warning: the following post is gonna be filled with alot of whining.

the end of the weekend...
the end of a long weekend to be exact...
i am dreading work tomorrow...
the endless paging and the mounting stress of the impossible mission to finish seeing my patients...
back when i started work, even though i was overwhelmed to the point of crying in the office, i didn't even feel this demoralised. probably because everyone told me 'things get better when u get used to it'.
last week...
as i sobbed and sniffled in the staff toilet in ward 8B, i finally succumbed to that thought i've not dared to ponder over...
break bond...quit...get out of this hellhole...
of course...i won't do it..
or rather...i can't do it..
no way i can cough out enough money to pay off my debt(s)...
i'm broke...and miserable...single...and lonely...
to sum up...
life's shitty...

wat's new eh?
everyone's life seem to get shitty at some point...
and everyone just hold onto the hope that one day, the 'flush' will work so that the shit will disappear and become less shitty...
wading in chest-deep poo sounds digusting...and exhausting..
that's it feels like everyday at work for the last few weeks...
first it was the load of the patients which somehow manage to stay crazily high in level 8 (or rather, just in the 2 wards i am covering)...
and then, the sprained ankle that is causing me pain and stopping me from realising an unfulfilled dream...
and of course, not forgetting a father who is suffering from extended male menopause...
now, add in a sore, red eye which necessitates wearing glasses to work for the next few days...
and the dull ache in my back which makes any position uncomfortable...
i really dunno what to do anymore...
'look on the brighter side'??
wat's the brighter side??
that i am not maimed and i have food to eat and i can still sit here and whine my woes to whoever is willing read it...
sorry, but i am not in the 'oh i am so lucky i have a roof over my head' mood currently...
call it self-pity...
wallowing in self-pity is at least less stinky that facing the deep pile of shit i have to face tomorrow...

i miss salsa already...even though i just had a lesson yesterday...
if not for my stupid ankle...i'll be salsa-ing right now...
and also possibly salsa-ing my way to make one of my dreams come true...
at least when i am concentrating on the 1-2-3,5-6-7...
i forget about the real life that exist outside of the dance studio...
and though this might sound real pathetic...
it's nice to have a guy hold my hands and just let him lead me for once..
kinda sick of trying to find a way by myself in reality...

and of course...
many other emotional upheavals over the past few weeks...
ranging from anger to disappointment to complete bliss...
unfortunately...
the blissful bit only lasted for less than 10minutes...
10 minutes out of close to 8 weeks of crap crap crap...

lost once again...
back to the point where i dunno which way to go...
yet knowing that i cannot afford to stop...
randomly choosing a path which leads to nowhere...
or perhaps a path that brings me back to where i started....
or maybe...just maybe...
a path which can close the gap between us...
or a path for me to move on from this pain...

i tried to let you go...
i tried to free myself...
but it was all a futile struggle...
cos you'moved further and further away...
i was left behind, bruised and battered...
but you wouldn't even care...
and you wouldn't even know...
so i thought...
if i can't free myself, i'll just have to accept the burden...
if i can't let you go, i'll just have to be content with what i already have...
because the distance between us is far too great...
and it's only getting bigger...
so...
you'll be free to wander away...
i'll be here...
waiting for time to work its magic..
waiting for the memories to fade...
waiting for you...to walk back this way...