i am lost for words all the time. so many things to say, so many way to express it, yet i can never seem to find my way around these intangible things.
such as why i'd rather have dinner alone when i have a housemate...or why i'd rather everyone goes out and party while i get to have the whole apt to myself.
i think i am crazy. for 3 years, i've longed for the company of another human being in my teeny weeny CS apartment. now, i have a big big apartment, with a wonderful housemate...yet i'd rather be alone?!?!
maybe it's sleep deprivation that has driven me to the extremes of my sanity. to the point whereby i just want to head back to my apartment, eat instant noodles, bathe then sleep. no need to sit at the table for dinner, no need to wash up dozens of pots,plates,bowls after dinner.
i am not just crazy, i am simply a social outcast by nature. one person's company is more than enough for me. anymore than that, i feel suffocated...i feel scared...i feel so obliged to talk and make jokes that i end up saying the stupidest things ever.
in my past lives, i must have been hermit crab...
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