“夜已深，还有什么人让你这样醒着数伤痕？”

a day that was to be filled with fun and laughter...
a day that was filled with fun and laughter...
and as the fun and laughter fades away...
as the silence of the night settles upon my weary soul...
i find myself oddly at peace...
that can only be attributed to physical exhaustion...

there wasn't much physical labour really...
i din do much except organising the games...
and in one moment when everyone was gathering round and chatting away..
i sat by myself facing the sea..
feeling the salty sea breeze graze upon my face...

as rachel came up from behind me and asked 'Gretel, are you okay? tired issit?'
verbally...i said 'no lah'
but deep inside, i couldn't agree with her more...
because i am not okay...and i am very very tired...
not physically tired...
but mentally...and of course, emotionally...

the past few weeks have been hectic...and very taxing on everyone in the CP team...
the high patient load had everyone working hard...
and i am sure everyone also had their fair share of grumbles and complaints...
call me negative...i dun really care anymore...
but as i look at myself right now...
and as i look ahead for the next few years..
this is going to be it
and i am really starting to wonder...
is this really what i want?

i'm sure everyone goes through this phase..
especially when you first come back from overseas and getting disillusioned by the working life...
i can't say i am not happy now...
there are moments which i laugh and joke...so, in those moments, i was happy...
but when night falls...
and i am left with me,myself and I...
alot of thoughts start to whizz through my head...
i dun really know what i want anymore...
alot of the happy scenarios i concocted months ago...
are no longer applicable...

not too sure if this is due to the reality check i have to go through...
not too sure what i can do to make things better...
c.h.e.e.r. u.p. just doesn't seem to do it...
and i can sense that the colleagues whom i've been confiding to...
are no longer interested in what i have to say...
not anymore...
and i do feel lost...
so...i really have no one to turn to anymore?

working life aside...
my personal life has also been in a mess...
relationship with dad is going downhill...
relationship out of the family?
let's not even go there...
besides...most people dun let me go there...
the usual 'gretel, u are still so young!' line...
young or not...that's not the point...
it doesn't matter whether i am 24 or 42...
i feel lonely and need company...
that's the point...isn't it?

i'm not sure why i am feeling so down...
and i'm not sure whyi am feeling so lonely...
suddenly craving for a long walk along the yarra...
or sharing stories over coffee at starbucks...
or walking home huddled against the cold, cold winds...
i miss the gals in melbourne...
need to talk to someone so much..
yet all i can find...
is me, myself and i...

不争气的泪水，缓缓滑落。
心里的呐喊，只有自己听得到。
数来数去的伤痕，有多没减。
告诉自己要坚强，
告诉自己要遗忘。
可是我现在真的好脆弱。
渴望中的那个肩膀，离我越来越远。
梦想中的那个自己，已经遥不可及。

was reading blogs of my juniors...
most of them complaining about their final year...
almost all of the complaints sound so familiar...
cos just one year ago...
my blog was filled with the exact same complaints...
now...
my blog is still filled with complaints...
which i really hope no one else have to go through ever again...

i really should learn not to look back..
someone once told me that in life, you look ahead...
and that someone happens to be one of the reasons i am always looking bad...
yet...
looking back seem to be my only source of consolation..
on days when my patients are FON and the load is overwhelming...
i relive the moments of coffee breaks during clinics...
on nights when my father is FON and loneliness become overwhelming...
i relive the moments of potlucks with CSkakis and lounging on futon with germ...
on days when i just can't seem to force a smile on my face...
i relive the moments of tai-di and starbucks gossip...
on nights when i tear up because mum ate the last carton of yogurt...
i relive the moments of baked pasta and HZGGIII...
everyday...
i find a part of my attention riveted to these memories...
trying to draw strength from the fact that i once was able to make myself happy...
as simple as baking pasta for myself...
or baking savoury muffins for the gals...
to more complex stuff like going for bodystep
or meeting yv to makan vege dumplings...
and so everyday...
i wonder to myself...
if i'll ever find that ability to make myself happy once again...

