having my lunch break at the Austin hospital now.
got a 2 hour lunch break today cos there's not many patients to see in the ward, so my supervisor let us go early. thank god i have a long lunch break cos my back is aching like crazy and i have this huge knot in my left trapz and it's now shooting pain up my neck into my head. dunno how i am going to get through with the rest of the day. feeling pretty sore.
my calf still aching too, from the 36 single heel raises i did last friday when i was germaine's practice "specimen". at least the pain is improving. but i'd rather have the calf pain than the backache and trapz pain i am having now. I seriously need a full body massage..if only i can afford it sighz
was talking to clara just now and we were chatting abt how physio students get socially isolated from the rest of uni cos of our bizarre timetable. and of course,i am stlll pretty indignant abt the fact that we start earlier and earlier each year...making miss chinese new year 2005...all my bah kwa,pineapple tarts and other goodies...all cannot eat. sighz. depressing thought indeed.
the pain in my back is getting better.
but the pain in my trapz (and neck and head ) is getting worse.i can feel my trapz all tightened up and squeezing on my nerves...definitely going to get a very bad headache later. what a way to end the day.
by the way,for people who haven't done much anatomy, trapezius is the muscle that runs along the back of your neck and to the shoulder. the one people usually start rubbing when they've studied too much or stare at the comp for too long. very commone muscle to become all tight and knotty.
mine is filled with a million knots. just ask alicia or germaine. if my memory serves me well,their reaction when they massage me was 'yeek! why so many knots one?" :P
ah well...guess doing clinic isn't as easy as i thot it would be.
kinda miss uni actually...miss sitting in a lecture and not having to think on the spot all the time..miss getting to sit down (i spend most time on my feet in clinics,which explains my back ache...)
but clinics is very enriching. get to apply what i've learnt. although part of me really wish my supervisor would stop asking me "so,what do you think you wanna do?" cos i am just so tempted to answer "i have no idea." but nah,that's the wrong answer so i have to squeeze some answer out of my head. :<
if all goes well, it's 11 days to going home. can't wait to be in sunny singapore again. the weather here is DEPRESSING. i am so definitely going to go swimming in singapore and get a nice tan. would be nice to have a tan during winter when everyone else is pale. :P
right now,can only look at overcast skies and wonder when the sun would actually warm this place up enough so i dun have to wear so many layers of clothes.
there comes the headache i predicted. argh. better stop looking at the comp so i dun make it worse.
wish han wei is here to sayang me.....now can only make do with self masage (which would probably mak my right trapz tighten up...i seriously can't win in this kinda situation huh?)
tata!
tomorrow is monday again...
yesh,the day i dread is just round the corner. i dun used to get monday blues. but i guess with my cranky mood,everyday is blue...
germaine and esther came over to my place for a study marathon cum sleepover...and they insisted on taking the couch and the floor. earlier this morning,i heard them saying to each other that they felt cold during the night,especially esther who slept on the floor. feeling guilty cos she came here for sleepover and in the end din get a good night's rest. sighz. then she say she dun wanna come next saturday cos exams coming and she cannot afford another night of cold and restless sleep. i guess that's fair. just feeling kinda like a lousy host...
i like it very much when they come and stay over. it's nice to wake up in the morning and have someone to talk to...someone to have breakfast with...it's comforting to know that when i talk,someone would reply....but after the experience of last night,i guess they won't be too keen to come over and tolerate the cold night again. :<
monday is coming..i can feel my mood dipping lower and lower by the moment. germaine is leaving soon...i can feel the loneliness seeping into me and the tears in my eyes all ready to flow out. i hate being so clingy to people. no matter how hard i try,i get too attached to some people and then when they leave,the pain becomes intolerable.
as my mum always say:all things must come to an end,no matter good or bad.no one can be with another forever.that's something that i must try and apply in my life.
i guess the silver lining of the week is that i only have 2 more weeks before i am on a plane back home..back into Han Wei's loving arm, back to the life where i could be happy,where i could laugh like an innoncent child.
12 days to go...three assignments to do,1 case presentation and 1 clinical exam later, i would be back home...can't wait for that day to come..
in the meantime,it's back to my assignments sighz....
germaine and esther came over to my place for a study marathon cum sleepover...and they insisted on taking the couch and the floor. earlier this morning,i heard them saying to each other that they felt cold during the night,especially esther who slept on the floor. feeling guilty cos she came here for sleepover and in the end din get a good night's rest. sighz. then she say she dun wanna come next saturday cos exams coming and she cannot afford another night of cold and restless sleep. i guess that's fair. just feeling kinda like a lousy host...
i like it very much when they come and stay over. it's nice to wake up in the morning and have someone to talk to...someone to have breakfast with...it's comforting to know that when i talk,someone would reply....but after the experience of last night,i guess they won't be too keen to come over and tolerate the cold night again. :<
monday is coming..i can feel my mood dipping lower and lower by the moment. germaine is leaving soon...i can feel the loneliness seeping into me and the tears in my eyes all ready to flow out. i hate being so clingy to people. no matter how hard i try,i get too attached to some people and then when they leave,the pain becomes intolerable.
as my mum always say:all things must come to an end,no matter good or bad.no one can be with another forever.that's something that i must try and apply in my life.
i guess the silver lining of the week is that i only have 2 more weeks before i am on a plane back home..back into Han Wei's loving arm, back to the life where i could be happy,where i could laugh like an innoncent child.
