there's something about being home alone that makes me scared...
especially after that fainting episode back in july..
and especially when i am home alone cos of MC....
AND especially when i am on MC cos i am feeling giddy..

get the gist?

so i spent 1/4 of my MC day in front of my comp,
sitting fully supported and is only 2 steps away from my bed
and 1/4 on my bed sleeping...

but...
when i woke up from my nap and still feel like i am a permanent resident of GongGong Land
the fear of fainting etched even deeper...
somehow i have this image of hitting my head...
sustaining a rather serious head injury..
and therefore lose my job...
lose my personality..
lose my memory..
lose myself...
it's scary....at least to me...

maybe it's seeing too many head-injured patients who fell and hit their head...
and now,
as my MC day is coming to an end..
and i am still living in GongGong Land...
i am wondering how the heck does one get the h*** outta here!
i've been gong gong since....july 13
on and off...and the docs dun really know what's going on..
took blood today and it was normal...
no anaemia...blood pressure was normal...

maybe i have a slow growing tumour...
or maybe president of GongGong Land loves me so much, it refuse to let me go
-_-

i'm sick of this feeling..
sick of nearly walking into walls...
banging into things...
feeling like i am stuck on a sampan in a stormy sea...

*AAARRGGHHH*

*sob*

sigh...

back to that fear of being home alone..
i was checking my phone on and off to make sure i dun miss any calls or sms...
any form of communication from the non-GongGong-ers...
so that at least one of them knows i am still alert..
not sprawled on the kitchen/toilet floor with blood caked on my head...
*squirm*

i used to love being home alone..
the space..the freedom...
and in a way, i still love it..
except i fear it at the same time...

i wish i know wat is wrong with me...
at least then something can be done...
a diagnosis called 'giddiness for inx' doesn't do it..
i wanna know WHY.
'giddiness secondary to.....'??

it's like living with a disability..
one that is so mild, it's not destroying my life..
but it's definitely having a negative effect on me...

i'm upset...
i need hug hug...
and ice cream...cookiesncream flavour...

*sigh.....*