of the cigarette smoke...
so as much as my body is yearning to dance the night away...
perhaps a night in with a good book and hot chocolate is more suitable for people my age...
fellow fourth years at RCH with me had been lamenting how old they feel..
and that makes me feel about a century older...
they turn 21 this year..and they say they feel old
what about me?!?
it's not good to feel like i am 100 when i am only turning 23
and it'd not good to feel burnt out when i'm already halfway there...
i need a break..
and a break is defined as a period of more than 2 weeks
with no assignments, no case presentations
no clinics, no uni.
sadly, that break is nowhere in sight.
oooh...ahhh....twist and crrraacckk
i need a hot water bottle...i need a heat pack
i need a soothing massage on my sore sore back
i want to curl up and relax
i want to hug my big big bolster
i want to plonk onto a nice warm bed
and just lie there flat
i'm whiny, i'm sore
i'm achy, i'm tired
and a part of me just wanna give up
cos i can't take it anymore.
************************************************
飘移
作词：方文山,ST 作曲：周杰伦 演唱：周杰伦
找支笔 写下日记 记录勇气
我可以 对着墙壁 让拳头叛逆
呼吸 天窗玻璃 打开我的身体
这里引擎声就像是一种乐器
所以 风呼啸而过刺激
所以 我在转弯飘移
加足了马力 飙到底 看仔细 零到一百公里
谁敢与我为敌！
我用第一人称 在飘移青春
输跟赢的分寸 计算的很精准
我踏上风火轮 在飘移青春
故事中的我们 在演自己的一生
胜败的对比 是残酷的可以
运气 从来就不在我这里
实力没有办法仿真
飘移 人车一体 飘移
笑看后视镜的自己 啊
点火 继续 事关 荣誉
我除了 第一 其它没有 兴趣
得飘 得飘 得意的飘
我安静的喝饮料 轻松的笑
得飘 得飘 得意的飘
得飘 得飘 得意的飘
我绕过山腰 雨声悄悄
我绕过山腰 雨声悄悄
得飘 得飘 得意的飘
得飘 得飘 得意的飘
再开进隧道 风声潇潇
再开进隧道 风声潇潇
i need a hot water bottle...i need a heat pack
i need a soothing massage on my sore sore back
i want to curl up and relax
i want to hug my big big bolster
i want to plonk onto a nice warm bed
and just lie there flat
i'm whiny, i'm sore
i'm achy, i'm tired
and a part of me just wanna give up
cos i can't take it anymore.
************************************************
飘移
作词：方文山,ST 作曲：周杰伦 演唱：周杰伦
找支笔 写下日记 记录勇气
我可以 对着墙壁 让拳头叛逆
呼吸 天窗玻璃 打开我的身体
这里引擎声就像是一种乐器
所以 风呼啸而过刺激
所以 我在转弯飘移
加足了马力 飙到底 看仔细 零到一百公里
谁敢与我为敌！
我用第一人称 在飘移青春
输跟赢的分寸 计算的很精准
我踏上风火轮 在飘移青春
故事中的我们 在演自己的一生
胜败的对比 是残酷的可以
运气 从来就不在我这里
实力没有办法仿真
飘移 人车一体 飘移
笑看后视镜的自己 啊
点火 继续 事关 荣誉
我除了 第一 其它没有 兴趣
得飘 得飘 得意的飘
我安静的喝饮料 轻松的笑
得飘 得飘 得意的飘
得飘 得飘 得意的飘
我绕过山腰 雨声悄悄
我绕过山腰 雨声悄悄
得飘 得飘 得意的飘
得飘 得飘 得意的飘
再开进隧道 风声潇潇
再开进隧道 风声潇潇
something's wrong with my blog. dunno if anyone else having the same problem. if i dun change my encoding to unicode, my whole blog just get screwed up...with the words all over the place. hmm...dunno what i've done to make it like that...argh. when i have the time (which would possibly be never ever...), i'd have to change the template again...
or maybe i'll need to start a new blog...?
<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>
"you're going back for good soon"
if i have a dollar for each time someone says that to me over the past 6 months,
i'd have earned a few hundred dollars now.
S.O.O.N. - a 4 letter word that every single person seems over-zealous to drill it into my head.
in fact, since first year, this word just keeps popping up in every conversation.
as if it's a mantra that if i hear it enough, i'd get transported into the future.
now i really believe in the theory of relativity
not the bombastic one that einstein came up with..
but just the basic fact of life...
that everything you hear, see and feel...
it's all subjective...all relative to your own standards.
so while all the people around me feels the slipping of time..
the rush of "time flying"
the ability to use the four-letter S word here, there and everywhere...
i feel that i've been trapped in a time warp...
like i'm trapped in some space and not moving forward...
how soon...is soon?
a day? a week? a month?
i dunno...
the end is near...that i know...
but it just feel so out of reach right now.
time, in my point of view, has been crawling since 1st year.
though everytime i look back, i feel like time did flew...
yet looking ahead, it's like running on a treadmill...
one step after another...
but remaining on the same spot.
perhaps when the day comes for me to leave...
i'll look back and feel that time had flown
and i'll miss the times with germ..and the other gals
the times with the guys...
and the times with my crazy course-mates.
but at this very moment,
as i shiver in cold and feel my fingers going numb,
i long for the hot humid weather...
with a bowl of cold cheng teng...
somehow i've lost the ability to make other people understand how i really feel.
to be precise, i've lost the ability to mingle around people.
i'm perfectly happy being all alone...
and sometimes, i even get irritated cos i have company.
the pressure to make small talk...
the need to try and appear OKAY
although i am not exactly at the brink of tears,
sometimes, i just wanna quit pretending i am fine...
and be who i really want to be.
i've grown stupider.
i no longer know how to answer a simple question like "How are you?"
if i say i am fine, i dun really feel fine..
yet i say i am not good, i dun really know what's making me unhappy.
i'm confused...
am i happy? no...
am i unhappy? .........i...dun...know.......
so how am i doing?.........i......i.....i......really...dun...........know
or maybe i'll need to start a new blog...?
<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>
"you're going back for good soon"
if i have a dollar for each time someone says that to me over the past 6 months,
i'd have earned a few hundred dollars now.
S.O.O.N. - a 4 letter word that every single person seems over-zealous to drill it into my head.
in fact, since first year, this word just keeps popping up in every conversation.
as if it's a mantra that if i hear it enough, i'd get transported into the future.
now i really believe in the theory of relativity
not the bombastic one that einstein came up with..
but just the basic fact of life...
that everything you hear, see and feel...
it's all subjective...all relative to your own standards.
so while all the people around me feels the slipping of time..
the rush of "time flying"
the ability to use the four-letter S word here, there and everywhere...
i feel that i've been trapped in a time warp...
like i'm trapped in some space and not moving forward...
how soon...is soon?
a day? a week? a month?
i dunno...
the end is near...that i know...
but it just feel so out of reach right now.
time, in my point of view, has been crawling since 1st year.
though everytime i look back, i feel like time did flew...
yet looking ahead, it's like running on a treadmill...
one step after another...
but remaining on the same spot.
perhaps when the day comes for me to leave...
i'll look back and feel that time had flown
and i'll miss the times with germ..and the other gals
the times with the guys...
and the times with my crazy course-mates.
but at this very moment,
as i shiver in cold and feel my fingers going numb,
i long for the hot humid weather...
with a bowl of cold cheng teng...
somehow i've lost the ability to make other people understand how i really feel.
to be precise, i've lost the ability to mingle around people.
i'm perfectly happy being all alone...
and sometimes, i even get irritated cos i have company.
the pressure to make small talk...
the need to try and appear OKAY
although i am not exactly at the brink of tears,
sometimes, i just wanna quit pretending i am fine...
and be who i really want to be.
i've grown stupider.
i no longer know how to answer a simple question like "How are you?"
if i say i am fine, i dun really feel fine..
yet i say i am not good, i dun really know what's making me unhappy.
i'm confused...
am i happy? no...
am i unhappy? .........i...dun...know.......
so how am i doing?.........i......i.....i......really...dun...........know
exhaustion...throbbing headache...pins+needles in left arm...sore eyes...stiff neck...frozen toes and fingers
and a hint of a sore throat...
and not forgetting that seething anger within me...slowly burning a hole in my already-tattered patience and tolerance.
killing me from inside is my own sense of failure
torturing me from outside is my own incapability to deal with life, in general.
like a poison spreading through my body, contaminating every single cell.
that sense of doubt
unsure of what i can do,
unsure of what i should do.
i want my mummy...
i want my bolster...
i want my queen-sized bed...
who really knows what i feel?
and who really cares?
who really wants to know how i am?
and who just ask for the sake of asking?
i want too many things...
and i probably need even more...
i hold on to everything, unable to let go
grappling with the fine balance in life
trying to take on more,
unwilling to let some go.
need to learn to forget...
need to understand that some things...some people
are just not worth my time and effort
need to learn to take things less seriously
and need to realise that being single
is part of life
part of being human
part of the suffering i have to go through
so that i can learn and grow...
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
舍得，舍得... ...有舍才有得。
and a hint of a sore throat...
and not forgetting that seething anger within me...slowly burning a hole in my already-tattered patience and tolerance.
killing me from inside is my own sense of failure
torturing me from outside is my own incapability to deal with life, in general.
like a poison spreading through my body, contaminating every single cell.
that sense of doubt
unsure of what i can do,
unsure of what i should do.
i want my mummy...
i want my bolster...
i want my queen-sized bed...
who really knows what i feel?
and who really cares?
who really wants to know how i am?
and who just ask for the sake of asking?
i want too many things...
and i probably need even more...
i hold on to everything, unable to let go
grappling with the fine balance in life
trying to take on more,
unwilling to let some go.
need to learn to forget...
need to understand that some things...some people
are just not worth my time and effort
need to learn to take things less seriously
and need to realise that being single
is part of life
part of being human
part of the suffering i have to go through
so that i can learn and grow...
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
舍得，舍得... ...有舍才有得。
不要还没有听完我要说的话，就以为你知道我想说什么。
你那样断章取义，我实在是很不甘心。
我只说了一句，你就以为我在为难你。
你根本不值得我生气，可我的愤怒却一波接一波的涌上来。
你和她的甜蜜，也许我还是很难适应。
可我已经很尽力在保持沉默，尽量在你们面前装着很不在乎。
好意问你们有什么节目，是因为我想知道。
听你说你们要去骑脚车，我说我也想骑，因为我很喜欢骑脚车。
没有别的用意，只是普通的谈话。
可你，却用了一句：“去交男朋友！”来回应我。
我以为你是我的朋友，所以我坦白告诉了你：
“看到你们在一起，我会有几许难过。”
而你，还没有听完我的解释，你就要我别再问你们有什么节目。
你说：“不知道你要我怎么做才对。”
简直是在告诉我别再多管闲事。
你想过我的感受吗？
对不起，我的性格内向，
所以交不到男朋友。
对不起，我对你们的关心，
成为了你的负担。
很伤心，很失落，很沮丧，很生气，很为自己抱不平。
你们的甜蜜即将延续了，
可我的悲哀，却从来没有停止过。
我的努力你看不见，我也算了。
可是
你那样的话，对我最脆弱的要害狠狠的刺了下去。
我希望你们的快乐，会天长地久。
但愿你们的幸福，会海枯石烂。
我不敢再对你们的事过问了。
而我也希望你别再说出那样的话。
那种伤害，我承受不了第二次。
现在的痛，我不想再体会。
请你放过我。
你们有你们的幸福快乐，
但别在你快乐的时候，去伤害身边无辜与脆弱的人。
你那样断章取义，我实在是很不甘心。
我只说了一句，你就以为我在为难你。
你根本不值得我生气，可我的愤怒却一波接一波的涌上来。
你和她的甜蜜，也许我还是很难适应。
可我已经很尽力在保持沉默，尽量在你们面前装着很不在乎。
好意问你们有什么节目，是因为我想知道。
听你说你们要去骑脚车，我说我也想骑，因为我很喜欢骑脚车。
没有别的用意，只是普通的谈话。
可你，却用了一句：“去交男朋友！”来回应我。
我以为你是我的朋友，所以我坦白告诉了你：
“看到你们在一起，我会有几许难过。”
而你，还没有听完我的解释，你就要我别再问你们有什么节目。
你说：“不知道你要我怎么做才对。”
简直是在告诉我别再多管闲事。
你想过我的感受吗？
对不起，我的性格内向，
所以交不到男朋友。
对不起，我对你们的关心，
成为了你的负担。
很伤心，很失落，很沮丧，很生气，很为自己抱不平。
你们的甜蜜即将延续了，
可我的悲哀，却从来没有停止过。
我的努力你看不见，我也算了。
可是
你那样的话，对我最脆弱的要害狠狠的刺了下去。
我希望你们的快乐，会天长地久。
但愿你们的幸福，会海枯石烂。
我不敢再对你们的事过问了。
而我也希望你别再说出那样的话。
那种伤害，我承受不了第二次。
现在的痛，我不想再体会。
请你放过我。
你们有你们的幸福快乐，
但别在你快乐的时候，去伤害身边无辜与脆弱的人。
dunno how my entry on not getting sleep has invited a few comments. nonetheless, let me try and dymystify sleep...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
· Stage 1 Sleep: This is experienced as falling to sleep and is a transition stage between wake and sleep. It usually lasts between 1 and 5 minutes and occupies approximately 2-5 % of a normal night of sleep. This stage is dramatically increased in some insomnia (restless legs) and disorders that produce frequent arousals such as apnea and PLMS.