12 days to go...three assignments to do,1 case presentation and 1 clinical exam later, i would be back home...can't wait for that day to come..
in the meantime,it's back to my assignments sighz....
life is full of separations...
went to vic market with edwin and jingfung this morning. suddenly it struck me that this is the second last time i would be going to vic market with members of the college square kaki gang. from a strong team of 8,we dwindled to 3. and we broke the tradition of walking to and fro vic mkt.we took tram there and back. although i know it's not really a grand tradition or anything,part of me felt kinda lost and sad that this little activity we used to do in a group is now becoming lost among the departures of others.
although i know i have more to look forward to in the next semester and next year,moving out of CS is definitely going to be not as easy as i thought it would be. i am so looking forward to moving in with Germaine, but in the back of my head and deep in my heart,i know i am going to miss CS very much. despite the lousy administrative staff and sucky phone/internet connection, CS is the first place i settled into since coming to melbourne. i've made many close friends here in CS. we had BBQs, potlucks, surprise bday celebrations (which for one of us did not turn out to be a surprise at all cos the bday boy was already expecting us to celebrate his bday for him :P). we walked to vic mkt every saturday morning..and we used to go out for lunch in town every saturday afternoon.we've been on trips together:great ocean road,grampians,puffing billy,cattle farm,philip island,strawberry farm,adelaide,tasmania...although not everyone is there at every trip,the fact is that we have wonderful memories together.
right now,sitting here in this apt that i am going to move out in july,i am caught in a web of conflicting emotions. somehow i wish i know what to do to make myself feel better. jingfung has been telling me that the dispersion of this group doesn't mean the end of our friendship,which i completely comprehend. nonetheless,i am not one good with separations,no matter how long the separation is.guess i was too secure when i was a baby,now all the separation anxieties kick in when i am old and haggard. sighz.
so i guess the inevitable has arrived.and i am trying to come to terms with the changes happening in my life. moving out of CS,moving with germaine, seeing two more friend leave melbourne,starting clinical blocks (and getting my own patients) etc etc etc...perhaps one day when i look back,i would laugh at my own cowardism and sentimentism. but right now,i am consumed by the miriad of emotions going through my head, and all i can do is to hang on real tight and hope that i would come out of this whirlpool in one piece.
although i know i have more to look forward to in the next semester and next year,moving out of CS is definitely going to be not as easy as i thought it would be. i am so looking forward to moving in with Germaine, but in the back of my head and deep in my heart,i know i am going to miss CS very much. despite the lousy administrative staff and sucky phone/internet connection, CS is the first place i settled into since coming to melbourne. i've made many close friends here in CS. we had BBQs, potlucks, surprise bday celebrations (which for one of us did not turn out to be a surprise at all cos the bday boy was already expecting us to celebrate his bday for him :P). we walked to vic mkt every saturday morning..and we used to go out for lunch in town every saturday afternoon.we've been on trips together:great ocean road,grampians,puffing billy,cattle farm,philip island,strawberry farm,adelaide,tasmania...although not everyone is there at every trip,the fact is that we have wonderful memories together.
right now,sitting here in this apt that i am going to move out in july,i am caught in a web of conflicting emotions. somehow i wish i know what to do to make myself feel better. jingfung has been telling me that the dispersion of this group doesn't mean the end of our friendship,which i completely comprehend. nonetheless,i am not one good with separations,no matter how long the separation is.guess i was too secure when i was a baby,now all the separation anxieties kick in when i am old and haggard. sighz.
so i guess the inevitable has arrived.and i am trying to come to terms with the changes happening in my life. moving out of CS,moving with germaine, seeing two more friend leave melbourne,starting clinical blocks (and getting my own patients) etc etc etc...perhaps one day when i look back,i would laugh at my own cowardism and sentimentism. but right now,i am consumed by the miriad of emotions going through my head, and all i can do is to hang on real tight and hope that i would come out of this whirlpool in one piece.
photos are evidence of memories
just created my online album (thanks to germaine from whom i realised i can get free online album :>)so people who haven't seen my lousy digicam photos from my trips in the last 2 years can now take a look at them. WARNING:lousy digicam photos is an understatement.resolution of photos can harm eyes of expert photographers.please wear glasses/contact when looking at photos directly.
just read germaine's and wing ki's blogs. seems like the rest of uni is in a state of exam stress syndrome stage II:when nothing matters except studying. {FYI, stage I:exams are coming but i think i still have time to play. and stage III:exam is tomorrow,i need to sleep but i can't fall asleep. and stage IV(often fatal):oh shit,should have revised this but why did i think it would not come out in my exam (often followed by crying,hyperventilation and in serious cases, loss of consciousness. but so far,i've only witnesses one case of stage IV}
as i was saying,most people are in stage II now, and stage III starts when exams finally begin.i've been through that,so i know it's no laughing matter.sadly,i cannot do much for these people,except maybe to "coach" the second years as much as i can during their weekly practice sessions.
