有一些秘密，只有自己以为是秘密。
当每个人都知道了，自己才发现根本没有秘密。
有一些秘密，别人都以为只有他/她懂。
直到时过境迁，偶然发现，其实大家都知道。
某某人曾经告诉我，
“如果你要说，那就不叫秘密。
如果你不说，就千万不要告诉我你有一个不能说的秘密。
如果你要我帮你保守‘秘密’，那么请你说完后把我打到失去记忆。”
当时我很诧异，后来才觉得这几句话有道理。
秘密，是藏在心里最保险。
有人知道你有秘密，那么就不再是秘密了。
说出口的‘秘密’，就成为了新闻。
多少人后来会知道，你无法控制。
只有你自己最清楚，藏在心里的，
是秘密，还是一样你想分享的话题。
那某某人，最后不知道我的秘密是什么。
某某人只知道，我心里有话要说，
可是怕说出来，如果让别人知道后，后患无穷。
我生命里的某某人，有好几位。
一些某某人，答应了不把我的心里话讲出去。
我信任他们，所以我和他们，是没有秘密的。
一些某某人，只懂我又话想说，却说不出口。
如果你知道了我的心里话，你是我的‘某某人’。
谢谢你守口如瓶。
如果你知道我有话要说，你也是我的‘某某人’。
谢谢你不强迫我说出来。
我的‘秘密’，不多。
藏在心里最深的话，说给自己听。
虽然有时这样很孤单，很想找人分担，
但是有些事，别人无法分忧。
让时间冲淡一切后，或许有一天，
我连自己最深的话，也会忘了。
remembering is so much easier...
when it is related to something painful...
be it the first injection you experienced...
or the first time your heart is broken...
forgetting is so much easier...
when it is related to something wonderful...
be it the first hug you received...
or the first time someone special tells u 'i love you'
i forgot how happy it is,
to care for someone and be reciprocated
i forgot how calming it is,
to sit and just listen to my own breathing...
i forgot how much warmth there is,
to sit around and laugh with the rest...
i forgot how wonderful it is,
to just live in the moment...
yet, every second of pain is carved into my memory...
the endless wait for sms/email to arrive...
the disappointment when things dun happen the way you thought...
the anger brewing within from being misunderstood...
each pang is new, even though it's years down the road...
each wound remains raw, even though the scar might be gone...
i wonder,
when would i learn to remember the good times...
and forget about the bad ones?
so many experiences i wanna relive,
yet i somehow only managed to find the bad ones.
each time i wanna take that step,
the past comes haunting...
taunting me to try and watch myself fail...again
and so, my foot retracts back...
and i retraced my way to the beginning...
to the point where i feel lost, helpless and hopeless...
craning my neck to look ahead...to find a way...
searching for the courage to go forward....
to leave the past behind, and to finally live with the pain...
and not to live in pain...
if i choose to go by my instincts,
i'm afraid of being wrong...
if i choose to follow my mind...
i'm afraid of losing my way...
i am not making sense in this entry..
and indeed, i am so confused by the current situation...
i wish time will stall...
and let me have the space to breathe..to think...
because each day is a struggle between heart and mind....
and at the end of each day,
i just stop and wonder if i've done the right thing...
or i've missed my chance for something better...
life's getting too complicated...again.
when it is related to something painful...
be it the first injection you experienced...
or the first time your heart is broken...
forgetting is so much easier...
when it is related to something wonderful...
be it the first hug you received...
or the first time someone special tells u 'i love you'
i forgot how happy it is,
to care for someone and be reciprocated
i forgot how calming it is,
to sit and just listen to my own breathing...
i forgot how much warmth there is,
to sit around and laugh with the rest...
i forgot how wonderful it is,
to just live in the moment...
yet, every second of pain is carved into my memory...
the endless wait for sms/email to arrive...
the disappointment when things dun happen the way you thought...
the anger brewing within from being misunderstood...
each pang is new, even though it's years down the road...
each wound remains raw, even though the scar might be gone...
i wonder,
when would i learn to remember the good times...