such an emotional wreck...
even seeing PDA on the mrt makes me wanna weep in sorrow...
P says she is on a 6 month 'abstinence' from guys...
in these 6 months, she'll not look at guys as 'meat'...
meaning she won't actively look out for potentials..
most of us think she's more in denial...
but i do admire her determination to at least try...
i dun even dare to look out for potentials..
the last time a potential came into my life...
he left behind alot of unfulfilled 'promises' and endless waiting...

and in a way...
i am still waiting...
waiting for things to come to an end...
or perhaps...
i am still waiting..
because i am waiting for things to finally start......?

i'm confused...
and tired...
and i've said these at least a million times...
i need a shoulder to cry on...
*sniffle*

'it's going to be okay...'
as i pat myself on my back..
and hold the tears at bay...

'it's going to be okay...'
as i hug myself to sleep...
and ignore the nagging pain...

'it's going to be okay...'
i tell myself everyday...
but i can feel my determination being swayed...

'it's going to be okay...'
just another rainy day...
no rain last forever...
so i should wait...and wait...and wait...

waiting for 'it's going to be okay'
to come true in my life..
yet as i trudged through the muddy troughs of life...
feeling my energy ebbing away...
letting my emotions get the better of me...
i really do wonder...
if things are really 'going to be okay'...

feeling kinda desperate...
for abit of company...
feeling kinda lost...
and very misunderstood...
feeling very lonely...
and very near to breaking...
the barrier that has kept me safe...
right at the edge...
a precarious balancing act...
where a slip will mean a very far plunge
into the abyss of depression, anger, sadness and pain

impermanence...
a concept i've been trying to grasp for a long long time...
a word i repeat to myself when things are bad...
a reminder to myself when things are good...
a fact of life that up till today, i still fail to fully appreciate...

and it's scary how impermanent everything is...
a patient who was happily walking yesterday...
can collapse and rest in peace today...
a patient who can barely talk yesterday...
can be up and chatting happily today...
a news that boosted my mood and self-esteem...
has turned into a demoralising situation overnight...
a somebody whom i've barely talked to for the whole of last week...
is suddenly on first name basis and chatting happily with me today...

'live as if there's no tomorrow'
'it's my life...it's now or never'
that's what i thought...
not a risk taker usually...
i am now craving to do something different
something which is not 'typical gretel'
something which may or may not change my life...
but will create a little excitement and fun
because everything is impermanent...
i thought i should make use of whatever time left in my impermanent existence to do whatever i can do...
especially when an opportunity comes knocking...
an opportunity which can be in fact, a trap...

it's all too confusing...
and i am pretty sure this confusion is impermanent as well...
when friday comes and goes...
i'd have made a decision...
and then...
the confusion will be replaced..
by anger?
by hurt?
by disappointment?
by regret?
by relief?
no one really knows...

impermanence aside...
currently...
the turmoil within is definitely making me feel really cranky..
sure, i won't be cranky permanently (though it's happening so often, it feels it's almost permanent)..
but sometimes...
u dun really wanna care what happens tomorrow...or 10 years down the road..
u just wanna live in the moment..
u just care about how you feel right now
even if i shouldn't be feeling what i am feeling...
point being...
i am feeling this way...
so stop telling me 'oh, but you shouldn't feel that way'
instead, why dun u try changing the way u feel?
then u will know that 'cheer up' and 'things will be fine'
are just empty words which bring no consolation at all...

salsa got cancelled last night
:(
but C, D, P and me managed to get together for an impromptu girls-night-out
at ThaiThai along Boat Quay...
we sat by the river...
the gentle breeze cooling and refreshing...
while we enjoy authentic Thai food and a bottle of Chardonnay
this is the first time i actually ate serious thai food...
(the only thai food i've tried before was pineapple rice -_-)
and it was really yummy!
the topics we talked about were hilarious and very entertaining...
i think the 4 of us were just a tad too loud considering the rest of the patrons were more or less enjoying their food in soft conversations
stayed out till the restaurant manager came over to tell us they were closing...
burnt a hole in my pocket but...i think it was totally worth it...
such an enjoyable evening doesn't happen much to me -_-

