humans...
are always taking certain things for granted...
until for some reason...we lose it..
then we realise how important it is...

like taking a breath in is such an automatic and mundane task
u don't think about it..
u don't even know u're doing it..
the brainstem does the job..
expanding the lungs..
getting the air in...and then getting the air out...
until one day...
getting a breath in is more difficult than lifting a finger...
when you have to consciously breathe in..and blow the air out...
just the act of breathing in consumes more energy than usual

like walking from my room to the kitchen...
which used to be completed in less than 10 effortless steps..
now takes conscious effort to stay upright, breathe
and the 10 steps feels like i'm running 2.4km

like turning myself in bed...
which was once upon a time an automatic reaction when i sleep..
now, i have to wake up,
consciously adjust my limbs and trunk before i can complete the task

it's been 13 days since i had the first lump...
9 days since the fever started...
8 days since the new lumps appeared...
each day is a struggle..
each breath is a conscious effort..
the doctors keeps telling me that it's viral, so can only wait for it to go away by itself..
only symptomatic relief for the fever and aching..

but what about the SOB? the giddiness, the nausea?
the constant tearing from my right eye?
the pain in my chest when i cough?
the sharp shooting pain in my head when i exert or cough?
the tight, bloated feeling in my tummy?
what about all these??

"infectious mononucleosis" - is that all it is?
is it supposed to feel this terrible?

i'm whining...
in fact, if i can, i want to cry my eyes out and just maybe i'll wake up and realise that it's all just a very bad nightmare...

~Gretel is ill...but apparently not DIL~