and forget about the bad ones?
so many experiences i wanna relive,
yet i somehow only managed to find the bad ones.
each time i wanna take that step,
the past comes haunting...
taunting me to try and watch myself fail...again
and so, my foot retracts back...
and i retraced my way to the beginning...
to the point where i feel lost, helpless and hopeless...
craning my neck to look ahead...to find a way...
searching for the courage to go forward....
to leave the past behind, and to finally live with the pain...
and not to live in pain...
if i choose to go by my instincts,
i'm afraid of being wrong...
if i choose to follow my mind...
i'm afraid of losing my way...
i am not making sense in this entry..
and indeed, i am so confused by the current situation...
i wish time will stall...
and let me have the space to breathe..to think...
because each day is a struggle between heart and mind....
and at the end of each day,
i just stop and wonder if i've done the right thing...
or i've missed my chance for something better...
life's getting too complicated...again.
there's something about being home alone that makes me scared...
especially after that fainting episode back in july..
and especially when i am home alone cos of MC....
AND especially when i am on MC cos i am feeling giddy..
get the gist?
so i spent 1/4 of my MC day in front of my comp,
sitting fully supported and is only 2 steps away from my bed
and 1/4 on my bed sleeping...
but...
when i woke up from my nap and still feel like i am a permanent resident of GongGong Land
the fear of fainting etched even deeper...
somehow i have this image of hitting my head...
sustaining a rather serious head injury..
and therefore lose my job...
lose my personality..
lose my memory..
lose myself...
it's scary....at least to me...
maybe it's seeing too many head-injured patients who fell and hit their head...
and now,
as my MC day is coming to an end..
and i am still living in GongGong Land...
i am wondering how the heck does one get the h*** outta here!
i've been gong gong since....july 13
on and off...and the docs dun really know what's going on..
took blood today and it was normal...
no anaemia...blood pressure was normal...
maybe i have a slow growing tumour...
or maybe president of GongGong Land loves me so much, it refuse to let me go
-_-
i'm sick of this feeling..
sick of nearly walking into walls...
banging into things...
feeling like i am stuck on a sampan in a stormy sea...
*AAARRGGHHH*
*sob*
sigh...
back to that fear of being home alone..
i was checking my phone on and off to make sure i dun miss any calls or sms...
any form of communication from the non-GongGong-ers...
so that at least one of them knows i am still alert..
not sprawled on the kitchen/toilet floor with blood caked on my head...
*squirm*
i used to love being home alone..
the space..the freedom...
and in a way, i still love it..
except i fear it at the same time...
i wish i know wat is wrong with me...
at least then something can be done...
a diagnosis called 'giddiness for inx' doesn't do it..
i wanna know WHY.
'giddiness secondary to.....'??
it's like living with a disability..
one that is so mild, it's not destroying my life..
but it's definitely having a negative effect on me...
i'm upset...
i need hug hug...
and ice cream...cookiesncream flavour...
*sigh.....*
especially after that fainting episode back in july..
and especially when i am home alone cos of MC....
AND especially when i am on MC cos i am feeling giddy..
get the gist?
so i spent 1/4 of my MC day in front of my comp,
sitting fully supported and is only 2 steps away from my bed
and 1/4 on my bed sleeping...
but...
when i woke up from my nap and still feel like i am a permanent resident of GongGong Land
the fear of fainting etched even deeper...
somehow i have this image of hitting my head...
sustaining a rather serious head injury..
and therefore lose my job...
lose my personality..
lose my memory..
lose myself...
it's scary....at least to me...
maybe it's seeing too many head-injured patients who fell and hit their head...
and now,
as my MC day is coming to an end..
and i am still living in GongGong Land...
i am wondering how the heck does one get the h*** outta here!
i've been gong gong since....july 13
on and off...and the docs dun really know what's going on..
took blood today and it was normal...
no anaemia...blood pressure was normal...
maybe i have a slow growing tumour...
or maybe president of GongGong Land loves me so much, it refuse to let me go
-_-
i'm sick of this feeling..
sick of nearly walking into walls...
banging into things...
feeling like i am stuck on a sampan in a stormy sea...