· Stage 2 Sleep: This follows Stage 1 sleep and is the "baseline" of sleep. This stage is part of the 90 minute cycle and occupies approximately 45-60% of sleep.
· Stage 3 and 4 or Delta sleep: Stage 2 sleep evolves into "Delta" sleep or "slow wave" sleep in approximately 10-20 minutes and may last 15-30 minutes. It is called "slow wave" sleep because brain activity slows down dramatically from the "theta" rhythm of Stage 2 to a much slower rhythm of 1 to 2 cycles per second called "delta" and the height or amplitude of the waves increases dramatically. In most adults these two stages are completed within the first two 90 minute sleep cycles or within the first three hours of sleep. Contrary to popular belief, it is delta sleep that is the "deepest" stage of sleep (not REM) and the most restorative. It is delta sleep that a sleep-deprived person's brain craves the first and foremost. In children, delta sleep can occupy up to 40% of all sleep time and this is what makes children unwakeable or "dead asleep" during most of the night.
· Stage 5: REM (Rapid Eye Movement Sleep): This is a very active stage of sleep. Composes 20-25 % of a normal nights sleep. Breathing, heart rate and brain wave activity quicken. Vivid Dreams can occur. Sleep Specialists call this 5th stage of sleep "REM" rapid eye movement sleep because if one is to watch a person in this stage, their eyes are moving rapidly about. After REM stage, the body usually returns to Stage 2 sleep.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ok people, can understand most of the words above? i think i am lacking stage 3 and 4, not getting enough of 'restorative' sleep. hence my dark circles and eyebags *ugly gretel
found the information here. hopefully this clears up some of the questions abt dreams and deep sleep/light sleep.
okie dokie, gotta get to uni...*yawn
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
· Stage 1 Sleep: This is experienced as falling to sleep and is a transition stage between wake and sleep. It usually lasts between 1 and 5 minutes and occupies approximately 2-5 % of a normal night of sleep. This stage is dramatically increased in some insomnia (restless legs) and disorders that produce frequent arousals such as apnea and PLMS.
· Stage 2 Sleep: This follows Stage 1 sleep and is the "baseline" of sleep. This stage is part of the 90 minute cycle and occupies approximately 45-60% of sleep.
· Stage 3 and 4 or Delta sleep: Stage 2 sleep evolves into "Delta" sleep or "slow wave" sleep in approximately 10-20 minutes and may last 15-30 minutes. It is called "slow wave" sleep because brain activity slows down dramatically from the "theta" rhythm of Stage 2 to a much slower rhythm of 1 to 2 cycles per second called "delta" and the height or amplitude of the waves increases dramatically. In most adults these two stages are completed within the first two 90 minute sleep cycles or within the first three hours of sleep. Contrary to popular belief, it is delta sleep that is the "deepest" stage of sleep (not REM) and the most restorative. It is delta sleep that a sleep-deprived person's brain craves the first and foremost. In children, delta sleep can occupy up to 40% of all sleep time and this is what makes children unwakeable or "dead asleep" during most of the night.
· Stage 5: REM (Rapid Eye Movement Sleep): This is a very active stage of sleep. Composes 20-25 % of a normal nights sleep. Breathing, heart rate and brain wave activity quicken. Vivid Dreams can occur. Sleep Specialists call this 5th stage of sleep "REM" rapid eye movement sleep because if one is to watch a person in this stage, their eyes are moving rapidly about. After REM stage, the body usually returns to Stage 2 sleep.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ok people, can understand most of the words above? i think i am lacking stage 3 and 4, not getting enough of 'restorative' sleep. hence my dark circles and eyebags *ugly gretel
found the information here. hopefully this clears up some of the questions abt dreams and deep sleep/light sleep.
okie dokie, gotta get to uni...*yawn
anyone who sees me now is gonna laugh his/her head off.
i am wearing an OR-BIANG pajamas (but it's made by my mum so it feels really nice when i wear it)..and i am wearing gloves cos my fingers are freezing..and i'm wearing bed socks to prevent my toes from falling off. i look...stupid. actually, even moron is an understatement for the way i look now. this is probably the geekiest moment in my 23 years of life. *bleah
it's getting so cold, getting into bed is not relaxing anymore. my sheets are cold, my quilt is cold. so i just lie there, all my muscles braced against the icy feeling against my body, until eventually my body warms up the quilt...then i can relax and fall asleep.
ahh.it's so hard to type with gloves. but i'd rather have to backspace more than to have my fingers go numb from the cold. sighz...
last night, i managed to concuss...finally. probably cos i was so beaten from bodystep yesterday. this shows that i should exercise more often. it'd be good for my figure, good for my heart..and good for my rest. suddenly wish the gym downstairs actually have a treadmill or a less ancient bike.
**********************************************************
梦不到你，却不能够停止想你。
看不到你，却忘不了你的表情。
听不到你，却常记得你的声音。
盼不到你，却仍期待与你相遇。
i am wearing an OR-BIANG pajamas (but it's made by my mum so it feels really nice when i wear it)..and i am wearing gloves cos my fingers are freezing..and i'm wearing bed socks to prevent my toes from falling off. i look...stupid. actually, even moron is an understatement for the way i look now. this is probably the geekiest moment in my 23 years of life. *bleah
it's getting so cold, getting into bed is not relaxing anymore. my sheets are cold, my quilt is cold. so i just lie there, all my muscles braced against the icy feeling against my body, until eventually my body warms up the quilt...then i can relax and fall asleep.
ahh.it's so hard to type with gloves. but i'd rather have to backspace more than to have my fingers go numb from the cold. sighz...
last night, i managed to concuss...finally. probably cos i was so beaten from bodystep yesterday. this shows that i should exercise more often. it'd be good for my figure, good for my heart..and good for my rest. suddenly wish the gym downstairs actually have a treadmill or a less ancient bike.
**********************************************************
梦不到你，却不能够停止想你。
看不到你，却忘不了你的表情。
听不到你，却常记得你的声音。
盼不到你，却仍期待与你相遇。
sleep has not been good for me. and i have no idea why. i'd concuss at 11pm, wake up at 7.30am...and feel like i've only slept for 10 minutes. and i don't even remember waking up alot in the middle of the night.
something is keeping me from sleeping soundly...and i think that something is called stress.
and i'm not talking about academic stress. sure, there are assignments to be done, and clinics to be worried about. but there's just something in my head that i can't really put a name to. that something is stopping my brain from konking out when it's bedtime...it's driving my brain to work overtimed-overtime...
so i feel tired all the time. or rather, unmotivated all the time. i have no interest in anything else except food, sleep and slack. assignment due next week, cardio tute due next week, case prez in 2 weeks. i should be on the go, using every second to get work done.
yet here i am typing this entry. *duh* opening locked-up memories always bring me sleepless nights.
i should always remember that once a pandora box is closed, never ever open it again. never ever...
something is keeping me from sleeping soundly...and i think that something is called stress.
and i'm not talking about academic stress. sure, there are assignments to be done, and clinics to be worried about. but there's just something in my head that i can't really put a name to. that something is stopping my brain from konking out when it's bedtime...it's driving my brain to work overtimed-overtime...
so i feel tired all the time. or rather, unmotivated all the time. i have no interest in anything else except food, sleep and slack. assignment due next week, cardio tute due next week, case prez in 2 weeks. i should be on the go, using every second to get work done.
yet here i am typing this entry. *duh* opening locked-up memories always bring me sleepless nights.
i should always remember that once a pandora box is closed, never ever open it again. never ever...
been eating too much baked stuff. baked pasta...baked rice...too much cheese, too little exercise
i'm growing fat...again! dammit!
okay, must get some exercise done this week. better burn some of those fats before the weather turns even colder and my body decides that more fat is better. *grimace*
JF and edwin would be on their flight home to Singapore now. *sigh* why am i stuck here?!?! so homesick, it's not funny anymore. but strangely, my homesickness now is so different to that i had in the past. no tears, no bawling on the phone. just a quiet sense of sadness, a gentle reminder now and then of the yummy food and warm, balmy wind. i guess that's what it's supposed to be when you don't have a bf back home. perhaps i was really more lovesick than homesick back then. but i really do miss mummy, especially her cooking. din get to eat much of her cooking in dec cos home was under renovation. which reminds me..i wanna see how it looks like now when it's all done. and also..i miss my bed, and my big fat bolster. *sniffle*
and the guys would be meeting up in singapore...probably going for sake sushi buffet..without me. arghz. and, initial D opens in 2 days!! AND, JC is in singapore today!!
i'm whining..i'm whinging...i'm behaving like a little kid.
working with kids day in and day out, i really wish i can be a kid. just bawl my eyes out and scrunch up my face, and mummy would pick me up and sayang me.
life is getting far too complicated again. i hate it when this happens. can't sleep, and keep thinking of eating...or maybe the eating is due to PMS. all the craving for cheese and chips.
my tuna sandwich just taste like crap. *bleah*
i'm growing fat...again! dammit!
okay, must get some exercise done this week. better burn some of those fats before the weather turns even colder and my body decides that more fat is better. *grimace*
JF and edwin would be on their flight home to Singapore now. *sigh* why am i stuck here?!?! so homesick, it's not funny anymore. but strangely, my homesickness now is so different to that i had in the past. no tears, no bawling on the phone. just a quiet sense of sadness, a gentle reminder now and then of the yummy food and warm, balmy wind. i guess that's what it's supposed to be when you don't have a bf back home. perhaps i was really more lovesick than homesick back then. but i really do miss mummy, especially her cooking. din get to eat much of her cooking in dec cos home was under renovation. which reminds me..i wanna see how it looks like now when it's all done. and also..i miss my bed, and my big fat bolster. *sniffle*
and the guys would be meeting up in singapore...probably going for sake sushi buffet..without me. arghz. and, initial D opens in 2 days!! AND, JC is in singapore today!!
i'm whining..i'm whinging...i'm behaving like a little kid.
working with kids day in and day out, i really wish i can be a kid. just bawl my eyes out and scrunch up my face, and mummy would pick me up and sayang me.
life is getting far too complicated again. i hate it when this happens. can't sleep, and keep thinking of eating...or maybe the eating is due to PMS. all the craving for cheese and chips.
