it has reached a point when i am sick of it..
sick of trying to find something to compromise...
sick of waiting for promises to be kept...
sick of feeling guilty
sick of feeling let down
sick of it..

SICK OF IT!

keep trying..keep trying...
dun give up without a fight..
yet is this even a battle worth fighting...?
so what if we win in the end?
it's not the end...

perhaps i am being too naive..
i am asking for things which are beyond anyone's capabilities..
but, is it really that difficult?
or i'm not important enough?

'he's just not that into you'

i keep this haunting thought tucked neatly in the back of my head...
locked and buried...
but now, it's back and the feeling is stronger than ever...

maybe, i'll never find someone who is 'that into' me
someone who will live up to my expectations, with minimal compromises from my part

now the question is...
if this person doesn't exist..
do i settle for someone else....
or do i settle for being with myself?

in the past..
fear keeps me from even contemplating a life being all alone...
i visualise old age and dying alone..and i got freaked out..

but now..
i realise...
noone can be always there for u..
except urself..

repeated disappointments have killed the trust i once had for others..
when i gave my heart out, it was trampled and badly scarred...
it took too long to recover before i thought i'll give it one more try...

but the scars are too deep...
and somewhere along the way,
i've frozen my heart...and protected it with all i have so i would not hurt again...

i thought i did a good job...
until that same pain is now stabbing me..
again and again...

i dun want to say i'm tired...
because others are probably more tired than me...

i'm weak..
and at this very moement,
giving up seems like such a convenient option...
so tempting...

so why is it that when i think of giving up, the pain doesn't lessen...but intensifies instead?

life's beauty lies in its imperfections...
so that we can try and make it perfect in our own ways

then why is my life going way off course despite my efforts to make it better?

why?
why?

~why?~