9 days to this blog's 4 year-old bday...
re-reading past entries make me wanna laugh at myself..
or rather, make me wanna hide myself in a hole...
sometimes, i just forget that people actually do read this blog...
some mushy words...and some angry words just shouldn't be published..

in the past, i go by the 'this is my blog and i'll _____ if i want to' principle...
and then i realised that people who read my blog are

1) friends who see me so often, they already know what i am talking about
2) friends who dun see me at all and they have only a vague idea what i am talking about
3) random people who happen to come into this blog and therefore have zero idea what i am talking about

so i realised that sometimes, really need to have the inspiration to blog
i started to blog less often...

over the years, the few who had been consistently blogging started to dwindle in numbers...
initially, my nights can be spent just surfing through these people's blogs...
now, i barely have enough blogs to visit to keep me entertained for 5 mins...

so i realised that one really needs to have something to blog about in order to bother with logging in and blogging it
i removed the links to others' blogs cos they haven't been updating since.....dunno when

also, when i set up this blog 4 years ago, i wanted the title of the blog to sound cheem..
like i am some deep and unfathomable (is there such a word?) ocean, waiting to be discovered
*KUA KUA KUA*
but, obviously i am not...
not deep..not cheem...maybe a puddle by the roadside after a heavy downpour?

so with some guidance from JF, i changed my blog name from 'disillusioned' to "kari-pok'd"
kinda cute...girly...less...depressing?

and then, back to the initial bloggging days, i love to have ppl comments
that time installed haloscan and then a tagboard for ppl to tag me...
but i guess that trend kinda faded...or i've lost a portion of my previous readers *shrug*
less comments..less tags...

so i realised that blogging is actually more 1-sided than 2-way flow...
i removed haloscan...and then i removed the tagboard

cannot believe that i've been noting down events in my life on this blog for almost 4 years...
4 years..that as much time as i've spent in melbourne...
only wished i did started to blog when i was in year 1..
just to see how much i've grown or regressed in my uni days...

a few friends asked me where do i find the energy to maintain this blog
usually, i just *shrug*
now i realised that my energy stems from things in life that gets me riled up
in a good way..or a bad way..
e.g. travelling, some MBBS who pissed me off, emotional turmoil etc etc etc
and of course, every now and then, just a visit down memory lane stirs something inside that makes me wanna note it down...

and tonight, as i read through more of my past entries
i revisit many events of my past...
the homesickness (and lovesickness) in melbourne
the travelling in various countries
graduation, starting work
the ups and downs on a LDR

have i grown?
well..definitely grown old...
have i matured?
i hope so...

just in case i dun log on in time to say it..
Happy 4th Birthday to niyihs.blogspot.com!

~nostalgia~