went to esther's home cell last night,ahd steamboat with chicken and tomyum soup, so yummy!! and during their bible study,they talked abt love, which got me thinking abt all the many pple whom i have loved and who love me. although i am not a christian, the discussion really got me thinking very hard, about those whom i loved but did not loved me back in return, those who loved me but i did not appreciate...and those who loved me no matter where i am,what i am doing,what i have done or where i have been to.
Han Wei is always telling me that i am very good to him,that i am very sweet and that i am truly a rare girl to be with. I am absolutely flabbergasted and extremely flattered that i would receive such compliments. MOre often than not,i do not feel i deserved such a wonderful person to be with me. He has flown here for 4 times during the past 3 years, just to be here and spend time with me. He was there,on the other end of the phone line, to listen to my uncontrolled sobbings when i was homesick and depressed, and there to share my joy and laughter when i was happy. he saw me through my highest of ups and lowest of downs, and yet, 3 years ago,i chose to fly here and leave him in sg...and no matter how much i want to take back that decision, i can't...and i can't be back home where he is...this thought always make me feel so,so guilty.but he has not once said he blamed me, that he is proud of me because i am studying overseas and that i am a scholar. he gave me the support i need even though i've made a decision that cause our separation.is this what i consider to be unconditional love for a person?yes,i believe so.
my mum, i've never been that close to her when i was young. she was strict, she was firm and she wasn't much fun to be around with at that age :P but now that i've grown up,maybe the generation gap is less, maybe i've grown up (or she has somehow grown younger:P) or maybe our communication is improving...i've never felt closer to her than now. back when i had problem with adapting back to melbourne, she was there to encourage me...even though i keep disappointing her when i call home in tears and in need to consolation,she was always there to tell me that i am precious and that i am a strong girl, that i would pull through the rough time and emerge as a whole new person. she never once doubted my ability to overcome my problem, she never once told me she's upset. she held back her own tears to stop mine from flowing more. is this unconditional love? without a doubt, it is.
and of course, i have so many other people around me who have gave me so much support and help when i needed it, people whom i barely knew initially but has grown so much closer with recently, people whom i have lost touch and yet have managed to be there when i needed them. i suddenly feel very ashamed of myself for not having been able to give them the love they deserve.
whoa, such a long entry. well, another steamboat tonight...and maybe at the end of tonight, more self reflection would reveal more thoughts...
tata!
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