*AAARRGGHHH*
*sob*
sigh...
back to that fear of being home alone..
i was checking my phone on and off to make sure i dun miss any calls or sms...
any form of communication from the non-GongGong-ers...
so that at least one of them knows i am still alert..
not sprawled on the kitchen/toilet floor with blood caked on my head...
*squirm*
i used to love being home alone..
the space..the freedom...
and in a way, i still love it..
except i fear it at the same time...
i wish i know wat is wrong with me...
at least then something can be done...
a diagnosis called 'giddiness for inx' doesn't do it..
i wanna know WHY.
'giddiness secondary to.....'??
it's like living with a disability..
one that is so mild, it's not destroying my life..
but it's definitely having a negative effect on me...
i'm upset...
i need hug hug...
and ice cream...cookiesncream flavour...
*sigh.....*
okie..will try and do the hong kong trip entry today..
uploading photos is taking forever...sigh...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
everyone thinks of the famous line when it comes to hong kong
“买东西，吃东西！”
i agree with the eating..but hong kong has alot more to offer other than the supposedly good shopping...
i say "supposedly" because 1)i am not a shopaholic, and 2)it really wasn't as great as i thought it would be.
perhaps good bargains at the 'pasar malam' (more like pasar pagi cos it closes before sundown...)
but even though it was the shopping festival while i was there, i was kinda disappointed by the 'supposedly' good shopping.
in all honesty, i think you can get most things in singapore...and at about the same, if not cheaper price.
but hey, i am probably the worst person to ask about shopping, so if shopping in on your itinerary, then ask someone who has been to hong kong to 买东西 more than to 看东西.
*****************************************
let's talk about food first.
many such stalls along the streets, selling huge variety of snacks
food was number ONE priority on my itinerary
i had a list of stuff i wanna try:
1)YUM CHA!
2)烧腊- 烧鹅，烧肉，叉烧, 烧乳猪
3)芝麻糊，姜汁撞奶(recommended by a HK colleague)
4)许留山 mango desserts!
5)粥品， 炸两
6)红豆冰
7)猪扒炬饭
8)猪扒包,葡式蛋挞 (in macau)
9)云吞面
10)臭豆腐
i think these are the top 10..
but i probaby missed a few out.
ate everything i wanted to try, and some other stuff which wasn't on my list.
the yummiest fruit cakes i've eaten
economical food stalls - plain porridge, fishballs (鱼蛋), 猪肠粉 and 油条
for breakfast - chicken fillet macaroni soup *drooooool*
famous in Macau - crab porridge
walk along 大三八 street and u get free samples of bah kwa
despite nursing a sore throat and a nagging flu, i ate everything.
probably why i am still feeling kinda sick even though it's been 3 weeks...*cough cough*
the only complain i have about HK food:too salty.
probably cos i am too used to eating more plain food...
but other than that, food should be on the top priority for hong kong tourists
i'll go back there just to savour the food again...
other than food hunting, mum and i went 'scenery' hunting.
HK actually has many under-mentioned scenic spots.
outlying islands like Cheung Chau has beautiful shorelines
i hope Kappa doesn't sue us for using its logo...
unspoken scenic spots
fishing villages like Tai O
ahh..the simple life...
suburban areas with modern buildings against a natural mountaineous background
taken from Ocean Park - great feng shui for the "HDB" in the background
great feng shui again for the Sha Tin HDB - hardly the same for sg HDB
and of course, the famous HK skyline viewed from Tsim Sha Tsui and up from the Peak
from the Peak
HK island by day
HK island by night
too bad for the foggy weather...
and hong kong actually has alot of trekking trails, as well as nature reserves.
心经简林 - Wisdom Path on Lantau Island
The Giant Buddha - shrouded by fog
perhaps the city is too packed with skyscrapers..
but out of the city, it is lush with greenery.
can u tell this is HK?
