it begins with the first sigh...
morphing into endless naps...
and then...
the final leap into the pit again...

it's been 8 years...
or it would be 8 years this october...
yet the shadow remains shrouding over this family...
or maybe...just shrouding over me?

again and again...
i witnessed it...
and again and again...
i feel that anger simmering and boiling within me...
for 4 years, i escaped the worst of the storm...
and in my still-naive mind, i thought...
it's over

only to be back
and to be caught right in the middle of it again...
watching the family being torn apart by the stupidity of one person...
as if we haven't suffered enough..
as if the pain we went through wasn't enough...
as if his sole aim is to make sure for as long as he is here, we will suffer along with him...

the bright side?
perhaps it brought the rest of the family closer together...
as we all stand on the same side to fight this demon threatening to ruin our lives...
perhaps it made me mature faster than i thought i can...
perhaps...it would put me off marriage and i can finally live with the fact that i am doomed to be single?

day in, day out...
trying to escape from the million claws trying to drag me down into the same pit...
drawing my strength and courage from my work...
numbing myself with endless trashy novels and sappy love songs...
drowning out the hypnotic silence with sheer will...

will i reach a breaking point...?
perhaps...

in the meantime...
the rest of the world continues to move...
and i move along...
keeping that ember of hope alive...
for after the rain, comes the sunshine...
and after the storm,
a stronger me may be born...