then, slept over at my mentor's place
(on a double size air mattress very similar to the one i had in melb)...
only managed to get to sleep at like 1am..and woke up at 6am to go for Big Walk 2006
mentor's hubby drove us to 24/7 Mac's at West Coast
(which i think is very nicely decorated. to my mentor's shock, i actually said 'i wouldn't mind if a guy brings me here for a date'...)
breakfast was rushed as we were running late...
reached kallang and road was already closed..so mentor and i had to walk towards the starting line though the walk had started
so we were walking in the opposite direction...
just when the starting line came into view, the oncoming hoardes of people intimidated us..
so we just turned around and walk along...
managed to meet another 4 colleauges on the way..
and i'm proud to say i completed the 10km walk despite the increase in my ankle pain yesterday
*soft applause for self*
got our goodie bag (which wasn't that 'goodie' this year -_-) and rested by the river side...
after that...
we all head off in different directions..
mentor and i had delicious hokkien mee at hawker centre near harbourfront...
after that, head home on bus 188
concussed on the bus after mentor alighted...
came home...showered...
and now...
the effects of late night, sleep deprivation and excessive exercise in one day is hitting me...
can barely keep my eyes open..
but...i know if i cave and take a nap..
i'll lie on my bed wide awake tonight..
this is like when i was trying to get over my jet lag when i return from europe...
the room is spinning and rocking...
my eyes are dry and sore...
my head is pounding and my legs are wobbly...
and my bed is calling out to me...
come lie down, gretel...
close your eyes and sleep...
come...come...come...

omg...
this can be one of the worst forms of torture for any human being...
deprive them of sleep for like days on end...
and dun let them sleep no matter what...
argh...

think i could have caught a cold sleeping with air-con last night..
lesson learnt...
never sleep with the air con vent directly blowing at your head...
my nose is blocked, my throat hurts...
and the pounding headache is not helping...

some sayang-ing will feel very nice now...
sigh...

saturday!!!
it's a busy busy busy weekend...
but for once...
the weekend does not bring any blues...
because
1) there's salsa tonight...*YAY!*
2) staying over at mentor's tonight..
3) big walk tmr morning...
4) saturday 6 hour shift was smooth sailing (and it's OVER!)...
5) i have having my fav fish bee hoon...
6) ?? ermm...can't think of a 6th one..oppsie...

so anyway, as i am trying to multitask by blogging and makan-ing at the same time, i am also enjoying the rare peace of the physio office...
the only big flaw to today's smooth-sailing-ness is that my ankle is so sore...
i have no idea why...
haven't been over exerting it..been faithfully wearing my ankle brace...
but it's sore sore sore sore sore!!
*sigh*
guess it'll be ages later before i can sashay around in a pair of heels..
(okie..i dun sashay even if my ankles were fine...it's more like a balancing act for me...but 'sashay' sounds really feminine...)
and probably eons later before i can go back to try and roller blade...
sigh...
oh well...
life's imperfect

if it's perfect,
i'll have perfect skin, perfect hair, perfect figure, no sprained ankles, CAN sashay in a pair of heels (instead of wobbling like an idiot) and i'll be rich but not famous...despite being a world class figure skater/dancer...i'll be married with a loving husband, have adorable kids who actually listen to what i say, go for spa retreats at least once a week and gets the best seats to all JayChou concerts (cos i am a world class figureskater/dancer and he happens to be the perfect husband in my perfect life)...
oh..and of course, i have 6/6 vision with no need for ugly glasses that makes me look like chicken little...

but...
here i am...
with bad skin, bad hair, no figure to talk about, one sprained ankle which refuse to heal, cannot wear heels due to sprained ankle, poor, can't ice skate/barely can make it as a dancer, single )therefore no kids and jaychou doesn't even know who the heck i am), never been to a spa retreat before, never been to jaychou concert before and with terrible vision that renders me legally blind without glasses or contacts...

castle i just built in the air is falling apart before my visually-impaired eyes...at least i fulfill one criteria of my perfect life...i'm not famous...

