it's one of those days... or rather, one of those nights...
when i come home and just wanna sit and rest
yet somehow, something deep inside is restless..
and an irresistable urge to come online to blog finally drove me from the sofa to my comp chair...

yet, as i am blabbering this nonsense u are reading,
i have no idea what to blog...
because...nothing has happened which is interesting to blog..
but so much has happened in the past few days...

perhaps venting it out will be the best way to stop the restlessness...
unfortunately, for the privacy of others, they cannot be published on cyberspace...

long weekend ahead, and all i can think of is sleep sleep sleep...
not to say i am not keen about the plans made so far...
because to be honest, the one thing that will keep me going till the end of this week are the activities over the weekend...

but physically, i am stretched to my limits...
for the first time in 1 week, i am actually NOT aching..
my muscles have been sore since last monday...
and it won't be long before i'll get sore muscles again...

mentally, i am stretched beyond my limits...
not thinking too much...just too many things to think about...
been having relapses of those dream-filled nights and then wake up feeling un-rested...
have even started dreaming of my patients!
goodness...i've beyond my limit of elasticity..
permanent plastic damage to my brain...

emotionally, i am stretched and then released and then stretched again...
and it won't be long before i snap into pieces...
like a piece of wire that has been repeated bent and straightened...
days/nights of extreme highs...days/nights of extreme lows
thinking for others, thinking for myself..
my emotional capacity has shrunk to just being able to cope with my personal space..
anything over the boundary, i have no ability to deal with...

all part of growing up...or rather, growing old..
when life and its unfairness begins to unravel, i struggle to cope with dealing it...
ups and downs...
yet what goes up will come down...
and what comes down may go up one day...
each day, i woke up and wish that it's an up day...
and when it isn't an up day, i lay down and pray that it will be one tmr...
laid down my hopes for things to get better...
hopes comes crashing down...

maybe it is in such a cycle..
that life continues...and doesn't become just exisiting...
deal with it, and things may get better...
give up and spiral down further..

can't keep eyes open..
ranting and venting depleted all the enery i have left...
i wish for a night of dreamless sleep....
close eyes, and then open eyes to the sound of my alarm..
no waking up with palpitation, no opening eyes and feeling disoriented...

the simplest things in life are the hardest to get..
because life is complicated...we are complicated...
even when a simple solution presents itself, we complicate it and create another problem...

we think, therefore we are humans
not for the first time in my life, i wish that i am a hamster...

~missing my rodents~