ever have the experience when you anticipate something so much that you end up feeling apprehensive about it?

i always do

just like how i looked forward to today's table tennis game so much, that last night, i started to feel that something would go wrong today. and i was right...something did go wrong - details of which i would not bore my reader with...but i hate it when i prove myself right regarding bad things. and as i was p***** off and fuming, i came up with a list of top 5 things i find myself unable to tolerate

1) waiting for someone who is already late, only to receive a call/sms that he/she would be even later.
2) not given a reason for letting me wait and wait (and wait and wait...)
3) plans getting cancelled last min with no good reason/explanation
4) backing out of plans last min (regardless of reason, it's just irritating when that happens)
5) the person in number 1) coming even later than what was mentioned in the call/sms

whenever something like that happens,i find myself burning with rage and uncontrolled anger. and to have 1+2+5 happen to me today bascially caused my blood pressure to hit near fatal levels.

and that was how i find myself "stomping" to uni for bodystep. all the pent up anger was not adequately released during the table tennis game. by the time i set up my step, i was all ready to jump-and-fly. the music started (britney's Toxic remixed) and as the beat and rhythm of the music infiltrate every single cell of my body, i let out as much of the fustration in me as i can physically. i panted, my knees ached and sweat drenched my t-shirt...but i felt soooooo much better.

walking out of sport centre, i remembered Tony said he goes to Union House for OCF. since i haven't seen him since his fracture, i thought i should stay around and see if i can bump into him. then,i ran into Joy...and the poor girl had to sit with me out in the cold and listened to me release more woes and misery verbally. (Thanks Joy!) got to meet Tony after that...he seem fine (and he thought i look better than what he thought...guess i am getting better with my acting-happy skills...)

so, theoretically speaking, i should be 'free' of anger now eh? well, i kinda am...but not really. cos today, it's not just abt being angry and not tolerating the above behaviors. today, my feelings were hurt...albeit in a very subtle way which no one would even noticed...but they were hurt.

i am an emotional wreck nowadays.spending every night staring at my room's ceiling...and then the sadness just comes and flood my room. then comes the loneliness...then the fear of facing tomorrow.day after day, night after night. my mind goes into overdrive and too much information gets processed.

i am unhappy. is that a sin? is that wrong? is that something i should be ashamed of? if it is, please tell me why...and if it's not...then please tell me why do i have to act like i am fine?