well...at least when my life is not perfect, i have something to dream about eh?
-_-

okie..back to my bee hoon...
then home, shower, salsa, dinner, sleep, big walk, sleep somemore...
before monday rolls around and the whole cycle of my whining starts again...
ahhh...
what a beautiful life i have eh? -_-

warning: the following post is gonna be filled with alot of whining.

the end of the weekend...
the end of a long weekend to be exact...
i am dreading work tomorrow...
the endless paging and the mounting stress of the impossible mission to finish seeing my patients...
back when i started work, even though i was overwhelmed to the point of crying in the office, i didn't even feel this demoralised. probably because everyone told me 'things get better when u get used to it'.
last week...
as i sobbed and sniffled in the staff toilet in ward 8B, i finally succumbed to that thought i've not dared to ponder over...
break bond...quit...get out of this hellhole...
of course...i won't do it..
or rather...i can't do it..
no way i can cough out enough money to pay off my debt(s)...
i'm broke...and miserable...single...and lonely...
to sum up...
life's shitty...

wat's new eh?
everyone's life seem to get shitty at some point...
and everyone just hold onto the hope that one day, the 'flush' will work so that the shit will disappear and become less shitty...
wading in chest-deep poo sounds digusting...and exhausting..
that's it feels like everyday at work for the last few weeks...
first it was the load of the patients which somehow manage to stay crazily high in level 8 (or rather, just in the 2 wards i am covering)...
and then, the sprained ankle that is causing me pain and stopping me from realising an unfulfilled dream...
and of course, not forgetting a father who is suffering from extended male menopause...
now, add in a sore, red eye which necessitates wearing glasses to work for the next few days...
and the dull ache in my back which makes any position uncomfortable...
i really dunno what to do anymore...
'look on the brighter side'??
wat's the brighter side??
that i am not maimed and i have food to eat and i can still sit here and whine my woes to whoever is willing read it...
sorry, but i am not in the 'oh i am so lucky i have a roof over my head' mood currently...
call it self-pity...
wallowing in self-pity is at least less stinky that facing the deep pile of shit i have to face tomorrow...

i miss salsa already...even though i just had a lesson yesterday...
if not for my stupid ankle...i'll be salsa-ing right now...
and also possibly salsa-ing my way to make one of my dreams come true...
at least when i am concentrating on the 1-2-3,5-6-7...
i forget about the real life that exist outside of the dance studio...
and though this might sound real pathetic...
it's nice to have a guy hold my hands and just let him lead me for once..
kinda sick of trying to find a way by myself in reality...

and of course...
many other emotional upheavals over the past few weeks...
ranging from anger to disappointment to complete bliss...
unfortunately...
the blissful bit only lasted for less than 10minutes...
10 minutes out of close to 8 weeks of crap crap crap...

lost once again...
back to the point where i dunno which way to go...
yet knowing that i cannot afford to stop...
randomly choosing a path which leads to nowhere...
or perhaps a path that brings me back to where i started....
or maybe...just maybe...
a path which can close the gap between us...
or a path for me to move on from this pain...

i tried to let you go...
i tried to free myself...
but it was all a futile struggle...
cos you'moved further and further away...
i was left behind, bruised and battered...
but you wouldn't even care...
and you wouldn't even know...
so i thought...
if i can't free myself, i'll just have to accept the burden...
if i can't let you go, i'll just have to be content with what i already have...
because the distance between us is far too great...
and it's only getting bigger...
so...
you'll be free to wander away...
i'll be here...
waiting for time to work its magic..
waiting for the memories to fade...
waiting for you...to walk back this way...

okie dokie...
finally a long weekend whereby i am free to sit down and blog properly...
so...
after sorting through 300+ pics from 3 cameras...
i bring to you......

