Gretel in the middle...

everyone else seems to have stopped blogging or stopped reading blogs. most of the blogs i visit seems to have remained unchanged everyday.

as for me...well,blogging is about the only way to vent my fustrations. but even i am getting lazy. or maybe,i am just running out of words to describe the way i feel.

caught in the middle of my father and mother. not knowing what to do. father blames mum for everything, and yet denies that he is not complaining. mother hurt by dad's past irresponsible behaviour, and yet claims that she has forgiven him. add a heck-care brother to the mixture, i can't seem to find any words in my limited vocabulary to adequately describe how i feel.

torn? yeah, quite abit. confused? very much. upset? oh yeah, definitely. fustrated? yes, most probably.

a word to sum it all up? either the word has yet to be invented, or i haven't learn it yet.

looking back at the past 6 years makes me wonder how on earth did my parents stay together for 30+ years...and how on earth did this family stick together after all we've gone through.

superhuman determination or just sheer luck?

communication between my parents have completely broken down. they read between the lines...they jump to conclusions...they lash out at each other..they sulk all day long...and they pour their sides of stories to me.

but what am i supposed to do?

whatever i say, it falls on deaf ears. whatever i do, it's hopeless. stuck in the middle with nowhere to run...nowhere to hide. is this gonna be my life when i return home for good next year?

caught in the turmoils of family conflicts between the two senior members of this home. they are the adults...they are the one who, by right, knows best. they are the ones who, by right, are more able to sit down and talk things through?

so how come they are behaving like two kids, sulking and huffing at each other...? i can almost hear them say to each other,"i don't friend you already" or coming to me and say,"you see, she/he beat me first one!"

i am a 22 years old gal, forced into early parenthood with two children ages 52 years old and 53 years old......