my tuna sandwich just taste like crap. *bleah*
last night's dinner was yummilicious...din know that fangnian can cook so well. i was very impressed indeed. i was even more impressed by esther's waffles. it was so so so GOOD. and her waffle machine makes waffles in the shape of penguins!! so cute. the penguins has a little dip in its tummy for ice-cream. *grinz* the waffle tasted good even just on its own...add in cookie-and-cream ice cream, strawberries and bananas, and alittlebitofchoc, oooh...it can be sold at a cafe. i think next time when we are all sick of physio, we can open a cafe together. germ and esther can do the dessert, i'd do the main courses...and gin can be our financial manager and PR manager. haha...yet another far far away dream...
we stayed at fangnian's place until like 1+ am. what did we do? we chatted...from BGR to bible stories, from alicia's new boots to clubbing, from horseriding to ski-ing. we talked, we laughed...and all in all, we had lotsa fun. oh, and i discovered yet another of fangnian's hidden talent - he can play guitar. FWAH, i am getting more impressed with him already.
then, esther drove us back to university place. alicia stayed over and we stayed up looking at photos on my comp and chatted even more. i think we both fell asleep at abt 3am. her dad called at 7.30am, a morning call to wake her up so she can go to church. but she was so exhausted, she decided to go to esther's church on lygon (instead of her usual church somewhere in the suburb). so both of us slept in till like 10am...then had my muffins for breakfast. when she left, i felt a shallow sense of desolation creeping in..
but luckily, i met jf online. and we chatted for hours. been quite a while since we chatted so much...and it was so much fun. he is going back to sg tomorrow!! sighz...and then i guess he and edwin would meet up with weipeng, eugene, peileng and andrew. the CS gang...which had been torn apart and scattered around the world. wish i can be back home and meeting up with them...rather than stuck in cold, windy melbourne.
initial D opening in singapore/asia in 4 days!! darn, never wanted to be back in singapore so much this year. it's so hard when everyone else is back there and i am here. fighting off that familiar sense of abandonment...keeping myself sane by watching my fav sitcom, F.R.I.E.N.D.S.
germ coming back to melb in less than a week. guess ken must be looking forward to sat morning so much right now. as for me, can't wait to bake more of the muffins for germ to try...and also can't wait to see what she got me from hong kong *smirk*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
已经冰封的回忆，开始解冻。
那段快乐的时光，开始重演。
断断续续的想念，开始蔓延。
曾经按耐的感情，开始震动。
当一切变得模糊不清，复杂的情绪成为负担。
动了心，就无法装着不在乎。
就算把心冻僵了，它依旧蠢蠢欲动。
一旦有稍微的温差，就会如暴风雨一样，
把原本平静的内心，摧毁得满目疮痍。
感动不是心动，不可以相提并论。
感动代表的是感激，是感谢。
心动包含了动情的无助，那种小鹿乱撞的感觉。
有感动，会想要报恩。
有心动，就会有期待。
两者完全不一样，不要混淆了。
有时候，回忆是我的避风港，让我远离现实的残酷。
有时候，回忆却是我的地狱，让我受尽了百般痛苦。
逃进自己的回忆，是懦弱，是逃避现实。
抛弃自己的回忆，是无奈，是走投无路。
有感动，因为我很感激。
没有心动，没有等待，也没有期待。
负担很重，很想卸下来。
内心很乱，很想静下来。
怎么变得这么复杂？怎么变成这样混乱？
怎么虽然如愿以偿，却成为了一场醒不来的恶梦？
we stayed at fangnian's place until like 1+ am. what did we do? we chatted...from BGR to bible stories, from alicia's new boots to clubbing, from horseriding to ski-ing. we talked, we laughed...and all in all, we had lotsa fun. oh, and i discovered yet another of fangnian's hidden talent - he can play guitar. FWAH, i am getting more impressed with him already.
then, esther drove us back to university place. alicia stayed over and we stayed up looking at photos on my comp and chatted even more. i think we both fell asleep at abt 3am. her dad called at 7.30am, a morning call to wake her up so she can go to church. but she was so exhausted, she decided to go to esther's church on lygon (instead of her usual church somewhere in the suburb). so both of us slept in till like 10am...then had my muffins for breakfast. when she left, i felt a shallow sense of desolation creeping in..
but luckily, i met jf online. and we chatted for hours. been quite a while since we chatted so much...and it was so much fun. he is going back to sg tomorrow!! sighz...and then i guess he and edwin would meet up with weipeng, eugene, peileng and andrew. the CS gang...which had been torn apart and scattered around the world. wish i can be back home and meeting up with them...rather than stuck in cold, windy melbourne.
initial D opening in singapore/asia in 4 days!! darn, never wanted to be back in singapore so much this year. it's so hard when everyone else is back there and i am here. fighting off that familiar sense of abandonment...keeping myself sane by watching my fav sitcom, F.R.I.E.N.D.S.
germ coming back to melb in less than a week. guess ken must be looking forward to sat morning so much right now. as for me, can't wait to bake more of the muffins for germ to try...and also can't wait to see what she got me from hong kong *smirk*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
已经冰封的回忆，开始解冻。
那段快乐的时光，开始重演。
断断续续的想念，开始蔓延。
曾经按耐的感情，开始震动。
当一切变得模糊不清，复杂的情绪成为负担。
动了心，就无法装着不在乎。
就算把心冻僵了，它依旧蠢蠢欲动。
一旦有稍微的温差，就会如暴风雨一样，
把原本平静的内心，摧毁得满目疮痍。
感动不是心动，不可以相提并论。
感动代表的是感激，是感谢。
心动包含了动情的无助，那种小鹿乱撞的感觉。
有感动，会想要报恩。
有心动，就会有期待。
两者完全不一样，不要混淆了。
有时候，回忆是我的避风港，让我远离现实的残酷。
有时候，回忆却是我的地狱，让我受尽了百般痛苦。
逃进自己的回忆，是懦弱，是逃避现实。
抛弃自己的回忆，是无奈，是走投无路。
有感动，因为我很感激。
没有心动，没有等待，也没有期待。
负担很重，很想卸下来。
内心很乱，很想静下来。
怎么变得这么复杂？怎么变成这样混乱？
怎么虽然如愿以偿，却成为了一场醒不来的恶梦？
i am feeling damn proud of myself now. why?
cos i baked...yes i BAKED!! Gretel the baking idiot has finally sum up enough courage to use the oven (0ther than baking pasta) without supervision from germaine.
oh man...i feel like i've graduated from 'baking school for idiots'...*sniffle*
okay, before i start delivering a speech to thank my parents, first must say what i baked yeah? i baked muffins. i haven't baked a muffin since...ever...besides pasta, i haven't baked for 1.5 years. the last time i baked was edwin's bday cake. and it turned out to be..ermm...almost a disaster. but apparently it tasted ok, just looked like crap. *blush*
ooh..i feel a stronge sense of achievement..and a bolt of confidence being shot into my soul. wuahaha!! hmm...but this muffin is pretty easy to bake. it's SAVOURY muffin, with bacon, cheese and onion. so not the usual choc or blueberry ones. maybe that's why it was so easy. wuahaha!! hmm...now that i'm itching to try and bake some other stuff with a bit more difficulty. haven't tried using a mixer since i was 14. (that's like almost a decade ago *gasp*) maybe one day, i'll buy some cake mix and try using a mixer...first, i need to overcome my fear of that gadget.
and the muffin i baked tasted pretty alright. many thanks to Lauren cos it's her receipe *hugz* going to give some to esther, alicia and tony later. hopefully they'll think it taste ok to...*cross fingers*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
喜欢一个人，就觉得他样样都好。
他对我的每一点点好，每一丝丝的美意，
都刻在心里，甜到心坎里。
一个微笑，像是雨后的艳阳
灿烂又温暖。
一秒钟的碰触，像是坐云霄飞车
短暂却兴奋。
可是，如果不喜欢一个人，就觉得所有的好，
都成了错。
对我越呵护，越关心，越宠爱，
我就越烦恼，越恐慌，越失措。
好想逃，却又不知道要逃去哪里。
好想消失，却又不愿失去一个朋友。
脆弱的友谊，经不起暗恋的蹂躏。
男女之间，会有单纯的友谊吗？
这样的友谊，一旦有了一方的心动，
就沾污了，就不单单是友谊。
失去了单纯，这段友谊，开始被腐蚀，
渐渐地消失，慢慢地融化。
不要对我太好，我会怕，会觉得有压力。
不要对我不好，我会伤心，会认为我有错。
要在太好与不好之间找到一个平衡点
也许就是男女之间最难的一项任务。
cos i baked...yes i BAKED!! Gretel the baking idiot has finally sum up enough courage to use the oven (0ther than baking pasta) without supervision from germaine.
oh man...i feel like i've graduated from 'baking school for idiots'...*sniffle*
okay, before i start delivering a speech to thank my parents, first must say what i baked yeah? i baked muffins. i haven't baked a muffin since...ever...besides pasta, i haven't baked for 1.5 years. the last time i baked was edwin's bday cake. and it turned out to be..ermm...almost a disaster. but apparently it tasted ok, just looked like crap. *blush*
ooh..i feel a stronge sense of achievement..and a bolt of confidence being shot into my soul. wuahaha!! hmm...but this muffin is pretty easy to bake. it's SAVOURY muffin, with bacon, cheese and onion. so not the usual choc or blueberry ones. maybe that's why it was so easy. wuahaha!! hmm...now that i'm itching to try and bake some other stuff with a bit more difficulty. haven't tried using a mixer since i was 14. (that's like almost a decade ago *gasp*) maybe one day, i'll buy some cake mix and try using a mixer...first, i need to overcome my fear of that gadget.
and the muffin i baked tasted pretty alright. many thanks to Lauren cos it's her receipe *hugz* going to give some to esther, alicia and tony later. hopefully they'll think it taste ok to...*cross fingers*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
喜欢一个人，就觉得他样样都好。
他对我的每一点点好，每一丝丝的美意，
都刻在心里，甜到心坎里。
一个微笑，像是雨后的艳阳
灿烂又温暖。
一秒钟的碰触，像是坐云霄飞车
短暂却兴奋。
可是，如果不喜欢一个人，就觉得所有的好，
都成了错。
对我越呵护，越关心，越宠爱，
我就越烦恼，越恐慌，越失措。
好想逃，却又不知道要逃去哪里。
好想消失，却又不愿失去一个朋友。
脆弱的友谊，经不起暗恋的蹂躏。
男女之间，会有单纯的友谊吗？
这样的友谊，一旦有了一方的心动，
就沾污了，就不单单是友谊。
失去了单纯，这段友谊，开始被腐蚀，
渐渐地消失，慢慢地融化。
不要对我太好，我会怕，会觉得有压力。
不要对我不好，我会伤心，会认为我有错。
要在太好与不好之间找到一个平衡点
也许就是男女之间最难的一项任务。
ahh...the satisfaction and sense of release when an assignment is handed in. today is absolute bumming day. except for being stuck in the physio comp lab for 2.5 hours editing that bloody evidence-based assignment (due in 2 weeks!!!), i did absolutely NOTHING related to school.
after being 'released' from the comp lab, went to rowden white and borrowed a book. then, walked to mac's at vic mkt (i still can't say macca's...macdonald's sounds more like home when i say mac''s)...had lunch alone while reading my book. then grocery shopping at vic mkt...came back, put laundry in and then i lounged in on the air mattress and futon for like 2 hours, just reading reading reading. ahh...it was SO SO SOOOOO relaxing. *sigh* if not for esther's call at 6pm, i think i'd have kept reading till i fall asleep.
sigh...but good things don't last. tomorrow is the start of doing work again. gotta start on assignments again and gotta read up on stuff for clinics. gotta do this, gotta do that. how i wish i can take more rests like the one i had today.
i am having serious backache, probably from assessing the child yesterday. though she was pretty light, picking her up and twisting around probably did some damage to my back muscles. oooh...germ,i need a massage....where are you? *sob*
going to temple with trudy again tomorrow. i'm actually looking forward to it. probably help me to put some order and peace back into my chaotic life. and dinner at Fangnian's (a.k.a Tony the tiger) place. haven't seen esther for so long. which is kinda strange cos we are neighbours.