TTSH Physiotherapy Department "Annual" Mount Ophir Trip (28 - 30 April 2006)
(okie, so it wasn't really 'annual' or that big a deal to go to mount ophir...but i think it sounds nice to put it that way..haha)

Day 1 280406

well..it's more like 'night 1' cos we meet at 11.30pm at 2 meeting points. After 'alot' of training and much anticipation, most of us were really happy to get out of singapore for some fresh air (and alot of sweat+muscle aches)


meeting point 1: BV taxi stand. the driver was late...very late to be exact...turns out he only know how to get around singapore using the expressways -_-


the 2 cars met at the entrance to the malaysian customs...look at the number of 'V' signs being held up. guess we really didn't know what's gonna hit us the next day......

so after that pic, a near to 3 hours drive awaits. all of us piled back into the car and i think everyone fell asleep within 15 mins of exiting the malaysian customs. well, considering it was already past midnight and all of us did work full da...we were pretty knackered already...

so sleep sleep sleep...then got woken up when the car stopped for supper (or rather, a really early breakfast). i was really starving...had a bowl of bee hoon soto which barely satisfied me. but..need to save space for yummy prata later


the happy people enjoying their food and drinks... somehow, food always taste better in the middle of the night...well, to me at least it does :D

then it was back into the cars and another 1.5 hours drive to the foot of Gunung Ledang a.k.a. Mt Ophir

when we reached there, it was pitch black. well, kind of lah. there was some light from the public toilets...but otherwise, it was D.A.R.K. and we were all sleepy. so, we plunked our stuff down on the tables of chairs of the 'hawker centre' there, waiting for daybreak and yummy prata. some of us just sat and slept with heads on table, others rolled out their sleeping mats on the floor and slept. got woken up by a group of very noisy people. irritating...but it then became suprisingly silent when they finally quieten down.

and then...the unmistakable sound of thunder and flashes of lightning...and the rustling sound of trees being swayed in the strong winds...
followed by the familiar sound of rain pelting down on the zinc roofing...
as i drift back to sleep on the floor (and hoping no cockroaches will find its way to me...), i silently worry about climbing the mountain in pouring rain :(

Day 2 290406

Morning greets us in the form of rotiprata pakcik arriving on his scooter and saying 'Selamat Pagi!' to the sleeping forms in front of his stall. Felt abit disoriented when i woke up...and then, i realised that it was silent...no rain, no wind, no thunder.

wohoo! the storm is over! *phew*

so all of us gathered up our mats and washed up in the toilet. well...the toilets really need some good renovation. it was leaking water from the roof lor. and the flush doesn't work...horror of horrors, they charge 30cents per head to use the toilet! -_-


some last minute preparations while we wait for uncle to open his stall...think most of us are still feeling the effects of sleep deprivation...


the CP representatives for the trip :)


when all of us are more awake (as u can see we can even try and act kawaii), the prata uncle has already opened his stall and all ready to serve us some of his yummy prata (all the stalls there sells prata..but this uncle is the earliest to arrive..)


the prata was great! the curry..ermm..could have been better...but maybe i'm not used to it?

now that our hunger has been taken care of, it's finally the time to set off. last night's storm has blown over, and sunrise was quite beautiful


it was then that i realise...hey, this place looks really familiar!! and then, the memory clicks.

i've been here before...Ayer Panas!

yes, when i came here, i know this place as Ayer Panas (directly translated into hot water). came here when i was a little girl for the cooling water of the beautiful rapids. then..from some distant memory, i remembered my dada told me the water comes down from Mt Ophir. as i relate this information to my fellow trekkers, all of them boo-booed me that i dun even know i've been here before. in my defense, we arrived when it was dark...i cannot see mah! -_- okie, so i am blur lah...watever... (it's called Ayer Panas because, according to my mum, when it rains, the gushing water flows so fast that the water become hot...hence the term 'panas'. not sure if it's true though...)


as physios, we should practice what we preach. Warm up!


all of us warmed up and ready, some of us really excited, some of us still sleepy, some of us apprehensive. i belong in category number 1 and 2 :) too bad the person who took our pic din really take it properly...so the pic is blur and u can't see our expressions :(

at the ranger's station...

in the corner, the 'never give up' didn't really mean much to me then -_- hmm...6th most difficult huh? maybe i should have chosen an easier mountain to climb first??

anyway, after paying for the entrance fee (think it was quite cheap lah...), we begin our climb up to check point 1 (which was like 500+ steps uphill... ARGH!)


this was only the BEGINNING...when there were actual steps and rails...most of us are already quite *bleah* looking

