i woke to a darkened room, beads of pespiration on my forehead.
something is clenching my throat, stopping air from going in.
feel my abdominals contract in defense, trying to force some air out.
and then, endless coughing begins.
my body shaking and aching from the violent forces going through my chest.

lying in bed, short of breath and willing myself to stand up.
more coughing, more pain.
bits and pieces of my dreams still cling to my consciousness
and i drew my attention to those moments
when i was unconscious and living in an unreal world

in that imaginery world, he had his arms around me
supporting me while leading me to the doctor.
he held my hands, and let me rest my head on his shoulder.
i felt protected, cared for and blissfully unaware of the sickness in my body.
because he was there, all the time.

but reality lies ahead, and like it or not
i had to get out of bed.
when i finally made it to the door
i wanted to fall back into bed
and return to his protective arms
his gentle touch
and melt under his loving gaze.

it's all but a dream
a dream too far...yet feel so near

but as i sit here, shaking and aching
i longed for that dream to come true.
because right now
i really don't want to be alone
all alone in this apartment
and face the sickness all by myself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
梦里寻他千百遍，慕然回首，那人却不在灯火阑珊处。