steamboat at germaine's place last night...chicken and tomyum soup bases again,but din eat as much as i did at esther's place even though both steamboats are equally good.
the day started pretty well yesterday. the usual vic market trip in the morning,lunch with edwin,then met esther and went to germaine's place...all was good until a hyperactive huijun arrive with her new presents from her new boyfriend. not blaming her for anything, just discussing the source of my blues last night.
seeing her jumping up and down,forwards and backwards,left and right in excitement really really made me miss my darling back in Singapore. and then seeing other couples arrive and throughout the night looking at the happy couples (and happy huijun) make me want to slit my throat and die on the spot just to stop my aching heart...aching from missing the one person i want to be with but nope,can't see him,can't touch him...i think i've slipped back into the bottomless pit of depression again..and god knows how long it would take for me to climb my way out. feel quite guilty actually because germaine and the rest of the people were enjoying themselves, playing games etc..and all i can think of is "I WANT HAN WEI!!I WANT MY LAO GONG!!!" hope my depression din rub off on anyone else...
called him almost the moment i step into my apartment, and then i broke down into tears. it's not exactly the reaction he wanted or expected from me...but as usual,he was so nice and comforted me...sometime i feel so stupid for being such an idiotic,sentimental,emotional freak. that's what i am..a freak... life gets worse by the day...each day pass with alarming slowness....and each day starts with increasing gloom. i need sunshine in my life...but all i see are dark looming rain clouds,all ready to dump rain on me...the rain probably have CNS depressants in them...making me more depressed...
last night was supposed to be great fun. although i did enjoy myself,i din have as much fun as i could have. sorry to germaine and esther who tried so hard to cheer me up. and to huijun,not trying to blame u or anything...i am happy for her but i guess i am many steps away from being happy for myself. :<
No comments:
Post a Comment