(FYI, alot of the following pics are taken in the midst of climbing, so will be quite blur looking cos very hard to stabilise the camera when ur lungs are bursting from lack of oxygen and ur whole body is saturated with lactic acid)


KB and me. KB is the organiser of this trip. notice he is wearing the t shirt from the standard chartered marathon? yes, he completed the full - F.U.L.L. - marathon. yes, he is very fit...and no, none of us come close to his level of fitness

after the 500+ steps, the beautiful scenery in the background was the reward for reaching this point.the pic was taken on the bridge, so the rapids behind us continues under the bridge into this...

pretty eh? :D

by this time, we were tired...and quite frankly, i was quite worried about the rest of the climb which is gonna be stepless and rail-less.

an excuse to take a rest? a group picture! mind you, we aren't even at check point one yet...and our campsite is at checkpoint 5.

after the brief rest, as well as like 15 mins spent trying to find the right way to go (we though the gate to the way was locked so was trying to find another way...turned out the gate was NOT locked. abit duh-uh...), we continue onto the actual climbing bit. before we set off, KB said 'make sure u have ur gloves handy hor'. yes, and so the 4-legged instinct in us kicked in as we began the start of a torturous journey...

there were logs to climb over (or crawl under)...

rivers to cross...(okie...maybe not river...creek? stream? watever.....)


and alot of climbing to do...



when we reached checkpoint 1 and wasted 45 mins there waiting for our guide (which we paid over 400 ringgit for) and i think he was possibly one of the worst guides u can get. he goes fast and doesn't wait for us unless one of us shouts for him to slow down. so along the way, there was alot of 'encik! perlahan perlahan!' meaning 'mister, slow slow!'. and he will then find somewhere to sit or stand and smoke a cigarette while the rest of us try and crawl our way up...wat a waste of money. KB will have been able to guide us up there lor. -_- oh, and cos of the frequent 'perlahan perlahan' we were shouting, we call ourselves the 'perhalan perlahan team' :D

after what felt like a day but was actually only about 2 hours...we reached checkpoint 4...

argh..only checkpoint 4!..and i am flabbergasted at the fact that our campsite is another hour away!

luckily, our guide told us that it's better to camp at checkpoint 4 cos it's nearer to the water than checkpoint 5. (at least that's what i think he told us as translated by our malay friend)

and so, we begin to unload our tents and pitching them up. one of the tents was kinda broken cos the string in the skeleton of the tent had broke. so we had to troubleshoot on the spot.

okie,i look like i am just posing there. but i was helping to hold the sticks so they dun fall apart hor...

with some 'creative' thinking and teamwork, we managed to get all three tents pitched!


where we will call 'home' for the day... pretty right? :D

now that we can unload our heavy backpacks, it's time to climb to the summit. it was easier climbing without the backpack, but the incline gets steeper, and the trekking track is plaqued with lotsa lotsa roots...so most of the time, we were using all 4 limbs to haul ourselves up. at times, the height of the 'step' reaches the level of my chest. it was truly a whole body workout... (yet somehow, when somebody shouts 'ok, look up/down...1.2.3 smile!' we still manage to squeeze a smile for the camera. Mind over matter huh :D)




and then, there were the rope+ladder climbing bits. ladders were available at some parts...which makes climbing so much easier then pulling on roots and tree trunks...

see..so easy...can smile until so happy :D

at one point between checkpoint 6 and 7, there was a one storey high 'cliff' which only had like 3 ropes with knots hanging down. so, one has to grab the rope and climb up (like reverse of abseiling). the view while u are climbing was fantastic (provided u dare to turn around and look lah)...otherwise, u feel like ur life is in your own hands,literally



one of us has phobia of height, so when she was climbing, all of us were cheering her on and her fear was obvious on her face. but, she finally made it up and in that one moment, when all of us applauded for her, it felt like we have made it to the summit.