*blush* that's just so ME. especially since i am in one of my "dun wanna talk to anyone" mode (a.k.a. antisocial mood). it's just easier for me to come back to my apartment, and do whatever i want..instead of sitting down with someone else and having to make conversation. seems like i am going into a reverse cycle of ageing. while other people get more enthusiastic with meeting people, having more courage and being less shy, i go in the complete opposite direction.
ah well, i guess i am just a hermit at heart.
or maybe, it's just easier to be myself when i am all alone. no need to watch my words...or watch my actions. i can do whatever i want and no one would judge me.
freedom of speech, freedom of thoughts, freedom of actions.
*************************************************************
the book i am reading have very interesting "quotes" at the start of each chapter.. shall put most of them up...cos they make alot of sense and some of them are really funny *bwahaha*
"Every once in a while, you meet a man worth the trouble he's going to cause you." awww...when is my "once in a while" gonna come??
"It is better to be on the receiving end of a shocked stare than a bored yawn."
how true...
"Anyone can be a butterfly. A butterfly is just a moth with eyeshadow."
bwahahahahahaha...does this means i should start wearing make up?
"A child's kiss can mend a broken heart."
hence my interest in paediatrics...
"God will forgive you for bending the commandments in order to earn the money to pay the light bill and feed children."
haha... some things are just more essential to survival than religion eh?
"When travelling, it is important to wear a short skirt in case you need help with your luggage."
WUAHAHA!! another reason for me to wear skirt when i go home in Dec...
"Don't take a man back once he's done you wrong. It's like hoping the milk is still fresh after it's been sitting in the heat all day."
Ahh...very good advice indeed...
"When you have a terrible day, drink a margarita, eat chocolate and dance in the kitchen. Things will look better in the morning."
hmm...it'd probably be drink a can of coca-cola, eat chips and dance in my bedroom for me. *grinz*
"I'd rather be brave enough to do something worthy of wild gossip than be so afraid of others' disapproval that I do nothing at all."
fwah...well,i think i've already followed this quote once, and end up where i am now.
"Don't waste your time on a man unless his kiss makes you forget your name."
sigh...that's provided can get a man who wants to kiss first, yeah?
"It's a funny thing, but for a special kind of man, making a woman laugh is almost as gratifying as getting her into bed."
more sighs....
"There's nothing wrong with enjoying a man's attention. The only problem is if the attention results in contractions nine months later."
WUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
"The most important thing you can do in life is to be your best you. You wouldn't have been born if the world wasn't needing you for something."
i should print this quote out and paste it on my wall to keep reminding myself.
"Love makes us do amazing, wonderful things...and really stupid things too."
oooh!! how true..how very very very true...
"If your man doesn't dance, then teach him. If he won't try, then cha-cha on to the next one."
BWAHAHA!!
"The more forbidden the candy, the more you want to eat it."
human nature...always craving something you can't get. Sigh...
"A mother's love is a gift that keeps on giving...long after she's gone."
*sniffle* really dun wanna know if this is true or not...
"Laugh hard enough to make you stomach hurt. Sing loud enough to wake the neighbours. Love as if the whole world's survival depends on it, and you will have a wonderful life."
hmm....another quote for me to print and stick on the wall??
after being 'released' from the comp lab, went to rowden white and borrowed a book. then, walked to mac's at vic mkt (i still can't say macca's...macdonald's sounds more like home when i say mac''s)...had lunch alone while reading my book. then grocery shopping at vic mkt...came back, put laundry in and then i lounged in on the air mattress and futon for like 2 hours, just reading reading reading. ahh...it was SO SO SOOOOO relaxing. *sigh* if not for esther's call at 6pm, i think i'd have kept reading till i fall asleep.
sigh...but good things don't last. tomorrow is the start of doing work again. gotta start on assignments again and gotta read up on stuff for clinics. gotta do this, gotta do that. how i wish i can take more rests like the one i had today.
i am having serious backache, probably from assessing the child yesterday. though she was pretty light, picking her up and twisting around probably did some damage to my back muscles. oooh...germ,i need a massage....where are you? *sob*
going to temple with trudy again tomorrow. i'm actually looking forward to it. probably help me to put some order and peace back into my chaotic life. and dinner at Fangnian's (a.k.a Tony the tiger) place. haven't seen esther for so long. which is kinda strange cos we are neighbours.
*blush* that's just so ME. especially since i am in one of my "dun wanna talk to anyone" mode (a.k.a. antisocial mood). it's just easier for me to come back to my apartment, and do whatever i want..instead of sitting down with someone else and having to make conversation. seems like i am going into a reverse cycle of ageing. while other people get more enthusiastic with meeting people, having more courage and being less shy, i go in the complete opposite direction.
ah well, i guess i am just a hermit at heart.
or maybe, it's just easier to be myself when i am all alone. no need to watch my words...or watch my actions. i can do whatever i want and no one would judge me.
freedom of speech, freedom of thoughts, freedom of actions.
*************************************************************
the book i am reading have very interesting "quotes" at the start of each chapter.. shall put most of them up...cos they make alot of sense and some of them are really funny *bwahaha*
"Every once in a while, you meet a man worth the trouble he's going to cause you." awww...when is my "once in a while" gonna come??
"It is better to be on the receiving end of a shocked stare than a bored yawn."
how true...
"Anyone can be a butterfly. A butterfly is just a moth with eyeshadow."
bwahahahahahaha...does this means i should start wearing make up?
"A child's kiss can mend a broken heart."
hence my interest in paediatrics...
"God will forgive you for bending the commandments in order to earn the money to pay the light bill and feed children."
haha... some things are just more essential to survival than religion eh?
"When travelling, it is important to wear a short skirt in case you need help with your luggage."
WUAHAHA!! another reason for me to wear skirt when i go home in Dec...
"Don't take a man back once he's done you wrong. It's like hoping the milk is still fresh after it's been sitting in the heat all day."
Ahh...very good advice indeed...
"When you have a terrible day, drink a margarita, eat chocolate and dance in the kitchen. Things will look better in the morning."
hmm...it'd probably be drink a can of coca-cola, eat chips and dance in my bedroom for me. *grinz*
"I'd rather be brave enough to do something worthy of wild gossip than be so afraid of others' disapproval that I do nothing at all."
fwah...well,i think i've already followed this quote once, and end up where i am now.
"Don't waste your time on a man unless his kiss makes you forget your name."
sigh...that's provided can get a man who wants to kiss first, yeah?
"It's a funny thing, but for a special kind of man, making a woman laugh is almost as gratifying as getting her into bed."
more sighs....
"There's nothing wrong with enjoying a man's attention. The only problem is if the attention results in contractions nine months later."
WUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
"The most important thing you can do in life is to be your best you. You wouldn't have been born if the world wasn't needing you for something."
i should print this quote out and paste it on my wall to keep reminding myself.
"Love makes us do amazing, wonderful things...and really stupid things too."
oooh!! how true..how very very very true...
"If your man doesn't dance, then teach him. If he won't try, then cha-cha on to the next one."
BWAHAHA!!
"The more forbidden the candy, the more you want to eat it."
human nature...always craving something you can't get. Sigh...
"A mother's love is a gift that keeps on giving...long after she's gone."
*sniffle* really dun wanna know if this is true or not...
"Laugh hard enough to make you stomach hurt. Sing loud enough to wake the neighbours. Love as if the whole world's survival depends on it, and you will have a wonderful life."
hmm....another quote for me to print and stick on the wall??
seems like people stop blogging when they go back to sg for hols. been checking people's blog everyday, but i guess everyone's busy meeting up with friends and eating hawker food.
assignment due tomorrow is done *phew but sleep deprivation is taking too long to recover from. *yawn
clinics at royal children's hospital started on tuesday. din get to see many children until wednesday...and it was quite heartbreaking to see these kids walking around in the hospital, some looking sick and about to collapse, others running about and laughing happily. went to a special development school (SDS) today...the children there are intellectually disabled, and most of them have communication difficulties as well as behavioural problems. working with them was a real eye opener. it was quite scary at first, cos one of the kids was autistic and started shouting and stamping his feet. but after a while, i got used to being around them, and it was interesting to see how they interact with the physio, the teachers and the environment.
only 3 days of my paeds placement, and i'm already more enthusiastic about working with children. somehow, working with kids make me sad, but also make me more motivated to help them.
young and helpless...with so much to gain from life, yet so limited by their illness.
working with them makes me appreciate the little things in life even more. as simple as sitting up in bed, or as complex as cooking a meal for myself. actions that we take for granted in life...objects that we are so accustomed to everyday...yet these are the things missing from their lives. and the dedication of the parents...the love they show to their child, despite their sickness.
uconditional love...for the child they've created, for the life they've brought into this world.
weekend's on its way. this is going to be a bumming weekend. gotta take a rest from the hectic week i've had. can't believe i have to go to uni tomorrow for group meeting. bloody assignment. dun understand why they make physio students do so many assignments!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
幻影很远，却回味无穷。
记忆很深，却若隐若现。
思念很玄，却无所不在。
梦景很甜，却遥不可及。
有的人只活在幻影里，所以很完美。
有的人刻下了永恒的烙印，所以忘不了。
有的人在心里占了某个角落，所以推不掉。
有的人走进了梦中的美丽世界，所以梦难留。
你，活在我的幻影里，
留下了不灭的烙印，
霸占了心中的每个角落，
为我的的梦境上了缤纷的色彩。
有没有一种可能，让我在现实里看看你是否完美？
让我思绪里的影子成为真实的你？
让你从我心中走进我的世界？
让梦中的一切跨越空间来到现在，持续到未来？
assignment due tomorrow is done *phew but sleep deprivation is taking too long to recover from. *yawn
clinics at royal children's hospital started on tuesday. din get to see many children until wednesday...and it was quite heartbreaking to see these kids walking around in the hospital, some looking sick and about to collapse, others running about and laughing happily. went to a special development school (SDS) today...the children there are intellectually disabled, and most of them have communication difficulties as well as behavioural problems. working with them was a real eye opener. it was quite scary at first, cos one of the kids was autistic and started shouting and stamping his feet. but after a while, i got used to being around them, and it was interesting to see how they interact with the physio, the teachers and the environment.
only 3 days of my paeds placement, and i'm already more enthusiastic about working with children. somehow, working with kids make me sad, but also make me more motivated to help them.
young and helpless...with so much to gain from life, yet so limited by their illness.
working with them makes me appreciate the little things in life even more. as simple as sitting up in bed, or as complex as cooking a meal for myself. actions that we take for granted in life...objects that we are so accustomed to everyday...yet these are the things missing from their lives. and the dedication of the parents...the love they show to their child, despite their sickness.
uconditional love...for the child they've created, for the life they've brought into this world.
weekend's on its way. this is going to be a bumming weekend. gotta take a rest from the hectic week i've had. can't believe i have to go to uni tomorrow for group meeting. bloody assignment. dun understand why they make physio students do so many assignments!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
幻影很远，却回味无穷。
记忆很深，却若隐若现。
思念很玄，却无所不在。
梦景很甜，却遥不可及。
有的人只活在幻影里，所以很完美。
有的人刻下了永恒的烙印，所以忘不了。
有的人在心里占了某个角落，所以推不掉。
有的人走进了梦中的美丽世界，所以梦难留。
你，活在我的幻影里，
留下了不灭的烙印，
霸占了心中的每个角落，
为我的的梦境上了缤纷的色彩。
有没有一种可能，让我在现实里看看你是否完美？
让我思绪里的影子成为真实的你？
让你从我心中走进我的世界？
让梦中的一切跨越空间来到现在，持续到未来？
i need sleep..i need to sleep sleep sleep
i guess when your age pass the big 20, your body is less able to cope with sleep deprivation
either that,
or i am just simply a glutton when it comes to my beauty sleep
i'm envious of koalas now
they get to sleep for 18 hours everyday
and they don't have to go for exams or clinics
and they get to look so cute and cuddly
me?
