brother's got #clavicle and abrasions on arms and legs from colliding into a stationary car with his motor bike.

mum went for some scans today with dad. mum's health gradually deteriorating...and according to my mum, dad has prolonged 'male menopause'.

exams in 3 weeks...

presentation in 1 week...

i feel so pressured...like the steam that shrills its way out of the kettle when i boil water...

it's not just the 's' word...it's more than that...

there's hurt...there's disappointment...
there's worry...there's discontentment...
there's anger...there's fustration...
there's sadness...there's loneliness...

i look around at my room...
and i try to find relief in knowing that i have a roof over my head...
and clothes to wear...
and food to eat...

yet somehow, all i feel now...
is this gaping hole within myself...
like something is lacking...
or maybe, someone is missing...
or perhaps, in the process of trying to figure a way to survive this course,
i've lost a very important bit of myself...

emptiness...a space that expands
with every breath i take
with every drop of tear i swallow
i did not cry, even though i keep feeling i want to...
the tears flow into my heart
flooding...destroying...
all those carefully constructed banks of inner peace
gone and disappeared
left in place
a scene of chaos
of misery
of the suffering of life i have to endure...

i'm depressed...