i still remember at esther's home cell few weeks ago,her cell group leader asked the group what was the one thing they did for their friend(s) which they consider to be crazy (as in go all out for their friends)? after thinking abt it,i've come up with the three ways i've gone all out for my friends (or at least i think so)
1) when my best friend and i fell in love with the same guy,i stepped back (but she disappointed me by not going after him as well.nonetheless,i'm glad our friendship is not ruined by that guy :>)
2) i baked 2 cakes last year for 2 of my friends bdaes. "huh?it's nothing great" i can hear some of u commenting. well,considering that the last time i baked was when i was 14 and that was when i almost failed my home economics exam, i think it's pretty courageous cos if i screwed up the cake,everyone is gonna 'hantam' me during the celebration. although it was instant cake mix (which is like idiot proof),the cakes din exactly turn out nice...but according to the birthday boys,the cake tasted good.so i'm relieved *phew*
3) getting up early on fridays for the past 3 weeks to go and help the second years for their practice. once again,nothing WOW abt it...but considering that i could have slept in after a tiring week at clinics,i think it's pretty impressive. at least i am impressed with myself when i managed to drag myself out of my nice warm quilt even though i could have slept for another 2 hours or more.
yeah,i think that's probably the top three i have in mind.haha.
although honestly,i think the best way one can go all out for a friend is to really treasure the friendship and remain friends till your hair go grey and have to walk with walking sticks or frames. yeah, that's really going all out for friends. i do have grey hair now,but still pretty much walking without aid,so i guess i am still far from my own defination. *sighz*
strangely enough,even though i have not much exam stress,i can feel the same type of tension along with the rest of the uni.i'm not in stage I-IV of exam stress syndrome,i'm in stage I of assignments syndrome. stage I:how on earth am i going to start doing the assignment? stage II:oh no,assignment due in n weeks time and i haven't started on it. stage III:gotta go do my assignments,no time left!! and stage IV:maybe i should have asked for extension of deadline...but now it's too late!! (followed by headaches,tight muscels and rarely, hyperventilation).
basically,everyone is in their fight or flight mode now...which makes the air here filled with tension. and the gray gloomy skies not helping with everyone's lousy mood.
well,eventually, the clouds will clear...exams would be over, assignments handed in..and once again, life would be beautiful.just have to chin up and brace the days ahead. *ARGH*
just read germaine's and wing ki's blogs. seems like the rest of uni is in a state of exam stress syndrome stage II:when nothing matters except studying. {FYI, stage I:exams are coming but i think i still have time to play. and stage III:exam is tomorrow,i need to sleep but i can't fall asleep. and stage IV(often fatal):oh shit,should have revised this but why did i think it would not come out in my exam (often followed by crying,hyperventilation and in serious cases, loss of consciousness. but so far,i've only witnesses one case of stage IV}
as i was saying,most people are in stage II now, and stage III starts when exams finally begin.i've been through that,so i know it's no laughing matter.sadly,i cannot do much for these people,except maybe to "coach" the second years as much as i can during their weekly practice sessions.
i still remember at esther's home cell few weeks ago,her cell group leader asked the group what was the one thing they did for their friend(s) which they consider to be crazy (as in go all out for their friends)? after thinking abt it,i've come up with the three ways i've gone all out for my friends (or at least i think so)
1) when my best friend and i fell in love with the same guy,i stepped back (but she disappointed me by not going after him as well.nonetheless,i'm glad our friendship is not ruined by that guy :>)
2) i baked 2 cakes last year for 2 of my friends bdaes. "huh?it's nothing great" i can hear some of u commenting. well,considering that the last time i baked was when i was 14 and that was when i almost failed my home economics exam, i think it's pretty courageous cos if i screwed up the cake,everyone is gonna 'hantam' me during the celebration. although it was instant cake mix (which is like idiot proof),the cakes din exactly turn out nice...but according to the birthday boys,the cake tasted good.so i'm relieved *phew*
3) getting up early on fridays for the past 3 weeks to go and help the second years for their practice. once again,nothing WOW abt it...but considering that i could have slept in after a tiring week at clinics,i think it's pretty impressive. at least i am impressed with myself when i managed to drag myself out of my nice warm quilt even though i could have slept for another 2 hours or more.
yeah,i think that's probably the top three i have in mind.haha.
although honestly,i think the best way one can go all out for a friend is to really treasure the friendship and remain friends till your hair go grey and have to walk with walking sticks or frames. yeah, that's really going all out for friends. i do have grey hair now,but still pretty much walking without aid,so i guess i am still far from my own defination. *sighz*
strangely enough,even though i have not much exam stress,i can feel the same type of tension along with the rest of the uni.i'm not in stage I-IV of exam stress syndrome,i'm in stage I of assignments syndrome. stage I:how on earth am i going to start doing the assignment? stage II:oh no,assignment due in n weeks time and i haven't started on it. stage III:gotta go do my assignments,no time left!! and stage IV:maybe i should have asked for extension of deadline...but now it's too late!! (followed by headaches,tight muscels and rarely, hyperventilation).
basically,everyone is in their fight or flight mode now...which makes the air here filled with tension. and the gray gloomy skies not helping with everyone's lousy mood.
well,eventually, the clouds will clear...exams would be over, assignments handed in..and once again, life would be beautiful.just have to chin up and brace the days ahead. *ARGH*
finally,the arrival of thursday
yesh! thursday is here! and my clinics for the week is over! woohoo!!feeling super tired and hungry now cos haven't had lunch. but finish this entry first.
