i've returned to my nightmare...
the one i thought i've conquered...
the one that had me crying for days..
the one that gripped me in its cold fingers and dragged me under

i'm all alone...overseas...
flashback...
to those days when i had no one to talk to...
no one to have dinner with...
no one to walk around with...
just me, myself and i...

the ironic thing is..
this time round, i'll only be gone for a week..
6 days!!!
yet here i am, sitting in my hotel room sobbing my eyes out...

the same fear...
the same gripping sensation everytime i look around me and see only furniture and walls..
the same need to switch on the tv just for some background noise...
the same obsession with looking at the time in singapore to see who i can call to talk...

yet, it's also different...
i tried to fight it this time..
i keep telling myself that it's only 6 days..
won't be long before i'll be back home with my loved one...
but the more i try to dampen it down...
the harder it rears its ugly head at me...
until i gave up to the tears and sobbing...

i don't want to be weak and useless like this...
i thought that fear was history....
that i'll be fine...
but i guess thinking is not enough...
wanting is not sufficient..
i lack the strength...
the courage...
the ability to savour the moment....

but i will keep trying...
maybe i will still cry everyday...
but i will try to keep it to a minimum...
and this time, i am not going under...

~lonely and scared~