u know the feeling u get when u really want to not care but deep inside u really do care?

like how i want myself to not care when my first hamster died...
but part of me died inside with her cos she's such a sweetie (even though she bites)
or how i want myself to not care when so-and-so doesn't reply to my email...
but part of me inside cried every time i dun see so-and-so's email...
or..how i want to not care that my dad is so impossible to live with...
but anger boils up everytime he comes into my vision...

it's called denial..i think...

i'm denying all these things which i really care about...
just so...
i dun feel the pain of all of these...things...

stupid v day..
i hate this day!
it's supposed to be just another day...
that's what i want myself to think..
so i dun care..
but deep inside..
i'm sad...
very very sad...
it's not abt having a bf...or having someone ask me out..
spending it alone is fine...
but because someone set 14 feb to be v-day..
on this day, my brain goes overactive...
and i think..
way too much for my own good..

so if that someone set..say 17 april to be v day, u'll find gretel sulking in front of her comp..

i dun want to care..
i really really DON'T WANT TO CARE...

but....
i do care...
i do care that my parents can't communicate with each other
and i do miss...
i miss having someone to hold my hand...
and i do feel sad...
and lonely...

this is a stupid day
everyday shld be v day for the couples..
y do they need one special day for themselves..
and make the rest of the non-couples want to be part of a couple!?

i'm cranky...
and i'm at the verge of tears...

i hate this day