i look like a cross between an old woman and a panda
not cute..not cuddly
and not having enough sleep
i'm cranky...
i wanna climb to the top of the highest mountain
and scream my lungs out...
i wanna be back in the hot singapore climate
and sweat till i'm dehydrated
i wanna have someone to hug me
and shelter me from the bitter cold winds
can't wait for the weekend...
and sleeping in till noon on sunday
is what's keeping me alive right now
oh, apart from the fact that i have a bloody assignment to finish...
my mattress is calling out to me
my quilt reaching out and luring me into its warm cocoon
i feel my own determination dissolving
and my eyes closing
brain is now shutting down.......
it's now safe to turn off your brain *zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
******************************************************
i want this!!
i guess when your age pass the big 20, your body is less able to cope with sleep deprivation
either that,
or i am just simply a glutton when it comes to my beauty sleep
i'm envious of koalas now
they get to sleep for 18 hours everyday
and they don't have to go for exams or clinics
and they get to look so cute and cuddly
me?
i look like a cross between an old woman and a panda
not cute..not cuddly
and not having enough sleep
i'm cranky...
i wanna climb to the top of the highest mountain
and scream my lungs out...
i wanna be back in the hot singapore climate
and sweat till i'm dehydrated
i wanna have someone to hug me
and shelter me from the bitter cold winds
can't wait for the weekend...
and sleeping in till noon on sunday
is what's keeping me alive right now
oh, apart from the fact that i have a bloody assignment to finish...
my mattress is calling out to me
my quilt reaching out and luring me into its warm cocoon
i feel my own determination dissolving
and my eyes closing
brain is now shutting down.......
it's now safe to turn off your brain *zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
******************************************************
i want this!!
last evening to this afternoon, would forever be etched in my memory.
started with a long long walk from city to joy's place in south bank...i was already exhausted from the walk...staying up the night before chatting on MSN is not helping me at all.
reached joy's place..and joy, lauren and i played tennis. now, people who know me well would know i am not a tennis player. badminton's my game...tennis, squash, table tennis etc...uh uh, can't do it. but, i had fun trying to hit the ball. though the strong wind made hitting the ball so much more challenging. joy and lauren are so much better than me...my right wrist was dying and yet the two of them still continued to play.
and then, back to joy's place...shower and dinner time!three of us, crowding around joy's hotplate and deep frying tempura!! (and eating it whil we cook...) we started with eggplant...then sweet potato...then onions...then mushrooms (oh man, mushroom tempura is so so so yummy!!). then joy suggested chocolate tempura! (well..she actually wanna try ice cream..luckily lauren and i managed to talk her out of it)...so she took out this choc bar...coated with tempura batter..and put it into the hot hot hot oil. the choc started melting...so we tried to drip more batter on it to stop the choc from leaking out into the oil. suddenly, with no warning at all..there was a large "POP" and then i felt the HOT HOT oil splat onto my index finger..and joy started yelping in pain and putting her hand under running water. now, i have a mini blister on my finger..and she has 3 red spots on her hand.
lesson learnt: deep fried choc don't work in non-commercial kitchens.
oh, our dinner wasn't just tempura. lauren made her yummy yummy lagsana and that was our main course. and of course, we din eat dinner without entertainment. we were lounging on joy's sofa...watching desperate housewives (courtesy of joy's friend's bf). and it was so so so good!! somwhere in the middle, we also ate chips and cheezels...and each of us had at least 3 cups of tea...when we came to the last 2 episodes...and loaded in the last disc, it WASN'T desperate housewives!!!! ARGH!!! disappointment, shock, anger.....i was seriously mad!! but...there's nothing we can do...and so our desperate housewives marathon came to a very anti-climax stop at 2 am. *sob*
after that, we loaded in princess diaries 2 (which joy slept through...) and lauren and i were just ooh-ing and ahh-ing together. (yeah yeah..desperado is our middle name...) then joy woke up at the end of the show..and we decided we were hungry again! Bwhaha!! so, we cooked 3 packets of instant noodle (NTUC Fairprice brand!) and ate while watching Ocean's 12. Instant noodle taste so much better at 4 am in the morning. wuahahaha!!
well, i gave in to my exhaustion after the yummy noodle. so i slept through ocean's 12 (and joy slept through it too...) woke up at 6am when the show ended...changed position and slept till 8.15am. lazed around...had breakfast...joy tried to teach me to play abit of piano (well, not totally successful. now i admire JC's muscial talent even more *giggle*) and then played tennis (again...). Joy then drove Lauren and I back to our apartments...ending our fantastic sleepover. *sigh*
and now, back in the apartment and had instant noodles (again...) for lunch. exhaustion and stress is infiltrating every single brain cell. i so want to lie on my bed and concuss for the next 24 hours...but i can't...
i have an assignment due on friday...i have to read up for my paediatrics placement...i need to do tutorials for tomorrow's theory day.
i have a strong urge to cry..and an even stronger need for a shoulder to lean on. *sniffle*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
oh, let me day dream about my prince charming,
coming to rescue me on his beautiful white stallion.
let me sleep..sleep till he arrives and kiss me...
let me have the power to stop procrastinating
and let me have the determination to stay up
to finish my assignment and tutes.
started with a long long walk from city to joy's place in south bank...i was already exhausted from the walk...staying up the night before chatting on MSN is not helping me at all.
reached joy's place..and joy, lauren and i played tennis. now, people who know me well would know i am not a tennis player. badminton's my game...tennis, squash, table tennis etc...uh uh, can't do it. but, i had fun trying to hit the ball. though the strong wind made hitting the ball so much more challenging. joy and lauren are so much better than me...my right wrist was dying and yet the two of them still continued to play.
and then, back to joy's place...shower and dinner time!three of us, crowding around joy's hotplate and deep frying tempura!! (and eating it whil we cook...) we started with eggplant...then sweet potato...then onions...then mushrooms (oh man, mushroom tempura is so so so yummy!!). then joy suggested chocolate tempura! (well..she actually wanna try ice cream..luckily lauren and i managed to talk her out of it)...so she took out this choc bar...coated with tempura batter..and put it into the hot hot hot oil. the choc started melting...so we tried to drip more batter on it to stop the choc from leaking out into the oil. suddenly, with no warning at all..there was a large "POP" and then i felt the HOT HOT oil splat onto my index finger..and joy started yelping in pain and putting her hand under running water. now, i have a mini blister on my finger..and she has 3 red spots on her hand.
lesson learnt: deep fried choc don't work in non-commercial kitchens.
oh, our dinner wasn't just tempura. lauren made her yummy yummy lagsana and that was our main course. and of course, we din eat dinner without entertainment. we were lounging on joy's sofa...watching desperate housewives (courtesy of joy's friend's bf). and it was so so so good!! somwhere in the middle, we also ate chips and cheezels...and each of us had at least 3 cups of tea...when we came to the last 2 episodes...and loaded in the last disc, it WASN'T desperate housewives!!!! ARGH!!! disappointment, shock, anger.....i was seriously mad!! but...there's nothing we can do...and so our desperate housewives marathon came to a very anti-climax stop at 2 am. *sob*
after that, we loaded in princess diaries 2 (which joy slept through...) and lauren and i were just ooh-ing and ahh-ing together. (yeah yeah..desperado is our middle name...) then joy woke up at the end of the show..and we decided we were hungry again! Bwhaha!! so, we cooked 3 packets of instant noodle (NTUC Fairprice brand!) and ate while watching Ocean's 12. Instant noodle taste so much better at 4 am in the morning. wuahahaha!!
well, i gave in to my exhaustion after the yummy noodle. so i slept through ocean's 12 (and joy slept through it too...) woke up at 6am when the show ended...changed position and slept till 8.15am. lazed around...had breakfast...joy tried to teach me to play abit of piano (well, not totally successful. now i admire JC's muscial talent even more *giggle*) and then played tennis (again...). Joy then drove Lauren and I back to our apartments...ending our fantastic sleepover. *sigh*
and now, back in the apartment and had instant noodles (again...) for lunch. exhaustion and stress is infiltrating every single brain cell. i so want to lie on my bed and concuss for the next 24 hours...but i can't...
i have an assignment due on friday...i have to read up for my paediatrics placement...i need to do tutorials for tomorrow's theory day.
i have a strong urge to cry..and an even stronger need for a shoulder to lean on. *sniffle*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
oh, let me day dream about my prince charming,
coming to rescue me on his beautiful white stallion.
let me sleep..sleep till he arrives and kiss me...
let me have the power to stop procrastinating
and let me have the determination to stay up
to finish my assignment and tutes.
i'm bored..i'm lonely...i'm stressed...
so wat do i do?
i packed my room...rearranged my table...
still bored..still lonely....more stressed...
took out my First magazine and stare at the cover pic of JC.
then in a moment of extreme boredom and stress, took out my lousy webcam (with digicam function) and took this picture:
yes,a picture of the first 2 items in my JC collection.
i'm still bored...i'm still feeling lonely...
no one to talk to online...no one to talk to in the apartment...
JC looking at me from the cover...
and i wish i have the magical powers to make him come alive.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
wonder what germaine is doing now...in the middle of her sis wedding...??
is wing out with long-ge...??
maybe gin is out with her friends...
i guess yivern is enjoying her cable tv at home
and ruby would have arrived in singapore not long ago...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
darn it. responsibility is calling me back to my yucky exercise assignment.
tomorrow's gonna be tennis+desperate housewives+junkfoodbingeing day
another day gone...yet not much progress at all
JC's still looking at me...
if i have one wish now, i want him to be by my side. *siiiiggghhhzzzzzzzzzz*
so wat do i do?
i packed my room...rearranged my table...
still bored..still lonely....more stressed...
took out my First magazine and stare at the cover pic of JC.
then in a moment of extreme boredom and stress, took out my lousy webcam (with digicam function) and took this picture:
yes,a picture of the first 2 items in my JC collection.
i'm still bored...i'm still feeling lonely...
no one to talk to online...no one to talk to in the apartment...
JC looking at me from the cover...
and i wish i have the magical powers to make him come alive.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
wonder what germaine is doing now...in the middle of her sis wedding...??
is wing out with long-ge...??
maybe gin is out with her friends...
i guess yivern is enjoying her cable tv at home
and ruby would have arrived in singapore not long ago...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
darn it. responsibility is calling me back to my yucky exercise assignment.
tomorrow's gonna be tennis+desperate housewives+junkfoodbingeing day
another day gone...yet not much progress at all
JC's still looking at me...
if i have one wish now, i want him to be by my side. *siiiiggghhhzzzzzzzzzz*
just came back from 佛光缘 (a buddhist 'temple') in the city with trudy. never knew how much i dunno about buddhism until today. was quite confused about the procedures and felt quite lost initially...but when we all sat down and listened to the 师傅 talked to us about "psychology and buddhism", i really learnt alot.
i guess the deepest impression left on me during the talk is how she manage to link the "cheem" stuff to everyday life...i was nodding along to almost everything she said, cos they all applied to everyday life. not sure if i got all the stuff interpreted correctly...but the gist of it is saying how the mind and the body is separate...and that too often, we let our thoughts run wild and rule how body works and how we behave. of course, the opposite can happen...when our body control our mind and we end up doing things we din wanna do. so i guess the take home message is that we must learn to control and channel our thoughts correctly so that we would do good and do no harm. (ermm..trudy, did i get it right?)
oh, and i was very impressed by SQ (not a SIA flight, thank you very much...) who was able to translate what the 师傅 said (in mandarin) to english on the spot. even though later he said he din do a very good job today, i was still impressed.
going to go again next saturday. feel like i can relate to the teachings quite well..though i must i am still confused about the chanting bit. i have to keep looking around to know when to kneel and when to change my hand position. *blush* so paiseh....
anyway, half of my saturday is gone now. woke up at like 8am this morning to go vic mkt (cos the temple session start at 10.30) and had to walk to vic mkt alone in the rain. when i got back, my jeans and socks and shoes are all wet. yikes. hope i dun catch a cold and have relapse of my coughing fit *touchwood!!*
ooh, btw sovereign hill pictures! take a look at them, though i must say i din manage to capture the beauty of the place properly. :<
and just now, just before i left for the temple, my water supply was cut off. scared the crap out of me...i was washing my mug then suddenly the steady stream of water from the tap turned into a trickle..then drops..then nothing. and when i tried the taps in the shower, also NOTHING. luckily now the supply is back...wonder what happened then. whatever is it, i hope it doesn't happen again though. *grumble grumble*
okie dokie...laundry...assignments... ain't that the 'coolest' way to end my saturday?