有山有水，好美！
if only sg has more mountains...
even in the city itself, greenery is not absent
九龙城寨公园 - can almost see the buildings in the background
i wished i had more time to walk around.
there was so much to see...
Snoopy's World!
金像奖 statue along Avenue of Stars
Goldfish Street - pretty fishies
i thought 6 days in HK is too much...
but at the end, we still missed out on a few places we wanted to go.
what else do i have to say?
oh, yes..shopping.
the famous 女人街, which actually din have much to offer
my mum and i spent a total of less than 4hours shopping
*muahahahhaha*
i can hear all the sighs of exasperation from avid shoppers :P
but really, when u spend the whole day walking around (or queueing around when we went to Ocean Park)
shopping is the last thing on your mind.
our most fruitful trip was on the last day, 2 hours before our airport transfer
we went to Fa Yuen Street and bought 2 bags, some Jap glass pendants as gifts and socks (yes..socks..cos they're cheap).
Fa Yuen Street - that's all the shopping we did:D
we did walk around the shopping malls in Tsim Sha Tsui (more like walking through on the way to the Avenue of Stars)...
and despite the sale going on, things were pretty much the same prices as Singapore.
so, no point buying stuff back from hong kong if i can get them in sg
and last but not least,
Ocean Park...
Ocean Park is 30 yrs old this year...
i was traumatised by my trip to Ocean Park
perhaps cos it was summer hols, the place was PACKED!
we spent the whole day either queueing up, or trying to force our way through the crowds.
and ppl there probably doesn't know the meaning of 'excuse me', and probably aren't in the habit of saying 'sorry'
getting bumped into, shoved aside and pushed forward is common while walking in the crowd, but not a single one of them will say 'sorry'
-_-
there was too many ppl, too little space..
the famous aquarium "Atoll Reef" - pic blurred cos too many ppl are shoving me around
people mountain people sea! (人山人海） - taken from the top of the Ferris wheel, which we queued for ONE HOUR
the cable car ride was almost worth the 45mins queue
china's gifts to HK - 乐乐 and 迎迎
and even though we walked the least that day, my mum and i were thoroughly exhausted at the end... from standing so much while queueing!
worse than climbing up that steep hill to reach 万佛峙
dun be fooled by this gentle start...it was almost 50deg incline further up...阿弥陀佛！
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i think this pretty much sum up my HK trip...
was gonna do a day-by-day account..
but the photos are taking too long...
besides, some things need to be seen, not described...
and i am definitely gonna make my way back to HK
for more food...
and more trekking...
even in macau, nature and modern buildings go hand-in-hand
will talk about macau next time...
because my neckache is back :(
uploading photos is taking forever...sigh...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
everyone thinks of the famous line when it comes to hong kong
“买东西，吃东西！”
i agree with the eating..but hong kong has alot more to offer other than the supposedly good shopping...
i say "supposedly" because 1)i am not a shopaholic, and 2)it really wasn't as great as i thought it would be.
perhaps good bargains at the 'pasar malam' (more like pasar pagi cos it closes before sundown...)
but even though it was the shopping festival while i was there, i was kinda disappointed by the 'supposedly' good shopping.
in all honesty, i think you can get most things in singapore...and at about the same, if not cheaper price.
but hey, i am probably the worst person to ask about shopping, so if shopping in on your itinerary, then ask someone who has been to hong kong to 买东西 more than to 看东西.
*****************************************
let's talk about food first.
many such stalls along the streets, selling huge variety of snacks
food was number ONE priority on my itinerary
i had a list of stuff i wanna try:
1)YUM CHA!
2)烧腊- 烧鹅，烧肉，叉烧, 烧乳猪
3)芝麻糊，姜汁撞奶(recommended by a HK colleague)
4)许留山 mango desserts!
