there are days like today, when i am awfully envious of sanguines...
who can easily forget the hurt and pain of yesterday...
moving on to the next fun thing in life...

there are days like today, when i am awfully envious of cholerics...
who marches on to the next project...
powering through the ups and downs of life..

there are days like today, when i am awfully envious of phlegmatics...
who sits back and relaxes while the world goes by...
floating around but still getting on with life...

there are days like today, when i am melancholic about being a melancholic...
because the mere sight of a photo makes me ache inside..
the memories still remains vivid, like i am still living in them...
the 'what-ifs' and 'if-onlys' become too much to bear...
and then all of a sudden, i find myself drowning in my own despair...

not to the point of tears, just that heart-wrenching emptiness within...
reaching out, grasping onto whatever reality offers...
desperately trying to pull myself out of this whirlpool of memories...
feels like i have lost so much, that it could have been so much better...
that i should be the one smiling and laughing, not quivering with the need to run..

to run far far away...
yet how far can i run from myself?
they stay with me...no matter how much i try to shake it off, lock it up, hide it away...

sensitized to the merest touch of a distant past...
even if it's like a wisp of cotton wool,
it cuts into me like a butcher's knife.

~suddenly wish i have amnesia, so that i no longer remember~