i've deleted the entry with my conversation with edwin,because that entry had nearly caused me his friendship. and i am deleting as a kind of peace offering. for those who din get to read it,no big deal cos it's just gretel the emotional freak crying over an otherwise mundane conversation. for those who did read it and are feeling indignant or angry at edwin,i wish to clarify that he is one of my closest friend and i am certain he din mean to hurt me.i dun want to hurt him and i have recovered from the sting of his words, so i hope to let this incident go and just get on with life. :> and for those who agreed with what edwin says,well...nothing much that i can do abt that.just hope those who agrees gimme some time to prove that i am actually not such a freak after all. haha! but ah well, i am not here to judge,and i hope that noone would judge me too. THANK YOU!
so,this week had been terrible and horrible.finally the weekend is here.finally get to sleep until the sun is up..now that's the kind of luxury people often take for granted.
learnt alot this week, not only at clinics,but also in my personal life. realised how easily people can make mistakes tat they dun know abt. realised how innoncent actions or words can crush someone else like an ant. realised that true friendships do stand strong in times of conflict. realised that hanwei can actually talk alot but somehow always say he has nothing to say :P realised that despite all the has happened, the fact tat i am still in this course and doing well is an achievement by itself.
and so much more that i've realised. and so much more i would like to say.
but my stomach is protesting from the lack of food.those realisations would have to wait :P
lunch time!
tata!
i've deleted the entry with my conversation with edwin,because that entry had nearly caused me his friendship. and i am deleting as a kind of peace offering. for those who din get to read it,no big deal cos it's just gretel the emotional freak crying over an otherwise mundane conversation. for those who did read it and are feeling indignant or angry at edwin,i wish to clarify that he is one of my closest friend and i am certain he din mean to hurt me.i dun want to hurt him and i have recovered from the sting of his words, so i hope to let this incident go and just get on with life. :> and for those who agreed with what edwin says,well...nothing much that i can do abt that.just hope those who agrees gimme some time to prove that i am actually not such a freak after all. haha! but ah well, i am not here to judge,and i hope that noone would judge me too. THANK YOU!
so,this week had been terrible and horrible.finally the weekend is here.finally get to sleep until the sun is up..now that's the kind of luxury people often take for granted.
learnt alot this week, not only at clinics,but also in my personal life. realised how easily people can make mistakes tat they dun know abt. realised how innoncent actions or words can crush someone else like an ant. realised that true friendships do stand strong in times of conflict. realised that hanwei can actually talk alot but somehow always say he has nothing to say :P realised that despite all the has happened, the fact tat i am still in this course and doing well is an achievement by itself.
and so much more that i've realised. and so much more i would like to say.
but my stomach is protesting from the lack of food.those realisations would have to wait :P
lunch time!
tata!
when i thot monday is over, tuesday came along...
and i thot monday is the only blue day of the week. what happened to day? well,nothing much except my patient nearly fainted on me.he din faint, cos my supervisor was there to look after him *phew* but it isn't exactly great to have my supervisor there when my patient goes pale in his face and nearly fell on top of me while i was trying to get him back into his bed.
anyway,i am in a super sucky mood now. stress of assignments really getting to me.
but i do have one good news so far. i am finally going to move out of CS and move in with my dearest junior Germaine!! yayy!! after 2.5 years of wanting to strangle every single admin personell in CS,i am finally going to be free of lousy phone connections and poor service attitude. YESH!!!and i'll get to stay with darling germaine (okie,i am starting to sound like i am in love with her...better stop..)so looking forward to that!!
ah well,guess wednesday isn't going to be much better anyway cos i have 2 new patients to treat for outpatients tomorrow and it's so tedious treating new patients. long long day tomorrow...argh!!! while it's monday blues for everyone else,it's daily blues for me. geez....
ah well,life goes on. only consolation i have is that i am having dinner with germaine and staying over at her place on thursday. a little silver lining of a gigantic rain cloud. oh,another little silver lining of monday's cloud:i had ROTI PRATA for dinner. the price is CRAZY -- it cost AUD$1.50 for ONE PLAIN PRATA, but oh god, it's the best dinner i have ever in melbourne. just typing about it make me drool!!! yummy yummy yummy!!!
tonight's dinner: cai tow kueh! another yummy dish,but i'm gonna cook it so hopefully it'll turn out fine.
suddenly realise i have something more to look forward to...germaine and esther coming to my place to study on saturday. finally get company on weekend. hopefully germaine can sleep over.
what would i do without the second years?
somehow,i dun wanna know the answer.
tata!
anyway,i am in a super sucky mood now. stress of assignments really getting to me.
but i do have one good news so far. i am finally going to move out of CS and move in with my dearest junior Germaine!! yayy!! after 2.5 years of wanting to strangle every single admin personell in CS,i am finally going to be free of lousy phone connections and poor service attitude. YESH!!!and i'll get to stay with darling germaine (okie,i am starting to sound like i am in love with her...better stop..)so looking forward to that!!
ah well,guess wednesday isn't going to be much better anyway cos i have 2 new patients to treat for outpatients tomorrow and it's so tedious treating new patients. long long day tomorrow...argh!!! while it's monday blues for everyone else,it's daily blues for me. geez....
ah well,life goes on. only consolation i have is that i am having dinner with germaine and staying over at her place on thursday. a little silver lining of a gigantic rain cloud. oh,another little silver lining of monday's cloud:i had ROTI PRATA for dinner. the price is CRAZY -- it cost AUD$1.50 for ONE PLAIN PRATA, but oh god, it's the best dinner i have ever in melbourne. just typing about it make me drool!!! yummy yummy yummy!!!
