it's only thursday...
this week has been horribly long..
even though logically speaking...
the amount of time that has passed is the same as last week...
yet,
i feel like i've been through a whole lot of stuff/crap/shit...
emotional upheavals are just so bad for health...

still remember on monday...
a friend said to me 'dun think so much. shit happens'
and i replied 'yeah.i know. but why does it keep happening to me?'
then today...
i realised that statement sounded really...petty...
because...compared to the major shit in life...
the little bits of poo i have to tread through is really nothing...
i am healthy (okie...ignoring the giddy spells)
i am fit (well..i can cycle to esplanade and back and no muscle ache the day after)
i have roof over my head and clothes on my body..and shoes on my feet...
i dun go hungry for longer than 5 hours..
so, i should just be thankful and appreciate the little things in life yah?
yes...i should...
problem lies in the word 'should'
cos so many things 'should' be done...
but, they never get done...
and so...just as i was lying in bed last night..
trying to feel thankful for the small pleasures in life...
i find myself tearing up...
because i hopelessly can't do it...
and as my tears soak through my pillow case and my pillow gets all soggy *eeewww*
i told myself...
that i really have to snap out of it...
because i can't always be feeling so *aarrrggghhhh* about life...
especially when i have to appear all cheerful in front of my really depresse patients...

sometimes....life just gets too complicated...
but as i told my friend one week ago..
the beauty of life lies in its imperfection (actually, i said imperfectness...lousy english lah)
yes...
so i am trying to learn to appreciate the imperfection of my life...
and to look at the flaws as another brush stroke, and not another mistake...