recently been having alot of thoughts about my future...
especially in terms of work...
kind of in the 'dunno where i really i want to be' stage...

perhaps these thoughts were 'ignited' by 2 'we need to talk to you' sessions with PL and SK
and it really got me thinking about what i want to do and if i am really doing something i want to do, and can do, for the next 5-10years...

details of the sessions cannot be shared...all i can say is that after the 2 sessions, i am starting to hesitate when people ask me if i am staying in rehab or not..
not because i dun like it, because i still love the work...
not because i've found greener grass, because i don't think there are greener pastures

i am hesitating because it never occured to me that i am doing something which my body cannot support physically in a few years down the road...
as of today, i'm already nursing an injured wrist and an occasional sore back...
and since July last year, after that bout infectious mononucleosis, i haven't been able to return back to the 'premorbid' level of physical activity

i am starting to wonder if a few years later, would i need to change my career to something else...more sedentary??
would i want to stay in this job, which gives me great satisfaction but is too hard on my body?
do i need to explore other options? admin? career change? fulfil my tai-tai dream?

i never thought i would 'burn out' just 3 years into being a physio...not mentally burned out, but physically...
yet the thought of being away from clinical work is really depressing for me...
personally, the essence of a PT is in the hands-on clinical work
i love the interaction between pt and PT, between PT and PT and between PT and the rest of the team
i've always wanted to be in a rehab setting....so it chills me to the bone knowing that i may have to give it up sooner than i thought

'where do you see yourself in 3 years, 5 years time?'
i repeated this question to myself many times...
and all i see is a completely blank image...
i really don't know...
and i have a feeling that if i don't figure it out soon...
someone else is going to draw that picture for me...
and like it or not, that'll be my future...

~aimless, clueless, helpless~