Like a nightmare within a nightmare..
and within the real nightmare...
the horrors just keep unfolding again and again..

Just when I thought I've awaken to reality...
that it is all behind me now
I find myself stuck still in yet another realm

People come forth and offer help..
Some even come forth and tell me what to do so I can stop fretting..

Yet, every time I reached out and manage to touch someone's hand
I find myself dropping off to a deeper level of...negativity...

I try to count my blessings everyday...
telling myself that people are helping...
and things are under control...
and that even though things may not work out the way I envisioned it will,
it is still ok...
because from this process, I realize who really loves me..
and who really just like to talk and cannot act on their words...

I really try...
It isn't obvious...cos I am always frowning or sighing
Deep inside, I yearn to be able to look like the girl I am supposed to be..
the happy-oh-i-am-so-lucky-to-be-getting-married girl...

Yet, the hard cold fact is, I am NOT happy.
So...do I fake happiness?
Is that what it is all about?
That I fake happiness to the point that it becomes reality??

Dun wanna be in a nightmare anymore..
Just want to be back in reality..
Back in control...

~oh my happy place! where are you!!!~