tonight's dinner: cai tow kueh! another yummy dish,but i'm gonna cook it so hopefully it'll turn out fine.
suddenly realise i have something more to look forward to...germaine and esther coming to my place to study on saturday. finally get company on weekend. hopefully germaine can sleep over.
what would i do without the second years?
somehow,i dun wanna know the answer.
tata!
monday blues
i hate mondays, especially when i have to crawl out of bed at 6am to go to clinics. i hate monday, especially when i have to brave the morning chill to catch the tram and train to clinics.i hate monday,especially when i have to walk through darkness to get back to my apartment. i hate mondays,especially when i know that i have 2 patients in outpatient this coming wednesday and they are both new patients and hence,means alot of work for me.
i hate mondays. because each monday starts a new week, and i each week gets worse.
i hate mondays. because each monday reminds me of the time i wasted over the weekends.
i hate mondays.
and that's all i have to say. :<
i hate mondays. because each monday starts a new week, and i each week gets worse.
i hate mondays. because each monday reminds me of the time i wasted over the weekends.
i hate mondays.
and that's all i have to say. :<
physio ball continued....
right now at the physio school comp lab, with the second years behind at another comp looking at the physio ball photos. alot of ohhs, ahhs, hahas,aiyohs,yeees and oh mys coming from them. guess some of the photos are abit controversial.
sadly,i find this year physio ball not as fun as last year. partly cos i wasn't in a good mood these days, partly cos i was so torn between sitting with the third years or second years. i know i am committed to sitting with the third years, but cos i am so much closer to the second years for the past weeks, i really wanted to be with them. in the end,i spent most of the time with the second years, and i am now feeling super guilty for not being with the third years. dunno issit becos too long never see the third years,i really have nothing much to say to them.and all they were talking abt is clinic clinic clinic. as much as i am finding clinic interesting, i really din want to talk abt it...i was feeling so bored at the ball last night. i am feeling horrible. sighz. and physio ball was supposed to be fun. once again, i am the only unhappy person in a group of happy (and high/drunk) people.
some of the second years got quite high last night on alcohol. esther went around wanting people to "skull" champange and wine and spirits. she ended up drunk and apparently now has a hangover from last night. all the second years have fun, so i guess that's a good thing cos for most of them,it's their first physio ball. at least they have fun. dun feel like going to physio ball next year...even though it's gonna be my last physio ball. feeling super sucky now. :< not only did i not enjoy myself much at the ball, some stupid *((&*^&%^% aussie stepped on my foot in her HEELS!!! now i got a bruise on the dorsum (front) of my right foot...SO PAINFUL!!! *sob*
slept over at germaine's place last night. finally got to sleep at abt 4+ am and i was so deep in sleep,i dun remember falling asleep. last thing i remembered was alicia blowing her hair dry in the bathroom, then next thing i know,the sky is bright and it's already 8+ am.
what a sad end to a supposedly fun night. everything in my life is not going right (or at least not the way i hope it would). would be going to Austin for clinic next week. hopefully things would start to get better soon. super homesick now. i want to GO HOME!!!! :""""""""""""""<
sadly,i find this year physio ball not as fun as last year. partly cos i wasn't in a good mood these days, partly cos i was so torn between sitting with the third years or second years. i know i am committed to sitting with the third years, but cos i am so much closer to the second years for the past weeks, i really wanted to be with them. in the end,i spent most of the time with the second years, and i am now feeling super guilty for not being with the third years. dunno issit becos too long never see the third years,i really have nothing much to say to them.and all they were talking abt is clinic clinic clinic. as much as i am finding clinic interesting, i really din want to talk abt it...i was feeling so bored at the ball last night. i am feeling horrible. sighz. and physio ball was supposed to be fun. once again, i am the only unhappy person in a group of happy (and high/drunk) people.
some of the second years got quite high last night on alcohol. esther went around wanting people to "skull" champange and wine and spirits. she ended up drunk and apparently now has a hangover from last night. all the second years have fun, so i guess that's a good thing cos for most of them,it's their first physio ball. at least they have fun. dun feel like going to physio ball next year...even though it's gonna be my last physio ball. feeling super sucky now. :< not only did i not enjoy myself much at the ball, some stupid *((&*^&%^% aussie stepped on my foot in her HEELS!!! now i got a bruise on the dorsum (front) of my right foot...SO PAINFUL!!! *sob*
slept over at germaine's place last night. finally got to sleep at abt 4+ am and i was so deep in sleep,i dun remember falling asleep. last thing i remembered was alicia blowing her hair dry in the bathroom, then next thing i know,the sky is bright and it's already 8+ am.
what a sad end to a supposedly fun night. everything in my life is not going right (or at least not the way i hope it would). would be going to Austin for clinic next week. hopefully things would start to get better soon. super homesick now. i want to GO HOME!!!! :""""""""""""""<
physio ball...
once again,i am using germaine's latptop cos i am at her place*duh* going to dress up here later with a bunch of 2nd years,guess it's gonna be quite chaotic when more than 5 girls are scrambling for toilets,tissues,combs,make-up etc etc etc then tonight coming back here to spend the night at germaine's place. looking forward to that very very much :>
quite surprised at how much i actually miss being around the 2nd years,esp germaine and esther even though we've only not seen each other for less than a week. i guess when i get close to people, i get really attached to them. in a sense that's good i think, but in all other sense,it means i go through more emotional ups and downs than other people. sighz..
