people are weird creatures. they can tell u one thing, and then change their minds before u can say "huh?" and tell u another thing. they can give u an advice to do XYZ, and then turn around and say that doing XYZ is a bad idea...
i am confused. is it human nature to contradict yourself? cos i've seen so many examples of such incidents happening. it's as if saying what you truly feel or think is no longer the way to go. we calculate how other people might react to what we are going to say and modify what we verbalise.
why?
cos we can't take the truth most of the time? cos what a person really feel or think can cause too much harm and chaos? cos we are trying to protect the people we love?
of course, i prefer to not hear the whole story sometimes. but, when i am being given contradicting advice by the same person, i dunno what to do with myself. neither is right, either is wrong. wat the?!
i am a pathetic individual. i rely on being liked to survive. i depend on others' approval to feel happy. hence, when i get negative feedback, it eats me alive. and i'll try my best to change. which makes me basically the most P.A.T.H.E.T.I.C. person on planet earth. so many people have told me to not care what others think...that if i think i'm right, then stick to it and stand up for myself.
but i'm scared. i once stood up for what i thought was right, only to be ostracised and remain as an outcast through my secondary school years. i lived in my own corner, unable to share the joy of others, and deprived of the chance to share my own happiness. do i want to live through that again? Nooooo...
so, i morphed into this needy, clingy, self-doubting person...i need approval, i cling to people who allow me into their lives...and i doubt everything that i did.
am i a failure in life?
yes? no?
i really....don't know
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