5)粥品， 炸两
6)红豆冰
7)猪扒炬饭
8)猪扒包,葡式蛋挞 (in macau)
9)云吞面
10)臭豆腐
i think these are the top 10..
but i probaby missed a few out.
ate everything i wanted to try, and some other stuff which wasn't on my list.
the yummiest fruit cakes i've eaten
economical food stalls - plain porridge, fishballs (鱼蛋), 猪肠粉 and 油条
for breakfast - chicken fillet macaroni soup *drooooool*
famous in Macau - crab porridge
walk along 大三八 street and u get free samples of bah kwa
despite nursing a sore throat and a nagging flu, i ate everything.
probably why i am still feeling kinda sick even though it's been 3 weeks...*cough cough*
the only complain i have about HK food:too salty.
probably cos i am too used to eating more plain food...
but other than that, food should be on the top priority for hong kong tourists
i'll go back there just to savour the food again...
other than food hunting, mum and i went 'scenery' hunting.
HK actually has many under-mentioned scenic spots.
outlying islands like Cheung Chau has beautiful shorelines
i hope Kappa doesn't sue us for using its logo...
unspoken scenic spots
fishing villages like Tai O
ahh..the simple life...
suburban areas with modern buildings against a natural mountaineous background
taken from Ocean Park - great feng shui for the "HDB" in the background
great feng shui again for the Sha Tin HDB - hardly the same for sg HDB
and of course, the famous HK skyline viewed from Tsim Sha Tsui and up from the Peak
from the Peak
HK island by day
HK island by night
too bad for the foggy weather...
and hong kong actually has alot of trekking trails, as well as nature reserves.
心经简林 - Wisdom Path on Lantau Island
The Giant Buddha - shrouded by fog
perhaps the city is too packed with skyscrapers..
but out of the city, it is lush with greenery.
can u tell this is HK?
有山有水，好美！
if only sg has more mountains...
even in the city itself, greenery is not absent
九龙城寨公园 - can almost see the buildings in the background
i wished i had more time to walk around.
there was so much to see...
Snoopy's World!
金像奖 statue along Avenue of Stars
Goldfish Street - pretty fishies
i thought 6 days in HK is too much...
but at the end, we still missed out on a few places we wanted to go.
what else do i have to say?
oh, yes..shopping.
the famous 女人街, which actually din have much to offer
my mum and i spent a total of less than 4hours shopping
*muahahahhaha*
i can hear all the sighs of exasperation from avid shoppers :P
but really, when u spend the whole day walking around (or queueing around when we went to Ocean Park)
shopping is the last thing on your mind.
our most fruitful trip was on the last day, 2 hours before our airport transfer
we went to Fa Yuen Street and bought 2 bags, some Jap glass pendants as gifts and socks (yes..socks..cos they're cheap).
Fa Yuen Street - that's all the shopping we did:D
we did walk around the shopping malls in Tsim Sha Tsui (more like walking through on the way to the Avenue of Stars)...
and despite the sale going on, things were pretty much the same prices as Singapore.
so, no point buying stuff back from hong kong if i can get them in sg
and last but not least,
Ocean Park...
Ocean Park is 30 yrs old this year...
i was traumatised by my trip to Ocean Park
perhaps cos it was summer hols, the place was PACKED!
we spent the whole day either queueing up, or trying to force our way through the crowds.
and ppl there probably doesn't know the meaning of 'excuse me', and probably aren't in the habit of saying 'sorry'
getting bumped into, shoved aside and pushed forward is common while walking in the crowd, but not a single one of them will say 'sorry'
-_-
there was too many ppl, too little space..
the famous aquarium "Atoll Reef" - pic blurred cos too many ppl are shoving me around
people mountain people sea! (人山人海） - taken from the top of the Ferris wheel, which we queued for ONE HOUR
the cable car ride was almost worth the 45mins queue
china's gifts to HK - 乐乐 and 迎迎
and even though we walked the least that day, my mum and i were thoroughly exhausted at the end... from standing so much while queueing!
worse than climbing up that steep hill to reach 万佛峙
dun be fooled by this gentle start...it was almost 50deg incline further up...阿弥陀佛！
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i think this pretty much sum up my HK trip...
was gonna do a day-by-day account..
but the photos are taking too long...