*bleah*
i guess the deepest impression left on me during the talk is how she manage to link the "cheem" stuff to everyday life...i was nodding along to almost everything she said, cos they all applied to everyday life. not sure if i got all the stuff interpreted correctly...but the gist of it is saying how the mind and the body is separate...and that too often, we let our thoughts run wild and rule how body works and how we behave. of course, the opposite can happen...when our body control our mind and we end up doing things we din wanna do. so i guess the take home message is that we must learn to control and channel our thoughts correctly so that we would do good and do no harm. (ermm..trudy, did i get it right?)
oh, and i was very impressed by SQ (not a SIA flight, thank you very much...) who was able to translate what the 师傅 said (in mandarin) to english on the spot. even though later he said he din do a very good job today, i was still impressed.
going to go again next saturday. feel like i can relate to the teachings quite well..though i must i am still confused about the chanting bit. i have to keep looking around to know when to kneel and when to change my hand position. *blush* so paiseh....
anyway, half of my saturday is gone now. woke up at like 8am this morning to go vic mkt (cos the temple session start at 10.30) and had to walk to vic mkt alone in the rain. when i got back, my jeans and socks and shoes are all wet. yikes. hope i dun catch a cold and have relapse of my coughing fit *touchwood!!*
ooh, btw sovereign hill pictures! take a look at them, though i must say i din manage to capture the beauty of the place properly. :<
and just now, just before i left for the temple, my water supply was cut off. scared the crap out of me...i was washing my mug then suddenly the steady stream of water from the tap turned into a trickle..then drops..then nothing. and when i tried the taps in the shower, also NOTHING. luckily now the supply is back...wonder what happened then. whatever is it, i hope it doesn't happen again though. *grumble grumble*
okie dokie...laundry...assignments... ain't that the 'coolest' way to end my saturday?
*bleah*
the airport
so many different people..so many different emotions.
sending a friend off for the first time in melbourne.
it was sad...
and i was kind of extra cos her bf was there too
but i knew i had to go
just to see her walk through those gates
and also, i thought perhaps she would want me there too.
the usual way of goodbyes - a hug and pat on the back
with a reminder to take care
when i pull back and see tears swim in her eyes,
i knew i cannot let her see me cry.
and now, back in the apartment i've shared with her for exactly 3 months
knowing that i wouldn't hear her key in the lock for 2 weeks
i finally let those tears drop
one by one
it's not loneliness...
it's a sense of emptiness,
for this apartment would never be complete
until the day she steps in again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
maybe when i wake up tomorrow, i'll feel okay again
maybe when i'm exhausted from clinic, the silence would be welcoming.
till then,
i'll be waiting...for that 'tomorrow',
and i'll try means and ways to tire myself
so that i'd not notice the desolation
spreading into every corner of my soul.
so many different people..so many different emotions.
sending a friend off for the first time in melbourne.
it was sad...
and i was kind of extra cos her bf was there too
but i knew i had to go
just to see her walk through those gates
and also, i thought perhaps she would want me there too.
the usual way of goodbyes - a hug and pat on the back
with a reminder to take care
when i pull back and see tears swim in her eyes,
i knew i cannot let her see me cry.
and now, back in the apartment i've shared with her for exactly 3 months
knowing that i wouldn't hear her key in the lock for 2 weeks
i finally let those tears drop
one by one
it's not loneliness...
it's a sense of emptiness,
for this apartment would never be complete
until the day she steps in again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
maybe when i wake up tomorrow, i'll feel okay again
maybe when i'm exhausted from clinic, the silence would be welcoming.
till then,
i'll be waiting...for that 'tomorrow',
and i'll try means and ways to tire myself
so that i'd not notice the desolation
spreading into every corner of my soul.
today turned out to be a pretty exciting day. original plan to go marketting ruined by rain falling steadily and quite heavily. morning was spent sitting in front of laptop, trying to get some work done.
then, someone buzz the apartment..."Is that Gretel? you've got package...can you come down and get it?"
oooh!! package!!!i know what it is...First magazine from Singapore with JC on the cover!!
grab my keys...and ran (nearly slipped and fell on the wet floor) to the main door. signed for the package and hugged it really tight. ehhh? how come got a bulge one? thot it's just a magazine??
ran back to apartment, ripped opened package and took out the magazine. darn, it's brad pitt...flipped over and there he is - JC leaning on the bonnet of the car in Initial D.
started flipping through the magazine...then realised that there was a another package in the envelope. took it out...got a card as well.read the card...then slowly peel open the wrapping paper. first thing i saw as i peeped through the opening in the wrapping
周杰伦 2004 Incomparable 无与伦比演唱会Live VCD.
OMG OMG OMG OMG! i went berserk...holding onto the still wrapped-up box and ran circles in my room, all the while saying "ahh!! oh my god!!"
ok...first..let me explain how i even knew i'll get the magazine. about 1.5 weeks ago, i've regained contact with a friend from my JC times (refer to archived entry). during our chat, i mentioned that JC was on the cover for First magazine ("asia's premier movie magazine) and i simply adore JC. and he (YH) was so so so nice....he bought the magazine and air-mailed it to me!!
i was already so so grateful to him. but he went an extra GIGANTIC step further. he bought the concert VCD and send it with the magazine!!! which explain why i was so hysterical when i saw the VCD...cos i have absolutely no idea he'll do that.
so i was filled with pumping adrenaline and excitement...and i've been gushing about it to almost every single third year/JC fan. wuahaha... many many many heartfelt thanks to YH. he's done something which no other friends or even my relatives have done. he sent me a gift from overseas. i am so touched...and for once in a very long time, i felt so pampered.
a gift from overseas makes it so much more special...and the fact that both items have JC on it, i was simply in heaven.
then, someone buzz the apartment..."Is that Gretel? you've got package...can you come down and get it?"
oooh!! package!!!i know what it is...First magazine from Singapore with JC on the cover!!
grab my keys...and ran (nearly slipped and fell on the wet floor) to the main door. signed for the package and hugged it really tight. ehhh? how come got a bulge one? thot it's just a magazine??
ran back to apartment, ripped opened package and took out the magazine. darn, it's brad pitt...flipped over and there he is - JC leaning on the bonnet of the car in Initial D.
started flipping through the magazine...then realised that there was a another package in the envelope. took it out...got a card as well.read the card...then slowly peel open the wrapping paper. first thing i saw as i peeped through the opening in the wrapping
周杰伦 2004 Incomparable 无与伦比演唱会Live VCD.
OMG OMG OMG OMG! i went berserk...holding onto the still wrapped-up box and ran circles in my room, all the while saying "ahh!! oh my god!!"
ok...first..let me explain how i even knew i'll get the magazine. about 1.5 weeks ago, i've regained contact with a friend from my JC times (refer to archived entry). during our chat, i mentioned that JC was on the cover for First magazine ("asia's premier movie magazine) and i simply adore JC. and he (YH) was so so so nice....he bought the magazine and air-mailed it to me!!
i was already so so grateful to him. but he went an extra GIGANTIC step further. he bought the concert VCD and send it with the magazine!!! which explain why i was so hysterical when i saw the VCD...cos i have absolutely no idea he'll do that.
so i was filled with pumping adrenaline and excitement...and i've been gushing about it to almost every single third year/JC fan. wuahaha... many many many heartfelt thanks to YH. he's done something which no other friends or even my relatives have done. he sent me a gift from overseas. i am so touched...and for once in a very long time, i felt so pampered.
a gift from overseas makes it so much more special...and the fact that both items have JC on it, i was simply in heaven.
dreading dreading dreading...
dreading tomorrow...dreading her leaving...dreading the emptiness that would follow
dreading the weekend...dreading the end of holidays...dreading the lonely trip to vic mart.
dreading tuesday...dreading the start of yet another clinical block...dreading the questions and the endless need to concentrate CONCENTRATE CONCENTRATE.
today is filled with the dread for tomorrow...and tomorrow is filled with dread for the day after.
each day is a hopeless attempt to grasp shreds of memories...every moment, i wish i have a camera on-hand to take pictures of everything and everyone. so that when i am old and demented, i'd still have pictures to help me recall the past.
taken more pictures this year than in the past 3 years combined. although it's always with the same group of people...i can't get enough. after 3.5 years of pining for home, wishing i am back and urging time to fly faster, now all i want is for time to slow down it's relentless pace...
gimme more time to lay down more memories, more time to spend with these people who i really care and love...more time to let them know that despite my cool icy exterior, i am really burning with sadness of separation within.
an entry for the special "kids" in my life...for the third years...for my friends.
for those of you going home for winter...hope you'll all have a great break. eat more, rest well and i'll be here...waiting for your return.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
and silently whispering into the cold Melbourne wind - 'please come back soon...'
dreading tomorrow...dreading her leaving...dreading the emptiness that would follow
dreading the weekend...dreading the end of holidays...dreading the lonely trip to vic mart.
dreading tuesday...dreading the start of yet another clinical block...dreading the questions and the endless need to concentrate CONCENTRATE CONCENTRATE.
today is filled with the dread for tomorrow...and tomorrow is filled with dread for the day after.
each day is a hopeless attempt to grasp shreds of memories...every moment, i wish i have a camera on-hand to take pictures of everything and everyone. so that when i am old and demented, i'd still have pictures to help me recall the past.
taken more pictures this year than in the past 3 years combined. although it's always with the same group of people...i can't get enough. after 3.5 years of pining for home, wishing i am back and urging time to fly faster, now all i want is for time to slow down it's relentless pace...
gimme more time to lay down more memories, more time to spend with these people who i really care and love...more time to let them know that despite my cool icy exterior, i am really burning with sadness of separation within.
an entry for the special "kids" in my life...for the third years...for my friends.
for those of you going home for winter...hope you'll all have a great break. eat more, rest well and i'll be here...waiting for your return.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
and silently whispering into the cold Melbourne wind - 'please come back soon...'
went to Sofia's at Camberwell for dinner today. heard of this restaurant for so long...and finally get to go and see whether this place is good or not.
and i was quite impressed by the PORTION of the food there, and the pasta we ordered was pretty yummy. the garlic bread was good too...the pizza was just too big. by the end, the three of us (germ, ken and me..weird combination eh?) was just so stuffed. couldn't eat another bite.(even though i was tempted by the gelati)
tonight's dinner was also supposed to be really exciting...cos Joy was supposed to bring her guy friend and meet us there. details of the night? well...that's for me to know and for u to find out *smirk* though i must say germaine was probably more excited than me...and joy was arrived pretty late (when we were more than halfway through dinner) so there's really not much details. *duh*
and then ken drove us home. did i say i feel asleep on the way to camberwell? but i was fully awake all the way back...cos JC was singing from his car stereo. bwahaha...horrendous hor? yeah, then reached home..but the three of us were too lazy to move (and too immersed in JC's songs) so we just sit there in the car, with the car stereo on. on hindsight, we must have looked really stupid...
anyway...so end the night out with germaine and ken. today supposed to celebrate the end of our first semester this year. actually we dun even have semesters anymore..so i think we were just trying to fake a reason to treat ourselves to yummy food.
going to sovereign hill tomorrow with Shuli. been like 3 years since we went on a day trip together. last time was in first year...went to puffing billy/cattle farm/philip island with her and the CS kakis. that was a fun trip...and hopefully, tomorrow would be another fun trip too.
