it's a beautiful sat...
if only my mood can be said the same.

i'm not in a bad mood..
nor an ugly mood...
just...a i-dunno-why-i-am-feeling-so-crap mood

i'm someone bursting with negativity, i would say.
but recently, somehow, i've tried to instill positivity into myself..
and perhaps, tried too hard to influence some of the ppl around me to 'look on the bright side'

now, although my life is really very comfortable, and i probably have nothing to complain about...
there are just some imperfections which i wish can be corrected, make myself more comfortable
one of which is to be positive, so that ppl will like being around me
(or so i'm told by some of my friends...)
and i'm telling u, it's tough to be positive...
perhaps for some, it comes as natural as breathing...
for me, it mind-wrecking hardwork...

which is why, i find myself totally depleted of any form of positivity on this beautiful day.
sun shining, birds singing...
yet all i feel is dread...
i can't describe it better than D.R.E.A.D.
wat am i dreading...?
i wish i know...

so...
rather than forcing myself to be positive and trying to hard to cheer/motivate ppl,
i'd choose to be just ME.
u can call it being negative, i just prefer to call it being natural.
why force a smile when i dun feel like smiling?
why coax a smile from someone who doesn't feel like smiling?
perhaps u can argue that why frown when it uses more muscles than smiling...?

because when u dun feel like smiling, activating those muscles is as difficult as wriggling ur ears (or rolling my tongue which i can't do)

another crappy entry...
it's demoralising to see my entries returning to its depressive state...

then again, if i can't be true to myself on my blog, there's nowhere else for me to do it.

craving for ice cream....
by the beach...

i want holiday...