well, a very short entry cos i gotta go iron esther's dress. will post more pics when i have more to share.
tata!!
quite surprised at how much i actually miss being around the 2nd years,esp germaine and esther even though we've only not seen each other for less than a week. i guess when i get close to people, i get really attached to them. in a sense that's good i think, but in all other sense,it means i go through more emotional ups and downs than other people. sighz..
well, a very short entry cos i gotta go iron esther's dress. will post more pics when i have more to share.
tata!!
losing weight is my lifelong ambition :<
juz got back from the gym.ran 2km on the treadmill and now i feel like my whole body is screaming in agony. that's how lousy my fitness is. sighz. still got to do my sets of crunches,all in preparation to squeeze into esther's beautiful black dress for this thursday's physio ball. had three bad stitches in my abs when i was running,now i can barely stand up straight. part of me is really suspicious whether they are reallys stitches or something more "sinister"...dun think stitches are painful enough to prevent a person from standing up straight. but anyway,the bottomline is:it hurts!!!
mood still pretty low these few days. my partner at clinic (Clara) was in a bad mood for the past two days as well. guess there might be a "lousy mood virus" going around,especially with exams coming and stress levels going up,most people's moods get somewhat cranky. although i have no more theory exams, being at clinics is like having prac exam everyday while i am with my patient. my supervisor just feedback to me that i am not very safe with my patients..and patient safety is the top priority.hopefully he won't fail me for that. i am not being paranoid. people do fail due to lack of patient safety. i am keeping all my fingers and toes crossed that it would not happen to me.
anyway,as the title of this entry suggest, my gym workout is not helping me lose weight at all..which is why it's gonna be my lifelong ambition because at the rate i am losing weight (if i am losing any at all), i would probably lose abt 1 kg by the time i die or something. sadness is an understatement. what a blow to my ego. and hopefully i won't burst esther's dress this thursday.oh well, better get back to doing my crunches.
tata!
mood still pretty low these few days. my partner at clinic (Clara) was in a bad mood for the past two days as well. guess there might be a "lousy mood virus" going around,especially with exams coming and stress levels going up,most people's moods get somewhat cranky. although i have no more theory exams, being at clinics is like having prac exam everyday while i am with my patient. my supervisor just feedback to me that i am not very safe with my patients..and patient safety is the top priority.hopefully he won't fail me for that. i am not being paranoid. people do fail due to lack of patient safety. i am keeping all my fingers and toes crossed that it would not happen to me.
anyway,as the title of this entry suggest, my gym workout is not helping me lose weight at all..which is why it's gonna be my lifelong ambition because at the rate i am losing weight (if i am losing any at all), i would probably lose abt 1 kg by the time i die or something. sadness is an understatement. what a blow to my ego. and hopefully i won't burst esther's dress this thursday.oh well, better get back to doing my crunches.
tata!
why am i the only one not happy in a group of happy people??????
steamboat at germaine's place last night...chicken and tomyum soup bases again,but din eat as much as i did at esther's place even though both steamboats are equally good.
the day started pretty well yesterday. the usual vic market trip in the morning,lunch with edwin,then met esther and went to germaine's place...all was good until a hyperactive huijun arrive with her new presents from her new boyfriend. not blaming her for anything, just discussing the source of my blues last night.
seeing her jumping up and down,forwards and backwards,left and right in excitement really really made me miss my darling back in Singapore. and then seeing other couples arrive and throughout the night looking at the happy couples (and happy huijun) make me want to slit my throat and die on the spot just to stop my aching heart...aching from missing the one person i want to be with but nope,can't see him,can't touch him...i think i've slipped back into the bottomless pit of depression again..and god knows how long it would take for me to climb my way out. feel quite guilty actually because germaine and the rest of the people were enjoying themselves, playing games etc..and all i can think of is "I WANT HAN WEI!!I WANT MY LAO GONG!!!" hope my depression din rub off on anyone else...
called him almost the moment i step into my apartment, and then i broke down into tears. it's not exactly the reaction he wanted or expected from me...but as usual,he was so nice and comforted me...sometime i feel so stupid for being such an idiotic,sentimental,emotional freak. that's what i am..a freak... life gets worse by the day...each day pass with alarming slowness....and each day starts with increasing gloom. i need sunshine in my life...but all i see are dark looming rain clouds,all ready to dump rain on me...the rain probably have CNS depressants in them...making me more depressed...
last night was supposed to be great fun. although i did enjoy myself,i din have as much fun as i could have. sorry to germaine and esther who tried so hard to cheer me up. and to huijun,not trying to blame u or anything...i am happy for her but i guess i am many steps away from being happy for myself. :<
the day started pretty well yesterday. the usual vic market trip in the morning,lunch with edwin,then met esther and went to germaine's place...all was good until a hyperactive huijun arrive with her new presents from her new boyfriend. not blaming her for anything, just discussing the source of my blues last night.
seeing her jumping up and down,forwards and backwards,left and right in excitement really really made me miss my darling back in Singapore. and then seeing other couples arrive and throughout the night looking at the happy couples (and happy huijun) make me want to slit my throat and die on the spot just to stop my aching heart...aching from missing the one person i want to be with but nope,can't see him,can't touch him...i think i've slipped back into the bottomless pit of depression again..and god knows how long it would take for me to climb my way out. feel quite guilty actually because germaine and the rest of the people were enjoying themselves, playing games etc..and all i can think of is "I WANT HAN WEI!!I WANT MY LAO GONG!!!" hope my depression din rub off on anyone else...
