Many people once asked me why I always appear unhappy...
Or rather, why I always dun appear happy...

Once upon a time, I would have replied that it is because I am not happy, so why should I appear happy?
Then about a month or so ago, a close friend said “皮笑多了，心也会跟这笑”。
Putting this theory to test, I tried to smile more...even when I don't feel like smiling...


Someone I know would probably scoff at the idea of pretending..
For that person is the 'this is the way I am. Like it, good. Don't like, f*** off' kind of person.
I used to applaud this person for that kind of courage..even though I disagree with many things that the person has done, at least I have that bit of respect for this person.
Of course, something else happens which totally negates any kind of respect I held for this person. Not so much that I disrespect this person, just that I no longer have any respect. This person has moved from '井水不犯河水' level to ‘you are so not worth the trouble' level.


Then I realized that I was so close to becoming this person! The way I righteously state that I dun smile because I dun feel like smiling, that I am not happy, so why should I appear to be so just to make people around me feel better?

There are days when I failed miserably to smile cos there are just times when I feel like punching somebody instead of smiling at the person...
Then...it starts to get easier to smile...
And gradually, I find myself using a smile as a shield...almost like an invisible force field protects me when I smile and I become less susceptible to negative emotions like anger
Maybe cos I am still not used to it, so this force field isn't working effectively all the time. Just yesterday, the bubble of happiness burst when I received some not-so-nice news. And it took alot of ranting, some crying and one whole night of 'stewing' about it before I finally managed to get the force field back in working order.

I received alot of help and support from friends and my parents, and suddenly, the smile I have on my face is no longer fake...it's genuine, bubbling from inside kind of smile.
我的心，真的笑了吗？
Don't think so...but this is a good beginning...
Practice makes perfect...
有一天，我会成功的。

=D