somehow i feel like i have offended somebody...
judging from the tag left by doodoo...
then again...
i tend to offend at least one person everyday...
so it's no suprise that i get a tag like that...
and...
i am not offended by that tag at all...
sometimes...
being stupid can be so much more blissful...
because when one is dumb, one doesn't know..
and when one doesn't know, a lot of details are missed
which makes the hard times seem easier...so, more good times in life...
at least...
that's what my warped brain is thinking now...

in my humble opinion...
i never thought i was a smart gal, despite what everyone exclaims
once they know i am bonded...
i was born with the gift of above average memory power...
and also born with the flaw of holding onto things for too long...
memories that should be long forgotten...
kept inside my brain..
like files in the computor that cannot be deleted...
either that or the delete button in my brain has been inactivated/never been activated...
anyway...
because of my inability to erase all these memories which i dun want...
there are quite a number of occasions i find myself wishing i am stupid..
so i dun remember...
then life become so much more simpler...
right?

i am seriously screwed up...
cos i also wish my immunity can be weaker...
sometimes...
when everyone else falls sick and i dun...
i feel "left out"
in school, everyone in my class took MC at least for one day cos of a flu bug going around...
except me...
i din even develop any symptoms of flu!
and now...
at work...
everyone else is starting to fall sick cos of the high workload...
and all i get is a measly nosebleed and migraine which are not serious enough to warrant an MC...
crap...
the only reason i want an MC...
is cos that's the only way i can be away from work without feeling guilty...
if i take leave and stay at home to unwind...
i'll wind up worrying about how the team has to handle the horrendous patient load in my 2 wards...then i'll feel guilty for taking leave...
so i might as well come to work and worry about handling the load myself...
i'll end up cranky...but at least i won't feel any guilt...
yes...in that sense, i am stupid..
cos most people can just take leave and rest...
just shut away the work bit and let the rest of the team handle it...
me...
i have that problem of handling the guilt...
especially when i know that the load is high...
and upon returning to work...
it's gonna be nightmare of all nightmares...

feels like i am living in a recurring nightmare...
or perhaps...
living in a nightmare that wouldn't end...
everyday...
i "sacrifice" a few patients cos i couldn't attend to them...
and everyday...
it's a matter of sitting down..stare at my list and go 'okay, who should i not see today?'
my poor patients...
getting stuck with an incompetent PT like me...