(personally, i thought the rope-bit was the fun part. everyone said it was really dangerous...i guess being the baby of the group, i still have more adventurous nature than the rest of them. all i thought was 'wah, so fun!! i wanna do it again!!' but they were thinking 'wah, so dangerous. if i fall, nothing is gonna hold me up!' generation gap? :P)

anyway, just when we thought we've got through the hardest bit and the summit is near...it was almost another hour of climbing on rocks, roots, with ropes and ladders before we finally reached the summit at like 1530h (we left our campsite at about 11am).

we spent like almost half an hour on the summit, enjoying the cool winds and the sense of achievement...ignoring the trembling in our thighs and trying to not think about the way back down. it was picturepicturepicture time on the summit!




after the rest on the summit, we had to go back down to be back before the sky gets dark. going down was supposed to be easier, u say? oh no no...down's easy cos u dun pant and feel like ur quads are gonna drown in lactic acid. but the eccentric control and subsequent knee pain...not to mention the fear of slipping and falling makes going down so much harder.

and then, when we were kinda halfway between summit and campsite, i sprained my ankle. won't talk more about it cos already mentioned it in my previous entry. my progress significantly slowed after that. but cos i din wanna slow the whole team down, i tried to walk/descend as fast as i can. the 'bad leg down first' rule just can't be applied on mt ophir, but my makeshift walking stick provided me with more support. the pain was bad...and the journey back felt like an eternity. somewhere along the way, we were trekking through a forest-ty bit and this strange bird started calling. well, more like shrieking..maybe it was a monkey. anyway, the sound was quite freaky. i was in too much pain to be bothered by it...but after the trip, my mentor said it reminded her of blair witch project *grimace*

when KB pointed out 3 tents in the distance and said 'see those tents? that's our campsite', i can almost hear applause in my head. never mind the sharp pain in my ankle, all of us were really exhausted and sticky and sweaty. the thought of a soak in the icy cold water was the only thing that kept me going...

and the water was ICY cold..but it felt so good. especially for my ankle. instant pain relief and also controlled the swelling abit. after that..dinner!
maybe cos of my pain, even though i was starving, i din have any appetite. but instant noodles do taste better on the mountain..haha...or maybe it's cos KB is a good cook :P



sleep that night was not good for me. couldn't get into a comfy position cos of my ankle pain. conversely, my tent-mate snored her way through the nite. think most ppl manage to sleep quite okay, some of us had trouble cos of the uneven ground.

Day 3 300406

waking up to the fresh morning air felt good..and washing up with icy cold river water was absolutely refreshing. breakfast was yummy...but everyone was sore...and in need of some good massage.


this pic look more like KB is teaching the others how to cook...


instant noodles again...but it was delicious!

after breakie, the tents were dismantled and washed in the river. i was phyiscally disabled, so i pretty much sat with my ankle in the icy cold water while the rest washed and flapped the tents dry. i think it was so much fun...can't believe i sprained my ankle and missed out on it :(



the way back down was a painful process...literally for all of us. aching aching everywhere!! and for me, it was a lose-lose situation. go down with left leg first, right quads and knee pain, go the other way first, left ankle pain. even my walking stick wasn't that helpful cos i started developing ache in my right arm from using the stick.

finally...after 2 hours, we made it back down to the little hawker centre at the foot of the mountain. eveyrone proceeded to get a bowl of ice kacang or chendol. i was still trying to ignore the nagging sharp pain in my ankle, so i waited for the actual meal to start. in midst of the ice dessert galore, it suddenly rained!! fwah, u cannot imagine the relief all of us were feeling. *PHEW* luckily we are nicely sheltered now. i pity those people who were climbing up or down when it rained.

lunch was scrumptious nasi goreng ayam. after that, the girls queued for like an hour to use the shower/toilet. i did a 'sponge' + powder bath. but then, it was so hot, i started sweating immediately after that waste time only -_-

and then, the drivers were late (again). so we sat there for ages before they finally arrive to chauffeur us to JB for SEAFOOD!! (yes, highlight of the trip!)

the other car pretty had a bunch of exhausted trekkers who fell asleep. in the car i was in, 6 of us chatted from gunung ledang to JB! and it was filled with alot of laughter...topics was so varied, i can't even remember how we got from one topic to aother. haha...