called him almost the moment i step into my apartment, and then i broke down into tears. it's not exactly the reaction he wanted or expected from me...but as usual,he was so nice and comforted me...sometime i feel so stupid for being such an idiotic,sentimental,emotional freak. that's what i am..a freak... life gets worse by the day...each day pass with alarming slowness....and each day starts with increasing gloom. i need sunshine in my life...but all i see are dark looming rain clouds,all ready to dump rain on me...the rain probably have CNS depressants in them...making me more depressed...
last night was supposed to be great fun. although i did enjoy myself,i din have as much fun as i could have. sorry to germaine and esther who tried so hard to cheer me up. and to huijun,not trying to blame u or anything...i am happy for her but i guess i am many steps away from being happy for myself. :<
what is love?
went to esther's home cell last night,ahd steamboat with chicken and tomyum soup, so yummy!! and during their bible study,they talked abt love, which got me thinking abt all the many pple whom i have loved and who love me. although i am not a christian, the discussion really got me thinking very hard, about those whom i loved but did not loved me back in return, those who loved me but i did not appreciate...and those who loved me no matter where i am,what i am doing,what i have done or where i have been to.
Han Wei is always telling me that i am very good to him,that i am very sweet and that i am truly a rare girl to be with. I am absolutely flabbergasted and extremely flattered that i would receive such compliments. MOre often than not,i do not feel i deserved such a wonderful person to be with me. He has flown here for 4 times during the past 3 years, just to be here and spend time with me. He was there,on the other end of the phone line, to listen to my uncontrolled sobbings when i was homesick and depressed, and there to share my joy and laughter when i was happy. he saw me through my highest of ups and lowest of downs, and yet, 3 years ago,i chose to fly here and leave him in sg...and no matter how much i want to take back that decision, i can't...and i can't be back home where he is...this thought always make me feel so,so guilty.but he has not once said he blamed me, that he is proud of me because i am studying overseas and that i am a scholar. he gave me the support i need even though i've made a decision that cause our separation.is this what i consider to be unconditional love for a person?yes,i believe so.
my mum, i've never been that close to her when i was young. she was strict, she was firm and she wasn't much fun to be around with at that age :P but now that i've grown up,maybe the generation gap is less, maybe i've grown up (or she has somehow grown younger:P) or maybe our communication is improving...i've never felt closer to her than now. back when i had problem with adapting back to melbourne, she was there to encourage me...even though i keep disappointing her when i call home in tears and in need to consolation,she was always there to tell me that i am precious and that i am a strong girl, that i would pull through the rough time and emerge as a whole new person. she never once doubted my ability to overcome my problem, she never once told me she's upset. she held back her own tears to stop mine from flowing more. is this unconditional love? without a doubt, it is.
and of course, i have so many other people around me who have gave me so much support and help when i needed it, people whom i barely knew initially but has grown so much closer with recently, people whom i have lost touch and yet have managed to be there when i needed them. i suddenly feel very ashamed of myself for not having been able to give them the love they deserve.
whoa, such a long entry. well, another steamboat tonight...and maybe at the end of tonight, more self reflection would reveal more thoughts...
tata!
Han Wei is always telling me that i am very good to him,that i am very sweet and that i am truly a rare girl to be with. I am absolutely flabbergasted and extremely flattered that i would receive such compliments. MOre often than not,i do not feel i deserved such a wonderful person to be with me. He has flown here for 4 times during the past 3 years, just to be here and spend time with me. He was there,on the other end of the phone line, to listen to my uncontrolled sobbings when i was homesick and depressed, and there to share my joy and laughter when i was happy. he saw me through my highest of ups and lowest of downs, and yet, 3 years ago,i chose to fly here and leave him in sg...and no matter how much i want to take back that decision, i can't...and i can't be back home where he is...this thought always make me feel so,so guilty.but he has not once said he blamed me, that he is proud of me because i am studying overseas and that i am a scholar. he gave me the support i need even though i've made a decision that cause our separation.is this what i consider to be unconditional love for a person?yes,i believe so.
my mum, i've never been that close to her when i was young. she was strict, she was firm and she wasn't much fun to be around with at that age :P but now that i've grown up,maybe the generation gap is less, maybe i've grown up (or she has somehow grown younger:P) or maybe our communication is improving...i've never felt closer to her than now. back when i had problem with adapting back to melbourne, she was there to encourage me...even though i keep disappointing her when i call home in tears and in need to consolation,she was always there to tell me that i am precious and that i am a strong girl, that i would pull through the rough time and emerge as a whole new person. she never once doubted my ability to overcome my problem, she never once told me she's upset. she held back her own tears to stop mine from flowing more. is this unconditional love? without a doubt, it is.
and of course, i have so many other people around me who have gave me so much support and help when i needed it, people whom i barely knew initially but has grown so much closer with recently, people whom i have lost touch and yet have managed to be there when i needed them. i suddenly feel very ashamed of myself for not having been able to give them the love they deserve.
whoa, such a long entry. well, another steamboat tonight...and maybe at the end of tonight, more self reflection would reveal more thoughts...
tata!
