if u have just read dreamy's blog...
and u just read her SDU entry...the 'close fren of hers' is urs truly.
*muahaha*

oh well...that's next year anyway.
for reasons unknown, i decided to visit the SDU website
and i realised that maybe joining it isn't such a 'paiseh' thingie after all...
it's like one of the ways to get to know more people and stuff...
but now right now...not in the near future...
i dun want to 'go out and meet more people' as my friends/collegues/family have been telling me
i dun feel the need to socialise...or rather...
i feel repulsed by the thought of having to call someone to go out with me...
it's as if i lost all of my proactiveness after 13 March 2005.
and i am not even that proactive to begin with...
currently, i somehow just dun mind spending almost all my time with my parents...
sad part is that my parents have their own social commitments..
like right now, they are out having dinner with PM Lee at the Istana
while i am here at home blogging about stuff that i really think no one really cares anyway.

i guess to be really truthful, i am not repulsed cos it's disgusting...
i am repulsed because...socialising scares the crap out of me...
maybe when one becomes single for a certain amount of time,
it takes about twice the effort to get back into the game...
talking to people is actually scary to me...
yeah..scary as in like heartraterisesfeelnauseousbreakintocoldsweat kind of feeling
ok, i dun hyperventilate when i talk to everyone...
just...i guess...to the opposite gender who can be a potential someone
mouth goes dry and i start talking nonsense
argh...i feel inadequate

of course, earlier today...
part of me was wishing and hoping that someone will call and ask me out
yeah yeah..i know..
if i dun go out and meet people, where got people ask me to go out right??
yah, so i know i am day-dreaming about someone
so be it lor...or at least...i want to make myself believe that i dun really care
deep down inside...of course i do care...
call me lazy...call me desperate...call me pathetic...
call me any negative words u can think of...
and well, u pretty much have described me in the best possible way

have i lost faith in love?
no...i still believe in love...
what i've lost faith in...
is myself...
and so...
i can't bring myself to even begin to believe
that love will happen to a girl like me...