holidays passing by way too fast....argh...too much work..too little time...too much stress...too little play...too much loneliness..too little company.
sighz..........
and i was quite impressed by the PORTION of the food there, and the pasta we ordered was pretty yummy. the garlic bread was good too...the pizza was just too big. by the end, the three of us (germ, ken and me..weird combination eh?) was just so stuffed. couldn't eat another bite.(even though i was tempted by the gelati)
tonight's dinner was also supposed to be really exciting...cos Joy was supposed to bring her guy friend and meet us there. details of the night? well...that's for me to know and for u to find out *smirk* though i must say germaine was probably more excited than me...and joy was arrived pretty late (when we were more than halfway through dinner) so there's really not much details. *duh*
and then ken drove us home. did i say i feel asleep on the way to camberwell? but i was fully awake all the way back...cos JC was singing from his car stereo. bwahaha...horrendous hor? yeah, then reached home..but the three of us were too lazy to move (and too immersed in JC's songs) so we just sit there in the car, with the car stereo on. on hindsight, we must have looked really stupid...
anyway...so end the night out with germaine and ken. today supposed to celebrate the end of our first semester this year. actually we dun even have semesters anymore..so i think we were just trying to fake a reason to treat ourselves to yummy food.
going to sovereign hill tomorrow with Shuli. been like 3 years since we went on a day trip together. last time was in first year...went to puffing billy/cattle farm/philip island with her and the CS kakis. that was a fun trip...and hopefully, tomorrow would be another fun trip too.
holidays passing by way too fast....argh...too much work..too little time...too much stress...too little play...too much loneliness..too little company.
sighz..........
went to my brother's blog and saw that he has adopted a hamster..and it's so CUTE CUTE! haha...so i decided i want one too..and hence the new addition to my blog
Introducing my cyber-hamster, bui bui (meaning fat fat or 肥肥)
met up with shuli today to book the trip to Sovereign Hill on Wednesday. although most people said that the place is quite boring...i figure that since i am here in melbourne, i really should visit these "famous" spots. you know...so that next time someone says "hey,u studied in melbourne. what are the common places to visit huh?", i can jus rattle off "oh..Grampians, Great Ocean Road, Sovereign Hill, Puffing Billy, Philip Island...." and actually know what these places have to offer.
or maybe i am just coming up with excuses to spend money and waste time...
but, it's my precious one week break. gotta do something during this break before i completely burn out from the endless assignments.
a gradual sense of desolation is starting to settle over me. even though i know i would be back for good at the end of the year, it's just really hard to see people fly back home while i have to stay here. especially when it's my housemate who's gonna leave on friday afternoon.
for 20 days, there would be no Jay Chou blasting from her superb sound system...no one to frighten me in the hallway...no one to nag at...no one to give me much-needed massages and trigger point release...no one to say 'good morning' in the morning...no one to say 'good night' to me at night...
even typing it out makes me feel sadder and sadder. a month ago, i was actually kinda looking forward to the private and personal time i can have to myself.
looking forward to having the whole apartment to myself...to being able to dance and prance around in the living room to Jay Chou (blasting from my sub-standard speakers...)...to sing aloud while showering or cooking...to not feel like a giant 'light-bulb'...
things change...people change. did i change in that short timespan of 1 month? yeah..i guess i did. subtly..but enough to make miss germaine even before she has step onto that plane. some time during that 1 month, i've come to realise that desperate i may be, there's nothing to gain if i keep concentrating on the fact that 'i'm a light bulb'. so...might as well just accept that fact and try and be the lowest wattage light bulb i can be.
and i think i already sing loud all the time...and have been prancing a fair bit for my exercise class...so i got over that as well. as for having the whole apartment to myself...i do have it to myself quite often cos germaine is quite busy most of the time.
so conclusion?? i have nothing to gain and everything to lose when she goes home *sniffle* she did say she's gonna buy me something from hong kong if she can find something nice. so i'll just keep my fingers crossed...
in the mean time...just gotta spend as much time as i can with germaine. kinda impinging on her time with ken as well..so gotta give in here and there and let them have their time alone too.
oh, and also to let germaine know: i'll miss u very much!
Introducing my cyber-hamster, bui bui (meaning fat fat or 肥肥)
met up with shuli today to book the trip to Sovereign Hill on Wednesday. although most people said that the place is quite boring...i figure that since i am here in melbourne, i really should visit these "famous" spots. you know...so that next time someone says "hey,u studied in melbourne. what are the common places to visit huh?", i can jus rattle off "oh..Grampians, Great Ocean Road, Sovereign Hill, Puffing Billy, Philip Island...." and actually know what these places have to offer.
or maybe i am just coming up with excuses to spend money and waste time...
but, it's my precious one week break. gotta do something during this break before i completely burn out from the endless assignments.
a gradual sense of desolation is starting to settle over me. even though i know i would be back for good at the end of the year, it's just really hard to see people fly back home while i have to stay here. especially when it's my housemate who's gonna leave on friday afternoon.
for 20 days, there would be no Jay Chou blasting from her superb sound system...no one to frighten me in the hallway...no one to nag at...no one to give me much-needed massages and trigger point release...no one to say 'good morning' in the morning...no one to say 'good night' to me at night...
even typing it out makes me feel sadder and sadder. a month ago, i was actually kinda looking forward to the private and personal time i can have to myself.
looking forward to having the whole apartment to myself...to being able to dance and prance around in the living room to Jay Chou (blasting from my sub-standard speakers...)...to sing aloud while showering or cooking...to not feel like a giant 'light-bulb'...
things change...people change. did i change in that short timespan of 1 month? yeah..i guess i did. subtly..but enough to make miss germaine even before she has step onto that plane. some time during that 1 month, i've come to realise that desperate i may be, there's nothing to gain if i keep concentrating on the fact that 'i'm a light bulb'. so...might as well just accept that fact and try and be the lowest wattage light bulb i can be.
and i think i already sing loud all the time...and have been prancing a fair bit for my exercise class...so i got over that as well. as for having the whole apartment to myself...i do have it to myself quite often cos germaine is quite busy most of the time.
so conclusion?? i have nothing to gain and everything to lose when she goes home *sniffle* she did say she's gonna buy me something from hong kong if she can find something nice. so i'll just keep my fingers crossed...
in the mean time...just gotta spend as much time as i can with germaine. kinda impinging on her time with ken as well..so gotta give in here and there and let them have their time alone too.
oh, and also to let germaine know: i'll miss u very much!
went on a 'date' today...with yivern and ruby! yum-char was good...and many thanks to yivern for the treat!! though i think i dun deserve it...but it felt really nice to have someone pay for my meal *grin*
after the yummy lunch, we walked around the city (looking for giant milk bottles as a present for yivern's supervisor...). yivern looped her arm around mine...ruby putting her arm on my shoulder. the three of us took up alot of space on the narrow and crowded sidewalk..but it felt really nice to be walking like this. haha...we probably looked stupid...aiyah, who cares eh?
coming back to an empty apartment, and i heard the phone ringing. thinking it was germaine's mum, i picked up the phone...
Me: "hello" (i was all ready to follow with "hi auntie!")
Other person: "hello?"
Me: (ehh...not germ's mum...it's a guy...voice sounds kinda familiar...) "er..hello? who are you looking for?"
Other person:"is that Gretel?"
Me: (ah? know my name one?? who calls me??) "er..yeah. who's that?"
Other person:"cannot recognise my voice ah?"
Me:(raking brain for potential friends who are prank callers)"ermm..no...who's that?"
Other person: "it's Papa lah"
oh my!oh my! shucks shucks shucks!!
about 90% of you would be laughing at me..and all of you would be going "tsk tsk tsk! cannot even recognise ur father's voice??". i know watever i say is just gonna sound like excuses...but i'll stil try and justify my stupidity.
can't recognise cos
1) no one ever calls me...so i was in shock
2) my parents RARELY calls me...this is the 3rd time my parents called me in my 3.5 years in melbourne.
3) i haven't talked to my father for about 2 months (tend to talk to mum when i call)
whether you believe my reasons are valid or not, i am very embarrassed and feeling very guilty. hope my father wouldn't think that i am unfilial...sigh. must get him a very nice father's day card to atone my dreadful sin.
have been staying up for the past 2 nights, chatting either on MSN or at someone else's place. tonight, it was to meet Joy to discuss about our assignment. *moan moan moan* and now that is done, kinda hoping to meet someone online to chat with. but seems like sunday night is "party" nite for other people. sighz...
so...nothing to do in the dead silence of the night. might as well hit the sack and rest well. only have this one week to recuperate before 8 continuous weeks of clinical placement. *grimace*
after the yummy lunch, we walked around the city (looking for giant milk bottles as a present for yivern's supervisor...). yivern looped her arm around mine...ruby putting her arm on my shoulder. the three of us took up alot of space on the narrow and crowded sidewalk..but it felt really nice to be walking like this. haha...we probably looked stupid...aiyah, who cares eh?
coming back to an empty apartment, and i heard the phone ringing. thinking it was germaine's mum, i picked up the phone...
Me: "hello" (i was all ready to follow with "hi auntie!")
Other person: "hello?"
Me: (ehh...not germ's mum...it's a guy...voice sounds kinda familiar...) "er..hello? who are you looking for?"
Other person:"is that Gretel?"
Me: (ah? know my name one?? who calls me??) "er..yeah. who's that?"
Other person:"cannot recognise my voice ah?"
Me:(raking brain for potential friends who are prank callers)"ermm..no...who's that?"
Other person: "it's Papa lah"
oh my!oh my! shucks shucks shucks!!
about 90% of you would be laughing at me..and all of you would be going "tsk tsk tsk! cannot even recognise ur father's voice??". i know watever i say is just gonna sound like excuses...but i'll stil try and justify my stupidity.
can't recognise cos
1) no one ever calls me...so i was in shock
2) my parents RARELY calls me...this is the 3rd time my parents called me in my 3.5 years in melbourne.
3) i haven't talked to my father for about 2 months (tend to talk to mum when i call)
whether you believe my reasons are valid or not, i am very embarrassed and feeling very guilty. hope my father wouldn't think that i am unfilial...sigh. must get him a very nice father's day card to atone my dreadful sin.
have been staying up for the past 2 nights, chatting either on MSN or at someone else's place. tonight, it was to meet Joy to discuss about our assignment. *moan moan moan* and now that is done, kinda hoping to meet someone online to chat with. but seems like sunday night is "party" nite for other people. sighz...
so...nothing to do in the dead silence of the night. might as well hit the sack and rest well. only have this one week to recuperate before 8 continuous weeks of clinical placement. *grimace*
things u never know u'd miss...
until you've stopped having them...
until after a period of absence,
they return into your life.
like the company of my dearest housemate
on a beautiful saturday
cleaning our beloved apartment together (with Jay singing in the back ground *grinz*)
walking to the city together
meeting up with the rest
and getting abandoned by them :(
like the therapeutic effects of cleaning and scrubbing
of mirror-like tiles and sparkling clean kitchen tops
letting the whir of vacuum cleaner drown out all other sounds
concentrating on the task at hand
and the surge of endorphins from the physical activity
like chatting till 3am on MSN
with a friend whom i've lost touch for too long
and a friend whom i've missed having by my side
as i talked to each of them
in the dead silence of the early morning
loneliness left my room
replaced by a warm, fuzzy sense of friendship
of companionship through an ADSL modem.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
been receiving alot of compliments lately on MSN cos of the photo i put up. i feel like a big cheater, cos that photo is the result of germaine's good hair styling skills, my mediocre make-up skills and germaine's Canon Ixus camera.
