monday..
blue...

i wish monday is bright sunshine yellow with cute pink flowers and birds chirping

also dunno why my mood dipped super low today...
and there's a very uneasy feeling inside..
like..something bad is going to happen...
or maybe..
it's just a feeling that no matter how hard i try..
no matter how much i want...
nothing is gonna happen...

that my giving my best is still not good enough...
but my 'best' is just not 'the best'

and that even though i really don't wanna do it,
i am left with 1 choice: just do it.

a sense of helplessness that i am so familiar with...
that familiar ache and sinking feeling...
downwards...
the world turns darker and darker...
colder and colder...
the heart turns harder...numb...
no more pain..
no more struggle...
just a dead weight sinking...
dropping...

into that bottomless pit...
until the first ray of hope..
the first sign of light penetrates the layers of darkness..

~depression~