the one thing that i've been most afraid of happening to me happened.

my wallet got stolen today...

since the first day i landed in this foreign land, i keep telling myself to be careful with my wallet. and people around had been unlucky over the past 3.5 years. and i guess i got too careless over time when it din happened to me...

so i learnt my lesson(s) today...

i would NOT put my wallet in the front pocket of my bacpack ever again.
i would NOT go window shopping when i have better things to do (like get my groceries and go home...).
i would NOT put so many different kinds of cards in my wallet.

had to go to the police station to report the theft/pickpocketing. the policeman (constable Ponder...) was quite nice...i was in tears and he was like "it's ok m'am. u're not hurt, and we'll sort out all the card problems here." had to call the bank and Mastercard office to cancel the cards. guy from mastercard was so nice. he was trying to console me. i think i must have looked like an idiot at the police station.

and i felt like an idiot then...

came home and called my parents to tell them how stupid i was. and my parents were fantastic. father told me that at least it was pickpocket, not robbery. my mum told me to go and buy Toto. *diong* but that was her way of cheering me up. still, i got a earful of
"whyuputurwalletinthebackpacknexttimeuseawaistpouchorputinurpocket-blah blah blah..."

going to the temple helped me to be more in control of the situation. i keep telling myself to look at the silver lining of the cloud.

wat's the silver lining of the cloud? i took out the $800 for the ski trip in my wallet this morning...so i've only lost about $40 worth cash and other stuff. *phew*

and my mum also reinforced that thinking. and she also said that my affinity with that wallet (and watever that's in it) is probably over.

该失去的，留不住。该得到的，逃不掉。

只能一直告诉自己：舍得，舍得，有舍才有得。
不断重复妈妈说的话：“用平常心看待这件事，心情才会平静下来。破财消灾啊！”

消灾？也许吧。也许没有破财，我可能会受到更大的挫折。

“也许因为昨天吃斋，积了德，所以昨天钱包没有被扒。如果昨天被扒，损失的就是那$800 ！”

也只有这样安慰自己了。

经一事，长一智。人都是在面对挫折后，犯下错后，才会学习，才会长大。
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argh..so pissed off at myself for being so careless and stupid. sighz...got no appetite for any kind of food now. just want my wallet to miraculously reappear in front of me. *sob*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
indomee for dinner. 2 mandarins for dessert.
waiting for clothes to dry in dryer.
F.R.I.E.N.D.S. playing in the background.
all this time, my mind keeps wondering whether Winnie on my wallet likes its new owner
or maybe, it's dumped in a bin..
or in the Yarra river.

[still remember when peileng was in brisbane and her bag got stolen
couple of weeks later, police found her bag in the brisbane river.]

have this urge to call someone to talk...
yet racking my head for that 'someone'
i came up with nobody.

a familiar feeling called loneliness
that sinking feeling in the gut
telling me that my tears are barely under control
and that what i really need/want
is for 'someone' to hold me
and tell me i am not an idiot for letting my wallet get stolen

a not-so-familiar feeling
of not having an identity anymore.
no student card...no driver's license...
no atm card...no medibank card...

i wonder how long it would take..
for me to replace everything.
and how long it would take...
for me to forgive myself...