BEFORE:
AFTER:
though i must say my self-esteem is getting a lot of booster shots from the compliments *guaffaw* still, i wanna clarify that i look like the BEFORE pic 99.99999999% of the time. haha..ahh, such a disappointment eh?
until you've stopped having them...
until after a period of absence,
they return into your life.
like the company of my dearest housemate
on a beautiful saturday
cleaning our beloved apartment together (with Jay singing in the back ground *grinz*)
walking to the city together
meeting up with the rest
and getting abandoned by them :(
like the therapeutic effects of cleaning and scrubbing
of mirror-like tiles and sparkling clean kitchen tops
letting the whir of vacuum cleaner drown out all other sounds
concentrating on the task at hand
and the surge of endorphins from the physical activity
like chatting till 3am on MSN
with a friend whom i've lost touch for too long
and a friend whom i've missed having by my side
as i talked to each of them
in the dead silence of the early morning
loneliness left my room
replaced by a warm, fuzzy sense of friendship
of companionship through an ADSL modem.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
been receiving alot of compliments lately on MSN cos of the photo i put up. i feel like a big cheater, cos that photo is the result of germaine's good hair styling skills, my mediocre make-up skills and germaine's Canon Ixus camera.
BEFORE:
AFTER:
though i must say my self-esteem is getting a lot of booster shots from the compliments *guaffaw* still, i wanna clarify that i look like the BEFORE pic 99.99999999% of the time. haha..ahh, such a disappointment eh?
last day of theory block...
hard to believe i've come this far
that i've survived the 5 weeks of endless lectures and exercise classes
and not forgetting the cough and phelgm that plagued me
for more than a week now.
would i miss this place when i'm gone?
would i think of the cold prac rooms
and freezing lecture theatre?
would i sit in the hospital cafeteria
and miss sitting on south lawn with the gals?
yes i will.
today would be the last day,
i would "officially" sit in a lecture theatre
with my gang of ding-dong 4th years.
after today,
we'll each go our separate ways...
to our own clinical placements
and the next time we sit together
would be one of those dreadful friday mornings.
i'd lost the sense that i'm a uni student
with the busy busy life at clinics
and just as i've grown so used to coming to uni everyday
i have to re-adjust back to the life of seeing patients and getting questions
of being on my feet and on the go
am i scared? yes i am
am i looking forward to the end?
strange enough, a little voice in my head
is telling me
that i don't want this year to come to an end
because deep in my heart i know
when i step on that plane homeward bound
a part of me would be left behind
in this foreign land.
torn apart by this strange thoughts running through my head.
a year ago
i'd give anything to be back home for good
and yet
just 365 days later,
i sit here, apprehensive about the future
afraid to face tomorrow
and trying so hard not to think
about the beauty of yesterday.
hard to believe i've come this far
that i've survived the 5 weeks of endless lectures and exercise classes
and not forgetting the cough and phelgm that plagued me
for more than a week now.
would i miss this place when i'm gone?
would i think of the cold prac rooms
and freezing lecture theatre?
would i sit in the hospital cafeteria
and miss sitting on south lawn with the gals?
yes i will.
today would be the last day,
i would "officially" sit in a lecture theatre
with my gang of ding-dong 4th years.
after today,
we'll each go our separate ways...
to our own clinical placements
and the next time we sit together
would be one of those dreadful friday mornings.
i'd lost the sense that i'm a uni student
with the busy busy life at clinics
and just as i've grown so used to coming to uni everyday
i have to re-adjust back to the life of seeing patients and getting questions
of being on my feet and on the go
am i scared? yes i am
am i looking forward to the end?
strange enough, a little voice in my head
is telling me
that i don't want this year to come to an end
because deep in my heart i know
when i step on that plane homeward bound
a part of me would be left behind
in this foreign land.
torn apart by this strange thoughts running through my head.
a year ago
i'd give anything to be back home for good
and yet
just 365 days later,
i sit here, apprehensive about the future
afraid to face tomorrow
and trying so hard not to think
about the beauty of yesterday.
my sickness is making me do stupid things...like signing up for an account for an online matchmaking thingie! i can already hear all of you sniggering and laughing at me. *ggggrrrr* well, i wasn't in the right mind for the past few days (it's hard to think properly when your brain is put under intense pressure from the endless coughing).
ok,i am NOT proud of that fact kiez? almost quit from the website...until the next day, still in my groggy state of mind, i actually received emails from some of the guys! wuahaha! ok,i know it sounds damn L.O.S.E.R. but i am kinda honoured, especially since i've only put up an okay-looking photo. hhmm...does this mean these guys who email me are actually THAT desperate??
anyway, joy and lauren are poking fun at me all the time, announcing to the whole physio comp lab that "gretel is looking for love on the Internet!" argh!! those 2 gals...but i must say they do look pretty excited when the three of us search through the website for "potential candidates". wuahah..might as well abuse my membership eh? since it was a "just for fun" thing, should have as much fun as we can while i am still a member. *guaffaws*
those of you who are actually concerned about my safety, dun worry ok? i'll be real careful (and all these guys are in Singapore anyway...)
ok, enough crap about my desperado status as a result of my sickness. seeing the doc yesterday blew another hole in my pocket. but at least i am feeling slightly better (and sounding better too...) though i must say when i was at the doc, i do wish there was someone there with me. still remember in 2nd year when i fell sick, wp was so kind to accompany me to the doc even though he has an assignment to complete. ahh...where are such people when you need them most??
ooh..can't wait till i am fully well and can start singing again. been listening to my fav songs playing from my comp and unable to sing along. *sob* didn't know i sing so much until i lost my voice and can barely talk.
well...i aim to learn the following song when i can sing once again...it's a canto-mandarin song. hmm..maybe after this song, i should go on and learn more canto songs. *ponder ponder*
好心分手
演唱：卢巧音 王力宏
是否很惊讶讲不出说话
Si fau hun ging nga, gong but chuet suet wah
没错我是说你想分手吗
Muet chor aw si suet, nei seung fun sau ma
曾给你驯服到,就像绵羊
Chang kup nei soon fook dou, jau jeung min yueng
何解会反咬你一下, 你知吗
Hor gaai wui faan ngaau nei yut ha, nei ji ma
也许该反省 不应再说话
被放弃的我 应有此报吗
如果我曾是个坏牧羊人
能否再让我试一下 抱一下
回头望伴你走从来未曾幸福过
Wui tau mong, buen nei jau, chung loi mei chang hang fook gwor
恨太多没结果 往事重提是折磨
下半生 陪住你 怀疑快乐也不多
Ha buen sang, pui ju nei, waai yi faai lok ya but dor
被我伤 让你痛
好心一早放开我
Hou sum yut jou fong hoi aw
重头努力也坎坷 统统不要好过
chung tau lou lik ya hum hor Tung tung but yiu hou gwor
为何唱着这首歌 为怨恨而分手 问你是否原谅我
若注定有一点苦楚 不如自己亲手割破
Yuek ju ding yau yut dim fu chor but yu ji gei chan sau got por
回头吧 不要走 不要这样离开我
恨太多 没结果 往事重提是折磨
下半生陪住你 怀疑快乐也不多
Ha buen sang, pui ju nei, waai yi faai lok ya but dor
没有心 别再拖
Muet yau sum, bit joi tor
好心一早放开我
Hou sum yut jou fong hoi aw
重头努力也坎坷 统统不要好过
chung tau lou lik ya hum hor Tung tung but yiu hou gwor
为何唱着这首歌 为怨恨而分手 问你是否原谅我
若勉强也分到不多, 不如什么也摔破
Yuek min keung ya fun dou but dor, but yu sum more ya sui porr
啦啦啦...好心分手每天播
可知歌者也奈何
Hoh ji goh je ya noi hoh
难行就无谓再拖
naan ngaai jau mou wai jou tor
好心一早放开我
Hou sum yut jou fong hoi aw
重头努力也坎坷 统统不要好过
chung tau lou lik ya hum hor Tung tung but yiu hou gwor
为何唱着这首歌 为怨恨而分手 问你是否原谅我
若注定有一点苦楚 不如自己亲手割破
Yuek ju ding yau yut dim fu chor, but yu ji gei chan sau got por
ooh, dunno if my canto can make it or not. last time memorise canto 《虫儿飞》, took me like months....and that song was like so short. this one..probably gonna take me a whole year!
ok,i am NOT proud of that fact kiez? almost quit from the website...until the next day, still in my groggy state of mind, i actually received emails from some of the guys! wuahaha! ok,i know it sounds damn L.O.S.E.R. but i am kinda honoured, especially since i've only put up an okay-looking photo. hhmm...does this mean these guys who email me are actually THAT desperate??
anyway, joy and lauren are poking fun at me all the time, announcing to the whole physio comp lab that "gretel is looking for love on the Internet!" argh!! those 2 gals...but i must say they do look pretty excited when the three of us search through the website for "potential candidates". wuahah..might as well abuse my membership eh? since it was a "just for fun" thing, should have as much fun as we can while i am still a member. *guaffaws*
those of you who are actually concerned about my safety, dun worry ok? i'll be real careful (and all these guys are in Singapore anyway...)
ok, enough crap about my desperado status as a result of my sickness. seeing the doc yesterday blew another hole in my pocket. but at least i am feeling slightly better (and sounding better too...) though i must say when i was at the doc, i do wish there was someone there with me. still remember in 2nd year when i fell sick, wp was so kind to accompany me to the doc even though he has an assignment to complete. ahh...where are such people when you need them most??
ooh..can't wait till i am fully well and can start singing again. been listening to my fav songs playing from my comp and unable to sing along. *sob* didn't know i sing so much until i lost my voice and can barely talk.
well...i aim to learn the following song when i can sing once again...it's a canto-mandarin song. hmm..maybe after this song, i should go on and learn more canto songs. *ponder ponder*
好心分手
演唱：卢巧音 王力宏
是否很惊讶讲不出说话
Si fau hun ging nga, gong but chuet suet wah
没错我是说你想分手吗
Muet chor aw si suet, nei seung fun sau ma
曾给你驯服到,就像绵羊
Chang kup nei soon fook dou, jau jeung min yueng
何解会反咬你一下, 你知吗
Hor gaai wui faan ngaau nei yut ha, nei ji ma
也许该反省 不应再说话
被放弃的我 应有此报吗
如果我曾是个坏牧羊人
能否再让我试一下 抱一下
回头望伴你走从来未曾幸福过
Wui tau mong, buen nei jau, chung loi mei chang hang fook gwor
恨太多没结果 往事重提是折磨
下半生 陪住你 怀疑快乐也不多
Ha buen sang, pui ju nei, waai yi faai lok ya but dor
被我伤 让你痛
好心一早放开我
Hou sum yut jou fong hoi aw
重头努力也坎坷 统统不要好过
chung tau lou lik ya hum hor Tung tung but yiu hou gwor
为何唱着这首歌 为怨恨而分手 问你是否原谅我
若注定有一点苦楚 不如自己亲手割破
Yuek ju ding yau yut dim fu chor but yu ji gei chan sau got por
回头吧 不要走 不要这样离开我
恨太多 没结果 往事重提是折磨
下半生陪住你 怀疑快乐也不多
Ha buen sang, pui ju nei, waai yi faai lok ya but dor
没有心 别再拖
Muet yau sum, bit joi tor
好心一早放开我
Hou sum yut jou fong hoi aw
重头努力也坎坷 统统不要好过
chung tau lou lik ya hum hor Tung tung but yiu hou gwor
为何唱着这首歌 为怨恨而分手 问你是否原谅我
若勉强也分到不多, 不如什么也摔破
Yuek min keung ya fun dou but dor, but yu sum more ya sui porr
啦啦啦...好心分手每天播
可知歌者也奈何
Hoh ji goh je ya noi hoh
难行就无谓再拖
naan ngaai jau mou wai jou tor
好心一早放开我
Hou sum yut jou fong hoi aw
重头努力也坎坷 统统不要好过
chung tau lou lik ya hum hor Tung tung but yiu hou gwor
为何唱着这首歌 为怨恨而分手 问你是否原谅我
若注定有一点苦楚 不如自己亲手割破
Yuek ju ding yau yut dim fu chor, but yu ji gei chan sau got por
ooh, dunno if my canto can make it or not. last time memorise canto 《虫儿飞》, took me like months....and that song was like so short. this one..probably gonna take me a whole year!
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