i was asked by a friend last night to post something happy.

honestly, i think that might be abit too much to ask for...cos happy blogs are for happy people.

me? i am not happy. why?

truthfully speaking, i myself am not too sure why i am unhappy too *diong

so logically speaking, i should then be happy, or at least make myself happy, so that i can be a happy person with a happy blog.

being a science student, i thought i should first find out the defination of happy

happy
adj
1: enjoying or showing or marked by joy or pleasure or good fortune; "a happy smile"; "spent many happy days on the beach"; "a happy marriage" [ant: unhappy]
2: experiencing pleasure or joy; "happy you are here"; "pleased with the good news" [syn: pleased]
3: marked by good fortune; "a felicitous life"; "a happy outcome" [syn: felicitous]
4: satisfied; enjoying well-being and contentment; "felt content with her lot"; "quite happy to let things go on as they are"
5: exaggerated feeling of well-being or elation [syn: euphoric] [ant: dysphoric]
6: well expressed and to the point; "a happy turn of phrase"; "a few well-chosen words"; "a felicitous comment" [syn: well-chosen]

okie...to sum up, being happy requires either joy, pleasure or good fortune; a feeling of well-being or satisfaction.

so i guess in a way, i am happy. cos i have the good fortune of being alive and generally fit and healthy. to that extent, i am 'happy'.

i think i've been getting very impatient with my own life. partly cos everyone keeps telling me "it's gonna be over soon" when i can still see the loads of assignments and clinics coming up. SOON is used to loosely...tsk tsk tsk. another reason for my impatience? well, i am just an impatient person to begin with. and though i do have quite a fair bit of tolerance, somehow this year, everything and everyone just keep 'short-fusing' me.

i am not a creature of change. i fret and panic when things around me changes. and i think this year, far too many changes have happened. and i am having trouble trying to cope with all these changes...

the past 3 years, things always fall into a routine. living alone has that advantage for me. every week is about the same, so i am always in my comfort zone. (well..as comfortable as i can be when i am alone...) and i think i've grown so accustomed to being by myself.

granted that i had the guys at CS. but our group dynamics was quite different compared to the one now. that's the difference between hanging around guys versus gals. when i'm around the guys, we talk about things that i actually can understand and participate in. with the girls...i just dunno wat to say. whenever they are together, i feel myself slowly retreating into my own little corner, fading into the background and letting them take over. i suppose being the oneofthe2girls/onlygirl back in CS means i am automatically 'special', and thus given 'special' treatment. (although i must say the guys probably think i am so tom-boyish that i am just one of the guys *bleah*) now, i am also 'special', cos i am the 'senior', the 'guru', the 'role model', the 'genius' etc etc etc. this kind of special, i can do without. so instead of feeling 'special', i am like the sore thumb sticking out of the group, the 'auntie among the girls', the 'geek among the beauties'.

and so, i choose to be by myself. so i can just be ME. i mean, it's so much easier to be auntie and geeky without being contrasted by the young and vibrant girls.

okie, i think i've just typed a whole load of crap. dun think i made much sense to anyone else except to old,geeky Gretel.

though, i must say right now, i am feeling a tad happier cos i am handing in one assignment today!! woohoo!! and today is Gretel's walkaroundincityandwindowshop day...followed by dinner with the scholars. ahh...slacking the whole day away is making me HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY! *bwahahahahahaha