as the sky darkens and we return back into modern civilisation, we arrive at the seafood restaurant. some of our colleagues came from singapore to join us for seafood (and probably to look at our pathetic state and laugh...). seafood was good and cheap... and somehow, exhaustion gave way to telling funny anecdotes until finally, the time came for us to go home...


the driver we had must be born and bred in JB. he knew all these alleyways which brought us to the head of the long jam at the customs! fwah, so impressive. and after that, he sent every one of us in the car almost to our doorstep. so nice hor?

and so, i arrived home dirty, tired and well, in pain cos of my ankle. (ankle still sore now...wonder how long it'll take for me to be back to my premorbid status *sigh*)

so, go ophir again?

oh yes, definitely...

climb another mountain?

yes please invite me thank you! :)

**************************************************************************
this entry took me 3 hours to complete...the longest i spent blogging!

ARGH!!
i miss my life in melbourne...
yes...
i actually miss being away from my parents..
because my dad is driving me M.A.D.!!!!!!!
at this very moment, he is scraping food off his plates with the spoon,
using an obviously unnecessary amount of strength...
resulting in persistent cling cling clang clang that is making my migraine double in intensity...
oh, and of course i so much as make a single 'ding' when i scrape my food off...
i'll be treated with his 'whymustyouusesomuchstrengthandmakesomuchnoise' crap...
-_-
and i also irritated at how he must slam/bang/forcefullyrelease every single thing he puts down on the table..
including my new 2nd hand 3100...
so sick of his behaviour...
so pissed off!

migraine is making me cranky...
ankle is sore (again)
neck is stiff (yeah..again)
stress building up...
dad is acting up again cos of some plastic bag found left at the storeroom...
omg!!can he please STOP NAGGING!!!!!!!

i am officially totally disappointed with the male human species...

i miss the futon and 14inch tv in unit 27...
i miss my double mattress on the carpet...
i miss the peace and tranquility when i have the whole place to myself...
i miss germ's quiche...
i miss esther's pancakes...
i miss wing's peanut butter cookies...

i'm depressed (again)...

can someone please buy me some haagen dazz cookiesncream ice cream?
and maybe a giant teddy bear i can hug to sleep?

i need hug hug...

someone once said to me...
that time will heal all wounds...
another someone once said to me...
that anger means i am moving on...
so many others have said to me...
that you just ain't worth my attention...

yet as i plough through week after week of work...
wondering and pondering...
thinking back and looking forward...
i found myself starting to lose faith in the healing powers of time...
i found myself leaking the anger i summoned up...
i found myself paying even more attention to you...
no matter where i am...
i look out for the chance that maybe, i'll meet you somewhere..
and of course, disappointment has become my shadow...

i'm upset...i won't deny that...
a friend cares...and a friend keeps in touch...
so i guess...
what we had...
was less than friendship...
what we shared...
was nothing to you...and everything to me...
a form of rejection that left me high and dry...
as if you led me onto the dance floor...
only to leave me behind and walk away...
so there i am...
still on the dance floor...
hoping you'll return to finish the dance...
yet looking completely idiotic while people are dancing happily to one song after another...
it hurts...
and i am sick of feeling the pain...

i want it to be over...
but i can't seem to find the strength to walk away...
i want it to be over...
yet an intangible force keeps me firmly rooted...
i want it to be over...
can you hear my plea...?
can you see my tears...?
if you can...
please...
let me know that it's over...
**************************************************
was supposed to put up photos of ophir and blog about the climb...
but my anke is sore..
my neck is sore...
my head is throbbing..
and i feel like crap...
maybe sometime this weekend...i'll finally get to the blogging...
rightnow...
i need ice cream!

i'm back...in one piece...

we did it...
after like 7 gruelling hours...
12 of us finally reached the summit of Mount Ophir...
the 6th most difficult mountain in malaysia



unfortunately, on the way down from the summit...
fatigue took over and i started zoning out..
resulting in my left foot slipping...twisting and then i sat right down on my left ankle
resulting in one of the most common ankle injury...
luckily, climbing with a bunch of physios guarantees someone who knows how to strap a sprained ankle

now my ankle is still swollen and sore...
can't salsa tonight...i'm sad...
tired...
going to R.I.C.E. my ankle..
more pics next time