besides, some things need to be seen, not described...
and i am definitely gonna make my way back to HK
for more food...
and more trekking...
even in macau, nature and modern buildings go hand-in-hand
will talk about macau next time...
because my neckache is back :(
supposed to be blogging abt HK,
but too many pics, too slow comp...
so...that'll have to wait
in the meantime,
pics of my nephew Raidon
whom i've last seen in Jan'07 at his 1 month celebration
but the last pics i have of him was when he was 2 weeks old...
and now,
at 8.5 months old
'who's this weird lady taking pic of me?'
mesmerised by the ceiling fan
'look! look!i can stand!'
'but i dun think i can walk...yet'
Raidon is tall for his age.
if he continues to grow like this,
i think can easily reach 180cm.
oh well, good genes from my cousin and cousin-in-law
today is MAF at HCJC (or now known as HCI)
still in a dilemna whether to go...or not to go...
it's been years since i last went back for MAF...
the place holds the happiest days...
and the most painful memories...
to once again step through its doors..
would i be greeted by my happy times...
or haunted by my shedded tears?
i guess...there's only 1 way to find out...
the problem is...
do i really wanna know?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2226h
in a moment of pure determination,
i put on my running shoes at 1830h to go jogging...
thinking that after running, shower then go to HC
all was fine..except for that usual stitch i get when i run...
stretched and started my 2 min walk home from the fitness corner...
then it happened...
cramp...not in my legs...
but in my back muscles...
not excruciating pain...
just enough to make me wanna curl up and not move...
and now, MAF is over
and i am hunched in front of the comp
(probably not good for my back, but i needed facebook to cheer me up)
wondering what i missed out at MAF
ssssiiiggghhhh...
back is still sore...
but i guess it's just overuse of my muscles...
luckily it wasn't a serious back injury *phew*
argh...
whoever was the person who said exercise can help alleviate muscle ache
dun let me bump into him/her
exercise caused me cramps, in the muscles that were ALREADY aching...
now i am nursing more pain, more cramps and the weekend is nearly over
i am at the point of bursting into tears...
life...can be so simple
why...why is it so complex now?!!? *sniffle*
but too many pics, too slow comp...
so...that'll have to wait
in the meantime,
pics of my nephew Raidon
whom i've last seen in Jan'07 at his 1 month celebration
but the last pics i have of him was when he was 2 weeks old...
and now,
at 8.5 months old
'who's this weird lady taking pic of me?'
mesmerised by the ceiling fan
'look! look!i can stand!'
'but i dun think i can walk...yet'
Raidon is tall for his age.
if he continues to grow like this,
i think can easily reach 180cm.
oh well, good genes from my cousin and cousin-in-law
today is MAF at HCJC (or now known as HCI)
still in a dilemna whether to go...or not to go...
it's been years since i last went back for MAF...
the place holds the happiest days...
and the most painful memories...
to once again step through its doors..
would i be greeted by my happy times...
or haunted by my shedded tears?
i guess...there's only 1 way to find out...
the problem is...
do i really wanna know?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2226h
in a moment of pure determination,
i put on my running shoes at 1830h to go jogging...
thinking that after running, shower then go to HC
all was fine..except for that usual stitch i get when i run...
stretched and started my 2 min walk home from the fitness corner...
then it happened...
cramp...not in my legs...
but in my back muscles...
not excruciating pain...
just enough to make me wanna curl up and not move...
and now, MAF is over
and i am hunched in front of the comp
(probably not good for my back, but i needed facebook to cheer me up)
wondering what i missed out at MAF
ssssiiiggghhhh...
back is still sore...
but i guess it's just overuse of my muscles...
luckily it wasn't a serious back injury *phew*
argh...
whoever was the person who said exercise can help alleviate muscle ache
dun let me bump into him/her
exercise caused me cramps, in the muscles that were ALREADY aching...
now i am nursing more pain, more cramps and the weekend is nearly over
i am at the point of bursting into tears...
life...can be so simple
why...why is it so complex now?!!? *sniffle*
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