torn

never realised how easy it is to stand on the sideline and judge the actions of others. an innoncent party who is not implicated in the situation is always the best. you can stand there and just go "tsk tsk tsk"...

yet what would u do if u are in a totally familiar situation which u've been tsking all the time?

that endless struggle between right and wrong...grasping at intangible concepts.

today, a double rainbow appeared over the city skyline view from my apartment. as i looked at the colours of the rainbow blending into one another, i suddenly wish i am a kid once again. when seeing a rainbow becomes the highlight of the day. when cinderella does get discovered by her prince. when hansel and gretel eventually reunites with their woodcutter father. when life is simple, when the mind is still pure and uncorrupted. when attention is showered upon me until i started to shy away from being in the spotlight.

now,i want that attention again.
i want to be the center of a person's life.
just me...no one else...i want all of that person's heart and soul to be focused on ME.

i feel sick. sick to my very core...disgusted with myself and my greediness for more and more. wat happened to me? is this just part of growing up? or is this...part of me?