yummy cakes
i am at germaine's house at the moment, and she is starting to bake a cake for her OCF tonight..supposed to be helping her:P would do that later after this entry.
first time at her place..and it's a very nice apartment. and she's like me, got lotsa photos around her room..and kinda untidy like me as well :P oh,and she got lotsa soft toys in her room as well,like me..hehe. starting to realise that both of us are really similar in many ways...if i have the fortune of moving in with her, i think we are going to have lotsa fun :P *keep fingers crossed*
later going to esther's place for steamboat...it's her OCF cell group.so hopefully i won't feel too left out or awkward..then tomorrow night got steamboat (again...) at germaine's place..then sunday night got dinner at jingfung's parents' place. busy weekend indeed...really have to start working on my assignments.if not i would be too busy with them in sg in june and won't have time to enjoy myself.
missing HW alot recently, and missing my mummy alot too..especially when i see one of those day tour buses...can't believe they had been gone for 2 weeks liaoz. MISS THEM SO MUCH!!!!!:<
better go help germaine with her cake (or rather, try and stay out of her way instead cos i am hopeless at baking...)
tata~!
first time at her place..and it's a very nice apartment. and she's like me, got lotsa photos around her room..and kinda untidy like me as well :P oh,and she got lotsa soft toys in her room as well,like me..hehe. starting to realise that both of us are really similar in many ways...if i have the fortune of moving in with her, i think we are going to have lotsa fun :P *keep fingers crossed*
later going to esther's place for steamboat...it's her OCF cell group.so hopefully i won't feel too left out or awkward..then tomorrow night got steamboat (again...) at germaine's place..then sunday night got dinner at jingfung's parents' place. busy weekend indeed...really have to start working on my assignments.if not i would be too busy with them in sg in june and won't have time to enjoy myself.
missing HW alot recently, and missing my mummy alot too..especially when i see one of those day tour buses...can't believe they had been gone for 2 weeks liaoz. MISS THEM SO MUCH!!!!!:<
better go help germaine with her cake (or rather, try and stay out of her way instead cos i am hopeless at baking...)
tata~!
tired tired tired...
been in the computor lab for like 3 hours,finally managed to get some obvious changes done to my blog. *applause*
feeling super tired now, can feel my left upper trapezius tightening up from staring at the computor screen. *wince* can really use a massage right now.
end of 2nd week of clinics, so far so good,although i had a pretty bad day on monday. then again, it's only been 2 weeks, can't expect so much. at least i haven't drop any patient yet.one more week at royal talbot. kinda like it there actually, things are slower and i have more time to think and process what i am supposed to do. don't think i would get that kind of chance at Austin. *groan*
ok,better get back to modifying/customizing my blog. dunno how to do it,everything is randon trial and error.how i wish someone can come and show me what to do!!!!!!!!
tata!
feeling super tired now, can feel my left upper trapezius tightening up from staring at the computor screen. *wince* can really use a massage right now.
end of 2nd week of clinics, so far so good,although i had a pretty bad day on monday. then again, it's only been 2 weeks, can't expect so much. at least i haven't drop any patient yet.one more week at royal talbot. kinda like it there actually, things are slower and i have more time to think and process what i am supposed to do. don't think i would get that kind of chance at Austin. *groan*
ok,better get back to modifying/customizing my blog. dunno how to do it,everything is randon trial and error.how i wish someone can come and show me what to do!!!!!!!!
tata!
fustrations
this is hard to fiddle around with. been trying to customize it for the past 1 hour yet i have no success at all.not good for my ego at all :<
better get back to my apartment now and rest before hitting the gym later.
been trying to lose weight since god-knows-when. not much success as yet...then again,when i am stuffing myself with chips after running on the treadmill for like 10 mins,i can't really expect much.
hopefully my brain would function better someday so that i can actually make this blog look like my own.
sudden craving for roti prata. *drooling* better go before i short circuit this computor with my saliva.
better get back to my apartment now and rest before hitting the gym later.
been trying to lose weight since god-knows-when. not much success as yet...then again,when i am stuffing myself with chips after running on the treadmill for like 10 mins,i can't really expect much.
hopefully my brain would function better someday so that i can actually make this blog look like my own.
sudden craving for roti prata. *drooling* better go before i short circuit this computor with my saliva.
newbie to this thingie
seems like lotsa pple are expressing their thought on this new thingie called blogs...thought i'd give it a try.
so,my very first entry...not really sure what to say.
feeling pretty crappy now..homesick,lovesick...and physically feeling quite sick from not having enough food for lunch *whines* should be home preparing for tomorrow's work. instead,started on this and can't seem to stop.
wished i am back home in singapore now. can't believe how much i miss being around people i know and love. i even miss my 5 hamsters, although they dun really like having people to touch them, still...i miss watching them scampering around whenever i reach into their cage *snigger*
nothing much left to say. hope i'll have more to share as the days go by.
tata!
so,my very first entry...not really sure what to say.
feeling pretty crappy now..homesick,lovesick...and physically feeling quite sick from not having enough food for lunch *whines* should be home preparing for tomorrow's work. instead,started on this and can't seem to stop.
wished i am back home in singapore now. can't believe how much i miss being around people i know and love. i even miss my 5 hamsters, although they dun really like having people to touch them, still...i miss watching them scampering around whenever i reach into their cage *snigger*
nothing much left to say. hope i'll have more to share as the days go by.
tata!
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